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10 Years Later

I sip my soda, no doubt with an annoyed expression painted across my face. I'd rather be anywhere else but here. I'd actually rather be on the rooftop of my house with my best friends by my side as I wait for the fireworks but that's not going to happen. For the first time in ten fucking years that's not going to happen.

"Oh cheer up, Kells." Jenna whines appearing beside me.

She's a little drunk, everyone is, everyone but me.

"Look how happy he is!" she exclaims, pointing to Vic who is grinning widely as his boyfriend talks to someone. Vic doesn't seem interested in the conversation but more so in his boyfriend. His arms are wrapped tightly around the man and he rests his head on his shoulder.

The sight makes me feel sick. His happiness is exactly the problem.

"I want him to be happy with me, Jen." I mumble.

She sighs and kisses my cheek.

"Just tell him how you feel, Kells." she murmurs.

"That's not an option anymore." I say regretfully.

I stop talking when I notice Vic and his boyfriend are walking towards us.

"I'm going to go find my gorgeous girl." Jenna grins, leaving my side to track down her girlfriend, Tay.

I remind myself to be polite but it's just so damn hard. They've been dating for only three months and he's already managed to get my best friend to move out of our house. He takes up all his time and he's changing him into a person I don't know and like.

I know I'm being unfair. This is how I act whenever Vic gets into a new relationship. But I love him and it hurts to see him with someone else. Although, this is all my fault. I should have told him my feelings years ago. But I could never risk losing him. It's obvious that he doesn't see me like that.

Vic drunkenly throws his arms around me, grinning as he does so.

"Kellin! I've missed you so much. You never spend the holidays with me anymore." he whines. "You skipped Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas! I'm starting to think you hate me."

"Well New Year's is our day so I thought I'd show up." I mumble.

"It is! Oh, Carter did I tell you how Kellin and I spend every New Year's together?" Vic says turning to his boyfriend.

"You sure did, Babe. You never shut up about Kellin. I can see why." Carter says. If I didn't know any better I'd say he looked me up and down with hungry eyes.

"He's so great Carter." Vic grins and I blush.

Vic finally let's go of me and stares at me before he suddenly realizes something.

"Oh, Kellin, I forgot! You haven't met Carter yet! You've been so busy." Vic exclaims.

How I managed to avoid meeting my best friend's boyfriend for three months is beyond me but I'm a little impressed with myself.

"Carter this is Kellin, my best friend in the whole wide world. Kellin this is Carter, my boyfriend." he chirps.

"Nice to meet you." I mumble.

"You too." he grins, then he turns to Vic. "I'll go get us drinks and let you catch up with your friend."

Vic grabs his face and kisses him which feels like a knife to the gut. Carter thankfully leaves and Vic turns back to me seeming ecstatic.

"What do you think? He's cute, right?" he grins.

"If you say so." I shrug. "He's totally a top though. Are you going to bottom?"

"I won't have to worry about that until we get married. Besides, love means compromise." Vic grins.

I nearly choke at his words.

"Love? You love him? Don't you think that's a bit fast." I ask feeling sick in my stomach.

"Not really. We've been dating for three months now and we've moved in together. I love him." he chirps.

I just nod and stay silent until Carter returns with two drinks.

"One for my Boo. And one for my Boo's friend." He says trying to hand me a glass of something.

"I don't drink." I say coldly.

He frowns and Vic cups Carter's ear before whispering something into it. Carter's eyes fill with sympathy.

"Oh, I'm sorry about your parents." Carter says.

Great, now Vic has just told this random guy that my parents are alcoholics.

"Don't be. You don't know them and you don't know me." I mutter. And you don't know Vic.

No one could know Vic like I do.

"But it's just one drink, Kellin. Try it." he grins encouragingly.

I shake my head annoyed and frustrated. I take the glass from him and sit it on the table behind me with a collection of other drinks.

"I think I'm just going to go home. I'm not feeling well." I sigh. "I'll see you around."

Vic throws his arms around me once again, spilling his beer on my shirt. I'm not upset though, I could never be upset with Vic.

"I know there's something wrong. And when I'm not so drunk, I'm going to talk to you about it." Vic whispers, not very quietly.

He kisses my cheek then pulls away.

"Happy New Year's, Kell." he beams.

I just smile sadly and nod before I leave the bar.

I get into my car and rest my head on the steering wheel, feeling stressed, saddened and overwhelmed.

I hear the fireworks begin to go off so I look up at them. My heart aches as I think of Vic.

"Happy New Year's, Vic." I whisper, then I start the car and go home.

The house doesn't feel lively when I enter. It hasn't since Vic moved out just a week ago.

I'm practically all alone constantly now with Vic gone and Jenna always being at Tay's house.

That mixed with the depressive state I've been in ever since Vic got a new boyfriend, has left me with the inability to sleep.

So I spend all night mindlessly watching infomercials and eventually the morning news.

Jenna didn't come home, which I was expecting. Tay doesn't have housemates so they can fuck at her house.

Surprisingly, Vic enters the living room around 10am with a tray of three drinks. He probably still has his key.

"Hey Kells, you don't look so good. Late night?" he asks, sitting next to me on the sofa.

"Didn't sleep." I mumble. "How's your hangover?"

"Killing me but it'll pass. Why didn't you sleep?" he frowns.

"It doesn't matter." I mumble.

"Of course it does. Now tell me." he says.

"I just haven't been able to sleep since you left. The house is so quiet and I feel so alone." I admit.

He takes my hand which brings tears to my eyes. I turn away from him so he doesn't see me cry.

"You're not alone, Kells. You can see me any time you want. I feel like you've been avoiding me for the last three months." he frowns.

"I haven't." I lie. "You just spend so much time with Carter and I don't want to get in the way of that."

"You could never get in the way, Kells. Carter is important to me but you're important to me too. We do spend a lot of time together and I'm sorry I moved out but we're in a relationship. It's normal to do those things. You understand that right, Kells?" he explains.

I sigh and nod.

"Yeah, I understand."

"I knew you would." he beams. "But just because I care about Carter doesn't mean I'm going to care about you any less."

I smile at that and nod again.

"Okay, well I'm going to go. I have to take Tay and Jenna some coffee. Tay is not doing well." he sighs.

"Is everything okay?" I ask concerned.

"Someone slipped something into her drink last night. Like a date rape drug or something." he says.

"Why would anyone do that?" I ask shocked.

"She thinks she accidentally drank someone else's drink but she's not sure. Pretty scary though. But I'm glad she's okay." he says.

I nod in agreement.

"Oh, nearly forget. This is for you." he smiles, handing me a drink. "It's hot chocolate because you're a weirdo and you don't like coffee."

I giggle and thank him.

He kisses my cheek and I feel a little awkward.

"Maybe you shouldn't do that anymore. You have a boyfriend now." I point out.

He frowns confused.

"Why? It wasn't a romantic gesture before and it's not one now. We're just friends. It's fine." he says brushing it off.

His words hurt though. The truth always hurts.

He soon leaves, leaving me feeling worse than I felt before and I decide to just let my mind slip away into dark places, not really caring enough to fight it anymore.

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