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Chapter Eighteen: Evan

Is it bad to want someone's presence around again even though they specifically told you to stay the absolute hell away from them?

Maybe it's just the guilt fooling me into thinking that the reason why I'm constantly thinking about her is that I secretly miss having her around.

Which would be fucked up considering who in their right minds would miss someone whom they only ever fight with twenty-four-seven?

So maybe it really is just the guilt considering I didn't expect us to head back to square one that easily, we drive each other insane and yeah, we do fucking fight a lot. But I just didn't think that it would be enough to convince her to cut all ties with me completely.

But now, ever since that day when I got into a fight with Levi and she had established that it'd be best if we don't see or talk to one another anymore, I barely see her. Like at all.

She hasn't been attending classes for the past week, and when I asked her teachers about it, they could only tell me that her assignments and projects were being picked up so she still can do them back at home due to how she was going through personal matters at the moment.

I obviously couldn't probe her friends about it because even she hasn't been talking to them, and neither have they, considering they're literally acting as if she never existed at all.

That alone was already enough to annoy the shit out of me.

Like seriously? One misunderstanding and they just cut her off like that? If I had known she not only had a shitty boyfriend but also a bunch of shitty friends as well, I would've done more than just a quick beat-up.

But then again, it's not like she would allow me to.

For all I know, everything I've done in her life has been nothing but a major inconvenience or an act of meddling, and maybe it is. Maybe I just don't know where my limits are anymore, so when I do something even remotely normal in my eyes, it's erratic or too much in hers.

Maybe we are just too different, maybe it would be easier to just stop this childish banter that we have going on, trying to fool ourselves into believing that whenever a fight happens, we can work it out. That we can get along.

But we simply can't, one way or another we do something that would inevitably make the other person tired because that's what we do. We drain each other of our own energy by simply existing.

No one wants that, you have to be absolutely fucking mad to want something like that, even I don't want that, no matter how thrilling it can be at times. It does get tiring.

But how come leaving everything behind just like that seems so disappointing at the same time? As if it was never an option in the first place.

I know it would be more optional, more understandable to just listen to her when she tells me what's best for us because God knows she's the more logical one between us both.

But why doesn't it feel that way? Staying away from each other because it's the easier route to take? Maybe because easy always seemed so half-assed, like we don't want to do it, but at the same time, we have no other option and we have to save ourselves before it's too late.

But why is it every time she tells me to leave, it just tempts me to want to stay even more? Even though it would be easier. Because I know the more we force ourselves onto one another, the more we'd convince ourselves that it's never going to work because of how different we are.

But I guess that's the reason why it's so hard to leave.

Because for the first time, it's different.

* * *

Though I did hope we could've tried harder.

Jasper noticed that more than anyone else, seeing as how he would catch me wallowing about it time and time again knowing what I had done wrong. "If you want to try so bad, why not just go ahead and do so?" he suggested.

I groaned "Because she doesn't want me to." I said, pacing around my room in hopes that I'll be able to distract myself from the lingering thoughts concerning Maggie "We already agreed that it would be best if we just don't stay in contact anymore, which I guess is for the better."

"By we do you mean she?" Jasper remarked as I waved him off dismissively "I mean it, because judging from the way you've been so distracted lately, I don't think it was a mutual agreement."

"Of course, it wasn't!" I exclaimed, "I wanted us to get along but if she wanted this so badly, who am I to force someone to do something that they don't want?"

"Then why are you like this?" he asked rhetorically, sitting on the edge of my bed as I yet again released another groan before plopping down beside him, worn out.

"Is it because you didn't like the way it ended between you both?" he insinuated "Because you didn't give your own input and what you thought you two still could've done?"

I snickered as I looked up at him "Why do you have to over-analyze everything?"

"Did I lie though?"

I didn't answer him and he took my silence as his confirmation "And to think you two were finally getting along." he commented, shaking his head in dismay.

"We were, but after that whole thing with Levi, she misinterpreted my way of defending her as me blowing things out of proportion, and just like that, we stopped."

"By misinterpreting you, do you mean not tolerating your actions?" he insinuated as I raised an eyebrow at him "You have to understand she's not headstrong in the same way that you are, she won't just ignore your tantrums like most people."

"I know," I admitted, ashamed. "I know it was my fault, okay? I know that now."

"Then go ahead and tell her that, instead of wallowing here doing nothing but moping around about what you did wrong, go ahead and tell her how much you messed up."

