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AN: Okay, I just wanted to put this little note here to say that I was so happy writing this chapter from William's POV. It was like being reunited with my child! <3

~

William stretched out his legs and arms. They were still sore from basketball practice the other day.

A grin overtook him and since he was alone in his room, William didnt bother trying to hide it.

It had been so long. He still couldn't believe he was playing again.

The feeling of his runners skidding on the slick wooden floor, the ridges of the ball in his hands... it was like coming home.

He almost couldn't remember why he'd ever stopped playing. Only when his mind lingered too long would it come back to him; the way he found it hard to talk to his teammates, was left out of every conversation, the way he'd mess up plays because he'd missed something in the game plan or didn't hear someone calling his name...

Technically, all those same problems should still be there, but here, at this school that had turned out to be the ultimate sanctuary, none of that seemed to matter.

Everyone was so understanding, so able to handle William's ways because well, it was normal. He was normal.

And now he had to leave...

William sighed heavily.

Even the two weeks away felt daunting.

True he wanted to see his mom badly but, last time he was back home...

Someone tapped William's shoulder, snapping him out of his thoughts. He turned to see his roommate Terrence giving him a sad smile.

Gonna miss you! he signed.

William smiled.

Barely, he signed back. Ill see you in a few weeks.

I wanna request being roommates again. Is that okay?

William raised a brow and managed to smile.

He nodded.

Terrence smiled happily and gave William a hug, one which, if he was honest, lingered a little too long.

The guy was nice. In fact, William had fun with him. They'd spent the past few months staying up watching movies and Terrence had been the first person to really help William out with his sign, which was rough at first since William knew so little of it.

The campus was full of students catching up on classes for the summer or getting extra credits and Terrence was one of them, tucking a few more science credits under his belt.

William's sign crash course was at an end now. Fall semester started soon, along with a full course load and whatever words he didn't know yet, he would have to work out on his own time to make sure he was up to speed.

He should have been nervous about that, not about the prospects of running into Lucas again.

Instead of school though, his thoughts were filled with his ex-boyfriend as he walked down the cobble steps of the campus with his bag in tow.

Why was it that his heart still hammered with excitement at the thought of seeing him? Even knowing full well that the encounter would be nothing but painful all over again.

He glanced back at the school, wishing he could stay a little bit longer but caught sight of a few friends from the basketball team and grinned and waved back at them.

He was happy here. Happier than he'd been in a long time and that happiness came with cutting ties, allowing both himself and Lucas to have the freedom to experience college life without being held back by one another and that was why William found life so confusing.

It was like there was a balance that needed to be maintained. When things were going too well, something bad came along to keep you in your place. Happy, but not too happy...

He got on the train in a bit of a daze, remembering the eagerness he'e felt going home last time compared to the unease he felt now.

Then again, last time, he and Lucas were still talking to each other. They still wanted to be together and had never officially called it quits, even though, from the start William had known it would be better for Lucas if they stopped talking. He'd tried to do just that but in the end he couldn't stay away, couldn't stop messaging Lucas, couldn't stop wishing for him everyday, couldn't stop himself from trying to surprise the other boy.

His cheeks heated remembering what he'd seen and William tried his best to blink the images away. That faded-haired asshole on top of William... touching him everywhere... and Lucas, cheeks red, laughing and happy, halfheartedly pushing him away....

William huffed incredulously.

"I hope you two are happy together," he muttered bitterly under his breath.

The woman sitting across from him gave him a funny look.

He had to stop thinking about this already. How long was he going to spend obsessing about everything that had happened?

Frustrated, William pulled out a book from his bag, attempting to distract himself.

It didn't work very well. The closer they got to home, the more he thought of Lucas. By the time the train slowed to a stop on the platform, he was positive he even imagined Lucas standing there for a moment, looking nearly the same as that day when William had first left.

Sighing, he collected his things and climbed off the train, looking around for his mother.

Except that his mother wasn't the one that his eyes landed on. Another familiar figure was indeed standing there, searching the crowds of people getting off the train.

William wanted to duck down and hide amidst the people but a large part of him knew; Lucas was here for him.

His heart pounded harder and harder with each step that William took toward him. Lucas didn't see him yet and William didn't care because it gave him a minute to eat him up unabashedly with his eyes.

