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A/N: I know Yuna isn't the original singer for Strawberry Letter 23, but I love this version so much. Her voice is amazing. IF YOU DON'T KNOW HER, THEN YOU NEED TO GET TO KNOW HER. I don't know one song of hers that I don't like.

Also, thank you so much to GlueEater for making the amazing two new covers for Dismissing Dakota and Disarming Dakota. [ image below ]

_ _ _

Pretending to be asleep is much easier than you'd think. Even though you're extremely tempted to stop that person and talk to them, you stop from revealing yourself. There wasn't much skill behind keeping your mouth-and eyes-shut.

I had rested my head on to Dakota's chest for only a few moments when my eyes began to grow heavy. A lot was going through my mind from what happened at school and I wanted to relax and watch the day drift past us in silence. It didn't take long for Dakota to open his mouth and to start speaking to me as if I was already asleep. I was going to tell him that I didn't want to talk, but then he said some things that intercepted with the beat of my heart.

"I...I love you, Silvia...and I'm sorry."

Sorry for what? My thoughts rushed to ask. If he was a part of Segg, I knew that it would definitely be the end of me. He knew too much. I hadn't let many people in. There were only a selected few that had tricked their way passed my barriers. Dakota was the first to do this with such ease. Like I had no choice but to love him for all the wrong reasons.

"I wish I was better-not for me. But for you. You deserve something special, something more than me."

How the hell do you know what I deserve? I'm happy with you.

I was going to cut him off, but he kept on talking. He talked about his mother and his deceased sister. He told me I was the first thing he had as his own. Granted, I wanted to correct him and tell him I wasn't a "thing." I was a person. But it was the thought that counted. A for effort.

Dakota couldn't even call me his girlfriend. But in the matter of two minutes he was able to say he loved me and that he wanted to be better for me. This was the same person who said that people don't change for others, they change for themselves. He went against his own words by saying that he wanted to change for me, to be a better man.

There was a sadness in his tone. Something that sounded foreign in his voice. Dakota was seldom to show an emotion beyond pissed off or indifferent. The way his words were beginning to wobble near his last words told me that this wasn't a declaration of his love for me. It was him saying goodbye.

When we left the lake, it was confirmed even more that he was saying goodbye to me. It was first showcased in the way he looked at me. There weren't any appearances from that mischievous toothless grin that I loved so much. He pressed his lips together to create a thin line, holding back unsaid words. I had tried to spark up an argument, but he was quick to shut it down and agree with me. Just to see how far I could push him, I asked something I knew I was going to get a rejection for.

"My dad wants you to come to our thanksgiving dinner."

"Uh. I can't do thanksgiving. I have something planned." He saw my expression and backpeddled, sighing. "Look, I get that going to family dinners is what boyfriend and girlfriends usually do--"

I cut in, getting ahead of myself and a little too excited. "Were boyfriend and girlfriend now?

The corner of his mouth lifted up, reaching for my hand to hold on to me. "Yes, I'd say so. If you want to be."

"You're asking ME that?" I hooted a laugh. "I've been asking for labels for a long time, cowboy."

He shook his head, laughing into the palm of his hand. "Don't call me cowboy. I just got used to Kota."

"Sorry," I giggled. "But really, Dakota, about Thanksgiving. It took a lot out of my dad to even consider you coming to the dinner."

"Good for him. What do you want me to do? Give him a fucking cookie?" He rolled his eyes. "I genuinely don't want to have to endure multiple hours with that man. What am I supposed to say to him when I walk up into your house? 'Hey remember me? I'm the guy you put into juvie and the son of a man you put into jail...So where's the food at, fam?" He scoffed. "Not happening, Silvia."

"C'mon. It's one day." I pressed on. "I'd really like it for you to at least tolerate him for short periods of time. I'm sure you feel the same way with your mom and I. She hates me, but I'm willing to work something out."

"She doesn't hate you. She hates your parents. There's a difference." He corrected me. "And you can't blame her either. You hate your parents, too."

I stared out my window. We were driving aimlessly around Downtown Boulder Valley. "Well she doesn't like me."

"She doesn't like most people-hence why she doesn't leave the house. People judge. People spread rumors. She's quite content with not dealing with people at all." He shrugged. "You'll get used to it. I know I eventually did."

