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Hey guys, i know i suck and that i am an asswipe for not updating for so long. I have received 2 requests so far in the few weeks i was gone so i hope i can get those done before i go on holiday. i was in london last week and some shit has happened in my life. i will never stop writing so i hope you enjoy this shitty one shot,

arigato.

D.

Slowly the cuddles began to lessen. The cuddling began to slowly fade and their friendship began to feel like it shouldn't feel, unfamiliar, not like home. The videos they made together on their shared YouTube channel began to become less and less interactive with each other and more with the fans.

Which, the fans are important too, but they also started to notice the slightly different behaviour the two boys they all loved so dearly shared. Back in 2010 when Michael and Calum decided to start their channel, their videos, what fangirl's would call fetus, were funny, raw and not staged. The fans enjoyed it that way, and that's what made CalxMike so special.

The content differed from other channels.

The two boys didn't do only a certain type of videos on one channel. If they wanted a game video, a game video it was. If they decided to pick up the camera and vlog, so be it. It was different from other YouTubers, who chose a certain type of video and stuck with it.

The two boys absolutely adored YouTube. They adored shooting videos, they enjoyed editing, although they didn't edit much, they enjoyed reading comments and they enjoyed making people happy. That's what they were aiming at when starting their channel, and they have surpassed their wildest dreams in that case.

But, once the channel grew bigger and bigger, Calum became more distant towards Michael. The kiwi boy wouldn't cuddle Michael like he used to, the raven haired boy would shove Michael away during interviews when he came to close, or even in their own videos.

It crushed Michael to see his best friend of nearly eleven years act like that. It wasn't because Michael was gay, because the colourful haired bloke came out to Calum at the age of fifteen, and they're now at the age of twenty. It's also not that Calum may magically like Michael and Calum feels like he needs to hide his feelings.

Michael hoped it was the latter, maybe because his secret little crush on Calum wasn't that little anymore.

At the age of seventeen Michael started to realize that the feeling he got from cuddling Calum, the feeling he got only looking at the kiwi boy wasn't in a friendship type of way. He started to realize the butterflies flying around every time he even tried to look at Calum. It struck him late at night that he, Michael Gordon Clifford, liked Calum Thomas Hood.

Which was, and still is, a problem.

For one, Calum is straight. He likes girls and boobs, which Michael hates. Calum enjoys a girl while Michael enjoys a boy.

Second, Calum couldn't ever possibly like Michael because Michael was and still is one of the most pathetic losers on this entire planet, and no one could ever date the pale boy, according to Michael anyway.

As Michael laid in bed he listed of more and more things that could possibly be the reason why Calum was acting so distant and so weird. At first, it was only in real life, on camera Calum was all cuddly but as soon as the camera turned off he would rush off. But, after time progressed the boy began to ignore Michael in real life, which, he knows the pale and fragile boy can't handle being ignored by those who he loves, so that was just a plain dîck move to do.

"He would never love me." Michael sighs to himself as he turns around, facing the baby blue ish wall of his room. His black dresser is pressed into a corner, a mirror placed against it. His desk decorated with clothes, pictures and fan art that he still needed to hang up on their living room wall, his bed occupied and his curtains wide open so Michael could stare at the beautiful city lights Los Angeles owned.

"He would never." Michael once again sighs before turning away from the window, facing the door that leads to his en-suite bathroom. His door is decorated with pictures of him with friends, family and Calum. The white wood of the door isn't even visible because of the amount of pictures and Michael loves his door to bits, almost as much as the fan art wall the two boys have in their apartment.

"Time to sleep." Michael comments as he looks at his alarm clock, only to notice that it's two in the morning and he and Calum have a video to film that day. So, the boy turns around in his bed once again, and closes his eyes, letting the dark consume his eye sight first, then his body and after that, his brain.

