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hey hey hey, howsit hanging moncita? haha

this chap all from Zain's perspective, YAY!!!!

pic >

song >

enjoy!

vote if you think Zain should have a shower scene!

Zain's P.O.V

I watched myself in the mirror brushing my teeth. I was grinning at myself as the toothpaste foam dribbled down my chin. I spat it into the sink and cupped my hand under the running water, washing out my mouth and wiping it off my chin. I quickly shouted goodnight to the people in my house and jumped into my bed, pulling the covers up. I closed my eyes and willed myself to sleep so that I could get today over and done with. Another pointless day of hoping and dreaming that one day Benjamin Warner would be mine. Oh well. I'd certainly enjoyed watching him earlier. Before I knew it I was finally slipping under.

Smoke and lights were flashing all around me. I wasn't sure exactly where I was. I could hear voices, someone laughing. I looked right, I looked left, all around me was the same swirling thing.

“You are forbidden to see Benjamin Warner,” many voices spoke to me. I couldn't tell if they were near or far, male or female, young or old. I just knew that there were many. And I'd know them long before. They were my nightmares.

“I have to see him. I have to,” I cried out desperately. But my voice shook with the fear that was now inside me. Huge chains came flying out of the smoke and wrapped themselves around my limps. I looked up. I saw a trap door open with light above. Benjamin's was looking down through it at me. He was crying. Then I was pulled down and under the smoke.

I woke with a panicked kick out to stop myself falling. God, what a crazy nightmare. I rubbed my eyes and looked about my room. Same as always. Cherub, my caramel Labrador puppy, was asleep across my side between me and the wall. I scratched her belly and she kicked her leg before yawning. I yawned too and laid back down to sleep. A mental image of Benjamin shocked itself in front of me and I groaned. I wanted him so bad. I wanted to touch his soft golden hair. Look close into those brilliant sea blue eyes. Lick that soft tanned skin. Kiss those firm and alluring pink lips.

My heart was literally breaking thinking about it. About something I couldn't have.

Someone I couldn't have.

I closed my eyes and listened to mine and Cherub's breathing and I drifted back into sleep.

I was whirling through that smoke and lights again. But this time it was different. I felt more determined to reach my destination now. A door came into view and reached out for it. I twisted the door handle and flung it open, throwing myself inside. I closed the door behind me and looked around. I was standing in Benjamin's living room. Happy, I ran out of the room, down the hall and to Benjamin's bedroom door. I flung my weight through the door and glided through easily. Benjamin looked over at me from the end of his bed as I entered and he beamed at me. My heart melt and became entirely liquid. Benjamin pushed himself back into the middle of his bed and patted the space in front of him where he'd just been sitting for me to join him. Without hesitation I leaped over to the bed and sat on it in front of him, my legs crossed like his were.

“Miss me?” I asked him and he nodded.

“Yeah, I've really missed you,” he breathed alluringly and my loins lurched. I wanted so much to reach out and touch him, knowing he wanted it too made it worse.

“Remember your last name yet?” he asked me, leaning forward on his knees so his face hovered just over mine. I tried really hard to think, it was somewhere in my mind, but I couldn't access it. It was so unfair. I shook my head at him.

“Pity,” he sulked and I smiled at him.

“Want to play 20 questions?” I asked him, raising an eyebrow. He shrugged and smiled, falling back onto his behind.

“Favourite food?”he asked me.

“Um... hot chips and gravy,” I replied. He smirked.

“Yum.”

“Yours?” I asked him.

“Chicken Laksa,” he chuckled.

“Chicken what?” I laughed too.

“Laksa, it's like a soupy yummy thing with noodles and spinach,” he explained.

I nodded, “I'll have to try it.”

“Maybe I'll get to make it for you,” Benji winked. I felt a blush coming on. Dear lord.

“Ah okay, anyway... favourite colour?” I scratched the side of my nose. Benjamin smiled and leant forward, looking into my eyes.

“Blue,” he said. I blushed.

“Why?” I asked awkwardly. Benjamin grinned suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows.

“No reason,” he smirked. “What's yours?”

“Purple,” I blushed deeper and turned away.

“Purple? Why?” Benjamin asked curiously.

“No reason,” I said. But there was. My mum had given me a purple bandanna the day she miscarriaged with my to-be younger brother or sister. She told me it was okay because my brother and I were all she needed anyway. But I knew it had really affected her, she hadn't quite been the same since.

“Okay, favourite... song at the moment?”

“Set The Fire To The Third Bar – Snow Patrol!” I said confidently. It was the song I'd last listened to, and the song I'd first listened to today. It was the snow that I'd heard and thought about how I was feeling towards Benjamin. Always longing for him, but he's always out of reach.

“Don't know it,” Benjamin said. I gapped at him.

“Dude,” I pointed to his laptop on his desk, “Go, now!” Benjamin laughed and brought his laptop over. He turned it on, put in a password and searched for it. It came up and I told him what one to click on.

The song began to play.

