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I laid in my bed, staring up at the ceiling in the darkness. There was no way I could sleep with my mind buzzing from what had happened earlier. I rolled over onto my side and looked at the clock on my nightstand. It read 1:35 in big green letters. I took a deep breath and sighed.

I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and looked at it. There was an unread text message from Kim. How long has that been there? I wondered. I must've slept a little because I didn't remember the phone making any noise or vibrating. I carefully opened and read the message sent at 12:45 a.m. 'Hey, are you up?' It read. I blinked. She was up thinking about things just like I was, or at least she was about 40 minutes ago. I hoped she was still awake. I texted back: 'Yea, I can't sleep. Looks like we're two for two haha.' I set the phone down on the comforter and closed my eyes. Immediately the phone vibrated and I looked at it. 'Can we talk some more tomorrow?' She said. I thought about my answer. After the kiss, I definitely wanted to talk to her again. But not here. 'Sure. How about I come pick you up at around 12?' If I picked her up, we could go do something and talk about whatever we needed to.

The only problem was tomorrow was Saturday, and Collin would be home. He wouldn't miss giving me a tease about picking Kim up. Oh well. I'll deal with it later. I thought. New text message: 'Sounds good. I'll see ya then.' I thought about not saying anything back, but then I remembered girls were funny about not getting a text back, even if the conversation was over, so I settled with: 'Awesome. See ya then.'

I rolled over to my other side after putting the phone back on my nightstand and closed my eyes. My mind was still reeling from everything that took place, and even knowing that I was going to pick her up tomorrow, for the first time in like two years, wasn't helping my nerves. Calm down. I told myself. Everything will be fine.

In the morning I got up feeling refreshed despite the fact that I didn't sleep hardly at all. Maybe it was because of what was going on with Kim. I didn't know. I was just glad that I wasn't in a pissy mood. I decided I was going to take Kim and just go for a simple walk. I didn't want to go someplace too public if the sole purpose of our meeting was talking about things.

After we walk for a bit, I figured we could go someplace to get some lunch. I showered and got dressed in a simple dark blue t-shirt and jeans.It was casual, but still nice-looking. Oh hell. I'm thinking about this way too much. I thought as I opened the door. I woke up late, and after getting ready and taking a shower, it was now 11:00 a.m. I had to be to Kim's in an hour. I went downstairs to the kitchen. My mom was loading the dishwasher.

"Hey Jake. You slept in late," my mom said turning around to look at me. I opened the fridge and peered inside. I grabbed a yogurt and began tearing off the top.

"Yea. I couldn't fall asleep for a while last night," I answered. I opened the drawer for a spoon and sat tentatively at the bar.

"How come?" She asked. I looked up at her from my yogurt. She hadn't moved since I walked in. I shrugged.

"I don't know. Too much on my mind I guess." This was the truth, but I was hoping to avoid going in depth about it.

"That happens to me all the time. Just be glad it was a Saturday morning when you didn't have to get up early," she said smiling. I was glad that my mom had decided not to press me. I was gearing up for one emotional conversation today, I didn't need two. "

"That's true," I said. She finished loading the dishes before crossing the bar and sitting beside me. Damn it. Here she goes. I thought.

"Did you hear about Sydney?" She asked, her expression neutral.

"Yup. Collin told me as soon as he got home last night before dinner," I told her. "When did he tell you?" I looked over at her. She sighed.

"He didn't," she said, "at least not exactly. I suspected something was up but didn't want to say anything in front of the Jacksons. I asked him this morning if everything was ok. He said they broke up, but that it wasn't as big of a deal as he thought it was." She looked at me, her blue eyes piercing, but in a gentle way.

"Yea. I think he's mad but not as upset as he thought he would be. Maybe he just didn't care for her and vice versa the way he thought he did," I said. My mom nodded.

"I suppose. Even so, will you just make sure? I don't want him stewing over it all weekend," she said, standing up.

"I will. I can talk to him about it. But I'm telling you, he's fine. It's nothing he can't handle," I said confidently. I knew Collin would never mope around about anything, even a girl.

"Thanks," she said. She was walking away and had just disappeared around the corner when I decided to let her know what I was doing.