-

"Hello Kittens and Pups and welcome to a new video on our channel CalxMike! If you're new to our channel, I'm Michael,"

"And I'm Calum!" The two introduce themselves for the video and continue on, talking about the topic that day: A Rant About Life. The two boys chose to make a serious video because they haven't done that in a while, so they decided to make a rant video about what has been going on lately.

"As my contribution in this video I wanted to focus on what happened in Orlando a few weeks back. If you don't know what happened, which would mean you legit live under a rock, some guy ran into a gay bar and shot 54 gags to their death." After Calum has done his rant about public transport in Los Angeles, Michael takes the stick from Calum and talks further, but on a more serious note.

"This, as a part of the LGBTQ community, makes me scared and so so angry. Not is it only the fact that this guy shot so many people because they were gay, but it's also the fact that news report state, and I quote: '54 gays shot to their death.' We're not even normal human beings, apparently. We are gays, not humans? Is that how it works?"

As Michael continued to rant on and on about his subject, he noticed Calum was distracted and playing with his phone while Michael had listened to Calum during his part of the video like a lost dog.

"Could you stop with your phone for a second?" Michael asks, his eyes looking at Calum instead of the camera. "Great Michael, now we have to edit that out." Calum snarls at the now black haired boy, making Michael's smile falter.

Calum looks Michael straight in the eye and says, "This is why our subscribers count hasn't gone up as much as it used to." Calum stands up, looking at Michael, who's eyes have gone glossy and teary, before turning around and leaving the room.

Why? Is the first thing that comes to mind as Michael turns his face to look at the camera, reaching out his trembling pale hand to turn it off, before letting his arm rest by his side again. Why?

I didn't do anything wrong, he was on his phone? Michael thinks, his eyebrows furrowing into a big frown. Slowly but surely small tear drops started to make their way down Michael's face, his lips trembling, his throat tightening as the boy tries to control a sob from coming out, because Calum is still in the apartment and the boy doesn't want to give his (former?) best friend the satisfaction.

He heard some shuffling and the silent hope of Calum coming towards him and apologizing for what he has done to Michael for the past few months fades as Calum walks out of his room, through the living room, into the hallway and out the door.

Without a word.

Michael remembers the happy days with Calum when they were younger, the fighting with the sticks, the throwing stones into the water games, the endless amounts of time the boys cried because they couldn't sleep over.

Michael remembers Calum rushing into the pale boy his room one day with a camera, and they recorded their first video.

Michael remembers hitting a hundred, thousand, ten thousand, a hundred thousand, one million and he even remembers hitting five million subscribers with Calum. They were all the same way, but different environments.

During all the occasions, the boys were seated on their couch. Both with laptops in their laps and waiting for the number to come up on their subscriber counting website Michael found after they had hit one thousand. Both nervous and biting their nails, both on the verge of their seat. But, when they hit one hundred, thousand and ten thousand, Calum would jump up and hug Michael. Now, when they hit a new milestone it's just a 'Great Job mate.' And maybe if the pale boy is lucky a pat on the back.

It made Michael sad to no end that Calum had changed so much. That the giggly and friendly Calum he met during recess isn't the Calum he is today. Of course, Michael has too changed since then, but his personality didn't really change at all, more his look, while Calum changed in personality and looks.

Puberty hit the boy like a brick, and it's not in Michael advantage either.

As Michael slowly looks around their shared living room, he can tell that their relationship has changed majorly. Both boys used to fantasise about hanging their own apartment and making it look as homily as possible, while if you look at how it actually turned out, it seems like it came straight out of a magazine.

Michael hated it.

There were no paintings, no pictures, no pretty decorations, only modern things the boys didn't even choose themselves. Except for the fanart, it was all empty.

So, Michael stood up and marched into the hallway, into his bedroom, towards his desk and pulled one of his drawers open. Many, many Polaroid pictures appeared, those who Michael chose not to hang up on his wall, but they were good for the living room.

