Array
(
[text] =>

The cement bench was cool against my jeans as I sat waiting for Levi to show up.

I ended up here a full twenty minutes before we agreed to meet, mostly because I would have over thought myself into not going at all if I didn't just leave.

I had to come.

This could either go really good or really bad, but I don't want the negative outcome to be because I chickened out.

I can't seem to stop my leg from bouncing as I watch the sun begin to set behind the trees. It's a beautiful sunset and on any other day might serve to relax me, but not today.

Today I'm a raging sea of emotions that has left a hurricane brewing in my stomach.

Hurricane Levi.

The closer it gets to the time we said we'd meet, the worse the hurricane gets. I try to push the nerves away. Try to focus on anything other than Levi.

But like a carousel, my mind brings him around again.

I can't deny the attraction to him. I had tried to run from it, buried it deep and called it something else but a rose is still a rose no matter what you call it.

No matter what I did, Levi was always there, dancing around the edges of my mind. Always within sight, but never actually in my reach.

I breathe out a long breath, willing myself to relax just as the park lamps flick on. There had been a few others milling about the park when I first got here, but now it seems like everyone has moved on.

"Brandon," my heart jolts as I snap my eyes to meet Levi's.

Slowly my eyes rake over him, taking in how good he looks tonight in a dark flannel, left unbuttoned with a black V neck underneath. His dark washed jeans fit him perfectly and I have to mentally scold myself for staring a little too long.

"Hey," I cringed slightly at how stupid that sounded.

Of all the things I could have said, I went with hey?!

Damn, I'm lame.

I stood and dusted off my jeans a little as Levi closed the last remaining steps between us. The hurricane picks up speed in my stomach as I realize that I'm not sure what to do now.

Do we shake hands? Bro Hug? High-Five?

The options alone nearly overwhelm me, so before I can do something stupid, I stuff my hands in my jean pockets.

An awkward silence surrounds us like a fog in the air as we both stand there. I want so badly to know what he is thinking in this exact moment.

Is he wondering, like me, how to recapture the moment at the batting cages? Is his heart feeling like it's going to beat out of his chest any minute?

Am I the only one who feels like he might throw up from nerves?

"Look, what happened at the batting cages yesterday," Levi starts, his hand running through his short hair as he lets out a breath, "I should have... I mean I didn't want to seem,"

He lets out another frustrated breath and looks towards the park on his left, shifting form one foot to another.

My heart drops to the bottom of my stomach and without thinking I move to sit on the bench again. All air is knocked from my lungs and a bitter laugh leaves my lips as the realization crashes around me.

It was a mistake to him. He was just caught up in everything and the moment appeared out of nowhere, sweeping us both away with the current.

It meant nothing. I should have known.

I move my gaze to the trees that have become the shadows they once created, as I fight the tears that are clawing at my eyes.

Make this as painless as possible and then go home and hide in embarrassment. Perhaps in a closet, that would be fitting. I tell myself.

"It's okay," I whisper, trying to push my voice past the ball of emotions that has taken up residence in my throat.

Don't look at him, it will make it worse. Don't look at him it will make it worse.

Dammit.

I move to leave and my eyes catch his confused hazel ones looking at me like I spoke a foreign language. It's like I'm frozen here, stuck thinking about what it would feel like to close the distance between us and press my lips to his.

He's so close that I can smell his Old Spice cologne and I can feel it imprinting itself into my brain without permission.

Levi's mouth opens like he's going to say something but he closes it quickly and looks away.

Just like that, the moment is broken.

What do I say? Is there anything I can say? I'm sorry I almost kissed you. That's on me.

No. I can't say that. I don't want to hear whatever it is he would say after.

I was an idiot and it's best if I just tuck my tail between my head and leave while I still have some dignity.

I stand and take a step before my mouth decides to betray every other part of my body.

"I'm sorry," I hate that my voice cracked. I hate that the words just slipped out and I hate that I can't bring myself to turn around and face him again.

Levi makes a noise of something between frustration and anger before he whisper shouts at my back.

"I'm Gay!" My whole body stills at his words and my heart begins speed up.

"I've never said that out loud before,"  I can hear the small amount of relief in his voice, like the world itself was just pulled off of his shoulders.

"but dammit, you just had to knock on the door.

"I thought..." he trails off, letting out a frustrated breath, before locking his hazel eyes on mine.

"but no, you had to be my sister's new boyfriend." I'm not sure I was breathing as Levi continued his confession, my eyes so wide that the cool night air was starting to burn a little.

"What?" God, I am so stupid. My mind can't seem to make sense of anything right now and leaves me just a mess.

"I should have stayed away but I couldn't. I couldn't get you out of my damn head and every time I saw you with Lucy, it was like a knife." He closed the small distance between us with slow calculated steps until out chests were only a breath apart.

A very small, very short breath.

"I'm sorry for just dropping this on you like this, but I'd swear you feel it too. If I'm wrong, I'll leave you alone, I promise," Levi whispers the last part as his eyes search mine.

He's searching for what he thinks he saw. What I know he saw and the faintest glimmer of hope flickers in his eyes.

But I am literally stunned silent. My brain is overloaded and all circuits must be firing at once because the only thing I keep thinking is, Oh.My.God.

"I feel it," I manage to whisper but the little breath I did find was stolen from me with the megawatt smile that crossed Levi's face when he heard it.

"You do?" Levi is nearly breathless as his eyes frantically scan my face, but he can't get that smile off his face.

Everything about him in this moment, the hopeful eyes, megawatt smile with the dimple, is contagious and Hurricane Levi returns full force in my stomach.

"I've never.. I mean I don't know if I'm ready to be out yet," I trail off as my smile drops and color floods my cheeks.

I look to the ground, staring at his black vans like they're the most interesting thing in the world.

Maybe I shouldn't have said that? Maybe this whole thing is a sign that it's time I come out and be who I am?

Maybe it's time to own who I am?

But the idea alone is terrifying. There are so many unknowns and I don't think I could handle the rejection from my family or my friends if they weren't supportive.

"We're both pretty good at keeping secrets," he says softly and I nearly gasp as his fingers trail along my jaw line, tilting my head to meet his eyes.

Levi leans closer, his chest pressing against mine and my hands respond on their own. They move to his sides, sliding happily between the open flannel and his V neck.

Kiss me. Like a neon light, the words glow in my head, blinking and flashing hoping to catch his attention.

I want to kiss you. Like my eyes have a mind of their own, they flicker to his lips then back. Silently asking for permission for our lips to become acquainted.

I don't know who finally took that leap. I don't know when my eyes drifted closed or why my hands balled his shirts in my fist.

But I know that the moment his warm lips met mine, the most cliche thing happened. The world froze around us.

I memorize every detail, from the taste of Pepsi on his tongue to the way his hands gently cradle my face as if it was the most delicate of things.

Levi and I pulled our lips apart much too soon, but his nose continued to skim against mine as our breaths mingled together in the night air between us.

"We'll keep this between us for now at least until we see where it goes?" Is voice is cautious like he's testing the waters after what just happened.

I don't blame him because that kiss changed something. We weren't just two boys kissing in a park. We're two people on the brink of a blossoming romance with the world at our fingertips.

A world that will either be the greatest adventure or crash and burn. It's a scary choice to have to put yourself on the line like that but with Levi, I'm willing to take the risk.

Instead of answering, I raise my hand to cup the back of his neck and pull his lips back to mine.

<3 <3 <3 <3

[text_hash] => 52e45a49
)