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Chapter: Twenty: Maggie

I find myself wondering if forgiving him is actually a good idea.

Then again, it has been a week since I've last seen him and it's not like we can both completely avoid seeing each other throughout the engagement. It's basically impossible.

However, I'm still debating if what he had done was worthy of my reconsideration, due to how he was too persistent for my liking.

At that point, before he decided to visit me I was pretty sure it was over for us by then, that we had completely lost hope in reconciling and or reviving what was left of our short-lived bond.

However, he had managed to surprise me by showing up at my front door, asking permission if he could talk to me but if I didn't want to, he would've gladly left without hesitation.

At first, I thought about refusing his visitation, knowing well that he was up to no good and that it'd be best if I saved ourselves the trouble of regressing to where we left off.

But then I thought again later, what's the harm in hearing what he has to say? Surely, I wouldn't be swayed by whatever he has to bring to the table.

Looking back at it now, I don't know if I should reevaluate my life decisions or not.

I don't know what it was that tempted me to accept his apology despite everything that happened with Levi, the sincerity I'm guessing? Because that had been the first time I truly witnessed him being so hell-bent on redeeming himself despite his mistakes.

But still, I couldn't help but feel unsettled, because it is hard trying to imagine myself developing an actual stable friendship with Evan, due to the many difficulties we had to face that gave us valid reasons to be anything but friends.

Because Evan and I are completely different, and it is gonna be hard adjusting to the idea of hanging out with Evan now that Beth, Emily, and Levi are out of the picture.

Which speaking of.

Ever since the incident that took place last week, I have tried relentlessly to contact Levi in an attempt to explain my circumstances to him as well as to debunk whatever assumptions he's made about me and Evan, knowing that he's probably thinking I may have cheated on him.

The plan was to break up with him. The original idea, however, was to detail the entire story of the engagement in hopes that he'll understand and agree to mutually end the relationship on good terms.

But it seems as though that idea was left done and dusted.

Now here I am, wallowing still over the thought that Levi had probably blocked my number, preventing me from trying to reach out to him to put his mind at ease.

Evan, on the other hand, has a slightly more different approach towards the situation.

"You've been stuck in your house for an entire week, Carter. Dwelling over some presumptuous asshat that didn't give you a chance to explain yourself."

"Look, it was my fault, okay?" I said to him "If only I hadn't kept secrets from him and was too much of a coward to break up, he wouldn't have gone out of his way to get answers himself."

"You know that isn't your fault. You were under pressure."

"That still doesn't invalidate whatever he might be feeling right now." I proclaimed, looking up at him from the comfort of my living room couch, as we lounge around making conversation.

Not gonna lie, it took me by surprise how easily our discussions can be initiated as long as either one of us is adamant enough to go ahead and start one.

Which is always Evan, for he had decided to visit me the following day after his previous visit, and how he had caught me in my recent episodes of moping around because of Levi.

In my defense, it was a two freaking year relationship, after all.

Despite being hurt by how the relationship ended with Levi just abruptly abandoning me and practically summoning both Beth and Emily to join his side, it's hard not to be in a slump after such a significant downfall in my life.

Which Evan disagrees with, incessantly arguing that Levi isn't worth the time nor energy due to the likelihood that he's probably holding a vendetta against me.

"That isn't helping!" I exclaimed, almost in a whine "Even so, he has all the right reasons to hold a grudge, I went behind his back for crying out loud!"

"He tried to get you to explain yourself in a manipulative way by putting you on the spot in front of dozens of people." he insisted "I mean, who does that?"

"You." I scoffed.

Evan fell silent for a while before he looked down, rubbing the nape of his neck whilst looking embarrassed "Which is my point, by saying what he did was fucked up is me coming from a place where I had gone through a similar experience, although where I would relate to him."

I blinked back at his courage to admit his contradiction, astonished. "Wow."

"Yeah, which is why when I tell you what he did was fucked up." he paused, "It's fucked up."

I swallowed at the lump forming in my throat as I averted my gaze "But still, that doesn't make me any less deserving of the consequences given to me. I lost him, and I lost my friends."

"If they really aren't willing to hear your side of the story and choose to willingly abandon you, it's not the end of the world. You'll make friends again, I promise you that."

"Yeah right, it's already nearing the end of high school, what's the point?"

Evan could only look at me with a soft glint in his eyes.

* * *

It was only a matter of time before it was agreed that I needed to go back to attending classes.

