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Chapter Thirty-Three: Maggie

The only way to describe these past few days is that they have been weird as shit.

Not weird in the sense you wanna run in the opposite direction, but it's weird in the sense that the more you keep on witnessing it, the more you start to realize its peculiarity but make no effort whatsoever to deter its weirdness. Because in a way, you sort of like it?

Which yes, I'm talking about Evan here.

More specifically Evan and his recent tendency to be very flirtatious to the point that I'm debating whether or not I should allow it or to smack him upside the head.

Because truthfully speaking, I'm not against it, and it was only inevitable especially after the kiss we shared back at his house.

We had basically established that yes, we are more than just friends, that our feelings don't just revolve around a platonic frenemies-kind-of-friendship anymore, but instead, as two people who are sort of friends but also have an underlying romantic tension to resolve?

It was very confusing.

Plus we didn't wanna put a label on it, it was too soon for that and we hadn't even gone through the process of going out on dates, let alone knowing where we stand as individuals. Because for Evan, he was used to having things rushed. Whether it's relationships, friends with benefits, and or just his flings in general.

"Too much information," I told him when he was telling me about this little piece of trivia, to which he replied with a sheepish grin.

But yes, we had made it our mission to talk about it and to not just ignore the issue like we always do, for us to actually sit down and discuss our feelings like adults.

"The thing is I'm not like you," I said "I've been in the same long-term relationship with Levi since I was fifteen. Rushing into things has never really been my forte."

This is true, and that's only one of the few reasons why trying to work things out with Evan is a bit of a struggle, and it's because we're so different.

I was always used to planning my actions in advance and having a careful approach in life, and he knew that before the night he had confronted me about my excruciating habit to avoid confrontation like a wimp.

But maybe that's why this whole thing with Evan is liberating in its own way as well because I'm experiencing something so unfamiliar.

I've always envisioned myself getting into a relationship with someone who's more experienced than I am. It was my strategy so I wouldn't have to go through building up the dynamics of the relationship such as gaining each other's trust, being able to communicate with the other person, hoping they'd be mature enough to understand my naiveté.

I was so fucking ignorant back then.

In a way, even though this isn't technically the first time we got into a relationship with someone, we're kind of learning how to build one that is healthy.

Something we're not genuinely used to.

He's been with people who had quickly left him due to his unabashed behavior that it was only inevitable they'd break up due to the lack of communication, and I was stuck in a relationship where I was afraid to confront my partner about his mistakes that once the relationship ended, there was just no way we could ever come back to it.

So ironically speaking, we can help each other out with the things we lack.

He can teach me more about the things he doesn't get to receive from his previous partners, and I get to teach him the things he was never able to provide.

But first, we needed to get comfortable with each other before we even delve deep into doing that, and what does getting comfortable even mean, you may ask?

It means we needed to get to know each other for real this time.

Even if it means just knowing about certain mundane things, we needed to start from there, and so far, I've collected about as much information about him as I would need:

I found out his birthday is on the 12th of May.

His favorite color is black and green, but the Camouflage type of green, and that if he could pick one food to eat for the rest of his life, it would be burgers.

Some of his favorite hobbies are to read, but more on comics and specific genres like Thrillers, Mystery, Sci-Fi, and anything Detective based. I suggested Romance and he said he'd rather drown, though he admitted to loving some of Shakespeare and Jane Austen's works, just a few, but that he was more of the Ernest Hemingway kind of guy.

He has an entire collection of old and new models of Nintendo Switch Games. He's been collecting since he was twelve and doesn't plan to stop anytime soon.

His favorite movies were Die Hard and Fight Club. I couldn't help but comment on how typically male of him that was, to which he replied to me by saying "Fuck off."

His first pet was a German Shepard named Nugget. He died at the age of eight and Evan never had it in him to move on from his passing, that's why he hasn't gotten a dog since.

His biggest insecurity is being compared to someone he knows is better than him.

He had his first girlfriend during Kindergarten whose name was Brittany. She broke up with him because she thought he was too immature.

I couldn't help but laugh.

"Oh yeah, sure, laugh. But try getting dumped in the playground right in front of your tiny bros. It was not fun and it hurt like shit too when she replaced me with Tommy Fletcher."

"Who's Tommy Fletcher?" I asked, still laughing.

"Some little punk who she secretly had the hots for while we were going out and had started dating three days after we had just broken up. When I found out I sought my revenge by dumping my juice box on his pants during class and telling the other kids he pissed himself."

I snorted "You're evil."

"How about you, though?" he went on to ask "Tell me all about yourself."

"Well, there's not much to know, really."

"Try me,"

So I did, I told him that my birthday is on the 21st of July, how my favorite movie of all time is Breakfast at Tiffany's, how my first pet was a Golden Retriever named Tucker.

It went on like that until we moved on from trivial facts about ourselves all the way to much more personal ones "And I'll be honest... I'm a huge sucker for affection. Though it probably doesn't show when you first look at me." I confessed as he tilted his head, quite amused.

"It really doesn't, maybe because of the fact you're very stiff and demure. I can't picture you being lovey-dovey at all, really."

