Chapter 60: fifty-nine

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The next morning, Liam came at my house to model for the drawing.

We walked up the stairs, and I scrunched up my nose before opening the door of my studio, not exactly liking the idea of someone else coming inside. Harry had been the first person to walk inside my studio in years, aside from me of course, and it almost felt wrong to let someone else take his place in there. But after all, it was all about art, and even though Harry had been my first model, I was more than certain that he wouldn't have been my last.

After talking for some minutes about what the best options were, considering the short time I had to get that drawing done, we decided to recreate the same pose of the drawing that had been destroyed, considering that the concept was quite nice and it would've been a shame to let it go.

I turned around as Liam undressed quickly, and I took advantage of the small window of free time to retrieve my camera, turning it on quickly and making sure everything was working fine before finally looking at Liam. "Could you lower the band of you boxers a bit?"  I asked him while moving to stand behind him. "A bit lower" I added when he didn't pull it down enough.

"How about now?" He asked, pulling it down halfway through his ass.

I closed my eyes as soon as I realised what was in front of me, feeling warmth in my cheeks and being immensely glad that he couldn't see me. "That's definitely way too low."

"Oh" he said, quickly pulling it up again. That was exactly why I'd always preferred to move Harry in the right position or fix his clothes personally, it would've taken ages before everything got exactly how it had to be otherwise. But I definitely wasn't close enough to Liam to pull down the band of his grey boxers for him.

I silently took a deep breath, trying to make my embarrassment go away before it got too noticeable. I would've never thought starting fresh with a new model was that hard.

All of sudden he started laughing, and I glanced at him. "This is so awkward, oh my goodness" he said, and the air in the room relaxed instantly.

"Are you regretting it yet?" I said, letting out a little laugh as well. "You still have to pull it lower though."

"Nah, I think I'll enjoy this" he replied, hooking his thumbs in the band of his boxers and lowering it a bit. "How's this?"

I nodded, even though he couldn't see me. "That's perfect" I said, going to the window and moving the curtain a bit so that the light was coming in nicely. "Look out of the window" I told him, and he did. I frowned when I realised that his hair was way shorter than Harry's, and it couldn't have shielded his face from view. "Look straight ahead" I said with a sigh and he did. I nodded to myself, deciding that it was good enough, and lifted my camera, taking a couple of pictures. I looked at them right after, making sure they were all good. "Alright, we're done" I told Liam, putting the camera on my desk, that was behind me.

"So fast?" He said, a hint of surprise in his voice, but not wasting time in making his way towards the desk and getting his clothes from the chair, putting them on quickly.

I nodded. "I will just print one and start the drawing later today" I said, glancing at the camera, wishing my other drawing hadn't got ruined. "Thank you so much for helping me."

He shrugged it away. "It really is no trouble" he simply said while putting on his shirt.

We walked downstairs and we said our goodbyes, and I watched him as he walked towards the street, closing my door as soon as he got in his car.

I walked upstairs again, entering my studio and giving another glance at the pictures saved in my camera, unsuccessfully trying to pick one to draw. I sighed, realising that I probably just needed some time to think of other things before making my decision, and I walked downstairs again, taking my coat from the hanger and exiting my house.

I put the coat on, closing it quickly to warm myself up faster, before starting to walk down the street with my hands hidden in my pockets.

Having Liam model for me had left me feeling in some kind of way I couldn't describe. It wasn't that it felt wrong, it just felt odd. Liam had been a quite perfect model, but I kind of missed the complicity that there had been between Harry and I - even though I knew it was only there due to the fact that Harry had been modelling for me for five months.

I looked up, discovering that I'd inadvertently made my way to the park I usually went to when it wasn't too cold.

I walked to the pond, leaning against the tree and looking at the water in front of me. So different from the one of the ocean, it was of a greyish colour, and completely still. I fought the sudden need to throw a rock in side to disrupt its quietness, and I sat down, wishing I'd brought my earphones with me.

I sighed, taking my new notepad and pencil out of the pocket of my coat and opening it to the first page, staring at it for some seconds before starting to sketch what was in front of me.

I stayed there until it started to get dark. When the air became colder and the light went missing I stood up, gathering my things and getting out of the park.

I scrunched up my nose at the realisation that I would've had to walk back to my house in the cold, and I decided to stop somewhere to get something hot to drink during the walk. I made my way down the street, hands buried in my pockets, stopping in my tracks when I realised I'd just surpassed the cafe I'd hung out with Ella and Aiden at. Without thinking twice, I opened the door and went inside.

I knew in the second I entered the cafe that I'd fucked up. Harry was sitting at the same table in the corner he'd been occupying when I'd last seen him in there, staring down attentively at the scribbled piece of paper in front of him, the pen forgotten in front of him.

I wondered if I should've just turned around and left, but I knew I would've surely caught his attention if I'd done something like that, and considering that there were two large windows on either side of the door, I surely couldn't have gone away unseen if he'd noticed my presence. I took a deep breath, deciding that it would've been best to do what I'd come to do, and hope he wouldn't have lifted his eyes from that paper sheet of his.