I probably already missed out on too much classwork that I wouldn't be surprised if my studious outlook wouldn't make up for it, that's why I was apprehensive. Even on the day when I decided to go back to school, I was second-guessing even showing up at all.

Fumbling with my uniform, my bag, and everything I could lay my hands on that would help me get started on with the day kept perpetually slipping past my fingers due to the overwhelming tremors of my anxiety. What would it be like attending school now?

If you had told me one and a half months earlier from today that I would be worrying about how I would look to the people of Henderson High in terms of my social status, I would've probably laughed at you and called you an idiot.

I was far too ahead of myself thinking that anyone could avoid this, or maybe it was my blinded optimism thinking that I could dodge the inevitable wrath that Henderson High brings to its students in the form of, well, its students.

But it's crazy how I was so certain at one point but fast forward now, here I am being practically dragged by Evan to hitch a ride with him to school, all the courage and bravery drained out of my system to repel against his persistence.

"You have to show up to school one way or another, Carter." he scolded, closing the door to his side of the car after making sure I was properly seated on mine "You can't keep hiding in your room binge-watching movies about breakups thinking either your boyfriend or the entire school deserve to have that sort of effect on you."

"Get off my back, will you?" I groaned "It's bad enough that I'll probably end up eating in the restroom now that Levi and the girls aren't talking to me anymore."

"You're wrong about that." he said "Because luckily for you, now that the entire school knows about us, there's no point in hiding the fact that we know each other."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He briefly shifted his eyes off the road to look at me "It means we don't have to hide whatever this," he gestured between us both "-is, you can finally talk to me without looking over your shoulder every two seconds, plus you have me and Jasper. You're not completely alone."

"Plus," he added, "I decided considering you're finally free from your unhealthy relationship and friendships, I thought maybe I could introduce you to my friends."

"Oh no," I said, raising my hands in complete disapproval "If you know me well enough you should know that I don't deal well with people of your kind."

"Who are?"

"The socialites." I declared "The students possessing the highest ranking in our school's social hierarchy, just saying it out loud makes it seem like such a massive cliche ."

"It's not like we're the only ones perpetuating it." he argued, "I'm not going to play innocent and say that I hadn't encouraged it myself by utilizing my privileges but at this point, you might as well just embody what other people make of you."

"You don't want to be perceived but have no problem being interpreted?"

"In a way, the same thing happened with Mandy, she had assumed I was just some dysfunctional himbo with commitment issues that needed changing, and if achieved, she could hang as some sort of plank alongside the other achievements she has hanging inside that head of hers, and although I found it offensive, I thought, if she wanted to play this game, sure, we could play."

"So I fueled her hopes only to end up failing her in the same way that she failed me by letting me think she was different from everybody else."

"That's still not an excuse to have treated her like shit." I argued back "You do realize you're not obligated to be the person people perceive you even if you were doing it out of satire? It's still a horrible thing to do, that's why I despised your guts the day you broke up with her."

Evan was caught off guard by my dispute before recognition washed over his face "You're right, I guess I was just waiting for someone to actually say it to me and not just behind my back like how most people do. They make me aware of what I'm doing wrong but at the same time make no effort to actually try and... see past my mistakes, I'm practically defined by them."

"You don't need other people to determine what's right and wrong for you, Evan." I said to him "You should be able to distinguish that yourself. It's not an overnight process, being the best version of yourself, but it's up to you, and to damn what anybody else has to say."

He lets my words sink in before he offers me a quick smile "Not gonna lie, it's the way you aren't afraid to be straightforward with me is why I can't just be civil with you, Carter. Getting to know you is a lot more fun."

I looked over at him and returned his longing gaze with my own, keeping my expression neutral as I raised a brow "Some people can beg to differ."

* * *

I remembered the day Evan decided to drive me to school for the first time. I was shitting bricks and throwing a tantrum about it.

I wasn't on board with it, I kept insisting that he'd drop me off several blocks away from school in fear that people would see us. Never would have I thought, however, that I would live to see the day where I'd end up not giving a damn, like at all.

But that doesn't mean the fear was diminished and that the anxiety stopped itself from lingering within the depths of my subconscious because as soon as Evan and I arrived at school and stood in front of the entrance, I so badly wanted to go back inside the car and curl into a ball.

Evan instantly picked up on my apprehension however and stopped me from doing anything, pushing me forward and guiding me along the way as we made our way inside.

"Keep your cool, Carter. They won't be able to say anything as long as I'm here."