I find the map and draw a straight line

Over rivers, farms, and state lines

The distance from 'A' to where you'd be

It's only finger-lengths that I see

I touch the place where I'd find your face

My finger in creases of distant dark places

I hang my coat up in the first bar

There is no peace that I've found so far

The laughter penetrates my silence

As drunken men find flaws in science

Their words mostly noises

Ghosts with just voices

Your words in my memory

Are like music to me

I'm miles from where you are,

I lay down on the cold ground

I, I pray that something picks me up

And sets me down in your warm arms

After the first chorus Benjamin looked up at me with sadness in his eyes but a smirk on his lips.

“It's a good song,” he said. I pouted, did he think it was cliché? Or unmanly?

I'm a man god dammit. Do I have to take my pants off to prove it? Because I will.

“Yeah, anyway,” I said, reaching out as if to take the laptop from him and return it to the table. Only my hands went right through the screen as if it was air. I stared at my hands in the air and then pulled them back. Benjamin coughed and put his laptop beside him on the bed. We sat there without speaking for a little while as the lyrics from that song penetrated my silence. Ghosts with just voices? That's all I was to Benjamin. I couldn't touch him, feel him, only hear him and see him. And he could only hear and see me.

Why can't I remember this when I wake up? I wanted to, so badly. My heart ached and I rubbed my palm into my chest, trying to ease it. My eyes wondered to Benjamin's chest, he wasn't wearing a shirt again, only boxers. Did he have to make this harder for me? My fingers tingled with the desire to reach for him, but my arms refused to move. They knew I couldn't, even though I wanted to.

“So what's your favourite song at the moment?”

“LMFAO's I'm Sexy And I Know It,” Benjamin laughed. And we were back to talking.

We spent the next hour or so talking and then I made Benjamin go to sleep. I laid down next to him, the desire to hold him creeping up inside me again, and talked him to sleep.

“Don't (yawn) make me,” Benjamin whined in a whisper. I chuckled, trying to hide the physical and emotional pain I was in for him. Benjamin's eyes were closed, his face level with mine on his pillow and the covers pulled up to his shoulders. I reached my hand out, brushing my fingers across where his cheek would be. He didn't even flinch.

“We have school tomorrow,” I whispered to him, “I'm already asleep so don't complain.” Benjamin poked his tongue out to me without opening his eyes and I chuckled again.

“So you do go to the same school as me?” he yawned.

“I think so,” I breathed.

“You think so?” Benjamin opened his eyes.

“Another thing I can't remember,” I shrugged. Benjamin locked eyes with me, and the most heart wrenching pang broke through me and my my whole body shudder.

No, this is too much. I can't handle it. Stop looking at me. Let me go. I don't want to be like this. I have to see you, be with you. Please stop torturing me.

“I'm going to find you, and I'm going to be with you,” Benjamin said strongly. My body shook again. It wasn't like he was just speaking to me. It was like he was reaching through me all the way to my body in my bed and speaking to every single DNA cell inside me. I gulped.

“I know,” I breathed. Benjamin smiled, shuffled closer to me and kissed the space I was occupying. I didn't feel anything, and I know he didn't either.

“Why did you do that? We can't feel it,” I whined. Benjamin smiled and moved back to look at me properly.

“Because I wanted to,” he sighed and closed his eyes.

I knew he was asleep when his breathing became longer and heavier. I watched him for a while, the peacefulness of it. Then felt like a creeper and got up. I laughed at myself for having a twilight moment and headed through his bedroom door and down the hall. I walked right out the front door and out onto the street. My dreams have always been like this, strange and normal. It was like I was awake and walking around at night while everyone slept. And I guess that was true. Benjamin was the first person I'd become attached too. The first person awake who's seen and talked to me. Maybe it was because I liked him? Now he liked me. I grinned as I walked through the streets. There was a woman wiping tables in a diner and I went inside and sat on a stool in front of her.

“A coke please,” I said to her. She continued wiping the counter and swaying to Elvis coming from the jukebox in the corner of the room.

“No I don't mind waiting,” I continued my one sided conversation. “Oh and can I get some chips too? Thanks. Oh sorry, I only have monopoly money on me, is that okay? Great. Oh and while your at it, why don't you get up on the counter and flap like a chicken, I like entertainment when I eat.” I laughed at myself and spun around on the stool. I mad a happy face to her on one spin, then a sad face on the next, then an angry face on the next, and started over again. I grabbed the counter before it could stop and stopped myself.

“You know it's rude to ignore someone,” I pointed out to her. She hung the cloth over her shoulder and went around the back.

“See you later Mack,” she said to a guy at the fryer wearing a hairnet.

“See ya Wendy,” Mack replied.

“Bye Wendy, let's do this again sometime,” I called out to her, waving as I lent over the counter to see her disappearing through the back door. “Rude isn't she Mack,” I said to the guy at the fryer. He took off his apron and hung it out of view, then walked around the front, locked the customer door and flicked the lights off.

“Yeah, bye Mack.” And Mack was gone too. I stood and walked down the diner. My vision flickered, I fell through the floor like it was water and... jolted awake in my bed. Cherub was standing on my chest licking my nose.

“Oh, hey pup,” I said, wrapping one arm around her and rolling over to my side. Cherub right herself and then snuggled up against me. We both went to sleep.

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