I exhaled a breath I wasn't aware I was holding in. There was no way I was going to win this argument from the looks of it. "Can you just do this one thing...for me? See it as my early birthday present." He made a pained expression. "You do have a birthday present for me, right? You can't forget it. It's literally the same day as yours. I have something for you. You should have something for me."

He was silent on his end.

"Ugh. Drop me off at school. I'd rather get in trouble with the office than to be in this car with you for another ten second." I grumbled and fell back in my seat. I couldn't handle him anymore. Maybe him agreeing with me was better than this. He didn't respond right away. "I said take me back to school, Dakota."

"I heard you the first time."

"I'm not dropping you off at school after what happened. Everyone's probably still talking about it. You can't honestly want to go back to that madness." He sighed. "You're pissed. I don't know why. But I can tell that you are."

"I'm not pissed."

"Yes you are. I know you, Silvia."

"You don't know me," I huffed stubbornly, crossing my arms over my chest. "If you knew me, then you'd know that I don't care what people think about me. I spent five years with fake friends. I can handle another year with these people."

He shook his head and did a sharp U-turn. I was pretty sure that was an illegal move because of the lane we were in. The direction the car was going wasn't to toward the school at all. I glanced at my surroundings, trying to figure out where we were off to. The puzzle pieces finally came together.

"I said I want to go back to school. Not your brother's apartment."

Despite my words, his black mustang pulled into the apartment complex. "How long have we known each other, Silvia?" He didn't wait to get my answer. "In all that time, do you think I wouldn't get you something."

"After you made that stupid face, I thought you didn't get me anything."

"What face? This is just my face."

"You know what I'm talking about! That face that basically said: 'aw, snap. I forgot about that. Dang-it.'"

He muffled his laughter, putting the car in park. "First of all, I don't say 'dang-it' or 'aw, snap.' Ever. It's not in my dictionary."

"Well, the Dakota in my head does. He's a lot nicer, too. Maybe you should take pointers from him."

"The Silvia in my head is a lot more fun and quiet." He caught himself. "Actually, I take that last part back. She's not quiet at all. She's quiet loud. Especially because of what I'm doing to her. Maybe you should be more like her."

I flicked his ear. "See, this is why I shouldn't have even invited you to Thanksgiving dinner. I bet you'd say that kind of stuff with my dad there."

He winced, rubbing his ear. "I have manners. I wasn't raised by wolves."

"That's debatable with the way you treat people." I rolled my eyes and clicked off my seatbelt. "Why are we here?"

"You asked about your birthday present." He unbuckled his seatbelt and ducked out of the car. He continued to talk while walking toward the stairway that led to his brother's apartment. I tried my best to keep up. "About a month or so ago, I decided to divide it into three different things. Only one of those three things are ready right now."

"I don't want to know about it." I rushed to say. "I can wait till my birthday in December. You don't need to tell me now."

He glanced over his shoulder. It was that same look where his lips were pressed together. What wasn't he telling me? We were going to be together this December, weren't we?

"I want to give this to you now. Or at least get your okay." He brought his house keeps and unlocked the door, letting us in. Dion was at work so we had the place to ourselves. I made sure to lock the door behind me. Dakota walked over to the desktop near the kitchen.

"I'm glad I put it on the desktop and my laptop." He groaned. "Even though I wish I could've had my laptop instead because it has certain edits in it that this version doesn't."

"I'll find a way to get it back." I told him. At the moment, I didn't really have a plan but I knew by the end of the day I'd come up with something. Most likely something that involved Ronnie as my getaway driver. "Is it something important in there?"

"My final project for my film class is on that laptop. We were given this assignment to make a short film about something that we are passionate about or what inspires us."

"Yeah, I know. Ronnie told me about that."

"Well, I'm not that good at film. No surprise there. I had this whole concept in mind that just didn't work well on film. First, I had to get it approved by my film teacher. The idea was this. Instead of making a short film, I told him that I wanted to make a short animation since drawing is obviously my strong point. He saw some of the outlines I already had in my sketch book and he said he loved the idea." He pulled out an extra chair for me in front of the desktop.

I squirmed in my seat. "What did you choose to make your film about?"

"You." He said in a soft voice. "I titled it waan ka xumahay. It means darling in Somali."