"It's not like you can stay by my side the entire day." I told him "One way or another we have to part ways and you won't be able to keep a close eye on me."

"Even so, I'll be here. If anything happens I'll be sure to pummel the shit out of them-"

"Evan." I chastised which made him simply roll his eyes.

"Fine, I'll teach them a lesson."

"With?"

"My fis..." I narrowed my eyes as I dared him to continue "... with my diplomacy and integrity?"

"Exactly."

"I just don't get why you're so hell-bent on treating everyone with respect when they obviously won't do the same thing with you,"

I shook my head in disagreement "It's better to handle people in a way that challenges their intentions. I personally believe good morals and principles beat pretense any day."

He tilts his head in a less but agreeable manner "I guess?"

"You'll see," I added, "Even if I go through this day being treated poorly, I'd still walk out a winner knowing that I still have my dignity to give me a reason not to compel against spiteful desires."

* * *

I wanna set this whole fucking school on fire.

It hasn't even been halfway through the day and lunch has just started and people are already plotting my demise through subtle mockery and constant trading of falsifications.

It's like everywhere I go someone is murmuring false claims of what they believed to be true in the story of me and Levi's falling out, not even being discreet with their comments about me supposedly being promiscuous and unfaithful.

Darting judgmental glances and scornful laughter, knowing fully well that their spiteful claims are affecting not only my reputation but my mental state as well.

I'm an open book, my emotions ooze out like untamed ink of a used-up pen and right now I'm littered with it, easily crucified due to my evident inferiority.

At this moment, I begin to despise myself for all the times I've ever been like this to people who've gone through similar dilemmas that I don't even know.

Passing along rumor after rumor without empathy to the person being targeted, and now that it's happening to me, I can only describe the feeling as nothing but dehumanizing.

"Hey," Evan called out as soon as he saw me passing by the cafeteria "I was waiting for you - woah there, slow down. Are you okay?" he asked as I attempted to stride past him.

He can obviously see the effect of what people's ill-mannered treatment has done to me these past few hours, with my lips sewed into an almost unnerving scowl, indicating that I am anything but in a good mood right now.

"No, I'm not okay. The shit people have been saying about me is just downright low and petty and I thought I could handle this, and I could if I tried, but it's hard."

I suppressed the tears threatening to spill out of my eyes as Evan looked down at me "What were they saying?" he asked in an almost mere whisper.

I sniffed, shaking my head "What you would expect from people who don't know the full story."

My brain instantly did a quick recap and I couldn't help but painfully close my eyes at the memories of their undignified comments sent my way.

"Can you imagine being a complete nobody and cheating on someone like Levi?"

"Who does she even think she is? The sheer audacity though."

"What did Evan even see in her?"

"Cheating on a guy like Levi and being able to score a guy like Evan with that face? If I knew the bar was set that low I shouldn't have thought twice about approaching them before."

"Imagine going from a complete bombshell like Mandy to that... mess."

As I summarized the comments said to me behind my back, Evan could only look at me with complete horror and disgust in his eyes "Jesus Christ."

I didn't say anything and simply shook my head "Screw it, I'll be leaving all of this behind anyways. It's not like a pathetic rumor and insults about me are gonna scar me for life."

"Still, misogynistic bullshit like that is just unacceptable," he then cleared his throat awkwardly as I looked up at him "Plus you know what they said isn't true right? Those insults? You're so much better than what they lead you on, both inside and out."

Looking away, I just shook my head, trying not to overthink the implications of his words "Again, it doesn't matter, why try to prove myself to people who only antagonize me in a childish narrative when they don't even know the full story? I don't need their validation, and besides, I've wasted my time explaining myself to you and that was just time-consuming."

"But you taught me a lesson that I actually learned from,"

I couldn't help the smile spreading across my face as he said, "Because you're stuck with me, Williams. You're only bound to empathize with me whether you like it or not."

He stayed silent, pursing his lips in thought as he inspected me with his steely gaze before something indecipherable registered in his expression.

With that, he took my hand in his and nodded his head at the exit "Let's get out of here."

"Wait, what?" I questioned incredulously "Go where? Evan, we still have classes."

"I know, I just thought maybe you'd wanna spend lunch somewhere that isn't here."

I blinked back at him in perplexity "What do you have in mind?"

He grinned.

* * *

We stood by the deserted parking lot, leaning against a humongous black Nissan Frontier whilst Evan was strangely focused on his phone as I looked around the area.