I took some hesitant steps in the direction of the till, quickly and quietly making my order, not daring to look in Harry's direction to limit the possibilities of him seeing me.

I clearly wasn't silent enough though, because as I lifted my gaze from my phone while I was waiting for my order, I noticed that Harry had got out of his seat and made his way towards me, and was now quietly looking at me. I felt my heart sink almost instantly, but I didn't dare to go away and leave him alone so blatantly.

"Hey" he simply said when he knew he had my attention, his voice particularly low, as if he wanted to make sure that nobody else aside from me could hear him.

"Hi" I replied equally as quietly, the word seeming so normal coming out of my mouth, considering everything that had happened between us.

He pursed his lips, giving me a glance I couldn't quite recognise. "I saw you in front of my house yesterday" he shared, the sentence simple, the real question behind it evident.

I nodded, starting to wish they'd give me my cappuccino so that I would've had a reason to walk out of the cafe - and of the odd conversation. "Thought so" I replied, sending a nervous glance to the person that was working on the other side of the counter.

"You were in Liam's car" he said, not seeming to have any intention of dropping the conversation, differently from me.

Hearing him pointing that out made me feel in a way that I couldn't quite describe. "He was just taking me home" I replied, slightly defensively, feeling as if I owed him some kind of explanation as to why he'd seen me with him, even though I really didn't. The boy working behind the counter finally handed me my cup, and I thanked him quickly before turning my head to give Harry a little glance. "I'm going, bye" I said before turning around and making my way out of the door fast, shivering slightly as the colder air hit my cheeks.

"Wait!" I heard Harry say loudly as the door was shut, and before I knew it he'd exited the cafe as well. "Let me drive you home" he said quietly, a little cloud of warmth leaving his lips as he spoke, immediately condensing in the freezing weather.

"No, sorry" I replied quickly shaking my head, knowing that something like that wouldn't have turned out well for sure. I used my free hand to close my coat over my chest, looking away in the yellow light coming from the street lamps.

He sighed at my reply. "Sierra. It's dark" he pointed out in a somewhat frustrated tone.

"Nothing is going to happen" I said, knowing that it was the truth. It was indeed dark, but it couldn't have been later than seven in the evening, and many people were still out on the streets.

"You don't know that" he replied, the slightest hint of nervousness in his tone. "I can't lose anyone else" he continued, the distress in his voice making my chest hurt. "Please, let me drive you home."

I sighed, knowing that I wouldn't have found it in me to tell him no after what he'd said. "Alright, I guess" I gave in, hesitance in my words.

He nodded, taking out his set of keys and walking to his car, that was parked a bit down the road, expecting me to follow him, which I did. When we reached it I walked to the passenger side, putting my hand on the handle and waiting for him to unlock the car.

He stopped his actions and slowly glanced up at me from the other side of the vehicle, a hint of confusion mixed with amusement in his eyes. "It's open, again" he said, referring to the last time something like that had happened.

I felt a sudden blush creep up my cheeks at his words, and my embarrassment just increased when I realised he'd clearly opened it while we were walking towards it, considering that I knew he wouldn't have randomly left his car open while it was parked on the street. "Right" I muttered, opening the door with my free hand and sliding onto the passenger seat, quickly drinking about half of the cappuccino in the cup I was holding to make sure I wouldn't have risked it spilling.

He got inside as well and threw his bag on the backseat before turning the key in the ignition, starting the car, and driving out of the spot he'd parked in.

The ride was silent, almost as always, with the only difference that that time the silence was somewhat awkward, tense, filled with all the things we weren't saying. It was one of those heavy silences both parts want to break, but I couldn't find it in me to do so, and neither could he.

Finally we arrived at my house, and if I hadn't been holding a cup I would've flung myself out of the car.

"We're here. Thank you" I said, giving him a little side-glance, waiting just a couple of seconds before opening the car door and getting out.

He looked at me as I carefully bent down to pick my bag up, but he didn't say anything, so I closed the door and walked towards my front door.

I reached it and turned around as I searched for my key in the pocket of my coat, watching Harry's car speed away. I walked up the step when I felt the cold of it under my fingers, quickly taking the key out and opening the door.

I entered the house and closed the door behind myself, taking off my coat and hanging it next to the door before taking off my shoes as well and putting them in their rightful place. I finished the by then almost cold cappuccino and I went in the kitchen, throwing the cup away before exiting it. I was about to walk upstairs when my doorbell suddenly rang.

I furrowed my eyebrows, wondering if my mother had forgotten the keys at home or something, and I went to open it, a confused look taking over my face when I realised that Ella was on the other side.

"What the hell, Sierra? I've been trying to get a hold of you since this morning!" She hissed, stepping into my house without waiting for me to invite her in.