He grabbed some thin rope he used for his Polaroids in his room, and walked back into the living room. He quickly put on some music, Around the world and back from the State Champs making his way into the black haired boy, a smile appearing on his face as he hung up the first rope above the couch.

After what seemed like forever but was really just two hours, Michael had finished decorating the living room and kitchen, making it feel more homily. He went ahead and put some cute decorations on the walls, pictures from friends and family hanging all across the apartment main rooms.

The 'One Million' play button was proudly displayed above the couch, just under the Polaroid pictures.

Michael smiled, he was proud of his decorations skills. It was supposed to be his college study, but he dropped out when they started making money from YouTube.

He quickly draped a baby blue blanket over the white couch, and plopped himself down, shutting off the music and turning the camera back on, this time holding it in his hand.

"Hey kittens and pups! Michael here, and it's time for another vlog. Calum isn't here right now, I actually don't quite know where he went but he'll return, don't worry." Michael spoke, a smile on his face as he talked to the camera, holding it an arm length away from his face.

"I decorated the house a little today because, yeah, I don't really have a reason other than to make it more homily. I grew up in a household where pictures and decorations were a huge deal so this apartment didn't feel like home at all. But, I changed it up!" Michaels eyes practically shone when he turned the camera around the room, showing off what he had done in just two hours.

"This took me about two hours to do, so it's like twelve AM right now. Luke asked me if I wanted to head out for lunch today, so I'll take you guys with me on the actual vlogging camera. Also, many people have requested for me and Calum to do a video with Luke and Ashton and we probably will do that again in the near future, it's just that vidcon is coming up and stuff, exciting!" The black haired boy didn't show any the sadness Calum had caused just this morning as he talked to the camera about the plans he and Calum had for vidcon, if they're still best friends before that.

Michael whipped his head around, turning off the camera, when he heard his phone ring, signalling he has a message. He quickly for it out of his pocket and unlocked it, seeing it was Luke.

From: tall tree with blue eyes:

Is it ok if ash comes along? We'll see ya at Cheese Cake Factory in like 10 minutes?

To: tall tree with blue eyes:

Nah that's fine by me, and alright. I'll see ya there.

"Okay so Luke just texted me that Ashton will be joining us for lunch, which is great, and I need to hurry because in ten minutes I'm supposed to be at cheese cake factory."

Michael kept on talking as he quickly got his coat on and slipped into his shoes. He checked for his wallet and phone, quit recording on the actual camera and grabbed the vlog one before continuing with what he was talking about. He also decided to write a note for Calum, just in case.

I'm out with Luke and ash, will probably be home around 8 ish, I'm also vlogging so don't worry about a video.

Michael had the urge to put 'twat' on the small paper, but decided against it. He stuck the small post it to their fridge and walked out of the kitchen and the door, slamming it shut before starting to record again.

"So how are you guys doing? Me and Calum are mostly preparing for vidcon since we have a live performance this year! I am so excited and Calum is too, it's so cool. Also, I'm on my way to The Cheesecake Factory right now, Luke wanted to eat there. I really hope they won't act all coupley when I'm there because I'm lonely as *bleep* so yeah. I bet you have seen a few of their videos, they just reached two million subscribers which is crazy and mind blowing." Michael rambles as he walks through the halls of his apartment complex, pushing the elevator button.

As the door opens he sees that there's someone inside so he lets his arm fall down to his side, making it almost impossible for the stranger to see the camera.

As Michael steps into the elevator he nods at the stranger before turning his body to push the button with a golden '0' displayed on it, meaning he'd go to the ground floor.

"Rough start of the day?" The stranger asks the black haired boy, making him raise his eyebrows at the stranger. "A little, just some trouble with a friend. 'S not a big deal." Michael shrugs after finishing his sentence, asking himself why he just told a stranger that.