"It's because when Levi and I first started dating, we obliged by his rules to always be disciplined to the point that the most intimate way of showing affection is a simple kiss on the forehead," I admitted, "There were never really any spontaneous behaviors like putting your hands over your partner's eyes and going guess who?" Evan couldn't help but chuckle at that.

"Neither were there any good morning texts or lingering touches."

"Lingering touches?" Evan echoed in curiosity.

"You know when your partner is doing one thing and you're doing your own thing and you take a break to check up on them, hug them from behind and kiss them on the neck."

"You like those types of things?"

"I always wanted to try things like that, but I just felt like both Levi and I were used to planning our actions and never really trying out anything new that we're only limited to the traditional way of being affectionate, which is just a brief kiss or a quick hug."

Evan scrunched his nose in displeasure "That sounds uncomfortable."

"It is! It's not to say our relationship was completely robotic, it's just that I was always afraid to try anything that was way out of our comfort zone, you know?"

That's when the flirting came into motion.

Ever since our discussion about our interests, likes, dislikes as well as our personal preferences and secrets, he had made it his mission to get me comfortable experiencing behaviors I was never really used to, much or less received from other people.

It started when we were having dinner at his house with our parents, as my mom and I went to the kitchen to get a glass of juice to digest what we had just eaten.

"Hey," he said, popping out of nowhere as he strolled into the kitchen "Mind if I have some-"

And for that split second as he was reaching over to get the carton of orange juice, he snaked his hand around to lay a soft touch on my waist, making me jump as he poured a glass of his own whilst I stood there, not knowing how to act after that one, harmless touch.

He puckered his lips after drinking it "Mhm, I love this brand. It's sweet and it has pulp, unlike those manufactured ones mom keeps buying." he noted,

I nodded in agreement as he looked over at me "Oh, you got a little bit of orange juice there..."

With that, he wiped at the corners of my lips with his thumb, making me blush deep red as he looked up at me, smirking.

I was on fire at that point before he backed away and walked off.

It started with harmless to not-so-harmless gestures like that until I had no choice but to try and not faint to the best of my ability whenever it happens. From touching my waist, my hips, lingering stares, and far-distance smiles.

It was vaguely torturous but at the same time heavenly.

Because one moment, you don't know how to react to it, you're utterly dumbstruck but at the same time, you can't help but want to let it keep happening.

You don't want it to stop.

To the point that you almost anticipate it? Because when Levi and I realized we liked each other, it was straightforward and direct.

There was never any prolonged eye contact, flirtatious smiles, nor intentional brushing off the hand when you two walked by each other. It wasn't exciting.

It was just him, walking up to me and introducing himself. Talking in between classes, finding out we had common interests, and afterward asking me out and us hitting it off.

It wasn't bad. As a matter of fact, I cherished those moments.

It's just that it was never like this with him.

This one is different, I like it. I like this far better than I would like to admit it.

Because there are stages, there's the indication that it's real, the confirmation, the doubt, and the thrill of it all. It feels like the first experience of something, and you like what it feels like that's why you want to stay feeling that way.

For you to stay feeling like it's all brand-new and raw and exhilarating, it feels youthful, it feels like something... that I deserve. Something I should've been experiencing all along.

I've been running away from ever wanting to feel young, dumb, and in love because of how my mom and dad's relationship ended because my mom started young and in love as well.

I just felt like it was too reckless and risky, something I wouldn't be able to handle and would eventually lead me to my doom when in reality, I was just playing safe.

Limiting myself because I was too fucking scared.

But I guess in the end, you're just gonna end up running towards the very thing your heart desires the most, and honestly? Fuck it if it ends in a tragedy.

Fuck it if it ends up being a total disaster and it doesn't work out and this whole thing implodes and we end up regretting even trying to make this whole thing work.

Because in the end, all I know if it does end up being in ruins, is that I probably won't regret this. Being young and in love?

It feels fucking amazing.

* * *

"Good morning."

It's currently Monday, the time is 7:00 AM. I had just finished getting ready for school when I got a text from Evan saying he was outside my house, waiting for me.

There he was, parked in my house's driveway, a big goofy smile on his face as he looked over at me through the window as I smiled back at him.

"Good morning to you too," I greeted back, opening the door to the passenger seat as I got in.

"Coffee?"

I turned back to look at him and saw that he was handing me a cup of steaming coffee, one which I recognized was from this cafe that was far from our neighborhood.

One where I distinctly remember telling him was my favorite "You went to Casa Café?" I asked in surprise as he chuckled, starting the car.

"Well, you mentioned while we were going to school a few days ago as we drove by their place that you liked their coffee so you know, I thought, why not?"

"I haven't ordered coffee from them ever since Levi was the one who drove me to school. Even so, I barely got to order because he always said we'd be late to school if we stopped by."

Evan snorted "It didn't even take ten minutes for me to place an order. We can always stop by there if you want to, you know. I don't mind."

I took a sip of the coffee and realized he even got my order right "Hazelnut! How did you know?"

"Again, you told me, remember?" he replied cheekily.

I couldn't help the giddy smile that spread across my face as I leaned back on my seat, drinking the coffee but my smile still didn't falter. It stayed that way until we arrived at school.