He looked nervous, the way he was standing there, but still just like always, Lucas was just so attractive.

His hair was in artful disarray, hands tucked in his pockets. He was dressed nicer than William had ever seen him dressed, everything on him looked pressed and tailored to fit his body, even the sweatshirt and William couldn't tear his eyes away from him.

A foot away, Lucas finally noticed him.

His eyes widened and bright hazel flew to William's face, tracing his features.

William opened his mouth to say something but before could, Lucas' hands flew up.

How are you? he signed.

William was so shocked that all he could do was answer.

Fine.

Lucas nodded quickly.

The ride was good?

This time William nodded. Had he fallen into a different reality?

It was fast, he signed.

Lucas swallowed and looked away.

I hope you don't mind, I came to see you.

William didn't know what to say or sign--and then the reality of the situation hit him and an incredulous, exuberant laugh left him.

"You learned ASL," he said.

Lucas' cheeks turned red, but he nodded.

"I joined this club and I found a class at the community center and--"

William kissed him.

He didn't mean to do it. It just burst out of him like the most natural reaction in the world to put his hands on Lucas' face and press their lips together like matching puzzle pieces. It felt more like home than walking back into the town he had grown in but regret stirred in him before he even pulled back.

What was the point of Kissing Lucas again? Why did he go through the past few months of pure torture, wondering every moment what Lucas was doing and hurting inside every time he wanted to hear his voice and knew he couldn't. He couldn't do this over and over again...

But then when their lips parted and William opened his eyes, Lucas was looking up at him with the most hopeful expression he'd ever seen and he couldn't pull any further than an inch away.

"Will you come to dinner with me?" Lucas asked. "Please?"

William finally managed to pull away, remembering where he was and what was happening.

"Right now?" he asked. "I can't, my mom--"

"She already knows," Lucas said. "She's not here. S'he let me come pick you up."

William pursed his lips. She had no right to make these sorts of decisions for him.

"We'll just eat and talk and then you can go, if you want," Lucas said, sounding beyond dejected, and just like every other time William had made the other boy cry, the sadness he was displaying seemed so wrong on him.

Guilt stirred in William and he managed to nod.

"Yeah, okay," he said. He owed him at least that much. If Lucas wanted him to hear him out, then the least William could do was listen.

Lucas straightened with determination.

"Okay!" he said. "This way!"

He lead William, surprisingly to a cab, shooting him quick looks all the way as though making sure William was still there.

"Antonio's," Lucas said promptly to the driver and then turned to look at William, sitting next to him in the back.

It was hard to look away.

William was still pretty sure that he was dreaming.

Then again, Lucas had certainly turned out to be the type who didn't let things go. Yet another thing to love about him...

He forced his gaze out the window, staring unseeingly until a hand tentatively took his.

William looked at Lucas, surprised and then a little confused by the look Lucas was giving him. He'd seen it before, over and over on those few days they'd had together before he first left; comfort.

Why did Lucas feel like William needed to be comforted? It made no sense.

The cab slowed to a stop in front of a restaurant down town.

Lucas paid and hopped out, holding the door open for William and pretty much making him melt.

Had they never gone on any real dates? Because he was pretty sure that he'd remember Lucas being such a gentleman. No, it had always been just them coping with student budgets and stealing moments here and there.

Lucas was definitely nervous though, but he was holding it together, back rigid as he lead William inside.

And then it was William's turn to be nervous.

For one, Lucas had made a reservation and suddenly Lucas' new look made sense. William was extremely under-dressed for this place. There were table cloths on all the tables and candles everywhere. The walls were decorated with classy paintings of Italian vineyards--and William was in a pair of sweats and a hoodie...

He tried to ignore that as they were lead to a table. The second the server was gone though, William leaned forward.

"Lucas, this place looks really expensive," he said.

"It's fine," Lucas said and he seemed so sure that William let it go--until the menus arrived with their water and a basket of warm bread.

William nearly choked at the prices. With his mom's deli being the extent of the restaurant experience that William was use to, where you could get the same items for five dollars versus fifty, this place seemed ludicrous.

Maybe he could pay for himself at least--even if this meal ended up being a weeks worth of his grocery budget...

"Do you want a drink?" Lucas asked.

