Array
(
[text] =>

Photo: Paulo Avelino as Nathan

Chapter 30

Angelo's P.O.V

My heart was beating and pounding hard in my chest. I couldn't breathe properly, until when Daniel held my shaking hand. No surprised, my nerves calmed after feeling his warm touch.

We were standing in front of Nathan's house. The scenery was the same as the last time I saw it. The roses and orchids were blooming extravagantly in the mini garden, it was taken cared by my aunt Lisa as she loves plants and roses. However, there was something that caught my eyes in the corner of the tiny house- multiple tanks of oxygen.

Sebastian and Daniel came with me to see Nathan. But as soon as I stepped on Nathan's boundary, my whole body was petrified of fear. I was not scared to see Nathan again, I was scared to see what he would look like after battling the cancer for almost 4 years- to make it worst, he was alone in his battle. I wasn't there to support him. I left him alone fighting.

It wasn't his appearance that I was worried about, it was how hurt and withered and exhausted he look after the battle. I couldn't bear to see my friend, my other soul-mate, hurting.

I didn't realise that my tears fell down until when Daniel wiped it away. "Be strong. He doesn't need to see you hurting and broken right now. He needs you as his strength." He said, smiling in a comforting manner while cupping my cheeks with his hands.

I held Daniel's hand and took a final deep breath before going into the house.

We stirred straight to the room where Nathan was resting and where the doctors were treating him. All through these years, my family, the Grande, was paying for all the medical needs and expenses of Nathan. I didn't have any idea about it.

While walking closely to the room, my hand softly squeezed Daniel's. I could hear the IV machine beeping as we go nearer and nearer to the room.

Before we reached the door, Sebastian emerged from the room and opened the door for me. "Sir, this way please." He said, his tone was full of concern and... pity? Why? What's going on? Sebastian looked at me as he tried to muster a smile, but he failed.

Why not? Nathan was like his son as well. We grew up together under his supervision and we learned what we know now because of him.

As I entered the room, the door behind me closed. Thankfully, Daniel never left my back. He was holding my shoulder, which gived me comfort and the feeling of secured.

What showed in front of me made me break down in an instant.

"Nice to see you again, my angel." Nathan spoke in a rough and groggy tone.

There he was, sitting on his bed. The strong arms and broad shoulder that I love about him was replaced by bare bones and skin. There were numerous needles and machines connected to him. There he was, smiling to me and greeting me as if nothing happened. There he was, my once beautiful best friend that I loved the most, looking exhausted and losing his battle any moment.

My tears streamed like a water falls as soon as I saw him, even though I tried my very best not to cry. Who would not weep when you saw the very dear person to you struggling for his life?

Before I could step further near my friend, the doctor met me halfway. He smile to me and shook my hand. "Master Grande, you're friend here is really strong. In fact, his condition have improved since yesterday. I think it's really a miracle that you're here." The doctor said louder than the usual as if he intentionally let Nathan to hear it. "I'll leave him to you now." With that, he took his chart and hanged his stethoscope on his neck before bidding us goodbye.

I walked closer to Nathan's bed as he held his hand to me. I took it with my two hand and seated beside him.

I was speechless, and then with his same rough and tired tone of voice, he smiled at me and spoke. "Sorry, I couldn't fix myself to look handsome in front you." He joked, mustering a soft and short giggle.

I could help myself but to hug him carefully. My tears are streaming down as I enveloped his thin body with my hands. My whole body was shaking from crying. I couldn't help it. "I'm so sorry. Forgive me. I'm really sorry Nate. I couldn't be there for you. I'm sorry... sorry." That's what I could say.

He softly patted my back to soothe me and draw circles on it, just like as he always does when I was crying when we were kids. "Now, now. What are you sorry for? Everything is alright Angelo. You are here now, and I'm thankful to see you again." He said, as he lifted his thin arms to hug me back. "I missed this rosy smell of you. I missed you a lot."

We remained like that for a while but it seemed like forever. He didn't break the hug until I calmed down, which eventually I did.

From the corner of the room, we heard someone coughed. I almost facepalmed myself for forgetting that Daniel was with us too.

"I'm sorry." I stood up and walked towards Daniel position- who by then standing while his arms were across his chest. I held out my hands to him and he took it as he smiled at me. "Nathan" I looked at Nathan who has the same smile as Daniel. "This is Daniel."

