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I opened my eyes. At first I couldn't see anything. It was complete darkness. Straining, I focused and listened to the sounds around me. Silence. My vision slowly came back, but as it did I became more confused. Where was I? What the hell happened? I tried to move. That's when I realized where I was. I hurriedly snapped my eyes shut, attempting to stifle the tears. I gritted my teeth and tried to stand up as pain shot up my leg.
* * * *
THREE DAYS EARLIER
"Jake! Would you come down here please?" My mom called from the kitchen. I was upstairs in my room, doing nothing in particular.
"Coming mom!" I walked down the stairs and turned towards the kitchen on the right. "What ya need?" I asked.
"Will you just put that silverware on the table? Your dad should be home any minute, and the Jackson's will be over soon after." My mom looked at me with her blue eyes for a few seconds, her face a little red from frustration.
"It's ok mom." I told her, "It's just dinner." My mom had a tendency to get overly flustered when she had guests over. Worrying if the house was clean, people being on time, etc. Our house was pretty much always spotless because my mom demanded it be that way. I bit my lip, stifling the laughter welling up in me. The last thing I needed was to make her mad when she is already frustrated.
"I know. Thanks for doing that for me," she said. Then she hesitated, her brow creased. "Do you know where your brother is? He was supposed to be home an hour ago." I thought about what Collin was up to. I knew he was simply dragging his feet on coming home from Sydney's house to avoid cleaning or doing anything else. He was always like that.
"You know how he is," I said. "He's at his dang girlfriends. He's just staying longer so he can get out of helping that's all."
It was during times like this I wished I had a girlfriend so I could have an excuse to get out of cleaning and whatnot, but then again, I wasn't really for a relationship at the moment. It just wasn't something I was looking for. Collin, on the other hand, wanted to have a girlfriend so bad, and when he and Sydney got together two summers ago, he was head over heels. It gagged me, because I wasn't into all that mushy stuff, not that I wouldn't want a romance or anything, I just got uncomfortable being around Collin when he was with her and they were all lovey-dovey.
"Yup that's definitely your brother. He better be home in time for dinner with the Jacksons though. He knows better than that," she said, pushing her blonde hair out of her face.
"I'll text him and ask him what the deal is," I said. After finshing putting the silverware on the table, I pulled out my phone. 'Where are you? Better hurry up or mom's gonna be mad,' I wrote. Message sent. He immediately responded. 'On my way now.' That was it. 'Ok.' I responded. "Collin's on his way right now," I told my mom as she was walking out of the room. She turned around.
"Great. Thanks," she said before disappearing from view. Just then I heard the garage door going up. I heard the door to the house open and then close. Dad came around the corner. "Hey dad." I greeted.
"Hi Jake. How's it going?" He gave me a wink. Dad knew exactly how mom was when people were coming over.
"Good I guess. You know how it is." He looked over at me, looking kinda tired. He smiled.
"Of course I do." He half-laughed. "I better go get ready for dinner. Where's Collin?" I hesitated, but then realized dad was the one who wouldn't care.
"Oh the usual. He's on his way back from Sydney's." I said. My dad gave a slight nod. Then he left the room to go to his room and change out of his work clothes.
Tired of standing around doing nothing, I decided to go out in the backyard for some fresh air. It was early June, and I loved being outside. I slipped through the sliding glass door out onto the patio and sat on one of the chairs. I wasn't gonna admit it to anyone, but I was incredibly anxious about dinner. Tom and Jennifer were good friends of my parents.
They weren't the ones I was anxious about though. I found out a eariler that their daughter Kim, who was a year younger than me at 19, was coming too. She was living at home same as my brother and I while working and going to college. I still couldn't figure out why she was coming, or why she would even want to. I didn't quite know what to think. She was cute, with dark brown hair and dark eyes. But I wasn't interested in a relationship I reminded myself. Sure, I had taken Kim out on a couple dates before, but then she went on dates with practically every guy. It was hard to discern if she was interested in me, or if she just treated me like everyone else.
This was exactly why I wasn't interested in relationships. I hated the whole, back and forth, not knowing how anyone felt and if I should go for it or not. It was one of the few things in my life that scared the hell out of me. So, naturally, I generally tried to steer clear of the complicated web of dating.
My brother teased me non-stop about it of course, which sent my stomach into more knots, secretly hoping he wouldn't make any embarrassing comments at dinner tonight. The Jacksons were coming over to celebrate Tom and my Dad getting promoted to new positions in the company they worked for. I sighed and took a deep breath. Everything would be fine. Why was I worrying anyway? There was nothing between Kim and I. Ugh, why did girl's have to be so complicated? If they like someone, why can't they just say it? Instead they give us all this body language bullshit. I hated it. Calm down Jake. I told myself. There is no reason to get all worked up over this.