"Uh..." William quickly scanned the drink list, nearly going pale at the seventeen dollar cocktails. "No thanks."

Lucas swallowed.

"Okay..." he said not looking at William. "You just want to get out of here as quick as possible don't you?"

William shook his head, feeling guilty all over again.

"It's not that, it's just really expensive here."

"That's fine," Lucas said. "Seriously, I saved for this for months."

William stared at Lucas, taken aback all over again.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because, you said Lasagna is your favorite, right?" Lucas asked, earnestly.

William blinked. He was a hundred percent sure that lasagna was Lucas' favorite, not his. But the fact that Lucas had remembered it wrong for months while saving to take William out to his favorite meal was just so cute that William could do nothing but nod in agreement.

To be fair, the service alone was probably worth the money. Their waiter uncorked the bottle of wine that Lucas ordered at their table and poured a small taster glass for Lucas who looked a little taken aback.

"I hope you like red wine," Lucas said to William, picking up the glass. "Everything I read on google said that red wine goes with lasagna."

He took a small, curious sip and immediately started to cough. His face was nearly purple by the time he managed to fake a smile at their waiter.

"It's perfect," he choked.

The second the man was out of sight, he turned to William, suddenly looking pale.

"I don't like red wine. That is disgusting! I am so sorry, let's get something else."

"It's fine," William said, unable to stop himself from laughing.

He took the glass that the waiter had poured for him and took a sip.

"I can handle this," he said after a moment.

Lucas gave him a dubious look and tried his again, a smaller sip this time. After a moment, he shook his head.

"Nope."

He let out a small breath, looking at William, the way he had been since William arrived; with a little bit of disbelief, and a little bit of brazen confidence that William had never seen there before.

"What is it?" William asked uneasily.

There was a change in Lucas for sure, but William didn't know what it was, or where it came from and he didn't know how to act with it.

"How's your new school?" Lucas suddenly asked.

"Good," William said, surprised by the turn in conversation.

"Just good?" Lucas pressed.

William's cheeks warmed under the scrutiny.

"I love it," he said.

Lucas smiled, his first genuine smile since William walked up to him on that platform. He forgot just how warm Lucas' smile could be, and just how much it warmed him all the way through to the bones.

He smiled in return and for a moment they just smiled at each other. William remembered quite vividly how it felt to have your insides turn into butterflies and distracted himself with another sip of wine.

"Have you made many friends?" Lucas asked.

William shrugged.

"A few," he said. His face was now heated up like a frying pan and he didn't seem able to calm his nerves at all. "My roommate and a few people from the basketball team. A girl from the study classes I was taking."

"Basketball?" Lucas asked, lighting up. "You're playing again?"

"Yeah," William said, and then could take it no longer.

"Lucas, what's with all the questions?" he demanded. "What is all this about? You didn't bring me here to ask about basketball."

Lucas blinked at him.

"True," he said. "But... There were so many questions that I wanted to ask when you first left but I was too afraid of bothering you..."

"And now?"

"Now, I don't care if it bothers you. I have you here, so I'm just going to ask what I want."

William looked away. He didn't think he could handle too much of this honesty Lucas was giving him. He needed to prepare himself for Lucas level bluntness.

He didn't care anymore...

The humiliation William felt rendered him motionless. Really, he had thought--maybe even hoped--that Lucas was trying to get him back, even if William knew he would refuse, but really Lucas was just trying to catch up?

He had kissed him.

William's stomach did a painful twist. He hadn't even considered that Lucas didn't want it until right now. He probably had another boyfriend, William realized with dread.

He should probably just go.

"Actually, I guess what I should say is that now I know it wont bother you."

"Oh yeah?" William asked, trying his best to follow.

Lucas watched him closely, a knowing look in his eyes that made William squirm inside because he suddenly knew what was coming.

"You love me," Lucas said confidently.

William wanted to deny it but he couldn't move.

"How--?"

Lucas held up his hand, signing the word for love, the one William had signed to him before. He looked away.

"That was a long time ago."

"Yeah," Lucas agreed softly.

When William finally found the strength to look at Lucas, he was staring into his glass of wine pensively.

"For a while there, I started to think like that. Maybe it's been too long now and you don't feel the same. Maybe we've both changed too much and we wouldn't work together any more. Maybe I should just be smart and give up." He looked up at William, eyes fiery with determination. "But I couldn't just give up without trying."

