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"I don't want to, Dakota." I said, taking in a long breath. But he was stubborn and wouldn't take my answer as a no. I had lost a lot of energy telling him about what happened with Jared. It drained my mood and the will to hold a decent conversation with him. "I don't want to listen to music."

"Just c'mon," he pleaded and raised me up to my feet, leading me to his bedroom in his brother's apartment. "I want to show you something."

"I already saw your vinyl collection. It's impressive. Happy now?"

"I don't need you to stroke my ego by telling me I've an impressive vinyl collection. I'm well aware of that." He stated smugly and swung open the bedroom door. "I have something I want to show you. I was actually planning on giving this to you on Monday, just to make sure I got everything right. But I think it would be better if I give it to you now."

"What is it?" I asked, a bit cautious.

"It wouldn't be a surprise if I tell you right away." He shut the door after I stepped inside. I made myself comfortable by sitting down on the bed. "Close your eyes."

"No." I protested. "I won't."

He sighed. "Close your eyes."

"Do you have any reptiles you plan on throwing on me?"

"No. I don't. Now close your eyes."

"How about rodents?"

"Silvia. Close your eyes already."

I groaned, but eventually did as he asked and sealed my eyes shut. He ordered me to stretch out my hand, and even though it took me a second, I did that as well. He placed something solid in my hands that was in the shape of a thin rectangle.

"Open your eyes now," he told me. I fluttered them open and saw a cassette tape in the center of my palm and a Walkman in his hands. He handled that to me as well. "Remember last week when you said you haven't been getting much sleep?"

"Yeah." I remembered telling Dakota about the annoying construction work that was going on over at my neighbor's backyard. They were extending the back portion of their house and adding a gazebo along with a spacious pool. "What's this for?"

"Well, since you said music tends to help nod you off to sleep, I decided to make a mixtape of some songs that usually help me go to sleep. A lot of its jazz music, like Miles Davis and Duke Ellington. I've got some Doo Wop music and some Nina Simone, too." He went on to explain. Right before I was going to thank him for his sweet gesture, he had to ruin the moment by adding: "Also, not to mention, I think your taste in music is quiet awful, I figured I'd enlighten you."

"Your music taste is nowhere near as good as mine," I huffed.

"I'm the more musical one between the two of us. Hello, I'm in a band."

"Yes, you are in a band, but that doesn't mean you're the more musical one. I used to play an instrument. I was a musician once."

"Are you honestly pulling that card out again?" He sighed. "We've been over this, Silvia. Playing the oboe, for one year, in the sixth grade does not make you a musician."

"I was the best oboe player Lincoln Junior High had seen in years. I could make a comeback."

He forced a laugh. "I'm sure you will."

This, nonetheless, infuriated me. I thought I had decent taste in music. Simply because I didn't listen to jazz musicians or blues music didn't mean I had awful taste. I pushed myself off of his bed and gated to his collection of vinyl's, CDs, and cassette tapes. Retrieving a cassette tape set on the side, I pulled it out of its case. It was the title scribbled on the thin white strip that intrigued me.

Dakota came up from behind me and snatched it out of my hand. "What are you doing?"

"I want to listen to whatever's on that cassette tape. It has my name on it."

He stuck it into his back pocket. "That doesn't mean you are allowed to listen to it."

"It clearly has 'Silvia' written in black ink. It's for me."

"I'm talking about a different Silvia. A Silvia with a Y in her name and not an I."

"Nice try, but you spelled it how I spell my name."

"I'll need to fix that then. It's a typo."

I narrowed my eyes. "You don't know any other Silvia's."

"You don't know that for a fact. I know loads of Silvia's." He puffed and intertwined our fingers. "Let's do something else. Something that doesn't involve you going through my things."

. . . .

"It's a classic 80s film." I stated. We were back in the living room, tucked under a blanket and arguing on what we should watch next. There was no way I was backing down. "No movie tops it."

"We're not going to watch that. I've spent seventeen years avoiding 80s teen movies and I will spend the next years to come avoiding them even more."

"Oh, c'mon. That's stupid." I snapped. "Some of my favorite movies are from the 80s."

"I'm more of a black and white film man. I've seen a few good silent films."

I pretended to snore. "Booo-ring."

He rolled his eyes and turned down the volume on the TV. "Maybe if I was drunk I'd watch it, but I'm not in the mood to watch a movie where the most popular girls in school are all named Heather."

"One is named Veronica," I added. "And it's hilarious."