"Hey mom," I said a little loud.

"Yea?" She said, poking her head back around the corner.

"I'm going to pick Kim up today at 12 ok?" I said. She paused. I looked at her, she looked as if she was deep in thought, but then she suddenly beamed at me.

"Oh, honey. That's nice. Where are you going?" She asked. I shrugged.

"Well we I thought we could just take a little walk or hike or something and then maybe grab lunch," I said. I didn't want to go into detail about why I needed to have a talk with Kim. For now, I'd let my mom believe what she wants to. She walked over to me and gave me a hug.

"That's nice of you Jake. I think Kim will like that." She leaned back and looked at my face. "Be careful and have fun," she said. I had the feeling my mother knew that something was going on, but she didn't quite know what.

"Thanks mom. I will." She left the kitchen, and I got up to throw the yogurt in the trash. I rinsed off the spoon and put it in the dishwasher.

"Did I just hear that you are taking Kim out?" Collin said. I wheeled around.

"Were you eavesdropping!?" I said accusingly. He shrugged it off.

"What if I was?" He smirked, then his faced turned serious, "I'm glad you are Jake. And I mean that." I was taken aback by his sincerity. "As much as that's nice of you I'm just going so her and I can talk," I said, nodding my head slightly.

"So what changed?" He asked.

"What do you mean?" I countered. I could tell where this was going. I hoped he would maintain his seriousness and not regress into teasing me about it. I decided to just be straight with him. "We kissed last night," I said. He raised his eyebrows and his eyes widened.

"Seriously?" he said.

"It just happened," I replied. I leaned on my elbows on the counter and continued. "Before I knew what was happening we were kissing, but now I'm just all confused." I shrugged nervously, unsure of what he would think.

"What has you confused? I don't understand?" Collin said tilting his head and and then shaking it from side to side.

"I don't know. I guess I just didn't get the reaction I wanted," I said.

He snorted, "I'll say."

"It's not like that!" I exclaimed, running my hand through my hair. Collin caught my unease.

"Jake what's wrong?" He pried, "you can tell me anything. You know that."

I shrugged. "I...I...it's nothing. I'm just-I guess I don't like her like that. I just didn't feel that when we kissed."

"Well I wouldn't worry about that too much. If you don't feel it, you don't feel it. No big deal." He said confidently.

"Yeah. You're right," I told him. I shrugged again.

"Of course I am bro," he smirked at me.

Then there was a few seconds of silence and I remembered what mom had said about making sure he was ok after the break-up.

"So how are you?" I tried. He looked at me wearily at first, like he didn't get much sleep either, then he relaxed and sat at the bar where I was before.

"Honestly? I'm fine. I thought it would matter more, but I guess I just don't have as strong of feelings about Sydney as I thought."

I felt guilty about taking Kim out now for some reason. It was like I just felt bad that here I was not really wanting a relationship, not feeling those feelings for her, and one might've fallen in my lap, while my brother thought he had found the one, and then realized it wasn't what he thought. Collin sensed my guilt.

"I'm sorry," I said quickly. He raised his eyebrows at me.

"Jake. I don't want you to think I resent you anything. I'm fine. Sure I'm your brother and I like to give you crap, but that doesn't mean I don't want you to be be happy. I'm here for you. I can tell something is bothering you," he said.

"Thanks Collin," I told him. "We'll have to do something either tomorrow or Monday. I know we both have work and school on Monday, but maybe you and I can rent a movie or something and just hang out?" I asked. He laughed.

"Sure little brother. We'll see. If not tomorrow, we will definitely have to hang out on Monday. It's been a while since we've done something, just you and me," he grinned. I could tell that I had made him feel better already, even if he wouldn't admit to being a little heartsick over Sydney. He clearly needed something to get his mind off of the recent break-up, so I obliged. I felt really good about everything now.

"Well, I better go," I said.

"Alright," he hesitated for a moment. "Just be honest and you'll be fine," he told me, "I'll catch you later."

I pulled into the Jacksons' driveway, cut the engine, and hesitated. Are you sure about this? I wondered, wringing my hands together. There's no going back now, nothing is ever certain. I chided myself for thinking something so dumb. What did I expect? Everything to go exactly as my mind envisioned? Yea, right. That would never happen. Absolutely nothing in life went exactly as planned.