"Lucas," William said, searching for words. "We did try."

He had reasons for ending it with Lucas. He knew he did. Even if he couldn't remember what those reasons were right now, he knew he had them.

But Lucas shook his head firmly.

"No, not really," he said. "What happened was that you--you knew you loved me and you thought it would be better for me to be without you. Here's the thing though, you were wrong."

He leaned forward, as close as he could to William, who was trembling all over and looked him straight in the eyes.

"I love you too," he said. "And I don't need you making my decisions for me."

A plate of food suddenly slid in front of William and he nearly jumped out of his skin at the waiter's sudden appearance.

He looked away, attempting to gain control of himself, but he couldn't. Lucas loved him. His heart was humming and his whole body felt hot. When his gaze flew to Lucas, the brunette's met his at once and William could barely hold the intensity in his gaze.

Lucas meant it.

William's hands were shaking so hard, when he went to grab his fork, it promptly slipped out of his hand.

Lucas didn't seem to notice because the second the waiter walked away he leaned forward and kept talking.

"My whole life people have been making decisions for me," he said. "When my dad passed away it was decided; which university I'd go to, where I would live... I don't like that big, empty place, but I stay in it because no one in my family wanted me to sell it. And without selling it, I couldn't afford living anywhere else and if I'm living here that means going to school here..."

He took a breath.

"Then you," he went on, slower. "You, and everyone else I know, seems to think I need someone taking care of me. Well guess what, I don't need you babysitting me twenty-four seven."

"Lucas, I don't think that."

The emotional turns in this conversation were hard to handle but William knew Lucas needed to rant. Months of emotions seemed to be pouring through him and they were definitely serious because Lucas hadn't even touched his food.

"I don't need to be glued to your side to be happy, okay? So what if there's a few hours between us?"

Lucas picked up his fork and took a violent bite of his lasagna, clearly attempting to calm himself down.

"All summer, I worked a job in the mall back in my home town, and I didn't get fired once," he said proudly. "I saved all my paychecks and paid all of my own bills. I wanted to prove to you that you don't need to be here holding my hand. I appreciate everything you did for me, all the food and the company but I can also take care of myself."

He paused, thinking.

"Oh, and one more thing. William..." he said, and then signed. We will always be able to talk to each other.

William tried to speak but no words would come. He didn't think he'd ever felt so shaken or so moved.

Lucas had a habit of suddenly bombarding him with so much emotion and so much honesty and truth that it shook him to the core.

All this time, Lucas was working toward being the right person for him, while William was trying to forget him? He thought they would be better apart. He thought Lucas would be happier.

The truth of the matter was that he'd suffered, he'd acted the martyr, wallowing in self pity while Lucas silently became a better man than he'd ever thought he was. And that was saying a lot, because he already thought that Lucas was amazing.

His vision blurred with tears and he looked down at the table, clasping his hands together beneath it.

Was this really happening?

"I figured out a lot of things about myself this summer, and also about you," Lucas said. "I know that a lot of what you went through was out of your control. Maybe, you wanted to be in control of something, even if it was only me... but since we both feel like we never get to decide what happens to us, we can at least decide on this one thing, together."

It was all so true. In front of this boy how did William always feel so broken open and vulnerable? He had not wanted to ruin Lucas' potential happiness by latching him to the deaf boy with all the deaf friends. He didn't want Lucas to have to deal with the depression and moods that overtook him. Not to mention the absent boyfriend and so he had taken the decision into his own hands, even though it wasn't what he or Lucas wanted.

But if Lucas truly wanted all of him, then maybe he should be selfish and just take it. Maybe he deserved as much happiness as he wanted Lucas to have and it was as simple as being together.

"Okay," William said, shakily.

When he finally looked up at Lucas, the brunette was still watching him with a deep frown.

You do still love me, right? he signed across the table.

William blinked the tears back enough to look Lucas straight in the eyes before replying.

More than anything.

~

AN: Also guys, this is the 25th chapter! :O I'm not sure the exact word count of Loud and Clear but it's pretty cool that its still going... but I'M SORRY, I'M PRETTY SURE THAT THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE THE LAST ONE! D: I'M NOT READY!!!

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