Chapter 23: 23 | Your Selfish Jerk

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I couldn't imagine a more perfect poster for this chapter than this one from @agni_infinity. Agni, you nailed it! 

Chapter 23: Your Selfish Jerk 

Maybe there's a secret to happiness.

Maybe happiness is in the little things; the beauty of nature surrounding you, the laughs of friendship and the budding romance you feel for someone.

I felt my heart lighten and my lips lift into a more permanent smile.

I was happy. 

We were nestled in the warmth of a cabin, surrounded by a century old forest. The fireplace crackled from the burning wood and cast a glow over the setting. Some movie was playing on the plasma screen, but we were barely watching.

Jake was sitting on the edge of the couch, his guitar on his lap. He was in a t-shirt now and the tattoos on his arms were on full display. He warmed up with a few chords, his head bent as he got settled into a comfortable position to sing. 

Chocolate pudding lay half eaten and ice cream slowly melted on ceramic plates beside us. I was lying on the couch, feeling like I found my safe place in Luke's arms.

He is not the world's most comfortable human since his muscles make for a hard pillow, but I was nowhere near complaining. On the contrary, I felt lucky to be enjoying this weekend with him. 

His fingers played with my hair and my hand rested on his hard chest, feeling it rise and fall with every breath.  

He was warm to touch and I felt comfortable in this silence.  I nestled my head under his shoulder, feeling his fingers tickle my skin as he played absentmindedly with my hair.

The truth is, I was tipsy. Bordering on drunk from all that red wine.

Music lifted into the air as Jake began to strum a few chords. Annika cheered him on, a great hype girl, and eager to hear more of his music.

I'd forgotten how good he was.

"Oooh," I exclaimed, sitting up to pay more attention.

Luke grumbled.

I had accidentally pushed down against his stomach when sitting up. He wasn't hurt, but I think he'd also felt comfortable lying in that position and didn't want us to move.

"I recognize this song," I whispered, listening to Jake get further into it.   

"It's really famous," Annika said, not minding at all that she was sitting next to our very romantic position.

Jake had mastered his technique.  The music flowed out of the guitar and he made playing it look easy. I watched his fingers move expertly across the instrument. It was kind of hypnotizing.

Jake began to sing.  He strummed the chords in an accompanying tune and his voice was husky but strong:

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing

Watch you smile while you are sleeping

While you're far away dreaming

Luke glanced down at the wine glasses on the coffee table. Mine and his were empty and he hadn't drunk his.

Oops.

"Oh no," he muttered, knowing exactly what was going to come next.

"DON'T WANT TO CLOSE MY EYES!" I screamed out, shocking everyone, "I DON'T WANT TO FALL ASLEEP, 'COS I MISS YOU BABE!"

I had jumped up and was standing precariously on the couch, pointing at Luke and almost falling on top of him.

"She drank all our wine," Luke explained to Annika, who was staring at my outburst.

I think she thought I was timid when we first met. Ha.

"THE SWEETEST DREAM WILL NEVER DOOOO-"

Luke pulled me off the couch and swung me carefully to the ground. My feet stepped on the plush carpet and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I DON'T WANT," I sang, losing steam the moment Luke touched me, "to miss a," I hiccuped, "thing."

He calmed me. 

Luke laughed at me, "Have I complemented your singing before?"

"I'm not sure I'd call it a complement-"

"Well I'm not sure I'd call this singing."

I wriggled out of his arms, but he spun me around instead and dipped me low. We stayed like that for a moment longer. I felt like I was going to fall, but his grip was tight around me.

Jake stood up with his guitar, getting further into the heat of the song. He was definitely playing up to the music now.

"No need to be shy around us. You can let it out, Annika," I told her, "I can see you want to sing."

I offered her my fake air microphone, holding my hand out in front of her. My other hand was still holding onto Luke for fear of tumbling over.

She grinned and grabbed the empty air as if it was a microphone, raising her other hand into the air and belting, "AND STAY HERE IN THIS MOMENT!"

"FOREVER!"

We were screaming – I mean singing - now. Even Jake was finding it hard to stay in tune.

"For all the rest of time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

The kind of thing you don't want to hear sober.

**

It was late in the evening, that it was technically morning. And we left the others eating a late-night snack in the kitchen.

It was Luke's suggestion to go outside. He thought a breath of fresh air would be good for me.

We stepped out of the cabin through the backdoor. There was a wooden patio that overlooked the beautiful lake. The reflection of the forest glistened on its surface.