Once we arrived, he was the one to open my door considering I had my bag in one hand and the coffee in the other. "Thank you," I said shyly, not used to this kind of pampering.

"I didn't expect that once I told you I was actually a big fan of affection that you would keep on showering me with it." I teased.

He closed the door to his car, slinging an arm over my shoulder as I felt that stupid damn blush creep over my neck all the way to my ears and cheeks.

"Well, you told me, and you barely say anything it is that you want so it's kind of an honor, really. That you told me," he noted, causing the ends of my lips to curl up.

We walked inside the school and I'll be honest, I was still trying to adapt to walking into the building without Levi as the one whom I'm walking with.

Let alone Evan, and even though we have grown incredibly close and we're still working hard on improving our relationship, this still feels like the first time.

"You okay?"

I was startled by Evan's question as I looked up to see his eyes boring into mine, quite troubled and eager to know why my mood suddenly changed.

"Um yeah, it's just... I'm used to always moving our separate ways as soon as we arrive at school, you know? And it seems like they are too, seeing as how they're staring at us."

And they were, the students around us quickly trying to catch a glimpse of us from where they stood, and they weren't even trying to be subtle about it.

"I'm not really used to this sort of attention..."

"It shouldn't matter," he said "They don't know about us, they don't know what happened, and neither do they know what's currently happening now. In the end, should it really matter what a bunch of clueless know-it-alls say about us? What matters is what you know."

I sighed, nodding "You're right, I don't know why I'm even thinking this way."

"You're just not used to all sorts of things, you always prefer to keep your head low, not people monitoring your every move." I felt his hold loosened on me. "To be honest, it's my fault."

My eyes softened "No, it's not. I've been enjoying you making me experience things I never would've had the guts to try out. I guess these are just one of those struggles that come along with it that aren't necessarily easy. But it won't last forever."

"What do you mean?"

"Like we won't be experiencing this forever, at the end of the day, we'll be out of school and the people here won't be a burden anymore. It's never gonna be this way for too long."

For some reason, his lips curved into a sly grin "So are you implying that there are gonna be days where we're not in school anymore and we're still like this? Making it work?"

Dang it, I walked into that one.

"I prefer not to assume the future, as a matter of fact, I don't even wanna wish on it," I said, dodging his retort "I just wanna live in the moment, you know. Like how you taught me."

He couldn't help but chuckle "Touché, Carter. Touché."

I spotted Beth and Emily by their lockers and I waved at them "I guess I should probably let you go now, huh?" Evan asked.

"I guess so, don't miss me too much." I teased as he shook his head, laughing.

We parted ways but I didn't fail to look over my shoulder only to see that he was doing the same thing, and with that, we locked eyes as I couldn't help but smile at him.

And he smiled back.

God, we're such sappy high-schoolers, it's insane.

"Hey there, you." Emily greeted me as I approached them "It looks like you and Evan had a little moment there, huh?"

Even though it was obvious anyone would have noticed it and that we weren't really subtle this time, having someone point it out still felt a little bit overwhelming.

My face heated up (what is it with me and blushing recently?) as I dismissed her comment, waving her off "That was nothing,"

"Really? Was it really nothing?"

"Of course!" I exclaimed, my voice was way too high-pitched. "It's just that, you know, he's the one who drives me to school, so we come here at the same time, like friends."

"Uh-huh," she said, tongue poking out at the side of her cheek, her tone playful "And tell me, do friends affectionately swing their arms around their other friend's shoulder and have prolonged eye contact as if they're about to kiss each other goodbye?"

"Emily," Beth suddenly interjected, sharp and serious. "If Maggie says it's nothing. It's nothing, stop forcing your fantasies onto her and Evan."

"Woah, jeez. I'm not, I'm just teasing her." Emily defended, her eyebrow raised "What's up with you? You were in such a good mood earlier and now you're acting all pissy. What's wrong?"

Beth clenched her jaw, briefly glancing at me before she forced a smile on her face "Nothing, I just don't want you influencing Maggie with these unrealistic ideas about her and Evan's... friendship. I mean, they're not really together, right?"

Beth looked over at me for confirmation and when I took a long time to answer, her gaze hardened "Right, Maggie?" she repeated.

With that, I firmly nodded my head "Of course we're not together."

Beth seemed oddly satisfied with my answer but Emily wasn't, especially when she looked over to see what Beth's reaction was "Even if they were, why should it matter?" Emily asked.

Beth looked at her as if she said the most idiotic thing said in the history of mankind "Because we know how Evan is, he doesn't do relationships."

For some reason, something flared inside of me when she said, "No offense, Beth," I countered back, "But how would you know?"

Her face was vaguely stoic as I asked her that, her expression blank and her jaw tightened as if she was pulling herself back, trying her best not to say anything that would put me on edge.

And I don't know why, but seeing Beth act like this washed away any precious emotion of feeling contented, joyous, and at peace with my life because now, just her expression alone caused a storm cloud to loom over the blinding, daytime season of what my life started feeling like.

"Oh trust me, Maggie. I know more about him than you would know."

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