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Chapter 9: Conflicted

Finn's POV

It has been a few days after the Homecoming dance and after... Oliver and I kissed. I was still in a state of shock, every thought of mine, he was always in my mind. It was still so surreal that that happened because it wouldn't have happened if Oliver didn't like me back, and I can't believe he does. He said he liked Heather, he literally asked my help with her so how come he liked me? It felt wrong to think about it since Heather had to see Oliver kiss Bella. What would she think if she found out her best friend who she's been with through hell kissed her crush? It made me shudder just thinking about it.

Because of how engrossed I was in my thoughts, I bumped into someone and lo and behold, the blond that has been on my mind was in front of me.

"Uh... Hi." I greeted awkwardly and instead of a usual smirk he had on his face, he had his brows furrowed.

"You okay?" He asked, worry evident on his voice as he touched my elbow gently.

I subtly removed his hand from my elbow. "I shouldn't be the one you're asking that." I said, pointedly making my voice sound cold and distant as I avoided eye contact.

"Sorry..." He trailed off and he seemed like he was gonna say more but I couldn't handle being near him, all I could think about was... kissing him again.

I walked away and into my locker to get my things. As I was peacefully organizing the stuff I had, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and was surprised to see Heather.

"Hey Finn." She greeted and unexpectedly smiled, and it didn't look fake or forced.

"Hey. I thought you weren't gonna come today." 

She sighed, leaning on the locker beside mine. "Honestly, me too. But hey, what was the point of staying home, I'm just gonna keep my mind off for today and support you."

I stopped midway as I was stuffing my books into my bag. "S-Support me?" 

I should've known she was gonna find out. I should've never kissed Oliver after he hurt Heather, and now Heather found out, she's gonna think differently of me and probably about our friendship right then and there.

"Yeah, you might get picked on again. I can't ever leave you." She said with a bright smile which seemed to have brought back the warmth in the atmosphere.

Despite that, I felt even more horrible. Heather would always be by my side no matter what but what did I do? Betray her. Kiss and have feelings on the guy she liked. She's always wanted a prince charming and now that she's liking on someone for the first time, I'm getting in the way. I wanted to beat myself up for that.

"You know you don't need to do that." I said with a shy smile as I finally closed my locker, heaving my bag onto my shoulders.

"Finn, you saved me from embarrassment in that party. You were there for me at Homecoming. That's the least I could do for you. Now let's go before we're late." 

Before I could even sound out a rebuttal, she had pulled me by my sleeve. The two of us walked down the hall and onto our own classes. 

. . .

Lunch came and for the first time in weeks, it was just Heather and I. Jason and Oliver were nowhere to be seen. 

I could tell Heather was not used to just us being two because for the last few weeks, Oliver and sometimes Jason would sit with us and would always initiate a conversation. 

"So... How have you been doing?" I asked as an attempt to break the awkward silence trying to wedge itself between us.

Heather looked up, her eyebrows raised before shaking her head. "I've been fine. I've been investing most of my time on painting."

I nodded and once again, we were in silence and it was bothering me a lot. I was gonna say more when Heather sighed.

"I know it's really awkward ever since that night and I know you're trying to ease everything. I'm thankful for that." Heather said with a reassuring smile. 

"I'm sorry that that thing had to happen, and you had to see that. I just wish I could've done more-"

Heather grabbed both of my hands, looking into my eyes with a glare. "Listen to me, Finn. None of that was your fault, the fact that you could even say that to yourself after everything you've done for me. No, it was no one's fault but Bella, she's the one trying to mess things up since the beginning."

I closed my eyes and opened them eventually but only to look around, avoiding eye contact with my best friend.

I felt terrible that she thinks I'm this saint and kind person who have done nothing but support her, but that was far from the truth. I betrayed her, I was a damn snake. 

I was about to answer when someone suddenly sat down beside me. I looked to my left and was surprised to see Jason. 

"Hi..." I greeted shyly and for some weird reason, I didn't think he was gonna greet back but he did, and with a smile too.

"Hi... Am I interrupting something?" He asked as he eyed our faces.

"Uh, no, no, we were just talking." Heather said, releasing me gently but I couldn't ignore the worried look she discreetly gave me.

"I know that things are a little... uh, awkward. 'Cause of what, uh, happened back in Homecoming but I hope things are still okay with all of us."

Heather and I gave each other a knowing look.

"Of course, I really appreciate you being here with us..." Heather said through a forced smile.