I wondered how long before the sunrise.

He was sitting next to me on the wooden patio and his knee pressed against mine. My skin had goosebumps, and it wasn't only because of the cold.

I've never felt this way about someone before.  And it's scary how quickly I fell.

Luke leaned forward and I saw him run a hand through his messy hair before he turned to look at me, "You cold, Minnie?"

I nodded and without hesitation he shrugged off his zip up hoodie. He put it gently around my shoulders and his hands lingered over my arms. 

I felt the warmth of the fabric on my skin and nuzzled my nose into it. I breathed in his scent and felt the jacket loose and large over me. And then I looked up at him.

"Aren't you cold too?" I asked him, now that he was in a thin shirt.

He shook his head and didn't say anything. He was looking at me in a way I hadn't really seen before. A deep gaze of emotion I couldn't read.

"Do you remember this?" he whispered, the crackling of the fireplace still faintly behind us.

I knew exactly what he meant. This felt a lot like summer camp. The night we went on our camping trip. Except, there had been a campfire behind us with a lot more people chatting. The night sky overlooked nature and the tall trees that made up the forest.

I remembered how Luke had come to me, when I was listening to music all alone with a plate of sandwiches. It was our first real, meaningful conversation. The first time we had ever looked beyond outer appearances.

"You know what you told me that night?" he asked me, still speaking in a low voice. 

His voice sounded husky but honeyed at the same time and I didn't understand how he could accomplish that.

I tried to remember what I had said that night.  "I called you a selfish jerk?"

"You do that often," he smirked.

"True," I whispered. He and I knew well the rocky start to our friendship.

"I'm your selfish jerk now," he slid his hand across me, holding onto my waist and pulling me closer to him.

"Yes, you are," I breathed onto his lips as he kissed me.

I got lost in our kiss. His touch had the ability to freeze time for me. I lose all awareness for everything else around me except him. Luke. Maybe I'm still a little drunk... but I know I'll feel this way when sober.

"So what did I tell you?" I asked him, curious to know what he remembered from that night.

"You said you fell in love with a boy who didn't love you back."

Did I really say that? 

"I thought it was love," I admitted, "He was my first boyfriend and I was captivated by all that came with it. Those emotions were new and, at the time, I had no idea that what I felt was not love. It takes time to realize it."

I also realized that Luke Dawson really listened to me. He remembered my comment from all that time ago. A comment I had long forgotten ever saying.

I stared out at the lake in front of us. "I never thought I'd recover from that heartbreak. But looking back, I needed that break up."

It paved the way for all this. 

"If I could go back, I would tell myself not to get caught up in my emotions and avoid reacting too strongly," I said, thinking of what no one ever told me. Maybe if I had a different sister, she would have. "I'd tell myself that, when going through a relationship for the first time, delay making any decisions I can't take back."

Movies encourage us to dive headfirst into relationships because it's what we want. We want to believe that this relationship is with The One.  

"Feelings take time to mature," Luke said, "Like that wine you downed at dinner."

I laughed, finding it rare how he could make me smile while I relived a sad moment. 

"I fell so fast that my feelings confused me," I finished up, "You can call infatuation love if you've never loved before."

"Can you tell the difference now?" he asked softly, and before I had time to react - to really process what he had just said, he changed his mind. "You shouldn't wait to sleep. I can see your eyelids drooping. Come and I'll show you to your room."

**

I hadn't realized it was already almost 3AM. The night had flown by and I wished we could repeat it

I was leaning on Luke as he showed me to my room. A quilted cover over a double bed and a vanity table with some perfume on it. It was one of the guest bedrooms. I saw my duffel bag already placed next to the wardrobe. Luke had left it there earlier.

"Good night, Minnie," he whispered, kissing me gently before leaving.

He knew I was a bit tipsy still. 

He left and I raised my fingers to my lips, missing his touch already. All this time together made me crave more.

I crouched beside my duffel bag and pulled out a pair of PJs. I changed into them and washed my face in the bathroom. That's when I realized I'd forgotten toothpaste.

I opened the door, listening to the quiet sounds of a sleeping house, and crept down the hallway to his room.

I knocked before opening his bedroom door.

A/N: PICTURE of the Jake House is on my Instagram @NatalieInACorner.

Thank you for the Netflix recs! I started watching again and my productivity has gone through the roof (if you think of productivity as # of shows watched). On everything else, I've done nothing. It's a great feeling.

See ya on Thursday! And please VOTE if you liked the chapter

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