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I haven't had that big, gross, disgusting cry yet and I am just waiting for it to sneak up on me, without even seeing it coming.

Grayson and Leah went to the store to get more food; you know how that goes. They are going to buy the entire store. I'm pretty sure that they are buying junk food for dinner.

I am so glad that Grayson and Leah understand what it's like for this to happen. There are people out there who would call me a cry baby just because my boyfriend said some hurtful things to me, but I don't think what those people understand what it's like for you to feel like the person you love hates you.

I need to know what is going on with him. He has never freaked out at me like that before and now all I can think about is what his sister was talking about. He tried his damndest to make sure that I don't know whatever is going on.

Every time I start to think about him, my head hurts. We need to talk. I will stay at Grayson's house tonight and I'll go home in the morning because I need to figure this out. It is driving me crazy and I need the truth from him.

I've always liked Grayson's apartment just because of the fact that it is so much like home. Even though this isn't my home, it really does feel like it. His place is in the building where there is only one window, so it is usually pretty dark in here. Every single time that I was over here since he moved in, he has had the fireplace going and I think that it makes this place so cozy. I smile to myself and pull the blanket closer to my body.

Grayson pushes through the front door with arms full of bags. I am so glad I didn't go out today. It's the twenty seventh and the sales from Christmas are still crazy, especially in New York City.

"Vena, we got so much food. I think we might actually have enough to last at least two days," he laughs. They better be happy that they have such high metabolism or they'd wouldn't be able to get up the stairs.

I stand up and help Leah put the stuff away. Grayson left the room to go do something. I am actually quite curious to what is going on between them ever since what Grayson cheated on her. I know that it isn't any of my business but I'm curious so sue me.

"Hey, how are you two?" I ask her, starting to unbag the groceries.

Leah looks at me and shrugs, "We haven't really talked about it," she then looks away from me.

I turn my head a bit, "Did you just forgive him?"

As she puts the crackers away, I catch a glimpse of her face: red. Oh. My. God.

"You slept with him?!"

She whines, "How did you know?"

"Your face shows it all," I tell her, "Were you drunk or something?"

She shakes her head, "No, I just didn't want to fight anymore and I regret that now because I know that the fight is still coming," she sighs and sits up on the counter. "I am so angry at him, but I'm in love him too, so it makes it even worse."

I lean against the counters. "Are you going to forgive him," I ask, crossing my arms.

"I don't know the whole story, so I don't know. I just wish that we could never move from the place that we are in now. Everything is level and fine and if we fight it could ruin everything we have going," Leah huffs, "I just wish that this never happened."

"You two will be okay. I knew from the moment that you came over to my apartment for the first time, you and Grayson were going to be something incredible and I was right wasn't I? Listen from what I know of,  Grayson has never fallen in love and now you can just see it in his face. Ever since he lost Skyla, he was a sad guy and would hardly leave his apartment, let alone the couch, but then he met you. You helped him get through something that some people never could do. So when you two do fight, remember that he loves you more than anything, more then me and I'm pretty great," I laugh and she laughs with me.

She hops off the counter and hugs me, "Thank you, sometimes I wonder how fuçked up it would be if we never became friends," she pulls away and she chuckles, "If James never got kicked out of dorm, we never might have become friends."

If James never got kicked out of his dorm, I might have never met Leah, Ryder or Grant. Leah and Grayson might have never gotten together and Ryder might never have changed his ways with women.

I might have never fallen so hard in love with James.

Shįt, sometimes I forget how lucky I am to have what I have. I have four great friends and a hot boyfriend. I smile to myself. We are going to figure this out. We have to.

Grayson walks back into the room, "What did I miss?"

I shrug, "Not much. We are just putting away your abnormally large about of food."

He laughs and rubs his stomach, "A guy has got to eat."

I smile and glance over at Leah and see her looking at Grayson, smiling. He smiles back at her and pulls her into his arms, kissing the top of her head.

I love them so much. They can't break up.

"Alright, so what do you want to eat, Ven? I'm sure that there is something that you like. We bought a lot," he smiles and steps beside me and nudges me. "I got chocolate," I smile at him.

Grayson knows me so well.

"Where is it?"

He shrugs, "I don't know, you guys were putting away the stuff." He glances through the bag and reaches into one and pulls out a Hershey chocolate bar. "Here, you can have it. You need it a lot more then I do," he smiles.

I thank him.

We ate a whole lot of junk food and then watched a movie after... Or more like during. Anyways, we watched a few movies and Leah fell asleep after the third or forth. Grayson hit pause and picked Leah off the couch by carrying her like a man would to his wife right after they got married.

He brought her into his bedroom and they were in there for a minute or so. Maybe he is changing her out of her clothes just like James had always done for me when I fell asleep early.

I miss my James. I miss the way we used to be. Now our lives are flooded with his secrets. I feel like everything has changed ever since he regained connections to his sister. I don't know, I just need to figure this out.

Grayson shuts the bedroom door quietly and comes back into the living room. He sighs when he sits down.