"Sup bro!" greeted Daniel as he saluted to Nathan. He seemed relax and I couldn't explain why there wasn't any awkward atmosphere roaming around the room.  I was thankful for that.

Nathan just smiled and saluted back to Daniel. There was no tension building up and I was really glad that I didn't have to get awkward with the two of them.

"Hey Anj, I'll leave you two here now so you can talk privately, okay?" Daniel held my shoulder as he stirred my direction facing him.

"But..." I said before he cut me off.

"No worries. I trust you." He cupped my cheeks with his hand and he kissed my forehead. "Just call me when you need me. I'll be just outside. A'right?"

Daniel faced Nathan and waved to him courteously. "I'll leave you guys alone to catch-up." he said as he opened the door and walked outside.

I was left with Nathan. Behind the fact that he was hurting deep inside because of the cancer, he was still smiling at me; trying to look strong in front of me.

"Come." He said. He tapped the space next to him.

I walked back towards him and seated next to him. He took my hand and held it gently. "I really miss feeling you; your skin, your warmth, your breath, your laugh, your smile and I miss wiping your tears away." He took a deep breath. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. You have your soulmate with you now and I shouldn't..."

"Stop it." I cut him off. "This is still me Nate, and you are the same Nathan I know. And I still love you like I did before." Nathan's face lit up. I looked down on my lap and felt silent.

"There is a "but"..." he offered.

I nodded. "But I love you now as a friend only. However, you always have a big part in my heart and that will never change. Forever. I promised you that."

"I know." He messed my hair like he always do to cheer me up.

We fell silent for a moment until out of nowhere, he simply said, "I'm sorry."

Confused, I asked him, "What for?"

He faced me with a gloomy face. "For everything. For hurting you."

My heart suddenly pumped harder in my chest as memories of past and hurting came back to me all at once. I tried my very best to control it.

"Nate, I'm sorry too." As soon as I spoke those four words, my tears uncontrollably flowed down from my eyes. It was his turn his turn to looked confused.

"For what? I was the one who hurt you. You have no reason to say sorry to me." He wiped my tears away.

"Nate, I'm so sorry for not being here with you. For not being here beside you while you are battling this stupid cancer. For not being here beside you when your father died. I left you alone. I'm sorry."

"Hey, hey... Stop that my angel. Please. I hate to see you crying." He hugged me as I cried in front of him like a child. He drew circles on my back to soothe me. "Please, I am the one to say sorry to you. You have to listen to me first and stop blaming yourself. I am the only one to blame here."

I leaned out from him and looked at him. "What are you saying?"

He took a deep breath and regarded me with  sorry eyes. "I didn't mean to hurt you back then."

"Please, it's all in the past. Let's not talk about it. I want to forget it." I cut him off.

"No Angelo, you have to listen to me. I have this thing burdening all through these years." He insisted. "I need to explain my reason for hurting you. Please, promise me to listen to me."

"Okay fine. Explain it to me." I stood up and took a chair from the corner and seated next to his bed.

"Angelo, I didn't mean to hurt you. I did what I have to do back then so I won't have to hurt you a lot more. It was for the better." He wasn't looking at me but outside the window.

"What do you mean? I was broken hearted because of you. And you're saying you didn't mean it? What do you mean "for the better"? What happened?" I was really confused by that time now. Everything was not making any sense to me.

"There was no girl like I told you." He said as he stared at me pleadingly.

I stood up from my chair, really confused. "What do you mean there's no girl? Nathan, are you saying..."

"Yes." He answered. "I lied to you. I have to do it. I'm so sorry." He shifted his gaze on the roof as if he was trying to prevent his tears from falling. On the other side, mine was flowing rapidly in my eyes from the anger and disappointment fuming inside me.

He fooled me. He lied to me.

"Please, tell me you're just kidding me." I asked, trying to comprehend the truth.

He shifted his position on his bed and looked at me. "I'm afraid I'm not. Please, listen to me. I can explain."

After a moment of silence, he took it as a go signal to explain himself.

I seated back at the chair, still not uttering even a single word.

"I did it for you." He started. "During the 6 months of living in the town, I was confined in the hospital. I was diagnosed with lung cancer and it was already stage 3. I pleaded my father not to tell it to you because you'll just worry for me."