"Who are we waiting for exactly?" I asked, causing him to hold up a finger, signaling me to wait before he shuts off his phone and turns to me with a beaming look in his eyes.

"Some friends I told you about earlier."

Before I could even have the chance to say anything, a group of people started making their way towards us whilst calling out to Evan, four guys, and two girls. They were holding bags of what I can assume were filled with food for today's lunch.

"Do you guys do this often?" I asked him out of curiosity "Like eat out here? Is that what the cool kids do these days? Eating out of school's territory and being rebellious?"

He laughed under his breath "That's your definition of rebellion?" I glowered at him "But no, we only do this if either one of us isn't in the mood to eat in the cafeteria and needs to get away from all the riot in there."

I nodded in understanding as I looked back at his friends to notice that Jasper was in the bunch and I couldn't help but smile widely at the sight of him "Jasper!" I beamed before engulfing him in a friendly embrace once he neared me "It's been a while."

"So it has," he said with an endearing smile "How's it been lately?"

I took a deep breath, pressing my lips together in a thin line which Jasper instantly understood, tilting his head with a puzzled look in his eyes "Not good, I'm guessing?"

"To put it simply, yeah." I answered, "When I thought about finally attending classes after a week as a way to decompress, I thought I would've been able to handle it, you know?"

"But it seems as though things didn't turn out the way you wanted it to?" he asked softly.

I nodded, feeling a wave of melancholy wash over me as I willed myself to answer his questions at least "Yeah, everything just happened so quickly and now I'm out here, back at school, and yet everything isn't like how it was before."

"I'm still trying to adapt to this new stage of my life where Levi and the girls aren't here for me anymore, and even though it's only been a week..."

"It's hard for you to work your way through it?" he continued as I nodded, forcing myself to smile as a way to show gratitude for his understanding of the situation and being aware that I didn't want to explain myself any further.

"Yeah, that's pretty much it."

Jasper was about to say something when Evan suddenly slipped in right between us, slinging an arm around Jasper's shoulder and nodding his head in the direction of his friends.

"Come on, I know it's been a while since you two have seen each other, but there's a lot more time to start a reunion. For now, let's eat." Evan chimed in as he pats Jasper on the shoulder, pushing him along as he inches himself close to my side.

"Hey," he called out softly as I looked up at him "You okay?"

"Yeah, I just told Jasper about what happened in the past week."

"Well, that's good to hear. If anything, you need more people to talk to distract yourself from thinking about your ex-boyfriend and friends." he said, "Which by the way, speaking of friends, come on, I need to introduce you to some people."

He took my hand and led me in the direction of the black pickup truck "Guys," he declared, grabbing everybody's attention "May I introduce you to Maggie."

A chorus of greetings was said and I tried to politely nod my head at all of them. "Nice to meet you guys." I said, a small smile plastered on my face.

"These are four of my closest friends, I think me and Jasper might've already mentioned them before." Evan said, waving two guys over as they walked towards us "Meet Zach and Colin."

They were just as tall as Evan, both towering over me. "This is Zach." he said, gesturing to his friend whom I've noticed a lot before who seemed to be of mixed race, from what I've heard he's Malaysian-Chinese.

He extends his hand forward whilst offering me a smile "Nice to meet you, Maggie." His voice was deep and husky, contrasting wonderfully with his attractive, masculine features.

I nodded "Nice to meet you as well."

"And this is Colin." Evan introduced, motioning to his friend who looked like your average high-school quarterback.

With a strong physique and a rather intimidating military buzz cut that complemented his strong and sharp features, we shook hands as he gave me a wink "Nice to finally meet the girl Evan has been talking about. Tell me, how does it feel to be involved with the school's biggest jackass?"

My eyes widened at his crudeness while Evan simply rolled his eyes "Mind him, he doesn't have a filter." he mused.

I could only chuckle lightly as Colin gave Evan a playful nudge at the shoulder "Look at you being in your best behavior. Afraid to show her how much of a handful you actually are?"

"Trust me, I'm aware of how much," I interjected as Colin and Zach suppressed each other's laughter, amused by my remark.

Evan glowered at me "Okay, enough with the patronizing. Lunch doesn't last forever."

We proceeded to have lunch, with Elijah, your typical boy-next-door jock with disheveled blonde hair, and is the owner of the black pickup truck, opening his trunk as we sat inside it, enjoying our lunch as we made conversation.

"So tell me," one of the girls, whose name is Jess, a feisty-looking red-head stared at me with a vexatious look in her green eyes "How's it like being the dreaded ex-girlfriend of Levi Chu?"

