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Story plot: Hongjoong might be seen as the strong leader, but San knows his other side. A side he doesn't show in public often and if he does, it will be through small gestures. San is willing to find out where this behaviour comes from and be there for his loving boyfriend.

Hongjoong would always visit San in the middle of the night to cuddle with him. San never got to ask why because his loving boyfriend would be fast asleep by the time San wrapped his arms around him. The next day Hongjoong would simply say he was thinking about him and wanted to cuddle.

Whenever they're inside the building, Hongjoong will walk up to San and nuzzle his face into his neck. San wouldn't say it's frustrating, because he loves his boyfriend, but there is more going on here. Whenever they step outside Hongjoong won't hug him, won't even let San give him a kiss. Basically any touch seems to be too much for him. San can't wrap his head around it all, they're out to the world. It's not like nobody knows about their relationship and even when they came out to the world, so many people were being supportive.

--

They're ready to go out and do a mini fanmeeting out on the street. Hongjoong walks up to San wrapping his arms around his waist, placing small kisses on the back of his neck. San smiles and places his hands on Hongjoongs. "You look really beautiful" he says. "Hm so do you baby. I can barely keep my eyes off you" Hongjoong chuckles.

San turns around, being slightly taller he kisses Hongjoong on his forehead feeling his body relax. "I feel like someone wants cuddles before we go out. Am I right?" Hongjoong nods as San picks him up and carries him towards his bed. Hongjoong lays down between Sans legs snuggling his face on his chest as San gently brushes his fingers through his hair. It still mesmerizes San that small touches like this can make his body go from tensed up to relaxed in a matter of seconds. He has noticed that Hongjoong can look really stressed out and he's gently brush Sans hand, as if he needs to make sure he's still with him. Now is not the time to talk about it. He knows Hongjoong is worried about the fan meeting so he decides to keep his questions for later. 

"Everything will be alright Joongie, you prepared everything perfectly and we even made memory cards" San says as he presses his lips softly on his boyfriends head. Hongjoong nods holding Sans hoodie in his tiny hands. San loves and hates seeing his boyfriend like this at the same time. He loves the fact that his touch is somehow soothing enough to make his boyfriend seem more relaxed. On the other hand he hates seeing him like this, because he knows this Hongjoong will be gone by the time they enter the door to go outside. Lately it's becoming more clear to San and he wants to know what's up. Is it something I've done? San wonders but he can't bring himself to ask that right now. Hongjoong finally looks carefree and he doesn't want to put any worry on him right before this fan meeting. 

Mingi soon knocks on the door asking if they're ready to go and it's as if those words switched a button in Hongjoongs mind. "We're coming!" he says before pecking San on his lips for the last time. "Let's go!" San forces a smile on his face and gets up as well "Yeah let's go". They walk downstairs holding hands and Yunho smiles. "Lovebirds are ready to go as well?" he laughs and Hongjoong just nods. Maybe it is something I've done San thinks to himself.

As soon as they step outside it almost seems as if the connection he had with Hongjoong is gone. San feels hurt but he doesn't want to show. This is the time to put on a smile and make sure all Atiny who came out have a lovely time.

As the meeting goes on, San seeks comfort by Yeosang. He needs that soft bundle of joy around him to make him forget about the fact that Hongjoong is being really distant. He tried to hug him but he just turned around and started to joke around with Mingi. They need to talk.

--

Once they're all back inside and took off their jackets Hongjoong immediately rushes over to San to seek shelter in his arms. San has to be strong and swallow down the tears he feels prickling behind his eyes. Something isn't right here. He places his hand on Hongjoongs head brushing it softly with his thumb. He whispers softly "You want to take off the makeup and cuddle Joongie?" Hongjoong simply nods as they make their way upstairs. Hongjoong desperately holding onto Sans hand as they walk up to his room.

It has never been this bad before. Sure, Hongjoong wants to show the world he's a strong leader, but this time it was different. It's almost as if there are two different people living inside that busy mind of his. San hopes Hongjoong will let him in and help him, because he doesn't understand what's going on. 

As Hongjoong is taking off his makeup San wraps his arm around his waist from the back, taking off his makeup with his free hand. San is done and places some pillows down comfortably as he sits down and waits for his boyfriend to finish. He smiles as Hongjoong walks out of the bathroom "Come here baby". San pulls his boyfriend close into his arms and whispers "I love you Joongie. Hongjoong smiles and whispers "I love you too Sanie".

San is playing with Hongjoongs mullet and takes a deep breath "I want to help you.. But I don't know how." San bites down on his lip and looks down at his boyfriend. "Why? With what? What are you talking about?" San sighs "Joongie I'm not blind.. Ever since we came out to the world you avoid any contact with me when we go outside, and as soon as we're back inside you want to hug, cuddle and kiss me all over. What's the matter? Please talk to me baby, I just want to be there for you and be the boyfriend you need." 

Hongjoong quickly looks up kissing his boyfriend softly on the lips as his eyes glister in the moonlight that is coming through the window. "This.. This has nothing to do with you not being a good boyfriend okay? I promise" San nods as he kisses his boyfriend and asks softly "Then what is it about?".

Hongjoong lays back down avoiding eye contact as San whispers "I'm here baby. You're safe. You can talk to me." Hongjoong feels a tear roll down his cheek. He knows he can't hide it any longer. "Y- you are not my first boyfriend.. Before I even became a trainee I was dating this guy." Hongjoong pauses as he tries to find the right words, San lets him. "I thought he loved me San, I really thought he did." More tears fall down his cheeks as San wraps his arms tighter around his boyfriend. Tears forming in his own eyes as well just from seeing his boyfriend be so vulnerable and clearly broken. "H- he never loved me. I was just his toy to mess around with. H- he'd humiliate me in public and try to make everyone see me as a worthless person." Hongjoong sobs as the memories from the past are flashing by his eyes. Memories he'd kept far, far away. "A- and you know. After a while you feel like you are worthless. I- it was horrible San." Hongjoong is crying by now and San pulls him closer pressing his lips firmly on his boyfriends head. He whispers "I'm not him okay baby. You're not a toy, you're my boyfriend and I love you so so much. I would never do anything to humiliate or hurt you, ever. I promise." He places his finger under Hongjoongs chin and lifts his tear-stained face up so he can look into his eyes "I'm glad you told me this Joongie. You can always come to me for cuddles okay? We'll slowly be more open outside. I'll follow your pace and we can do anything that makes you comfortable with it okay?" Hongjoong nods and leans up to kiss his boyfriend, placing his hand on Sans cheek. San smiles into the kiss brushing some hair from Hongjoongs face. 

A/N: I hope you guys liked it and stay tuned for more oneshots! If there is anything you'd like me to change about my writing or anything, please let me know! Thank you so much for reading through all of this.

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