I was still in silence and listening to his explanation really well. I was trying to comprehend every bit of the truth that he hid to me.

He continued, "The doctor gave me a month to live. That is when I decided to go home and see you." I could feel his eyes boring on me, but I didn't look or glance up to him. He exhaled in surrender, knowing that I won't talk to him unless I wanted to.

"I didn't want to hurt you and that's why I decided to lie to you. I know that your mother wanted you to go to Australia as soon as possible. And I took that chance to make an excuse. Believe me, I didn't mean to hurt you." He tried to reach me, but I stopped him.

"Stop." I whispered. "You hurt me so much. I was broken into pieces and you think it was for my own good? Who are you to decide what is good and what is not for me?" my voice was raspy from crying.

"I thought you'll be much better in Australia. And I was never wrong about it. It would be really selfish if I insisted my feeling for you. You'll just get hurt with me more than you did before and I can't let you hurt so much." His eyes were clouding from tears. He wiped it off as he cleared his throat from coughing a bit. "I thought I will leave you soon and I can't let you be alone. At least in Australia, you'll be with your family and you'll meet someone else that will never leave you; someone that deserves your sweetest love."

"Why...." I covered my face with my hands; I couldn't think of anything to ask him but why.

"That day when I said goodbye to you, my father and I went back to the hospital for my chemo. My body was starting to weaken and I could feel that I'm slowly dying." He paused. "Angelo, please look at me."

I did. I could see in his eyes that he was hurting too.

"After a week of chemo, my body regained back my strength and the cancer miraculously disappeared. Or so we thought." He said, hurt and disappointment painted on his face. "After the doctor confirmed that I am cancer free, I rushed back home to see you. However..."

"I was already in Australia." I offered.

He nodded in agreement. "I decided not to bother you anymore because I know that I hurt you, and you didn't deserve it. I don't deserve you, and you deserve anyone more than me."

"Why didn't you call me or let me know what the real situation is?"

His faced turned gloomy. "I was about too, but my cancer suddenly appeared back. When it came back it was already in Stage 4 and my left lung has started to fail."

I was in shocked to even react to what I heard.

"It's like destiny is playing with us." He remarked. "Well, I think we are not really destined to each other."

"You idiot." I whispered.

He looked at me surprised, but he still managed to smile. "We could have made things work out if you didn't push me away. You're such an idiot."

He moved from his bed and tried to reach me once again. "Stop! Don't touch me!" I yelled out of anger.

Daniel's P.O.V

I heard Angelo yelling inside the room. I stood up quickly from my seat and barged inside the room. I know it was really rude, but I didn't really care at that moment.

What I saw took me by surprise. Angelo was standing in front of Nathan, hugging himself while the chair beside him was on the floor. Nathan, on the other hand, was looking hurt.

Nathan noticed me and he tried to muster a smile but he miserably failed. I looked deep into his eyes and I was broken from pity that I felt towards him. The guy was literally a withered vegetable, but he amazingly got the strength to talk to Angelo. He was indeed a strong guy and I was sure that his strength was from Angelo alone.

"Daniel, take me out of here." Angelo spoke up and looked at me. His eyes were pure black and streams of tears were falling from it.

I walked towards him and embraced him securely; his back was facing Nathan. "What's the problem?"

"I need to get out of here. Please." He begged.

"Okay...Okay... Let's go now." I glanced over Nathan and threw him an apologetic looked to which he understand quickly.

Before we stepped out of the room, Nathan called out Angelo. "Angelo..." he said in a weak tone.

We stopped in our mid-step and listened to what Nathan was about to say.

"I'm really sorry my angel."

***********************************

It was 11 o' clock in the evening when everything went from complicated to much worst.

Angelo and I were resting in the room after a long day. Angelo didn't come back to see Nathan again. I never asked him why.

All I know was that he was deeply hurting inside. The only thing I have to do is to be there by his side.

He was really exhausted and he never uttered a single word when we came back from Nathan. However, his actions told me that he needed me and I'm so glad that I came with him in the first place.

Angelo was cuddling with me silently when a loud banging on the door drew our attention. "Sir... it's me, Sebastian."

Angelo looked at me and said, "Come in Sebastian."

Fortunately, I was wearing a pajama and we are decently fine.

"What is it Seb?" I asked.

"Pardon me sir, but you have to hurry."

"Hurry to where? Why are you rushing?"