He looks at me and gives me a half smile, "Vena, what am I going to do?"

I shrug, "Why don't you try sleeping with her again?" I smirk at him, knowingly.

I mean, I can see why he did it. Sex doesn't involve a lot of talking and I suppose that is why it was so easy. Leah is right about one thing, they are going to fight and there is no doubt about it. Grayson cheated on her and that makes the whole situation more complicated. Even though it isn't really any of my business, if I was her, I'd like to know who the other girl was. The only problem with that is that he was so drunk that he couldn't remember. Another thing I was thinking about is, was he wearing protection because if he wasn't, it could make this whole problem a lot more messy.

"Can I ask you something?" he asks, breaking me from my thoughts.

I nod, "Of course."

He nods and folds his arms over his chest, "If James ever cheated on you, would you forgive him?"

"On purpose? Or how it happened to you, or that sort of same context?"

"In the same sort of context it happened to me."

I nod, "Well, probably not until I actually knew all of what happened. If he didn't do it on purpose just because he got bored or if he got involved with another girl, no, because I think that shows how little he would care about me. Now if it was the other way, I would say that I would need some time and then we would talk about it. I think in some situation, some people deserve second chances."

He slumps in his seat, "We're going to fight."

I nod, "I know."

"Is there anything I do to stop it from happening?"

I shake my head, "I don't think so, Grayson."

He groans, "Maybe I'll pass out again, that seemed to stop her from yelling last time."

I chuckle, "Only till you wake up again."

He groans, "Why can't everything go to how it's supposed to be? If everything was the way it is supposed to be, you would be at home with James and Leah and I would be at it for round three."

I chuckle, "This is anything but a perfect world."

He smiles, "This was a good talk, Vena," he stands up. "I'm going to bed, but you can stay out here until you're ready." He kisses the top of my head and squeezes my shoulder. "Good night, Ven."

"Good night Grayson."

It has always felt like I have a had another brother with Grayson, except I can tell him more things to him then my actual brothers. I don't know what I would do without him. Since we became friends at a young age, he has always been by my side and I don't think that will change now either. Like I mentioned before, they will get through this and they will be happy again. I just know it.

I turn the TV off and grab my phone off of the coffee table, I look at it and it shows that I have a text message from James. I open it.

Good night, Baby

I smile to myself. Maybe we will be okay too.

~

~

I wake up early in the morning, so early that it is still dark outside. I turn on my phone and see that it is seven in the morning. I slept terribly. My muscles ache and I've woke up with a headache. I slept in the bed all night, but it still feels cold.

I sit up and start getting ready to leave. I get dressed and brushed my teeth. I pack up my bag and leave a note for Grayson, telling him that I left to go home this morning.

I put my bag on my shoulder and start walking back to my apartment. I grab my key from my pocket and unlock the door, but it is already unlocked. That can't be right. I walk inside and the room is silent except for two voices talking in the kitchen. I drop my bag on the ground and walk towards the kitchen. I recognize the sound of James's voice, but not the other. When I finally see who it is, my eyes widen. What the hell is she doing here?!

Before I even had a chance to say something, they saw me.

"Oh well look what the bitch train dropped off."

Autumn.

I glare at her. "James what the hell is she doing here?"

It's like he froze. I wave my hand in front of his face. "James."

He shakes his head, "I didn't think you'd be back today, let alone this early," he runs his hand through his hair.

Autumn starts cackling with laughter, "James you are so stupid. For God's sake, just fuçking tell her because if you don't I will."

James's eyes widen. "Fine, just get out. Call me tomorrow and we'll see what can be done."

She shrugs and leaves the apartment fairly quickly.

I sit down at the table. "James, you need to tell me what is going on right now."

He nods, "I know, I know..." he pauses like he contemplating something. "First could we," he glances over to his bedroom and raises his eyebrows suggestively.

I shake my head, "NO James!" I've had enough. I need to know exactly what has been going on before I lose it completely.

"Fine, okay. I'll tell you, but Vena please let me finish talking."

I nod.

He sighs and doesn't say anything for a moment. I patiently wait for him to start talking. Just when I was going to ask him what is wrong, he opens up his mouth.

"I didn't fight Zeke on Christmas Eve," he pauses, "I was downtown with my sister. Vena, you know that she isn't in any good stuff and she needed my help and I came for her. Before I continue, do you want to know what happened that night?"

My mind is running in a thousand different directions. He lied about that night. I thought... But... How could he do that? If he didn't fight Zeke, then where did that blood come from? More importantly, whose was it?

"I need to know everything James. Please don't leave anything out."

He nods, "I'll start from the beginning. It all started when my sister came in contact with me again. Knowing that she is involved with money and drugs. When she invited me to come see where she lived, I soon found out that her home is also the home to her employees... I don't know. Like a house for all the people who work for her. It was weird. Anyways, it was Christmas Eve that she needed me desperately." He runs his hand through his hair. "Vena, I love you, please don't forget that."