"Hey," Collin said, poking his head through the doorway, with a big ol' grin on his face. I wanted to punch him.
"You're home," I said weakly, hoping to avoid talking with him about what I was feeling.
"Yup," he said plopping down in the chair next to me.
"Well what took you so long? Mom was gonna be pissed if you weren't here before the Jacksons," I said. He sighed.
"I know. I didn't think I was gonna be there that long, but..." his voice trailed off.
"Oh my god," I said exasperated. "You don't mean...No I don't wanna know a damn thing." He looked over at me. His face was suddenly very red, his blue eyes trained on my face. His sandy blonde hair was messed up, which wasn't like him. Collin was laughably particular about how his hair was.
"Oh my. It's not like we had sex or anything. And if we did, I certainly wouldn't be discussing it with you!" He half yelled, raising his voice as he spoke.
"Calm down. Geez. It just sounded that way ok? Wow," I shot back, scowling at him. He relaxed a little, his face betrayed that he was about to cry, but then he quickly hid it with a stone-faced expression. He looked away from me out towards the grass.
"I'm sorry. It's just things didn't go as planned tonight," he said. I sat there, not knowing what the freak to say.
"What happened?" I tried gently. Collin was never easily upset. Something was up. I knew him better than anyone.
"We broke up," he said matter-of-factly, not a hint of emotion in his voice. "I'm an...idiot." His voice caught on the last word. I was suddenly angry for him. We were very protective of each other. It didn't help that we were close in age; he was not quite two years older than me.
"What happened?" I repeated. He should know I wasn't going to leave it alone without some kind of explanation. If you tell me something, you better be prepared to explain. None of that half coming clean crap. "You know you can tell me anything and unlike you, I won't make fun haha," I was trying to lighten the mood, but he was having none of it. Still looking away from me out at the lawn, he said took a deep breath.
"All those times I have given you crap for not liking the dating thing...you were right. I hate it. Girls are so freaking confusing. We've been together for two years, and then she does this.." He raised his hands up, then let them fall back in his lap as he spoke. I studied him. I waited rather than asking another question. I knew he was on the verge of spilling everything. "It turns out that she's been seeing other people behind my back. For a while now, like the last 4 months or so." He turned back to look at me. "Can you believe that!? She's been lying to my face. She's been cheating on me for that long and I had no freaking clue!" He slapped his knee.
"Are you kidding me?" I said. "That is ridiculous! You know what, if she's gonna do that then she's not the one for you, becuase you deserve someone better than that." He nodded slightly.
"I know," he said. "It's just hard to think that way right now. I mean. I loved her. I thought she was the one. I know I'm young still and all that, but it's just that.....when you find someone who makes you feel like she did...it's hard to understand when it doesn't work out. I don't expect you to know, since you haven't felt that way yet." He said it gently, clearing not trying to stir me up.
"I know. It's ok, I get what you're saying." I told him, "But to be perfectly honest, I worry that I won't ever find that....not that I want it or need it right now. Hell, I'm younger than you after all," I added in quickly.
The last thing I wanted was for him to think I'm some desperate whimp when I'm only 20. "No, no I get you. It actually helps to hear you say that. I feel like I'm not alone. Sometimes I think you are the only person who understands me," he said.
"Oh Collin, are you becoming a softie?" I said jokingly.
"Haha no Jake. I don't know what I would do without you little brother. You're there for me to make fun of and embarrass, while also being someone I can talk to. It's nice to know that I can tell you anything," he said. I was sort of taken aback it. He never was this sentimental. This break-up with Sydney must've really done a number on him.
"Well what are brothers for?" I said. I smacked him lightly on the shoulder. He smiled.
"Well now that that's out of the way. What's the matter? You seem a little nervous. Is everything ok?" He asked in his usual saracstic way. I didn't like where this was going. Not one bit. I knew almost immediately that he read me like an open book. My cheeks flushed with embarrasment, betraying me.
"I'm not nervous about anything!" I said a little too defensively.
"Mhmm. Sure. It's written all over your face! Look, I'm not trying to embarass you. I just didn't wanna talk about me anymore. Looks like we've both got problems in this area haha," he said. I could've punched him right in the face. However, I thought of the dinner and my parents and forced myself to keep calm. I bit my lip.
"Look, you already know. I'm not looking for a relationship, in fact that's the last thing I need or want right now. If you really wanna know why I'm nervous, yes, it's about Kim, but no, it's not that I'm worried if she likes me, it's just I don't want dinner to be awkward that's all," I said. It was only partially a lie. The last part was absolutely true, but then, I was really nervous about whether or not Kim liked me...It felt like being in high school all over again. It was ridiculous and I hated feeling that way.
"If you say so," Collin said, clearly not convinced. "C'mon," he said, standing up, "They're probably here by now."
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