"Sir, it's Nathan. He is dying. If you don't hurry, you might never see him alive one last time." Sebastian said. His voice was worried and sounded like he was in a verge of tears. I couldn't confirm it though, as he was masking it really well.

We stood up really quick and in just a matter of minute, we were at Nathan's house. The three aunties was already there and crying. The doctors and nurses were  rushing back and forth from room where Nathan was. Everything was in chaos and I never seen anything like it.

In the midst of the chaos that was happening during that moment, my only focus was Angelo. I was feeling him close to me, but he wasn't talking or saying anything. He was just watching everyone from my embrace.

Suddenly, everything came into a halt. Only the sound of sniffing and crying can be heard around the room.

The doctor came out. "Angelo, he is looking for you," he said.

Angelo rushed to Nathan's room and stooped down beside the bed. I was behind him and I noticed that he wasn't crying. He was emotionless.

"Hey." Said Nathan; more like a wheezed.

"Hey." Angelo replied.

"How do I look?" Nathan said though it was really obvious that he was giving his best to take a conversation one last time.

"You look really handsome as always Nate." That's the time when the first tears from Angelo dropped.

Nathan smiled and pointed to a paper placed beside the bed.

Angelo took it and read it silently. "You finished it?"

Nathan just nodded, making it obvious that his strength was fading slowly.

Angelo wiped his tears away and cleared his throat. And then he began to sing.

So you run, through shadows you roam

Seams undone by the love you thought you could own

But he's just one of many that you might call home

And maybe someday, the bitterness will fade from you bone... fade from your bone.

I recognized the song right away after hearing the tone. It was the song that he once sang to Jared, it was beautiful.

While he was singing, I remembered the first time I talked to Nathan.

*Early morning flashback*

It was just three in the early morning but I couldn't seem to sleep anymore. My mind and body seemed that it hasn't adjusted to the time zone yet. The roosters started crowing and I was really fascinated to hear them.

I slowly got up from the bed and silently walked out of the room to avoid waking up Angelo. I went to the mini kitchen to brush my teeth and wash my face.

I walked outside just to see the three aunties already busy preparing for their work for the day. "Good morning, Aunties!" I greeted them.

They were surprised to see me early in the morning. I told them to carry on to what they're doing and I will just jog around the place to sweat out.

"Why don't you visit Nathan, huh pogi? (handsome)"  Aunt Lisa suggested, to which she earned an elbow in the stomach by Aunt Anna.

"Ouch! That hurts you witch!" she complained. But before they even start to do a WWE showdown, I cut them off.

"Where's is Nathan's house? And isn't it too early to visit him?" I asked hesitantly.

The two woman was about to answer me when the matriarch came in and answered me instead. The other two woman fell silent. "Just go straight this path and you'll be there in just 3 minutes. And don't worry dear, he is always up early in the morning as you know, he couldn't get a sleep really well from his condition." She explained in a depressed tone. "Sebastian is already there looking after him."

"Great. Thank you, aunties. I'll be on my way now then." I bid my farewell and jogged my way to Nathan's place.

In just about 2 minutes, I was already there. My heart was beating really fast in my chest; not from the exhaustion from jogging my way there but from my nerves. I was about to face my rival, the first guy loved by my Angelo.

I messed my hair and shook off that idea. After calming myself and mustering the courage I have, I knocked on the door.

I was met by Sebastian. He looked like as if he was expecting me.

"Good morning, mate." I greeted.

"Good morning, sir. Come on in please." He stirred me inside the house.

I was looking around the house when we entered. There was a bamboo couch in the living area and an old karaoke on the corner. On the wall was five photo frame hanging. I walked over to see it and a smiled crept to my face.

On the first frame was Angelo, probably 10 years old, hanging on a tree.  I moved into the second frame to see a guy with a toned body and really handsome face. From that moment, I knew that it was Nathan. No wonder why Angelo fell in love for him, the guy was really a Greek god and from what I have heard, he is a decent and kind guy. I moved to the 3rd frame to see Angelo and Nathan sitting together, smiling wide while eating a corn. They were seating on the top of a buffalo. They were really happy. The fourth frame made my heart tingled in a bit of jealousy. What I saw was Nathan carrying Angelo in the rain. They were so happy and I could see how they look good together.

I was about to look at the fifth frame when Sebastian appeared out of nowhere and startled me. "Came to see Nathan, sir?"