I took a deep breath and got out of my dark blue Tacoma and went up to the door. What's the big deal. It's the Jackson's house. You've been here millions of times. I rang the doorbell and waited. I looked at my phone. It was exactly 12:00 p.m. You're so good. I thought. Kim answered the door. She was wearing a short sleeve black shirt and denim capris. She had earrings in and a necklace and everything. Lathe really must've thought a lot about what she was going to wear. Oh shit.

"Hi!" She said excitedly.

"You ready?" I asked.

"Yup," she said.

"Great," as said as I turned around and started heading down the steps, Kim walking beside me. When we reached the truck, I opened the passenger door for her and she climbed in. I hopped in on the drivers' side and turned the key. The engine roared back to life.

"So, you said you wanted to go for a walk, where to?" She asked tentatively. She brushed her hair out of her face. It was perfectly straight today, opposite from last night.

"Oh I don't know. I thought we could go walk by the river on the trail down there by it. It's pretty nice and quiet," I said, as I backed out of the driveway and pulled out onto the street. I threw the truck in drive and off we went.

"You know, it's been quite a while since you've taken me out," she said softly, a half smile on her face. "That's why I didn't think you liked me." I glanced over at her. She was looking directly at me, but then she turned to look out the front window.

"To be totally honest, I didn't know how you felt then and you know, you went out with a lot of other guys...." my voice trailed off. She looked back in my direction again.

"I actually didn't go with that many. Austin was probably the one you're thinking of." I remembered Austin. Back in high school, Austin was the football quarterback, blonde, big-muscled dude. He also didn't have a functioning brain cell.

"Were you guys serious?" I asked. From my peripheral vision I noticed her shake her head.

"Not a chance in hell. He wanted to be of course, but I didn't, so I didn't go anywhere with him after those handful of times," said Kim. I didn't know what to say to that. So I was wrong. I knew that already after what she said last night.

All I managed to say was "I'm sorry." She tilted her head.

"Jake you don't have to be sorry for not knowing if I was interested or not. That was my fault for not making it clear...but I guess we both did the same thing didn't we?" She said. I sighed.

"It's stupid. It's so easy to misinterpret what the other person feels," I told her. She nodded in agreement.

"I'm just glad we were able to get past that...even if it is two years later," she said. I looked over at her. I really didn't like the direction this was taking. It was uncomfortable and I felt like what I was going to say to her would make me look like the worlds biggest jerk.

"So, you've really felt this way about me the whole time?" I asked cautiously. She picked right up on it.

"Don't flatter yourself Jake," she laughed. I laughed nervously. A fake laugh if you will. I turned and pulled off of the road into a dirt parking lot. There were two trails that split from the parking lot in opposite directions. I parked and cut the engine.

"So," I said unbuckling my seatbelt. She did the same. She looked at me for a few seconds. Her dark eyes studying my face like she did in my bedroom.

"Well..." she said, biting her lip.

"C'mon," I said opening my door. I hurried around the truck before she got out and opened hers.

"Thanks," she said as she stepped onto the dry dirt below.

"Which trail should we take?" I asked her. Her eyes flicked from the one to the other.

"I don't care. Let's say right," she said, pointing to the one on the right side.

"Fine with me," I said, then adding "ladies first," in a sarcastic tone, gesturing with my hands for her to go first. She huffed in a kidding way and then started walking. I took up a position next to her. For now, the trail was wide enough to walk side by side. We were both silent for a ways down the trail before she picked up where our conversation in the truck left off.

"Jake I want to ask you...I.." She stammered. Her face flushed red. I waited patiently, if she would have been Collin, I would have come up with some smart-ass remark, but with Kim, I was more reserved. I controlled myself. Although I had no idea what she was going to say. That part scared me a little. "Where do we stand?" She said finally. I stopped and touched her arm.

"What do you mean?" I asked. She was clearly getting the wrong impression from me, even after she abruptly walked out last night.

"I mean, what are we..?" She paused again, pursing her lips.

"Kim I.... I asked you here to talk about last night," I said, avoiding her gaze. She looked at me, her eyes gesturing for me to keep going. "Last night, something happened," I told her.