"I'd rather watch Iron Chef." His eyes brightened. "You know what you should do? You could make me a sandwich after we watch Iron Chef."

"Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do look like Mother Theresa?" I quoted, but he didn't know that I'd taken it straight from the movie I was begging him to watch with me. "We just watched an entire hour of Iron Chef. There's only so much dicing and sautéing I can take for one night." I sighed. "Also, the only reason I'll be getting off of this couch will be to use the restroom-not to make you a sandwich. God gave you hands, use them to make your own sandwich."

"How about we watch-"

"Please. Let's watch Heather's"

"Or we could-"

"Kota! Please. Just one movie."

"Oh, you know I like it when you beg." He teased, wiggling his brow and sat up on the couch.

"Haha. Not funny." I pinch his arm. "So are you going to play the movie or not?"

"Ugh, fine." He grumbled and switched the cable over to the Blu-ray. He went to put on Netflix and waited for it to load. "If I don't like the first fifteen minutes we're watching Wait Until Dark."

I scooted away from him. "Isn't that an old film with Audrey Hepburn in it?"

"Yes, it is." He paused and flashed a look at me. "Stop judging me. I know that look, you're judging me. What's wrong with watching an Audrey Hepburn movie? It's got a good plot. She lives home alone and she's blind. Three robbers sneak into her house, after having gone into the house next to hers the day before, killing the woman inside of it. Now that movie is an actual classic. It has all the elements Thrillers these days are lacking. This movie does a good job at keeping the audience at the edge of their seat without using big explosions and gun fights."

"Hmm. If we still have time, we can watch that after. It sounds interesting," I admitted and curled up next to him on the couch and pulled the brown blanket we got out from his bedroom. I brought the fabric up and under my chin and relaxed into Dakota's body, waiting for the movie to start.

Everything from our last conversation about Jared had been pushed to the back of my mind, disregarded and dismissed. Dakota had done a good job at keeping me distracted. Either it was with watching cooking shows or making caramel covered popcorn in his kitchen, laughing at the first batch we burned on accident and cheering once we got it right the second time around.

If I could capture this memory, pause our relationship right in this moment in time, I would. I wouldn't want to push further into the future to see what life held for us. I didn't want to be anywhere else, but here, with him.

"I like spending time with you," he muttered into my shoulder, burring his head into me until I lifted up my arm and let him rest his head on my chest. "Wow, this is comfy. Should've done this sooner."

I flicked his ear. "You had to ruin the moment somehow."

. . . .

The movie ended, and even though Dakota didn't admit it right away, I knew he enjoyed every minute of it. He did rush to talk about what he hated in the movie though. Every point it he had against the movie was based on the wardrobe and not the plot.

"You can't hate 80s clothes," I said, exiting out of the blanket I was under and throwing it down to my feet. I yawned and stretched my limps. "That's unacceptable."

"The colors are loud, annoying, and the hair styles were almost laughable. And what was with the oversized blazers and jackets? Did people in the 80s not know how to get the right measurements on their clothing?"

"You're looking too closely at frivolous details." I strained my neck toward him and pecked his cheek. "That's okay though, because probably one of the many things I love about you."

I didn't just say that.

There was no way those last set of words had left my mouth.

Maybe he didn't hear me say it, my thoughts offered, and I was strangely hoping that he had notice what I said.

He flinched away from me and pulled himself out of the blanket and off the couch. "I'm going to get some more popcorn. Do want something from the kitchen?"

My dignity. If you can find it.

"No," I said weakly. "I'm okay."

He returned only minutes later, carrying more caramel popcorn and a new glass of cherry Doctor Pepper. "You left your phone on the microwave. It was buzzing like crazy."

"Thanks," I said and took it off of his hands. I checked my notifications and found multiple missed calls from Heath and Ronnie. I had a few text messages from a private number, but I ignored it.

We silently watched Sports Center for the following fifteen minutes until annoyance was literally eating me alive. Was he going to dismiss what I'd said entirely and brush it off as if I hadn't said anything at all? He was unbelievable.

"Can you drive me home?" I asked out of nowhere.

"What for?" He rested his bowl of popcorn down on to the coffee table. "It's almost midnight."

"I don't want to be here anymore. If you won't drive me home, at least walk me to the nearest bus stop."

"Are you insane? You're not taking a fucking bus at eleven forty P.M."

"I have pepper spray in my bag. I'll live." I reached over to my shoes and socks that were at the side of the couch and started to put them back on. "I want to go home."