I had my spoon midway towards my mouth when Jason whispered into my ear. "Listen, Finn. Oliver is in the bathroom and he refuses to come out, he's been so closed off recently. Can you please try and convince him?"

I found the request insanely ridiculous. If Oliver wasn't convinced by his best friend who he's been friends with since the beginning of time then how would I? A person he have only been friends with for a month. And besides, it's such a dangerous request. It wouldn't be ideal for me and Oliver be in the same room because of the things we might do. Or maybe that's just my imagination.

"Um... I-I don't know if I can--"

"I know he will listen to you. I just know. So... please?" Jason begged silently.

I looked at Heather who was peacefully eating. If I go and see Oliver, there is a fairly big chance that the thing that happened at Homecoming might just happen again if I'm not careful, I'm not about to deny that I've been wanting it too, despite the guilt in my system... I then looked at Jason before heaving a sigh.

Despite the uneasiness I felt in my gut, I nodded. "Okay fine." I said with a huff as I stood up.

I started my walk down the hallway as my thoughts clashed into each other in my head. But I studiously ignored them as I continued until I reached the bathroom. I opened it and lo and behold, Oliver was in there, looking at himself in the mirror.

"Oliver?"

He looked at me and he had an intense glare on his face and I was almost frightened but his gaze softened when they landed on me.

"Finn... What are you doing here?" He asked as he ran a tired hand through his blonde hair.

"Um... Because Jason sent me here to get you? What's happening to you?" I asked, trying to sound as tough as possible. 

"I can't face Heather, after what I did. And especially when..." He trailed off and I knew exactly what he was gonna say and even it punctured a hole in my heart.

I sighed and took a step closer to him.

"Finn, you shouldn't be here. I don't know what I'd do if..." He trailed off again.

"You'd do if what?" I said as I looked at myself in the mirror then to him only to see him looking at me back.

"What are you doing to me?" He said before burying his face into his hands.

I noticed the dark circles under his eyes, how slow he moved from probably not getting enough sleep and how he looked even paler, and only then, I felt bad for him.

Imagine liking someone and so you ask her best friend for help with her and then you fall for her best friend instead- assuming if he really fell for me too- but it's too late to back down now because the girl you originally 'liked' likes you back. It was a hard situation for him and for Heather. 

"I'm sorry..." I muttered. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to say to ease the situation.

Everything was too late, I had grown feelings for him and so did Heather, but even he didn't know who he liked. I would've been fine if it wasn't me, because otherwise, my best friend would be hurt. And what's worse is it's because of me. 

He looked at me, I could practically feel the heat from his stare but he soon avoided eye contact. 

"No, I should be the one saying sorry. I'm making things more complicated and weird." He said with huff before standing up straight. "Finn, I'd really advice you to leave right now."

"And why would I do that?" 

"Because that night at Homecoming can't happen again." 

I furrowed my brows at him, giving him a stern look. I was about to argue but I didn't continue. He was right, because if that happened again, we'll hurt Heather more.

"I want you to apologize to Heather first. Because she's been down lately and I know it's because of you." I said, crossing my arms on my chest to hide my shaking hands.

After a few moments of alleged debate in his mind, he nodded. We fell into silence after, and my attempt to break the awkwardness was leaving the room but before I could do that, Oliver had  grabbed my hand.

"What are you doing?" I asked, eyeing his hand holding mine before looking up at him.

"I... I want to know, do you feel the same?" He asked shakily as if he had been struggling to get that out.

"Oliver..." I continued to stare into his eyes, entirely forgetting about anything at that very moment, all I could focus on was his beautiful, hazel eyes... and then my gaze fell to his lips.

Before I knew it, I had surged forward and our lips crashed, his hand instantly buried itself in my hair and the other on my back. I melted into him, feeling the heat of his body on mine. When I thought that there was no space between us anymore, he pulled me closer as the kiss deepened, his soft lips moving urgently as if it was the last time we would be able to kiss... and it very well might be. As much as I didn't want the moment to end, I still gently pressed a hand on Oliver's chest to push him away.

"I'm sorry, Oliver, I... I shouldn't have done that." I said in guilt as I took a reflexive step back.

"No, it's... it's fine." He reassured me as he steadied myself using the wall beside him.

"I... I'm gonna go." I said shakily, before proceeding towards the door without looking back but I couldn't ignore the intense and warm pain in my heart.

. . .

I was doing my homework peacefully in my room when my phone buzzed with a notification. I used it as an excuse to take a break after hours of doing school work. I saw a text I just received a minute ago from Heather. My heart slightly dropped as I opened the text.