No, it didn't. Macannto would be the word he needed. Waan ka xumahay meant I'm sorry, and depending on the context, that they did something bad. But I wasn't about to tell him that.

"I-"

"Before you say anything, let me show you what it is."

"Okay. Uh, play it then." I murmured.

He logged on to the desktop and searched for the file. I folded my hands in my lap, waiting for him to start the short animation. Nerves were eating at my insides. What was there for him to be sorry about?

I shut-up my thoughts and watched the images on the screen come to life. The first shot was of a recreation of the party where we met at Beth's house. It was in black and white. The scene changed, moving into our next interaction. The only thing in the background was soft, slow music until we got to the moment where we were in the rain in front of what I believe was supposed to be his house. In the narration, I heard the start of a poem.

"We're avoiding it, of course we are.

Who would want to be so bare?

Bare.

Nothing.

I yearn to scream my nothing;

What words could be right enough

Or golds shrine bright enough?

Not enough,

for the feelings that stir inside of us

Chivalrously, were avoiding it

Maybe. Maybe we is just me.

A crash from this would be deadly

Although this high is amidst clouds

The fall too is thunderous

The tranquil comfort could soon be struck by rumbling pain

Of course we're avoiding it, floating brings comfort and safety.

Maybe. Maybe it's just me.

Who's breathless at the sound of your name

Perhaps it's only my lips that curl at just the thought of you

Your smile, I mimic

Your soul, I envy

Your mind, I lust

My mind, is lost.

We're avoiding it, the words on my tongue

I bite as they catapult from every vein and every vessel they travel with such speed

I chew, avoiding it.

Maybe it's just me.

Maybe, maybe I should shout it out

Shout loud enough from over here

Loud enough for you to hear

But loud is not loud enough

Amplify will not apply

For the root of the chord in my words

The grain behind the grumble

The umph behind the urgh

Each time I think to let it out?

We're avoiding it. (Silently)

Of course we are, muddled in our affection

Afflicted by the absence

And adhered by adoration

I'm stuck

By only sticking to you

Maybe it is just me

Avoiding every impulse

Of course we are, to speak.

Or maybe it's just me who craves the free of honesty

I beg you take my body

But it's all already yours

My stomachs knots

My blushing cheeks

My jaw-dropped on the floor

Avoiding it, of course we are

The rhythm with which we fall

Maybe, it's just me

It's just the way I am.

My heart is weak to beauty

My mind is overthrown

And all the time the demons I wished would dance with yours

Instead

Are tamed and soothed

By your sorcerous self, smoothed

Soft

Gentle, by fire

While your flames flicker freely

Were avoiding it, of course were are.

Who would want to be so burned?

Maybe, it's just me.

Trample me, I will not bend

To keep your step in time.

Any ache, I will take

So long as you will smile

We're avoiding it.

Of course we are.

Maybe, maybe it's just me.

Of course! We are avoiding it

At best reason to dodge

Not because our hearts are scared of ending only scarred.

With sacredness we scarcely scream.

But leave it live untouched.

Maybe, were avoiding it.

As three words are not enough."

The film faded into black, leaving me bare to what it had shown me. At some point during the film-I wasn't sure when-I had started to tear up. Quickly, I tried to wipe away the fallen tears, but a hand caught mine.

Dakota lifted up his hand to my face, swiping his thumb under my eye. "I didn't mean to make you sad, doll. I don't like seeing you cry."

A breath rumbled out of me as I raised out of my seat, turning away from the desktop. "What was the point of that poem, then? It didn't sound like a happy one."

"I'm not always a happy person." He replied earnestly with a shrug, rising up out of his seat and toward me. "But I am happiest when I'm with you. Why aren't you satisfied with just that?"

"Because I can't just be satisfied with that when you deny me as your girlfriend around every living soul in Crescent High. I can't just be satisfied with that when you won't even do one dinner with my father. But now simply because you've made this video you think that will change things? You'll probably say you're not involved with anyone after you show this in class or when you have to show this on the last day of school." I shouted, flailing my arms around. "You try your best to show me that you care, but you never show it in the ways I want you to."

"Why do you care what other's think about us? Are you dating everyone at Crescent High or are you dating me, Silvia?" He grumbled.