"Jess," Zach bellowed in disbelief "You don't ask shit like that."

"Oh come on," she ventured "I'm not asking it out of spite, I mean, you guys have heard about all the absurd nonsense he's been saying about Maggie here?"

I paused while eating my grilled cheese sandwich as my jaw slacked "What do you mean?"

Her friend, Ashley, who is the sister of Elijah and shared his dirty blonde hair, turns to me with a pitiful look in her warm blue eyes "Unfortunately, ever since you two broke up he's been spreading rumors about how you cheated on him."

"Unless that is..." Jess alluded "You and Evan actually do have a thing going on?"

"No, we don't," Evan answered for me, his tone deadly serious, "He just assumed."

"Well, that settles it, then." Jess added, "I'm just saying all of this to put Maggie's mind at ease, to reassure her that even though she is going through a hard time, it's best not to sulk over people who don't deserve her pain."

"Not gonna lie, I agree with Jess." Colin butted in, "I mean, the guy's been going around talking shit about you as if your relationship with him didn't matter."

"I've had people cheat on me before but I wouldn't go to the extent of being that petty," Jess scorned "It just goes to show how Levi is nothing but a child despite his holier than thou attitude."

"Can we please stop this conversation?" I asked, my voice strained with irritation. "I could understand why he would be mad at me, plus trash-talking him would just seem hypocritical."

Jess gave me a hopeless look in response "Trust me, I know it's hard what you're going through because you obviously loved him, but the question is, does he deserve having you constantly defend him like this? I mean, have you heard what he's been saying lately?"

I clamped my mouth shut as she continued "He basically called you a slut." she said flatly.

"Jess!"

"What?!" she shrieked "If she wants to get over this breakup, she needs some pent-up anger to grow a bit of thicker skin."

"I don't need to bottle up anger to release pain," I argued, "Sometimes I just have to accept what I did wrong and understand why he feels the way that he does."

"So he's allowed to feel angry about the assumptions he's made up about you, but you can't get mad at him for calling you a tacky, lying cheater with feigned moral values?"

She waited for my response with a brow arched in a rather challenging way. "He doesn't deserve you, you don't need to go around talking shit about him, but you need to validate your feelings and what he's done wrong to you in the past."

"But it doesn't matter," I said, "Even if I lash out and get angry at him for thinking the worst of me, it's not like people are gonna believe me over the school's star basketball player."

Jess rolled her eyes at that "First of all, who gives a shit? You wanna know why despite us being considered the snobby socialites of this school, people still can't get our names out of their mouths? Because people thrive in other peoples' downfalls to distract themselves from their own miserable lives. So if you think you're a stinking piece of shit for what you did, trust me, they're no different by finding your mishaps a source of their own entertainment."

I swallowed hard, feeling so many mixed emotions bubbling inside of me. Confusion, deceit, heartache, I felt all of it as I contemplated if I should agree with them or not.

Evan bumps his shoulder with mine and I turn to him to see him offering me a warm smile "You don't need other people to determine what's right and wrong for you. If you know deep within your heart what you're doing is right, it shouldn't matter what other people say." he said, reiterating my words from earlier, as I felt my heart flutter by the small, yet endearing gesture.

I diverted my attention back at Jess to catch her already looking at me. "Come on," she quipped, a mischievous smile on her face "Let it all out."

I cleared my throat, looking at everybody else to see that they had similar expressions on their faces, anticipating what I'm about to do next.

Yes, I feel bad about what I did to you.

How I lied and kept secrets when I shouldn't have, but...

"I hate you for always bringing me down!" I yelled into the empty parking lot, earning shouts of encouragement and praise from the group, egging it on.

You were always there for me, always made me feel safe.

"But I hate you even more for depriving me of this! People I could've been friends with if you hadn't held me down saying how it was for my own good!" I roared "It's not! It never was!"

Though I loved you... and probably still do.

"If it was that easy for you to let me go!" I shouted "Then it should be easy for me to say you're a self-centered piece of shit, Levi Chu! A self-centered piece of shit!"

I stopped and exhaled, breathing heavily as the guys gave me supportive pats on the back whilst Jess and Ashley cheered me on.

As I looked to my side to already see Evan staring at me with an impressed look on his face, I returned his expression with a sincere smile of my own.

"You're a force to be reckoned with, Maggie Carter." he whispered, "A force to be reckoned with."

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