'Hey, Oli and I talked earlier and he was saying sorry.'

'okay... and what did u say?'

It took longer than expected to get back a text and I was about to go back to my homework when her text stopped me again.

'I forgave him, I really don't have any right to be mad to begin with, and he had nothing to apologized for, so I just forgave him.'

Oh here she goes again. She always underestimate her worth and she always doesn't understand that her feelings are valid. It's sad to see because I want her to know that she is valid, what she feels, regardless what it may be, however she reacted to a situation, it's always valid.

'heather, can u stop for a sec? u were hurt and that's fine. there's no such thing as "it's not your place to get hurt or to feel a certain way".'

I could practically hear her sigh through the screen. 

'Okay fine, BTW, I'll need a lot of your help next week.'

'huh? on what?'

'Well... Oli asked me out on a date, next Friday.'

I felt my heart once again being shot for the hundredth time.

'oh ok sure thing'

'Thank you Finn, you're seriously a life saver.'

And then she doesn't say anything after that. I sighed and plopped down on my bed, staring up the ceiling. I was once again conflicted.

So does that mean that Oliver still liked Heather? I mean obviously, they're literally going out on a date. And I'm back to helping them out again. I didn't wanna do it. Hell, I'd rather die than do it. But it's Heather, the person who's been there for me through hell and the person who was always the only one who could understand me. So I felt obligated to do it. I am obligated to do it. 

Funny thing is that I'm so damn determinant on doing everything she needs me to do, determinant on helping her... when I'm over here, literally betraying her and creating something that someday will cost our friendship. I was a literal hypocrite.

I heard my Dad's whistling getting closer and just as he passed my door, I called out to him. He stuck his head in, his eyebrows raised.

"Do you have time?" I asked after a short debate with myself.

It wasn't common for me to ask my family for help with my social life since I thought they wouldn't care about my bullshit but this time, I'm truly desperate. 

"Of course, kid. Do you need anything?" My dad said as he sat down on the edge of my bed. 

I unconsciously brought my knees to my chest, my arms going around them. 

"Um... Well, I'm just really conflicted about something. You wouldn't be mad, right?"

He gave me a small smile. "It depends."

"Okay, well. Heather is crushing on this one guy, and that guy has a crush on me... and I also like him too." I explained with a grimace.

His expression suddenly changed. "Finn, is it that blond guy you always talk about?"

I nodded hesitantly. 

"Finn-"

"I know, dad. But please, I'd rather receive advice than reprimanding. I seriously don't know what to do, it's been eating on me."

He still had a wary look on his face but it soon disappeared with a sigh. 

"Listen, son. I know you, and I also know Heather. I know that if you bring it up to her, she won't be mad. Heather is a kind kid. I'm sure she'd prefer if you talk to her about it than finding out another way. You'll work it out." He said with a slight smile to reassure me. 

I nodded after processing what he said but I still was conflicted. I don't know how I could just go up to Heather and say "Hey, I'm crushing on the guy you've also been crushing on. Oh and we also made out twice!" 

"But before you talk to Heather about it. I want you to be honest with me, Finn. How do you know this guy really likes you? Because he might just be playing you."

I was about to defend Oliver when I realized that my Dad was right. Just because Oliver kissed me... twice, doesn't mean he liked me. Nothing really proved it. Maybe I was being delusional. But why would he kiss me then? Why would he say he liked me? And besides, Oliver wasn't the type to do that... right?

There was no point in lying to my Dad since he always knew whether I'm lying or not.

"Well... There's none. But Oliver isn't the type to do that."

"How well do you know the boy?" He asked, his arms crossed like a true father he was.

I shrugged. "Hopefully well enough." 

He went silence for a few seconds before sighing. "I wanna meet him."

I gave my father a sad look, my eyes suddenly getting warmer. "There's no point, he's gonna go on a date with Heather."

"Still. I wanna know how that boy really is. I'll leave work early on Friday to pick you up. Make sure he's with you." 

I stood up and gave my dad a hug for once again helping me from a crisis and being a guide for when I'm lost. I appreciated him more day by day which is something I didn't know was possible. He snuck a kiss to my head like he always did before letting me go.

"Now go back to your homework before it gets late." He said with a smile before leaving me alone in the soft lit room. I sighed before plopping down on my bed, closing my Math textbook in the process.

It was like something was off my chest, my problems weighed less and life didn't seem so bad at that moment. It was the impact of opening up to someone you trust.

But I knew that it wasn't temporary.

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