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It was early evening when Sean and I finally left his bedroom. The only reason we left though was because we were hungry. I checked the time on my phone. It was 9:15.

"Okay normally I would attempt to make you something but it's getting late," I teased Sean. He laughed.

"It's okay Jake. I figured we could go get something real quick. Get out for a bit," he replied. I nodded in agreement.

We made our way out to his car and got in. He started the engine and I flinched. Sean noticed and grabbed my hand tightly while he backed out of the driveway and pulled into the street.

"You okay?" He asked. I shut my eyes and nodded. Being in the car was hard. It just reminds me of Collin and my heart aches because of it.

"Where do you want to eat?" Sean asked as he looked both ways and turned the corner. I shrugged.

"I don't know." I cautiously looked out the window and squeezed Sean's hand tighter. I was probably hurting him. I should stop. His thumb started gently massaging my hand between my thumb and index finger. I relaxed into the seat.

"How about McDonalds?" He asked.

"How romantic," I teased. He smirked.

"Who said it was supposed to be romantic?" I raised an eyebrow at him. We smiled at each other as he pulled up to the drive-thru. "What do you want?"

"I'll have the Big Mac," I said.

"I figured you would," he replied as he began ordering.

I watched him as he spoke. The way his light brown hair was messy but still styled, the way his eyelashes fluttered as he talked, and the way his lips moved. I was so glad that this boy had been my friend for so many years and was here for me when I needed him most. I never thought things would turn out the way they did, but I'm glad I'm with him.

"You don't even know yourself." Collin had said something to that affect on that fateful day. At the time I didn't know what the hell he was talking about. Or at least, I didn't want to admit it. Now I see that he was talking about Sean. Collin knew as soon as I told him about Kim didn't he? How I didn't enjoy that kiss? He realized in that moment before I did. Oh Collin...

"Jake?" Sean asked sadly. My eyes had glazed over without me realizing just from the realization.

"I'm sorry. I just remembered something about Collin," I told him, as he pulled around the building to the window to get our food. He looked over at me.

"What did you remember?" He asked gently, looking into my eyes reassuringly. My hands were shaking and Sean held the one in his hand and brought it up to his lips, kissing gently. I quickly pulled my hand out of his grasp. He frowned.

"Someone might see," I muttered. He shook his head sadly. The lady came to the window and he gave her the money he owed. She flashed pearly white teeth at us, her black hair falling loosely in her face. I spaced off for a bit and before I knew it we were driving off with our burgers and fries.

"Collin knew," I said softly, leaning my head against the window. Sean arched an eyebrow at me.

"What do you mean? He knew?" He asked, confused. He turned on his signal and waited to pull out into traffic. I closed my eyes again. I felt Sean's fingers close around my hand again.

"He knew I was...." I trailed off. We pulled onto the busy street and then Sean spoke again.

"Did you tell him?" He asked. I shook my head.

"'No. I was confused. When you walked in the house that day-" I stopped myself from finishing, my cheeks red with embarrassment. Oh god I couldn't tell him about that. Sean smirked.

"I knew you were checking me out," he stated, winking at me. I gaped at him.

"W-what?" I stammered.

"You looked at me differently," he explained, turning into the corner into our neighborhood.

"Well I-I just..." I sighed. "Yeah."

"You don't have to be embarrassed Jake. I didn't mind obviously," he grinned.

"So that's why you were acting funny in my room when you stayed over?" I realized. He had been playing with me.

Sean shrugged slightly. "I wanted to see your reaction. I knew how I felt. In fact I talked to my mom about it recently," he said. My jaw dropped to the floor as we pulled into his driveway. He stopped the car and cut the engine. His eyes were sparkling in the darkness as he looked at me, the only light coming from the porch.

"You told your mom!?" I couldn't believe it.

"Yeah, it was hard to talk about, because I was scared and all, which is why I took you home. I was scared of what my mom would think. But that night I talked to her about things." He regarded my wide eyes. "Don't worry Jake she was cool about it. I was really surprised too." He shrugged. I grabbed the bags of food and we got out of the car and went inside.

"I can't believe it," I whispered mostly to myself, but Sean heard me.

"I didn't either. But stop worrying okay? Everything will work out. She should be home soon." He said. My face went pale.

"You mean...does she know about us?" I asked carefully. Sean rolled his eyes.

"She knows about my feelings for you and what was happening between us before you went to the hospital. But since we just decided to be together, she doesn't know that part," he explained. I nodded my head slowly in agreement. It felt like I was dazed and confused. My brain was having a hard time processing.

"What do you think my parents would do?" I asked slowly, dragging the question out. He regarded me for a second and shifted his weight.

"They'll be fine," he said comfortingly.

"I don't know...I worry they won't be okay with it," I shook my head slightly. Sean gripped my shoulders.

"Look at me Jake. You don't need to worry okay? I'll be right here for you. It will all work out. You really just need to relax and not over think things alright?" He said. "I worry about you."

"I'm sorry," I replied, dipping my head.

"What for?" He asked, running his fingers through my hair and down the side of my face.

"For making you worry. I've been a mess lately. It's just a lot to process." I explained.

"Don't apologize okay Jake. I'll always worry about you because I care." He wrapped me in a tight embrace. I relaxed into his arms and hugged him back. He pulled back.

"Now let's eat before it gets cold," he said, poking me teasingly in the cheek. Then he kissed my forehead and led me upstairs.

