Array
(
[text] =>

"Thanks for, um... the little party yesterday," I appreciated my brother when he picked me up from school the next day. We were almost home and had been driving

in silence before I decided to speak up.

"I'm just glad to hear you speak," he joked. I rolled my eyes with a smile as my hand flew to my throat and caressed it.

"I know I have the voice of an angel." I laughed. "But, no. seriously, I never got to say thanks."

"You should thank Jace. He told me he'd promised you a party. Did he really?"

I nodded. "Sort of. It was his way of circumventing a particular situation."

"What situation?"

"Shane dumping me, basically. But that was the night before I..." I let my voice trail off but he knew what I meant. "Hey, you never told me why you think I'm deathly afraid of going places."

"Being in a car," he corrected. "And I'll talk to you about that as soon as we get home."

"Alright. How's Kalani?"

"She's coming over today. So is Asher."

I smiled before I could stop it. "Oh, really?"

"Yes, really. All three of us are going somewhere, by the way, which might be a problem."

My eyebrows knitted together as Justin pulled up in our driveway slowly. "How's that a problem?" I asked.

"Because Mom's still at work and you'll be home by yourself."

"Justin, I'm seventeen and perfectly capable of staying home alone." I exited his car and shut the door, watching as he did the same.

"I understand that, but -"

"But I have panic attacks and being left alone could be dangerous," I concluded as we walked into the house.

Justin ran his fingers through his short hair. "I remember when you used to cooperate. You were like... five and way too adorable."

I glared at him before he laughed.

"They should be here any minute." Justin looked down at his watch.

"You know, I could just ask Shane to come keep me company."

My brother glanced back up at me. "I'm sorry, I think I just heard you say you could ask Shane to keep you company."

"Yes, Justin, you thought correctly." I dropped my book bag and headed towards the kitchen.

"I mean, it's on you, but...personally, that would be awkward. Like... very awkward."

"Well, he and I could watch a couple movies or... I could cook for him. He does like my food."

Justin slid onto a stool in front of the kitchen bar table. "You poor soul." He grabbed a green apple from the fruit basket and bit into it.

I sighed in defeat. "Is it wrong that I..."

"Yes," he answered without wasting a second.

"I don't know what to do, Justin. How do I even cope?" I knew it wasn't a good idea asking him. It wasn't as if he'd been in my shoes before. "First of all, I don't even

know if I'm gay or bi or whatever. I'm just not even gonna label myself until I'm like... 25 and well aware of who I am in terms of my sexuality. Second of all, how come I can't seem to find someone who actually loves me? And even if I do, are they gonna dump me for the

next chick or guy, or will they get into a car accident and pass away?"

Justin's face clouded with sympathy. "Nolan, please. I know you've had a rough time these past few years, but you're seventeen. You have years and years to find love, alright?"

"Easy for you to say. You're engaged, and it only took you like two tries."

"Just because I'm engaged doesn't mean Kalani's the right one. Don't get me wrong, it certainly feels like she is, and I love her way too much... but anything's possible."

"That's true," I agreed. "Who knows? You could end up marrying Asher."

Justin burst out laughing and I did as well. "Okay, buddy, slow down there. Not the point. Point is, you're young. I doubt you'd find your one and only at this age, but if you do, you are lucky and I support you. So does Mom."

I nodded, feeling a bit better. "So, you still have to tell me that... thing."

Justin bit his lip and lowered his apple slowly, a hesitant look on his face. "Right, um..."

"Umm..?" I urged, beyond curious.

He took a breath. "Just know that... Mom and I wanted to wait to tell you this, but we've talked and she gave me the go-ahead. She finds it difficult to relive."

"Crap, I was adopted?" I gaped at him.

His eyes widened and he shook his head. "No, no! No, trust me, we're biological, it's not that. It's... uh, you were... um... you know maybe you should sit down."

"Standing's fine. Spit it out."

"You were taken from us. Kidnapped, to put it in a word."

"For an entire year?" I whispered, remembering that I didn't have a picture of when I was four. Justin stared at me.

"Just about. It was the most devastating year of all of our lives, Nolan, and we thought you were really... gone. I was ten, so I remember almost everything."

I stared at the counter. "Kidnapped?" I repeated in a hushed tone, not believing this

about myself. I got kidnapped? Me? He immediately placed his hand on mine.

"I'm so, so sorry we held it from you. You deserved to know a lot sooner. It's been on my mind for so long that I just had to get it out. We shared a room when we were

younger, remember? I had the choice to have my own, but we were and still are like best friends. So what I cannot and will never understand is how you were taken and I was sound asleep. I should've been awake or something. I could've screamed and saved you, but I was there asleep. And I feel awful."

I shook my head. "No, Justin, no, you can't." I quickly rounded the table to throw my arms around him. "It could've been at any time that day that you weren't around."

"But it wasn't. We went to bed together, but I woke up... you weren't there."

I loosened my grip around him. "It wasn't your fault in any way." I pulled away from him.

"Mom kept telling me that. I just wished I was awake."

"How was I found?"

"Your kidnapper was drunk driving and got into an accident, with you in the car. You were injured, obviously, and you suffered retrograde amnesia. But, yeah. Once you were taken to the hospital, they found out that you were taken. So they took your DNA and linked you back to us."

"Oh, god..." I breathed out.

"You were taken in March, and found in November. We had the best Thanksgiving that year, Nolan. Trust me, it wasn't the food. We thought we really lost you."

I was silent. I was glad that I didn't start panicking, but I was still in shock.

"The man was put in prison. I don't know about him right now, but hopefully, he's still there. He was charged for kidnapping, and drunk and reckless driving. Look... I really hope you don't hold this against Mom and me for keeping it from you. We realized that you didn't remember anything that happened before, especially when you asked where your four-year-old pictures were. Plus, you never brought it up."

Justin shrugged. "So, I think that's where your fear comes from. Even though you can't remember, you still experienced it and you have to face the consequences of someone else's actions. God knows you don't deserve it."

I rubbed my hands over my eyes and let out a stunned breath. "So, am I just gonna be this way forever? These panic attacks won't ever stop?"

"I don't know, but what I do know is that people are here for you. Okay? After yesterday, I really hope you believe that."

I hugged myself, feeling a bit fortunate. "Whoever that man was, I wish I could see him."

Justin hugged me. "And what would you do?" he questioned.

I thought about it for a second, realizing I felt no anger. "I'd forgive him."

*******

[text_hash] => a3e5ee16
)