"But what's the point?" I asked, "She doesn't want me around her anymore and it'd be hypocritical to rebel against the same thing she told me not to do."

"Look," he interjected "I could see how much she's affecting you and how much you've changed since you've met her. You two motivate each other, and I think it'd be a waste to back down now after everything was going so great between the two of you."

"But what do I have against that stinking ex-boyfriend of hers?" I retorted bitterly.

Jasper looked at me before chuckling, amused.

"That you're willing to try again and he isn't."

* * *

"Are you sure?" I asked, doubtful as I let my eyes drink in the daunting sight of Maggie's house.

"I'm not here to hold your hand and guide you, Evan." Jasper deadpanned as I scowled at him "You said you'd try, but if you don't want to anymore, that's fine. No one's pressuring you."

"I know!" I wailed "It's just that it's been a week since we've last talked and here I am showing up out of nowhere trying to initiate some sort of couple's therapy?"

The corner of his lips twitched at that "Just go, what's the worst thing that she can do?"

Jasper nudged me in encouragement, making me glare at him as I rang the door to their house, waiting as I shifted nervously on my feet, anticipating who'll answer it.

Soon enough the door opened and I was greeted by their housekeeper, Frank, looking at me with a suspicious gaze as he held the door open "Mr. Williams." he said.

"Frank," I replied, reciprocating his formal greeting "Is Maggie home?"

"She is, she's currently studying and doing homework at the moment." Frank informed while his tone remained passive and sharp "May I ask why you're here?"

Something about his demeanor indicates that he might be aware that Maggie and I aren't on good terms at the moment, considering the cautious look on his face wasn't hard to decipher as well as the way his body language spoke, almost painfully alert of what I'm about to do or say.

"I just wanted to talk," I answered "We haven't been on speaking terms and I wanted to see how she's doing as well as to try and reason things out with her."

Frank inspected me with a hard stare before sighing, closing the door behind him as he stepped out of the house "Listen, Mr. Williams, as much as I don't wanna intrude, I have been aware of what had happened lately considering Maggie tends to tell me things about her life."

"She told me about how she and Mr. Chu are no longer in a relationship and how Ms. Kingsley and Ms. Sanders are refusing to talk to her due to a small incident that happened which you were involved in," Frank stated as I couldn't help but flinch at his tone.

"I really don't wanna have to allow you to come in if your intentions are just to disturb her. She's trying to recollect herself after the previous events and I don't wanna have to disrupt that."

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat, realizing however that despite how some people in Maggie's life tend to be neglectful, at least there are those who are protective of her, which is why as much as I am intimidated by Frank right now, I appreciate that she has someone like him to be there for her.

"I promise you, Frank." I told him "That I carry no ill intention. If you want, you can go ahead and ask her first if my visitation is welcomed but if not, I'll gladly leave."

Frank could only direct a firm, narrowed stare at me before nodding his head "I'll ask her." and with that, he made his way back into the house while I stood here, releasing a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"So what?" Jasper asked "What if she doesn't want to talk to you? You'll give up?"

I formed my lips into a straight line as I shrugged "I guess I have to."

We waited for what felt like an hour before the door opened again, Frank looking at us rather skeptically before he opened his mouth to speak "You can come in, she's in her room."

I nodded, relief rushing through me as I diverted my attention back at Jasper to see him waving at me, signaling that I go along "Go, I'll be here if you need me."

I smiled at him, grateful that he understood before stepping inside the house, a sudden wave of nostalgia rushing through me as I tried to adjust to my surroundings. Even though it's only been a week since I've last paid a visit, the environment feels different for some reason.

I make my way upstairs, the sound of my footsteps ricocheting through the vast space of their house before I make it to her bedroom, my heart thumping violently inside my chest. Why do I feel so nervous? It's only been a week.

I knocked on her door and it took a couple of seconds before the sound of her voice enunciated a response to my arrival, gentle but firm "Come in." she says.

I slowly opened the door to her room to see her standing near her window, clad in a pair of shorts and a loose, white shirt. Her auburn brown hair fell messily down her shoulders.

She turned her head, her gaze indecipherable, her arms were crossed formally against her chest before she lifted her eyes up to look at me.

"Evan."

There it is. That feeling I get whenever she's around, that feeling that rushes through me and it rushes deep, almost like a gut punch that defeats me altogether, as the impact lingers even after the tension subsides.

Her presence alone does that to me, without as much as a sentence uttered, just a stare, and that already manages to silence me completely.

She makes me submit.

"What are you doing here?"

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