"We'll eat in my room," he said dismissively when I went to question him. Following behind him I couldn't help but feel my heart constrict. It was nice to have Sean and for him to make me feel whole again, despite me being so broken. Life was unfair. How can I ever be completely happy knowing life will never be the same? Dammit Collin why couldn't you stay?

Sean and I ate quickly and as we were getting ready for bed we heard the garage door go up. Sean's mom was home.

I had been around Kristen a lot. She was the nicest person and I called her my second mom. Now however, my throat felt constricted and I was incredibly nervous to face her.

There was a knock on Sean's bedroom door and he went over and opened it.

"Hey mom," Sean greeted, hugging her. "How was work?" She looked exhausted, but then it was almost 11 and she was just getting home.

Kristen was a heart surgeon. She made good money but spent long hours away from home, which she felt guilty about and partially led to the divorce from Sean's dad. She always did her best to make it up to Sean though.

"It was alright, just busy as always," she sighed, shaking her head. Her hair was brown but it was so dark it almost looked black and she had green eyes. She was dressed in black scrubs. I cleared my throat nervously.

"Jake! Oh how've you been honey?" She asked excitedly, coming over and giving me a loving hug.

"Oh you know, could be better," I shrugged. She pursed her lips sadly.

"I'm sorry hun," she nodded in understanding.

"It's okay," I said. She glanced at Sean, who flushed bright red. Turning back to me, she winked.

"Well I figure you're spending the night since its late?" She asked expectantly. Sean nodded for me.

"Uh...I uh....Sean...we.." I scratched the back of my head.

"As long as you both behave yourselves, it's okay Jake. You're like my other son," she patted my back. "If you guys are happy, that's all that matters." I smiled and she smiled back at me. We stood there in silence for a moment.

"Well it's late, I'm gonna get in bed I'm exhausted. Don't stay up too late boys," she said.

"We won't mom. Goodnight." Sean said. She kissed his cheek.

"Goodnight hun." She replied and closed the door behind her. Sean came over and placed his hands on my shoulders.

"See I told you."

"I love your mom," I responded. He stretched and yawned in front of me. Damn he's so adorable.

"She's pretty cool," he agreed. "Are you tired?" I nodded even though I wasn't because I just wanted to cuddle with him again. He smiled and then began stripping down to his underwear. His black boxer briefs left little to the imagination and suddenly I was feeling self conscious. I hesitated.

"What's wrong Jake?" He asked as he climbed into bed.

"Nothing," I replied, quickly peeling off my clothes and climbing in with him. I didn't wanna linger in nothing but my grey boxer briefs. I slid into the sheets next to him and immediately wrapped my arms around him as if I'd been doing it for years. It just felt so right. It was odd how uncomfortable the underwear thing was though, as we'd slept over at each other's houses many times and shared the bed like that. But we were more than friends now, so it almost felt like he was seeing me for the first time like that even though it wasn't. Jake you're worrying too much, I thought to myself as Sean snuggled into my chest.

"I've always loved you Jake. It just took me a while to realize it," he murmured in the darkness, his breath hot on my skin. I quickly pecked his forehead.

"I think it's the same for me Sean. We've been best friends for so long...I've always cared so much for you..I just...started realizing I cared for you as more than a friend. Collin was right," I replied. For a few minutes Sean didn't reply and I thought he'd fallen asleep already.

"He knew us both so well," he whispered. I could barely make it out. I closed my eyes and smiled against the top of Sean's head, taking in his scent. He smelled so good, a combination of his cologne and shampoo. Tightening my arms around his waist, I drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Collins blonde hair shone brightly in the sunlight, his gray eyes twinkling. "I love you Jake." Suddenly the car jerked violently, rolling onto its side and then onto its top. The deafening crunch of metal being crushed and scraping the ground filling my ears. I heard glass shattering and brakes screech. There was blood on the pavement in front of me.

"Collin!! Collin!" I glanced over slightly and saw him pinned to the ground. His eyes were closed and blood dribbled from his lips. His hair was streaked with grime and glass fragments. "No! No! Collin wake up!" I screamed.

Suddenly his eyes snapped open. "Why didn't you trust me?" He asked. "Why didn't you trust me?" He repeated as his voice got louder." Why didn't you trust me!?"

* * *

I screamed and jerked upright in bed. I was gasping for air and shaking violently. Sean rolled over and sat up alarmed, before his expression calmed. I gripped my chest and took deep breaths, trying to force air into my lungs. Sean rubbed my shoulders gently and then wrapped his arms around me, pull me against him.

"Shh. It's just a nightmare," he soothed. I started to calm down but my breath was ragged. I laid my head back against his shoulder and closed my eyes. Sean rocked me slowly from side to side. "You're okay."

"I'm-I'm sor-sorry," I struggled with the words, my chest rising and falling rapidly. He started rubbing soothing circles across my chest and stomach.

"Shhh," Sean soothed, kissing the side of my head. I rolled over and laid my head on his chest as we laid back down. His arms wrapped around my back and massaged me as my breathing started to slow down again and return to normal.

Eventually I starting dozing back off to sleep, very aware of Sean's fingers touching my skin, the warmth of his body against mine. I felt guilty for interrupting his sleep, but I felt so much more secure laying there with him. My eyelids drooped and I sank into sleep.

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