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I shut the door after Asher dropped me off home that evening. I knew Mom was working late today, but Justin was home.

I heaved a sigh and went up to his room to tell him I was back home. I paused, looking into his neat room and saw him working at his desk. I examined his surroundings. It had been three weeks since I found out he was planning to move. According to Asher, he had seen the house with Kalani and they were trying to close the deal.

I knocked on his door and he turned around. "Hey, Nolan." A smile crossed his face as he stood up.

"Hi." I hugged myself a bit, my book bag still slinging off my shoulders. I put it down.

"I was worried. You don't tell Mom and me where you're going these days. You alright?"

I nodded quickly, trying to convince him everything was fine. "Don't worry about me."

"Of course I'm gonna worry about you, Nolan." He sat back down, still facing me. "I don't

know... you just seem to disappear every other day or so." He narrowed his eyes at me in an attempt to read my mind.

I crossed his room and sat at the foot of his bed.

"Is it the same person you went on that picnic with last month?"

Because I didn't have it in me to lie, I nodded in confirmation. "Exactly, yes."

"Oh... oh!" Justin laughed a little, his worry morphing into excitement and relief. "Well,

why didn't you just say so? You're seeing someone."

"Sort of."

"Good, good. Can I ask the gender?"

"Um, male."

Justin nodded. "Okay. I think this guy is keeping your mind off of things. That's a good thing."

I took a breath. "Your um... your room."

"Oh, right." He looked around with a faint chuckle, but he didn't explain.

"You should go, Justin. Move out, okay?" I said after a long moment of silence.

"Nolan..."

"We've gone through this, I get it. I know that's what you'll say, but you can't protect me forever."

"I know that, but if I could, I would."

"And I know that," I assured.

"I just... I feel like I owe you so much after... that horrible man took you away."

"You were ten, Justin. What was a ten year old going to do?"

"Wake up and scream. Anything would've been better than complete oblivion, especially

when your bed was next to mine. Come on, Nolan, if I'd seen that man..."

"This isn't about that. This is about you and Kalani, and what's best for your relationship. You'll be married in January... and you'll have a baby soon, won't you?"

Justin stared at me and I nodded at him. "I know she's pregnant; I heard her."

He looked down. "What else did you hear?"

"I heard that Asher was getting you a house and... she thinks I'm in the way. God knows I don't wanna be. She'll be family soon, and I don't want her to hate me for holding you back."

Justin stood up and ran his fingers through his hair. "I can't..." He shook his head. "I

can't believe you heard. She's wrong about that, you know that, right?"

"I think she was right. I've been in the way of a lot of things; a lot of people."

"That's not true." He stepped closer and I stood up as well, but not in a challenging way.

I only needed to prove my point.

"You know, I started having feelings for Shane last year when I knew I shouldn't have. If it weren't for me, he would've been with Jace this entire time and would've been so happy. I can't even step inside of a car without worrying about what's gonna happen to me and the person driving me has to end up pulling over. Now Kalani wants to be with you and have you in every way, but she feels that you're too attached to me to let that

happen. She feels that she can't compete because we have a strong bond and poor panic-boy is incapable of being home alone. It sucks. It really just... sucks." I hung my head, feeling little and trying not to cry.

"I'm heartbroken that you feel like that's all true. It's not. None of what you said was your

doing, Nolan," Justin claimed.

"Then why does everyone feel the need to... take care of me? That's what Jace did. You, Shane, Elaine, Kalani... even Asher."

"Because we love you. People love you. I showed you that remember?"

I sniffed and hugged myself a bit tighter.

"That's just the way it is. Everyone needs you in their lives, Nolan, because you make

things better. You're like a blanket of sanity while we're the ones with the problems."

"I don't see it that way. I'm the one with panic attacks. I have problems, not you guys."

"See, you're wrong there. Yes, you have panic attacks, but that's a serious thing. Us? We're always tripping about what clothes we're gonna wear, or how we look, or what other people think of us, or the person we have a crush on, or what party we should go to... those aren't real issues. Yet you find a way to be there for us through all that.

That's why people love you."

I blinked away my tears and looked up at him. "You think so?"

"Of course. I'm not defending her because of my feelings, but Kalani truly was frustrated. The girl loves you so much, Nolan, not even I understand. She's excited to be a part of this family and one of her reasons why is because of you."

"So... I can be a part of your baby's life?"

Justin rolled his eyes playfully. "You did not just ask that. Come over here!" He drew me into one arm to ruffle my hair before letting me go. "But yes, whether you like it or not, you will be."

"I can't believe you're a dad. Does Mom know?"

"Not yet. We just... Kalani's in the very early stage and we just wanna make sure everything's fine before..."

"Before announcing it, smart move. I'll keep my lips sealed." I picked up my book bag and slung it over my shoulder, making to leave with Justin remembered something and called my name.

"By the way, I wanted to tell you. So I've done my research and..." he sighed. "I can't believe this is actually what you want, but Anderson Prose was the man who kidnapped you. I knew Mom knew his name - that wasn't the issue. I found out where he lives."

I raised my eyebrows. "So, he's out of jail?"