"Dating." I echoed, a bit relieved. "We're dating now? Okay. Well, that's one step in the right direction."

"You skipped over everything I said!"

"I'm a selective listener." I said shamelessly. "I hear what I want."

He pinched the bridge of his nose, muttering to himself. "God, why do I put up with this? You're lucky I love you."

I leaped forward, pointing my finger in his face even though I knew he hated that kind of stuff. "You said it again."

"Again..." His brows knitted together. "You heard me at the lake?"

"I didn't say again. I said...ahhh. Amsterdam."

Dakota crossed his arms over his chest. "You really are awful at lying. We need to fix that. I need you to be able to lie for me if I ever need an alibi."

"Do you plan on committing a crime anytime soon? If so, I plead the fifth." I mused and crept in a little closer. "And don't try and slid passed what you said, Dakota Wesley Ridgewood."

He took an extra step forward, causing us to be chest to chest. "I have no clue what you're talking about, Silvia Ikran Ellington. No clue at all."

"C'mon. You can say it. I'll even start it for you. 'I love....'"

"To see you naked." He finished, wiggling his brows. "What? You set yourself up for that one."

Without hesitating, I slapped his arm.

"Ouch!" He yelped. "You're so abusive."

"Seriously, Kota."

Dakota cupped my face and held me there, merely looking into my eyes and not saying a word. "I love you, Silvia."

"I love you, too, Dakota."

He didn't stop there though. "I love you so much Silvia. The sad part about that though is that I think I've loved you for a lot longer than I let on. Mainly cause the idea of love sounds like something you'd only see in the goddamn movies. But not possible for someone like me."

"Okay, Holden Caulfield. Got anything else you want to say about the goddamn movies?"

He rolled his eyes. "I said I love you, and you just had to ruin the moment by making a Catcher in the Rye reference -"

"Shut-up." I cut him off in a way he'd interrupted me before, connecting our lips together. It didn't take long for me to reach the front of his shirt, pulling apart the buttons along the front. We'd found ourselves in his bedroom with our lips till joined and miraculously without running in to any walls.

"Do you...want to do this?" he asked after I got onto the bed.

I nodded my head. "I do."

He gulped, loud enough for me to hear. I sat back on the mattress. My gaze followed him across the room to a cabinet. He retrieved a blue box with white letters written all over it. I felt the air in my throat hitch when he eased in closer, touching the front of my shirt and pulling it off. The undressing part of it was the most nerve-wracking thing in the world. I hadn't seen him naked, only shirtless. I would've imagined him to have more confidence with taking off his clothes. His nervousness was even more noticeable when he reached for the condom. There was a slight shake in his hands as he unwrapped it, retrieving it out of it's packet. I could tell he needed more encouragement.

He inhaled. "I don't think this is a good idea, Silvia. I mean, timing wise."

I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his neck. "I can't see myself doing it with anyone, but you."

"Okay." He said, indirectly looking at me, still struggling with the condom. "Uh... Alright."

"Dakota," I said. "You know how to do this, right? You've had sex before." He didn't say anything. "Dakota, you have, haven't you? You were with Carmen for like two years."

"We never had sex though. That's partly why we broke up and she slept with Hunter." He admitted. "I just..I don't want to do anything wrong or hurt you."

"It's not my first rodeo. The only thing you can do wrong is lasting like five seconds," I joked. I was not quite over the fact that he was virgin. "I don't believe you've never...done it though."

"Not everyone wants to fuck Boo Radley's son," he said without any humor. "And it's not like I've never had opportunities. I've fooled around a lot, but never went past third base. It was always ruined before anything could really start to happen."

"Okay, lesson number one. Don't call them bases. You sound like a seventh grader." I sighed loudly and ran a hand through my hair. "This changes everything."

"I'm sorry. Do you want me to go down the road and sleep with someone else, get good at the art of fucking, then come back to you?" He huffed, clearly annoyed.

- - - - -

A/N: Weird cliffhanger, but it's needed. I'm cutting up the last chapter into two. What are your thoughts on the chapter?

. . . . . . . _

Song: Strawberry Letter 23 by Shuggie Otis

Lyrics:

❝If you arrive and don't see me. I'm going to be with my baby.

I am free - flying in her arms, over the sea.❞

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