"Oh that's the worst kind of trouble. Okay no now I'm lying, relationship trouble is the worst." Michael estimated the blond man to be around his twenties, not much older than Michael was. His figure was lanky and slim, very few muscle and a very detailed face. Definitely a model.

"I'm Lance by the way, I just moved here about a week ago." The blond (very handsome man) stuck out his hand and Michael shook it. "My name is Michael, Mike for short." The black head said, nodding at the man in front of him.

Lance's face turned into a shocked expression, his eyes open wide and his mouth catching flies before saying: "I know you! My sister watches you and that Calum guy all the time!" Michael tried to ignore the sting he felt by the mentioning of his former best friend, and nodded.

"That's really cool! Does she enjoy our videos?" Michael tried to not sound greedy but he was always one to take advice seriously. "Enjoy? She loves you guys! She has all your merch shirts and cried when mom told her that she couldn't go and meet you guys at vidcon!" Lance said, his voice turning up in volume, making Michael smile.

"That's too bad! It's going to be so much fun!" Michael said as he heard the 'ding' meaning they had arrived at his destination. "Before you leave, can you please sign this piece of paper and take a picture with me? My sister would love that!" Lance says, making Michael chuckle.

"Of course!" So, Michael posed for a picture with Lance and signed the piece of paper before bidding his goodbyes to the blond and walking off. "Okay guys so I have to rush now because I ran into a boy who's sister was a fan of ours but I'm probably going to be late but I don't care, I'm pretty sure they'd understand." Michael smiled at the camera before turning it off once again, making his way towards his end destination.

-

A few days later and Michael was kind of talking to Lance thought text and calling and they had met up once since their last encounter. It seemed like Lance liked Michael but Michael doesn't know if he's okay with that.

"Calum? Can you hurry up?! Lance is picking me up in twenty minutes and I need to get ready!" Michael groaned as he knocked on the bathroom door, his fingers frantically tapping against the wood of the door. Calum has been in there for at least an hour, making it almost impossible for Michael to get ready.

"Ca-" Michael was about to yell again as the door opens all of the sudden, making Michael almost fall face first onto the white tiles.

"Goddamnit Michael, calm down." Calum snapped before walking off, making Michael frown even deeper. He slowly turned around and watched Calum stomp into his room, a towel wrapped around his waist.

"Well then." Michaels eyes start to tear, before he rushes into the bathroom, slamming the door shut.

It wasn't the words that got to Michael, god no, he had heard way worse in high school, it was the fact that it was Calum.

Calum was always the one to protect Michael from danger, which includes mean people. Calum saved Michael in high school every time and even beat up some guy who was trying to get Michael to kiss him. Calum was Michael's angel.

The fact that it was Calum hurt him like a thousand knives stabbing him at once, turning around a few times and being pulled out of his body, all at once.

After Michael showered and shaved, put some deodorant on and walked out the bathroom into the hallway, he shrugged when he heard some pots and pans moving around. ''I'm out of here!'' Michael yelled, walking towards the front door and picking his shoes up from the rack.

''Where do you think you're going? We have a youtube video to film tonight, you can't just leave.'' Calum snapped at the colourful haired boy as he walked into the hallway from the kitchen. Michael snorted at the kiwi boy, making the raven haired boy frown, ''That didn't stop you last time, now did it?'' Calum's eyes grew wide at Michael's words, his lips forming the slightest pout.

''Don't think I'm opening the door for you, assho.le.'' Calum said, crossing his arms in front of his broad chest. ''Don't think I will need to come back here, Lance asked me out for dinner and I'm pretty sure I'm also sleeping over, so.'' Michael knew it was childish but he couldn't help it, he stuck out his tongue.

''Lance?'' Calum asked, his eyes growing wider at the realization that Michael was asked on a date, which made Calum kind of upset. ''Yeah, the cute guy who moved here a few days ago, I met him in the elevator and he liked our videos so we started chatting and I gave him my number, he asked me on a date last night.'' Michael explained, with the emphasis on cute guy.