"Silvia, hold on and let me breathe for a second." He took my shoe and set it back on the ground. "Where is this coming from? I thought we were fine."

"Yeah, we were fine until you started to ignore the big elephant in the room."

"What?"

"The very obvious issue the both of us are aware of but will not acknowledge-"

"I know what the metaphor means." He cut me off. "What is the elephant in the room in this situation though?"

I sprang to my feet. "It doesn't matter anymore. I don't want to be somewhere I'm not wanted. I've had to deal with neglect for my entire life and I'm not going to take a second of it any longer."

Dakota took both of my shoulders and held them, firmly. "I've told you, more than I can count, how much I want you. I've shown you more than once. What more do you want from me?"

For you to love me.

But those words never leave my lips. I wasn't brave enough to utter such words for a second time today. He'd ignored them so easily when it first came out of my mouth. There was nothing to get me to say it again.

An angrier, darker part of my heart wanted me to hurt him in any way possible. To make him unhappy, just like how I felt now for not receiving the words I craved to hear.

"Pierson kissed me earlier today." I confessed. "I didn't kiss him back, but now that I think about it, maybe I should have. He smelled really good and he had me in his room, sitting on his bed. We could've done a lot more than kiss-"

"Stop, just stop it right there." His hands dropped from on my shoulder and flew to his ears. "I know what you're doing and it's not going to work."

He quickly went over to his room and stepped back out with his shoes on and one of his jean jackets, fitting tightly around his broad shoulders. His car keys jingled in his hand.

I walked beside him to the exit. "Where are you going?"

"Getting some fresh air." He replied and opened the door. "Don't leave and take a midnight bus ride home. I'll be back before morning."

The front door slammed shut, and soon after, the noise of his black mustang rang in the air. I knew where he was going. It was no mystery. Franklin had a party over at his place this weekend. No doubt, Pierson and his friends would be there as well. Bethany had been invited by Franklin, so she'd surely be there, too.

I instantly regretted starting an argument with Dakota. It had felt purposeful in the heat of the moment. All I wanted was to get him mad and have him admit that he cared for me more than he was letting on. I didn't want him to run off and try to start a fight with Pierson.

I tried to call Dakota but he wouldn't answer. My text messages to him remained unopened. He hadn't even seen one of them. To keep my mind occupied, I played a few games on my phone, hoping that it would distract me long enough. Once that started to bore me, I went over to the new text messages I had received. I had no interest in replying back to any of the ones sent by the private number...until I saw what they had written.

Underneath the text message, there was a photo attached-taken outside of the apartment. It was a little blurry, but you could definitely see that it was Dakota and I lying, on the couch. There was even a time stamp at the bottom right corner. It had been taken not too long ago today.

I walked over to the blinds and closed them. My stomach was in knots and my mind began to wander, wondering who the hell it was that had sent these texts. It felt like something out of a horror movie. I was no Sydney Prescott.

The sound of my phone rattling on the coffee table nearly scared me to death. I brought it up and read the new message I'd just received.

Moments after that text, a picture message had been sent of something that I dreaded the second I recognized where the photo was from. It was an older photo from weeks ago in Dakota's car. The windows were slightly tinted and the swaying trees in the background could be seen from around his car. It was undoubtedly us in the back of his car...uh, getting more familiar with our bodies. Everything from my waist down was exposed and out in the open. Not even a minute after I had gotten this, a short clip of the event was sent. It was half a minute long and had audio of the entire intimate time with Dakota in between my thighs.

A quick text was sent right after, telling me good luck and that they would drag down Dakota with me if they wanted to for fun. There was winking smiley face attached, almost taunting me even.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Song for the chapter: Back and Forth

Lyrics: ❝You aren't allowed to talk, oh no.❞

[ this isn't the entire set of songs that would be on the cassette tape Dakota gave Silvia. Since I literally had nothing better to do, I made the actually entire sleeping cassette tape on Spotify on my account...yeah, I've no life. xD down below, you'll only find the first three songs. If you want the name of the title of the playlist on Spotify, it's called 'kota's sleeping songs.' The playlist features artists such as Nina Simone, Billie Holiday, Duke Ellington, and many more.]

the sleeping cassette tape :

1-goodnight sweetheart goodnight by the spaniels

https://youtu.be/egX9N8yOgaU

2-come softly to me by the fleetwoods

https://youtu.be/fTFjB7oQzG4

3- California Dreamin' by the Mamas & the Papas

https://youtu.be/qhZULM69DIw

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