Kim's eyes lit up. I still had my hand on her arm. I suddenly realized and let go. She looked at her arm briefly, then back up at me. She then nodded her head slightly. She had a glint in her eye and she was frowning deeply. I wanted to scream but thought better of it. "Just...it...what happened..it shouldn't have happened," I stammered.

"What?" She asked, taken aback. She stepped away from me.

"I'm sorry," I said as honestly as I could.

"I thought you had a crush on me? I thought you liked me!?" She questioned, look at me as she narrowed her eyes in disbelief.

"I did, and thought I still might've, but then last night happened...I'm...it's confusing. This is all confusing to me. I'm sorry. Kim-" I rambled. No matter what I said it didn't make sense. I knew it didn't, because even I didn't get what I was saying.

"Take me home." She said flatly.

"I'm sorry. I knew you'd hate me," I whispered quietly.

"Just take me home," she replied. So with that, we walked back to the truck in silence and even though I knew I was probably the biggest jerk for letting her think what she did at first, I knew I had to talk to her about this in person, and having it be just between us was better too.

When I pulled up in her driveway she wordless reached for the handle, then hesitated. Without looking at me, she spoke. "Just give some time," she stated. I nodded, letting my shoulders completely slack. I'm a dick.

She opened the door and climbed out, shutting it behind her. She didn't look back at me as she went up to the door and went inside. I backed out of the driveway and turned to go home. I wonder what my family will think. Might as well tell them as soon as you get home. I told myself. At least that would be easier. It's silly, last night I spent worrying about what would take place today with Kim, and now today I'm worrying about telling my family about it, even when they already know her so well. We had history together, just not in a relationship kind of way, so that made a difference. I pulled into the driveway of my house, parked the truck and turned the key. I got out and went inside.

"Mom, dad, I'm home. Anybody here." I announced.

"Hey, buddy. How'd it go?" Collin said from the couch. He was watching T.V.

"Good. Where's mom and dad?" I answered. He flipped the T.V. off and turned around to face me.

"They went out to dinner together. I told them it was fine. What's wrong. What happened?" He chewed on his cheek for a second. He could tell I was feeling like complete shit. I went over and sat down next to him. I put my head in my hands and sighed. "I'm

an ass," I said plainly. Collin rolled his eyes. "'No you're not. Just honest. What happened?" He asked again. I furrowed my brow and looked at him. He had a knowing look on his face now.

"You knew? You knew this whole time and never said anything?" I said. He looked at me with a curious expression.

"First of all, no, I knew you used to have a crush on her years ago and secondly, I just figured you two needed to figure out where you stood. It was obvious to me that she likes you. You two needed to figure it out." He repeated. He turned my head back away from him.

"You could've mentioned it in passing or something. Then I could've figured it out for myself a lot faster." Then I stopped myself. It didn't matter. "You know what. It doesn't matter, because we figured it out, so you were right," I said, turning back to face him again.

"Good, because I was gonna say, who the hell do you think I am, your personal life guardian?" He said sarcastically. I gave him a look.

"Haha very funny," I said half-jokingly. "I just feel really bad because I hurt her. Even if I was honest," I shrugged.

"The truth isn't always easy. But it's important. It's better to be honest," he said knowingly. "Look at my relationship, it would've been better for me to know a while ago, as much as it hurt to know." He was right. I sighed.

"You're right. There's nothing I can do about it now anyway. At least it was the truth." He nodded in agreement. "Well I guess since mom and Dad are gone, do you want to rent a movie and order some pizza or something?" I asked. He nodded.

"Sure. I'll order some pizza, you look on on your phone and see what we should get. What kind of pizza do you want?" He asked.

"I'll pick the movie, you pick the pizza. Deal?" I replied. He stood up.

"Fair enough. I'm gonna go order something," he said, as he walked out of the room towards the kitchen. I pulled open my phone and opened the streaming app and scrolled through the list of available movies until I found one I thought sounded interesting. I rented that one and since I could stream it online, now all I had to do was push play. Collin came back into the living room. "Pizza is on the way in about 10 minutes," he smiled broadly. I grinned back.

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