''Do you really think he likes you? I mean, we have quite a few subscribers, he could be after your money.'' The kiwi boy shrugs his shoulders as Michael makes an annoyed noise. ''Oh shut it, not everyone is like that.'' Something in Michael snapped when Calum just chuckled drily, licking his lips before saying,

''I'm pretty sure that's not true, Mike.'' It was the first time after months that Calum had called Michael Mike, but it didn't make Michael's heart flutter like it usually would, because clearly, it wasn't meant in an adoration type of way.

''We all experienced that with Thatcher, now didn't we?'' Calum's smirk grows bigger as he looks at Michael, who slowly turns his head to look at Calum, his eyes mixed with sad and anger towards the kiwi boy.

Michael's pupils grow bigger as the tears start to form in his eyes, his lip trembling as he tries to struggle against the sob that threatens to spill out. ''I don't understand you.'' He whispers, his voice cracking as he slowly looks up into Calum's once friendly eyes.

''We've been friends for years, I know every little thing about you and I could tell how you were feeling just by the colour of your eyes as soon as I saw them. I was always able to guess what you thought about and I was always there for you. Hell, we even started youtube together because we both didn't exactly know what to do with our lives. You chose me of all people to be your best friend, and now you're doing this?'' Michael yells, his eyes teary as he stares at Calum. The kiwi boy looks shocked.

''I-''

''No. I'm not done yet, buttfu.ck. You were there for me when everything crashed down around me, when I needed you. I was there for you when you needed me, even for the smallest things. We were one, calum. We used to be so close that we couldn't sleep one night without knowing if the other was okay, and now you come home at three am almost every night, not caring about how that makes me feel. You've completely abandoned since we hit one thousand subscribers, and that was months ago. Don't you care about me anymore? Because it surely doesn't feel like you give a shi.t.''

Michael stood there completely out of breath from the yelling and screaming at his best friend. His best friend, on the other hand, was in complete and utter shock, his eyes wide and mouth open.

''I do c-''

''No you don't. if you did, you wouldn't have ignored me because you know how much I hate getting ignored and how much it hurts me. You wouldn't have called me lame, a cry bay or an asswipe. Those things hurt Calum, like a bi.tch. You wouldn't scream or yell at me when you were the one in the wrong, you would've admitted that you were wrong. We would still goof around in videos and you would still talk to me behind cameras. It hurts Calum, especially from you.'' Michael was broken. He sighed out a long hold breath, looking at Calum through his eye lashes before saying:

''It hurts even more because I love you.'' He hung his head low in shame, his eyes clenched close, waiting for a dry chuckle or an insult, but that never came. A pair of tinted arms wrapped around Michael in his ball form, lifting him up.

Michael didn't protest, and let Calum carry him to the couch. ''I'm sorry.'' Calum said, sitting down on the couch and laying Michael next to him, the big ball of colourful hair in his lap, before opening his mouth again, slowly petting Michael's hair.

''I'm sorry Mikey. And I know damn well that that won't fix what I have put you through for the last few months. I won't even say that I was in the right, and heck I was the one who did it all. I'm such an asshole for putting you through this and I hoped I could stop myself from doing it even more. I.. I couldn't stop the butterflies from coming every time we touched or even looked at each other, so I decided to be a di.ck towards you to get the feelings away. I had hoped that I could get rid of those feelings through projecting the anger I felt onto you. That didn't work out, of course, which got me more frustrated. I'm sorry Michael.'' Calum looks down into the green eyes of Michael, making the kiwi boy blush.

''Even the fans noticed it at one point, Cal.'' Michael said, a small smile plastered onto his face. ''I know, I'm sorry.''

''Sorry isn't going to fix it all.'' Michael said, slowly sitting up and looking Calum in the eye, a shy smirk plastered on his face.

''What can I do to make it up to you?''

''Taking me on a date would be a good start.'' 

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