"Ahhh. Yes." I answered; holding my chest with my right hand. Sebastian will be the death of me.

"He's ready now. This way" he said. I followed him to a small room. Before entering the room, the sound of IV can be heard beeping.

When I saw the guy, I was taken aback from surprise. I couldn't believe what I saw. The toned body and perfect physique once was nothing but skin and bones. Nathan was nothing but a skeleton with skin attached.

I gulped and tried my best not to run away.

"Hello mate." I greeted.

"Good morning. You must be Daniel." He answered, smiling at me.

"And you must be Nathan. Nice to see you brother." I held my hands to him. He took it and shook it.

There was an awkward silence between us until I started to make a conversation.

"So how are you feeling?" I asked. I almost facepalmed myself for the silly question. Of course, the guy was not alright.

Nathan must have noticed my reaction and he laughed softly. "It's okay. I'm fine." He answered.

"I'm sorry." I said, brushing the back of my neck from embarrassment.

An awkward silence fell over once again. But this time, Nathan was the one to break the ice.

"So.... How's Angelo?" he asked me the million dollar question.

"He is doing well. He is such a lovely person..." I stopped when I realized that I got carried out in answering the simple question about Angelo.

He laughed again but not loud, more like a giggle. "Carry on. Tell me more about him. I wanna hear it." He asked.

I told him everything I like about Angelo and how I adore the guy. I was describing Angelo perfectly until I realized that I was telling him so much.

When I was done, I looked at Nathan and suddenly felt embarrassed in front of him.

He was just smiling. He enjoyed watching me telling stories about Angelo.

"I hope you will love him more than anyone else." He said.

I was dumbfounded. I was speechless. I felt really bad for acting like a jerk and for being careless.

"It's alright." He said. "I know about you two. And from how you describe him to me, I am certain that you really are in love with him. Thank you."

"Thank you for what?" I asked.

"Thank you for taking care of him. Thank you for giving the love he deserves. Thank you for picking up his broken pieces." He replied. "He was broken because of me."

Silence.

"Bro, can I ask you something more personal?" I said.

"Sure. Ask away."

"I know it isn't my business but I really love Angelo and I want to know the root of his hurt for a long time. What really happened before?" I said, setting aside my shame.

He heaved a sigh and looked at me. "It was my fault."

He told me everything from the start; from being diagnosed with cancer to lying to Angelo necessarily so he won't get hurt a lot if ever he doesn't wake up tomorrow.

I was silent while he was telling me the real story until the end.

"But he was hurt. Really bad." I said.

"Yes, but it's for good. I am not his soul mate. You are. And that is destiny who made this thing all happen. He found you. You found him."

I was silent and thinking deeply whether I should thank him or not. I chose not to say anything.

"Brother, I may not be here tomorrow. I am asking you to take care of Angelo. Never leave and push him away like I did. Please promise me that you'll love him for the rest of your life."

"Hey hey..." I shushed. "Don't talk like that. You'll get better, okay? You can fight it. You can't surrender now, not right now when Angelo is here to fight beside you."

He smiled and held his hand to me. "I'm so glad I had the chance to meet you. I'm positively certain now that Angelo will never be sad again."

I held his hand. I don't know but somehow, I felt really attached quickly to the guy like as if he was my brother. Maybe because I was an only child and I never had the chance to experience to have a sibling, especially a brother.

"I promise that I will take care of Angelo forever. I promise that I will love him until my last breath. I promise to you that no matter what, I will never leave him." I put my forehead on his and whispered, "Be strong, brother."

*End of Flashback*

Eri il mio soldatino

Ora un principe oscuro

Ma anche per te, ce una luce

Che ad un' altra vita ti conduce

Angelo finished his singing while everyone in the room was mesmerized by his voice. Even Nathan seemed relief after hearing.

With all the remaining strength Nathan got, he asked Angelo. "My angel, can I kiss you for the first and last time?"

Angelo wiped his tears away and brushed off the hair that's blocking Nathan's eyes.

"Good bye, Nathan, I love you so much."

For the first and last time, Angelo kissed Nathan for a good 5 seconds.

Everyone was silent until the heart monitor machine became flat.

My brother for a day was gone. I lost a new family member in an instant.

Nathan was gone.

[text_hash] => 71f61928
)