"Got out of prison just last year. He'd been sentenced to twelve years, he's 43, and he lives in a small home about forty minutes from here."

I thought about that. It didn't even seem real, that I was taken at four years old by a total

stranger. For me not to even remember a detail of that killed me, yet stirred my curiosity.

"Mom can't find the will to let you visit him, which is perfectly understandable. We don't want you going near him."

"I'm seventeen now, and I play football. At least I can knock him out with a single blow."

Justin snorted. "You? Knock someone out?"

"Come on, he's a 43 year old guy who's probably grown weaker by the year."

"Okay, but he could own a gun, or like... hide a knife and slit your throat."

"That's why you're coming with me, and we could meet him in public."

Justin folded his arms. "He kidnapped you for crying out loud."

"I want some answers, and don't lie. So do you. I also want to forgive him, so that he knows."

My brother gaped at me. "You're shitting me, right? I know you said that before, but I didn't think you meant it."

"Justin, I'm serious. Please? Make an arrangement or something. Anything."

"Geez, fine. Fine!" he obliged.

I laughed. "Push-over. You'd better learn to assert authority or your baby's gonna give you a hell of a tough time when he or she grows up." I smiled.

"That's why I have Kalani. She herself is a reality check - in the best way, but... okay, get out. Shoo!" he gestured for me to leave and I walked out, feeling much better than I had coming in.

***

The next day was the same routine. I sat down outside waiting for Asher to come pick

me up. The only difference today was, Elaine thought it was a great idea to knock some sense into my head.

She was Shane's cousin, and a supportive friend.

"Waiting for Asher?" she sat down next to me. "Of course you are, don't answer that."

"You're in a bad mood?" I observed. She sighed and nodded.

"Not really my fault. Happens once a month."

I chuckled and she cracked a smile.

"I didn't ask to be a girl." She punched my arm weakly making me laugh more. "So, tell me. I know you're not over Shane because... I don't know, I can see it."

"You can see it?" I doubted.

"The way you look at him. It hasn't changed. That wasn't my point. I just wanted to know

if you and Asher are... something."

"Um, I don't know for sure. We're kind of working on it. He knows how I feel about Shane, though."

"Ah, so he's attempting to make those feelings fade and steal your heart in the process?"

I looked at her weird and she put a hand up in defense. "As a fan girl, I must admit that I've read a couple gay stories here and there, and I will tell you, that's how some of them go. Asher will prevail."

I laughed at her and she shrugged. "Fine, don't believe me. But, I don't want you

holding back. You wanted this, remember? You wanted your special someone. He's right on time."

"Actually, he's quite late. I mean, if this were a year ago..."

"I'm surprised. You know, a year ago, the Nolan I knew would look for so many reasons to be grateful for the present. So, Asher is on time, because you're not that Nolan anymore. Maybe he can bring you back from this... black hole you seem to be in. I miss seeing you smile at everything and make a joke out of the worst possible situations."

"You can't be any more right, El. Thanks."

She patted my hand.

"Do you still like me, Elaine?" I asked her. She smiled and shook her head.

"Not really. Does that break your heart?"

We laughed and she nudged me again. "No, I just... I wanna apologize for any pain I must've caused when I rejected you. I'm so sorry."

"Oh, please. It's fine. You ain't tapping this ass. Your limo's here." She nodded ahead and I looked forward to see Asher pulling up. "For pete's sake, Nolan. If you even think you're falling for him, let it happen. It'll be good for you, whether it lasts forever or not."

I pulled her in for a hug before getting up and walking towards Asher's car. I took a breath and got inside and was met with a dimpled smile.

I didn't say a word as he asked me how I was. I didn't even reply, I just paid attention to

his voice and smile. I didn't mean to compare, but what did he have that Shane didn't?

"Nolan? You're okay?" he asked.

I gazed at him, right into his eyes and found that they were sparkling. He did have brown eyes and green specks, but they were even lovelier in the sun's light. Now, the brown looked dark gold.

Did I notice that before?

"Asher, I have a question."

His face looked concerned, and I honestly believed that he thought I didn't want anything to do with him anymore. Of course, that wasn't the case.

He took his hands off the wheel since he was parked at the curb. "Okay." I noticed the very subtle tremble in his fingers, so I got to the question quickly to calm his fears.

"Do you like me a lot more now than when we met?"

He softly smiled, relaxing his tensed form, and nodded. "Definitely."

"Is it because... maybe... you notice things you didn't see before?"

"Yes, I think that plays a major role."

I averted my gaze and bit my lip for a moment then I looked back at him. "Your eyes light up in the sun. I just noticed that."

"Well... thank you for noticing." He chuckled.

I put a warm hand on his and leaned closer to him for a kiss. We didn't usually kiss; just on the cheek, so I could tell he was looking forward to it.

Our lips touched and he brought his free hand to cup my cheek, kissing me right back. Soon his hand was palming my neck, running down my arm and resting against my waist, leaving a trail of warmth behind. My other hand clung to his arm, making him lean a tad bit closer to me.

I felt a slight flutter in my chest and I willed it to spread, but it wouldn't.

But that was okay. I'd take my time. There was no rush; Asher would always be here.

*******

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