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(Kellin's POV)

I took Vic for coffee the next Monday after school. When I picked him up, Mike wanted to go as well so he could most likely queston me, but I told him Vic and I had planned this for a while. It was a lie but it was necessary. I wanted to talk about what I had discovered over the weekened, but I also knew Vic would not want to. Having Mike present would make it impossible to discuss that.

He exits the house in those light blue ripped jeans I loved and a burgundy tee; that color always looked so good on him. The grey flannel over his shoulders went well with the outfit and I even felt somewhat jealous that he could get ready so quickly and still look so adorably wonderful. "By the way, you look really good today." I grin as he gets in. He hums, smiling a little at me. "Thank you, you do too."

"Do I?" I ask with a grin, watching him shut the door with a slam.

"Shut up and get me coffee." He nudges me, causing me to laugh. I was glad things were the same between us. He reaches his hand out with a hopeful look in his eyes. He didn't even have to ask; I lock our fingers together and smile slightly, pulling out of the driveway swiftly. We rode together though we didn't speak much. The radio was playing and we were mostly focused on that and it didn't bother me. I was just glad he wasn't distant from me, like I thought he would be.

_______

We choose a small table away from the hustle of the main part of the Starbucks. He sips his drink contently, looking down at the table. Now that I had some coffee in me, I think I was prepared for the conversation we would be having. "So, uh," I say quietly. He looks up at me and waits for me to continue. "The weekend and what happened. Does anyone else know?"

"No." He mumbles, looking at his coffee. He moves the stirring straw around to do just that, to mix the foam around. It was obvious that Vic was attempting to ignore the conversation but I didn't want that. I wanted him to be open enough with me, even if that made him a little uncomfortable. We had to talk about this. "Can we talk about it? I'm...I'm just trying to wrap my head around this."

He tenses and sighs, sipping his drink without looking at me. I knew that this was a tough subject, but I needed to know this stuff. I mean, this was my boyfriend whom I cared about very much, and this was hurting me, and it was obviously hurting him as well. This wasn't something we were going to be able to ignore. "I don't really want to." He says, cheeks getting a little pink.

"I know," I say whilst clearing my throat. "I know it's uncomfortable. Um, but I want to try and understand. I want to know. I care about you and this is something I want to  help you with." I offer a small smile and I see that he begins to do the same, but his mouth twitches downwards, and he lowers his eyes from me. Vic fiddles with his flannel sleeves and I try not to imagine what was under those sleeves. "Have you done more?" I ask firmly. "No." He says, meeting my eyes finally.

It made his words more believable and it also made the lump in my throat go down a little. Surely, he was going to get better. "Good. When...When did it start?" Vic shifts in his seat. "I think when Mom died. She really...kept me happy. She made all that shit that was happening at home seem so small and okay, then she died and it made me want to die too."

His choice of words made something sting inside me but there was nothing I could do to change them, so I didn't linger on them. "I don't want you to do that, Vic. I really don't," I grab his hands hurriedly, feeling the urge to feel him. Was this really happening? Vic really was here, wasn't he? The noise of the coffe shop told me all this was real but it really didn't seem like it. Things like this happened to other people, not us though, this wasn't possible. But it was happening. Vic's hands were really between my own, his knee was against mine, his eyes were looking into mine with this lingering fear. Fear of rejection or judgment, I assumed.

He looked hopeless and hopeful all at the same time. Maybe hopeless in himself, but hopeful that I wouldn't give up on him. I was sure that me giving up on him would never happen. "I want you happy again." I smile at him a little, lifting his hand to place a kiss on his knuckles.

"I know. I will be. Just...Just as long as you promise that you won't leave. You make me happy-- nothing else-- please don't leave." He says, rushing the words out a little. My cheeks burn and so does somethin in my chest. "Never." I say, bringing his hands to my cheeks, smiling a little. "Never." He mimicks.

"Never." I repeat.

_______

(Vic's POV)

Never,

Never,

Never.

Kellin told me he would never leave today and that made me nearly cry with happiness. If he wanted me happy again, things like this needed to happen more often. I was surprised at my ability to stay calm in the conversation we'd had earlier this morning. I tried to stay positive this morning as well, and maybe that helped.

When he told me he was coming to get me, my heart starting punching against my chest and I cried in the bathroom for ten minutes. Mike told me it would be fine, though he had no idea what had happened. I think he assumed that I was just nervous because we'd spent the weekend together. He probably assumed other things had happened as well, which was embarrassing to think about. Luckily, Kellin had not teased me about the one time I was a little intoxicated.

Even better: Mike did not know about that.

And I didn't plan on him finding out either.

I stopped typing on my computer, knowing English class could wait. Just a couple more months of this school shit. Christmas was next week, and I got a break so that was a plus. I look out the window and I see Kellin's father outside in the garden. My eyes are trained on him for a little, noticing that they had the same colored hair and similar pale skin. I wondered if he hated me as much as Kellin thought he did. It was a possibility that I didn't want to consider.

"Vic." Someone says at the door, causing me to flinch a little. "Mike, you scared the hell out of me!"

"Sorry, dude. Uh, I just had a question," he grins at me. That look made me nervous. "Why were you two gone so long?" The bastard even winked at me. What was he implying? I quirk a brow at him. He shrugs and leans against the doorway, signaling he really was waiting for my answer. "We got coffee, we got food, we went to a park and walked around a little. Here I am." I say shortly. I hated it when Mike was nosy.

I wanted to be left alone to think now, even if that wasn't a good idea. I was thinking about Christmas and the fact that it would be without my mom was going to put a damper on my good mood if I got the chance to think about it. "Yeah, yeah, right."

"It's true." I smile a little, chuckling quietly.

"Sure." He starts walking into the office more so I shut my laptop. He knew how I hated people reading things I had written, even if it was just my essay on Edgar Allen Poe. He sits on the desk and I pull my legs up to sit Indian style. "I think you guys b--"

"Fuck off." I mutter. Well, I suppose it did sound a little suspicious but like I said, he was being nosy. "Just saying." Mike lifts his hands in surrender. "Wasn't it obvious I was trying to think?" I say, frowning a little, hoping he would take the hint. "It didn't look like the good kind of thinking. You were out of it. So, I figured I would ask what was on my mind." Mike laughs lightly and I realize how lucky I am to have him as a brother. He actually cared about me. Where would I be without him? "Well, I need to finish so..." I trail off.

He shrugs as if schoolwork didn't matter. And maybe it didn't to him, but it did to me. He did all his work late at night because he preferred lounging around in the day. "Mike!" I say loudly, getting a little flustered. "Fine. We'll talk later when we play the game, then I can get my information." He rolls his eyes that are all too similar to mine and leaves the office, shutting the door behind him.

Then I'm left alone to think like I wanted.

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