That scares me even more that told me he loves me because that means that it is worse than I thought. "I won't."

He nods, "She called me over to deal with a 'situation' that was the way she put it anyways. Anyways, I had to leave quickly because she told me that I had to be over there as quickly as possible. When I got there, there was this man sitting in a chair, tied to it. I didn't recognize him. She told me that the man sitting there knew me, but I didn't. I remember that he said things about my parents, I didn't take nay offense to it because they were terrible people, but then he turned the conversation around on me. Autumn wanted some location on a guy, but he wouldn't give it him. Because the guy knew me, for some reason she called me when she shouldn't have. I couldn't get anything out of him. I remember hitting him in the face serveral times and it was him whose nose I broke. I don't know why I went, but I did and now I'm stuck in a position that I can't get out of."

His face is flustered and his eyebrows crinkle. "I didn't want to lie to you, but you have to understand that I am just trying to protect you. Vena, for half of my life, I was surrounded my this shit and now it's happening again. I just don't want you to get hurt."

I finally understand. Everything. It finally makes sense.

All the sneaking around and him always keeping his phone locked. I should've known it was something to do with her. How could of I not saw this coming. More importantly, what the hell does he think he is doing. He is going to get stuck in a position that he won't be able to get out of. All of his subtle hints but they really weren't hints.

What the actual fuçk?

This just seems like some joke. I knew that his family came from that sort of business, but I never thought that James would ever get involved. Never did I ever think.

At this point, I am just confused. Why would he do this to himself. I've seen the movies and they don't end well.

I am worried about him, but I am also worried about myself. This is not only going to affect him, but me as well.

Oh God. I can just see it now: I'm going to get shot and die. Great. Just great. No, no, I need to concentrate on what is on hand at the moment.

Okay, so James is getting involved with that sort of business and Autumn got him involved.

I breath out heavenly. "Okay, okay, this is okay, um so have you been dealing?" I mean I have to ask. That is where it could be risky.

He shakes his head, "No, Autumn sells the drugs to dealers and I guess that's where it can get pretty messy," he sighs, "I'm sorry, I know this can be a real problem, but this his where I come from."

I shake my head, "No, James. Not anymore. There is a reason why you got pulled out of there in the first place and now you're willingly going back to a life you were terrified of. I don't see any logical explanation to this."

"Vena, if I hadn't gone that night, she was going to kill him. I tried, but things got out of hand. He didn't die, but he got a good beating."

My jaw loosens slightly. This can't be James, no, not my James.

"James, you went back even before Christmas Eve. You can't tell me that that was the first time you two met up because it wasn't."

"Vena, there are is some things that I just need to do, okay? I wouldn't expect you to understand."

I don't think I can stay calm about this any longer. This is where I draw the line. I stand up.

"Are you kidding me, James?! Do you realize how stupid you are being? You are putting yourself in danger that can so obviously be avoided," I huff, "How could you be so fuçking selfish?! I spent the last few weeks worrying about you and you do this. What about me, have you ever thought how this might affect me or maybe even your friends? James, I don't think you realize what you've done."

He has an outraged expression on his face. Try me, boy. I dare you.

"Vena, don't you dare tell me how to live my life. You are my girlfriend, not my mom. I know what I am doing, just trust me that I have this under control. Not worrying about me!"

"It's my bloody job!"

He waves his hand at me, dismissing me while walking out the room. I follow him. There is no way I am going to let him walk away.

"James! I am trying to talk to you here!" I follow him down the hallway into his bedroom.

"Well stop Vena, just stop!"

I come to a halt and look at his face. So frustrated. So helpless. So overwhelmed. What can I do? Nothing, because he did this to him, he did this to himself.

I shake my head at him. How inconsiderate of him to himself and me. He should have thought because he did this because now it changes everything. He's in a different place not and I don't know what to do about it.

I don't have to deal with this. This is not what I signed up for when I got into this relationship with him.

I put my hand up, waving him off. "When you are ready to be rational, then we'll talk but until then just leave me alone."

I can't think correctly anymore, the problems of others fill my busy head. For me and for him, I wish all to be reversed, but it's not that easy. 

His brain is a traffic circle and he can't get out. He just keeps on going around and around until all is forgotten and faded into a life of a simple destination.

Destination. What destination? I can't think of one. Of course, this is a life made up of vivid ridicule and fear, love and money. 

For as long as I can remember before this day, I was going to college and living with a normal boyfriend that does normal boyfriend things. 

He has faded into the depths of this sinister of a city and I am just desperately trying to hold on to him before it's too late. 

____________________

Well, this is the second last chapter everyone. I think that I did very well of this chapter so yeah. 

Surprise still coming up... Soon. 

So I am starting to rewrite this book just so it can match the process I have made with the more recent chapter. My earlier chapter were written over a year and a half ago, so I am just going to... update the a bit. 

I know this really was a nasty place to leave you guys, but I do what I need to do to carry on. 

Thank you,

—BWS❄️

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