I followed her as she entered my living room, observing her as she opened her black wool coat. "I was busy, and I forgot to check the phone" I replied, which wasn't that far away from the truth. I gave a little glance at my coat, that was on one of the hangers next of the front door, wondering if I'd forgotten my phone inside it for a quick second.

"Alright, whatever, that isn't what I'm here for" she said fast, quickly combing her fingers through her blonde hair, pushing a strand back before straightening her back and looking at me from where she was standing in the middle of the living room. "We need to talk" she said, a hint of exhaustion in her blue eyes, sounding as if she'd run to my house.

I furrowed my eyebrows, not knowing why she'd need to talk to me about anything. We weren't particularly close anyway, and we didn't have anything to talk about that required such urgency. "What about?"

"You always take everything so seriously, don't you?" She said with a sigh, confusing me even further, considering it didn't seem to have a connection with anything we'd ever talk about.

"What?" I asked back, frowning. What was she on about?

She rolled her eyes at my reply. "I've been trying to get you to at least talk to Harry for the past two days, but you really won't do it" she replied, crossing her arms over her chest and sending me a somewhat severe glance.

"How's that any of your business?" I asked lowly, not understanding where she was going. Why would she even need to talk to me about Harry? She didn't even like him, and we surely weren't close enough for her to even want to give me some relationship advice.

She sighed again. "You really want me to say it, don't you?" She asked sharply, but not defensively.

"What?" I asked, starting to get a hint of what was going on, the foreboding nothing more than a faint feeling at the back of my mind.

"Listen, I want to be honest with you. I don't like you that much" she said, and even though I would've liked to say it came as a surprise, it most certainly didn't. Considering everything, I was quite sure I didn't like her much as well, so her words weren't shocking nor upsetting to me. I wasn't quite sure how we'd ended up being friends - or at least, acting as if we were. We'd just stuck together for some reason, and we hadn't bothered to move separate ways ever since.

"Alright?" I replied, but it came out as a question. Even though the meaning of her words wasn't surprising, the reason why she was telling me something like that was still unknown to me.

She nodded, pursing her lips and glancing around, relaxing her posture. "So, I think it's quite understandable that, if I'd found a way to get closer to someone more... you know, interesting, I would've taken it. You understand that, right?" She asked, slightly raising her eyebrows.

"I guess?" I replied, starting to hope that she wasn't about to say what I thought she was about to say. I'd never trusted Ella in the first place, but I'd never even thought she could have had something to do with everything that had been happening. I'd always seen her more as the kind of person that just doesn't care that much about people she isn't necessarily close to.

She took off her black coat when she started to get warm, revealing the white shirt she was wearing underneath. "It was just for fun, I never really thought much of it" she said, before seeming to think about something. "I mean, I may admit that I kind of liked Harry a bit at the start, but... you've been super close for months, and then you broke up with him and he never ran after you. That's really isn't my kind of man" she admitted.

"What?" I asked, even if the foreboding had already become way more than a simple presentiment.

"I'm talking about the texts, Sierra" she specified rolling her eyes, the realisation that I'd been right settling in my stomach. "As I said, it was just for fun for me. I never thought much of it, I always supposed you would've argued a bit with him and then got back together, but you..." She let her words drift away, the tone of her voice and the glance she gave me being enough that she didn't really approve of what I'd decided to do instead. She passed her hand over the smooth surface of her coat, looking down for just a couple of seconds, a strand of blonde hair sliding off her shoulder, before looking up again and clearing her throat. "In five years or something I don't want to think back of this moment and regret what I've done. I don't like feeling bad about myself, and that's exactly how you're making me feel right now."

"Maybe that's how you should feel" I said, glaring at her. Even though it should've been more than expected, I'd never thought she had anything to do with the anonymous texts I'd received. I felt stupid, considering that I'd talked to her about it. Just thinking of how she'd waited for me to explain what was going on and had given me advice, I felt even more embarrassed. That was low, even for her.

She rolled her eyes at my words. "Oh please. Harry's a prick and he deserves to have his life messed with a bit, and you just make it so easy and fun" she said with a little chuckle. "That's why we decided to play around with you a bit."

"We?" I asked her, furrowing my eyebrows. Of course she hadn't done it alone, I'd received many anonymous texts while I was with her, and she hadn't typed them.

She shrugged my question off, pressing her lips together as a somewhat worried look came over her features. "I mean, it was fun while it lasted, but I feel like he went a little overboard and I don't really like that" she said, considerably lowering the tone of her voice and looking away from me.

"Ella" I called her when I realised she'd completely ignored my question, and she looked back at me almost instantly. "Who is he?" I asked again, asking the question slowly to make her understand that I wouldn't have dropped. It was clear that she'd come to me wanting to clear her conscience or something like that, but I was quite sure that revealing who'd been in it with her wasn't part of her plan.

She looked away, seeming to debate whether she should've answered or not for a couple of seconds. When she finally spoke, her voice came out breathy, as if she was revealing something that she wasn't supposed to tell around. "Niall."

Artwork hit 2M! This is so incredible, thank you so much! It really means the world to me x

Miki

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