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(October 22)

I didn't think that a day without Asher would be this uneventful. He was coming back tomorrow, but I wanted him here. Now. I had to tell him what happened yesterday but I wasn't sure about the whole event with Maya. I honestly didn't know what to think. Asher was still a mystery to me; and that saddened me. I was slightly jealous that Kalani had been his friend for twelve to thirteen years. She must have known so many of his secrets, and probably still does. I wished I knew more about him. I wished he knew more about me. I wished he could tell me everything. I'd never betray him; ever.

I was lying on my bed that afternoon, and I'd been in this same position since I'd gotten home from school an hour ago. I knew I wouldn't fall asleep, so there was no point in trying. The desire to call Asher was great, but I thought I'd be bothering him.

I heard a knock on my door and I turned my head to see Mom there.

"Hey, sweetheart."

"Hi, Mom." I pulled myself up into a sitting position.

"Are you okay? You're actually home from school early. Odd."

"You noticed?"

Mom smirked. "You may not tell me where you're going, but Mama knows, child. I have that radar thing." She motioned to the top of her head, making me laugh.

"Whatever you say."

"So Justin took you to see Anderson. I almost killed him for letting you go near that man." She walked inside and sat by me.

"We didn't wanna worry you."

"I heard you forgave him." Mom shook her head. "Nolan... you've always been a good boy. I mean, despite all the times you got into trouble and fights in middle

school and all the phone calls I got from parents saying you bullied their kid or gave someone a black eye..." she gave me a pointed look. "You're good."

"Point taken." I blushed, remembering those days and how much I changed.

"Why'd you decide to pardon him?" she asked me. "I sure can say that Anderson caused everyone in this family a great deal of pain. You probably don't remember any of it... is that why forgiving him was so easy?"

I shook my head. "He never hurt or abused me. I forgave him because it was the right thing to do."

"Okay. Then I want you to keep on doing the right thing. It might look stupid to so many people, or wrong... but most of the time, when the world says you're

wrong, you couldn't be any more right."

I nodded, taking in her words. She patted my knee.

"That's all I wanted to say. Oh, and for your sake, and mine, tell me or Justin where you're going from now on, alright?"

"Alright."

"Good." She stood up. "I love you."

I was about to reply but my phone rang. "Love you, too, Mom," I rushed out as she walked out of my room.

I grabbed my phone and checked the caller.

Asher.

Eagerly, I swiped to the green answer button and pressed the phone to my ear.

"Hey."

"Hi, panda-fish," he called me.

I blushed more than I ever had, a wide smile crossing my features. Thankfully, he wasn't here to see my face.

"Oh, hi, spider-pig," I responded.

I could tell he was smiling and trying not to laugh. "I'm never getting tired of these pet names."

I chuckled. "How's the beach?"

"Oh my god, if you were here... it would make things a lot better. Did you visit Zion?"

"Yeah. He's doing just fine."

"Good. I called Kalani to talk to him."

I smiled. "I know I wanted you to do this, but... I feel bad. Like, really terrible."

"Why?"

"Because, Ash. We've known each other for, what, a month now? And I made you do something you didn't wanna do, which put you two hours away from home and away from Zion."

"You have nothing to feel bad for. If anything, you gave me a little vacation even though I kind of have to work. Well, me and the other guys. A couple of them are

quite annoying."

Other guys?

I swallowed. "Oh. What do you have to do?"

He grunted. "Pose on the beach. I got sand all over me."

I laughed at him. "Well, I want lots of pictures. Is it some kind of competition?"

"In a way, yes. They just want someone that looks hot as hell and they could place us where we're most fit. For example, runway models - which I'm never going to be, print models, fit models..."

"Do you know where you fit in?"

He sighed heavily. "Sadly, they want me to try fashion modeling. Ugh, the lady there... she could not stop gushing about my face. Not to brag, panda-fish, but I'm so serious. She went crazy about how she hasn't seen such natural beauty in a long time." He made a sound of disbelief. "Must've been quite a long time 'cause she's like... forty."

I bit my lip to hold in my laughter. "Wow, well aren't you having a blast."

"The best part of this trip is being able to escape all the commotion and call you. I'm sorry I was too busy yesterday. Plus, I passed out from exhaustion."

"Aw, spider-pig, I'm sorry," I apologized with a short giggle.

"I miss you."

"I miss you, too. More than I thought I would."

"So, what have you been doing? Didn't you see that man, Anderson what's-his-face?"

"Anderson Prose, and yes, I saw him. He... it was weird. He's not a bad man at heart. He's just made some terrible, terrible mistakes. I think that if he could turn back time, he'd make better decisions."

Asher grunted. "Well. As long as he didn't harm you yesterday, I'm happy. We'll talk about it more later."

"Okay."

"Bye, Nolan. I can't wait to see you again."

"Bye, Asher."

I hung up, feeling happy to have heard his voice. Now I knew for sure, I was falling for him more and more.

***

I maintained a soft smile as the sweet melody filled my ears. I watched Shane play his piano with closed eyes, overcome with the music he could make. He was

so gifted, and you'd never know unless you heard.

I sighed happily as the classical song came to an end. He looked at me and I smiled bigger. "Amazing as always. You could get a scholarship for this, you

know?"

He nodded. "I know... but I wanna teach music, remember?"

"I remember." I chuckled.I was startled by the loud moan coming from the room next to this one and stared wide-eyed at Shane.

He huffed. "I've told him to move his room to the basement. Now you understand why," he informed. I laughed quietly.

"Darren and Tyler. What an odd match. How often do they...?" Shane knew what I was trying to ask and he rolled his eyes.

"Often. If they keep at it, they won't even have a healthy relationship soon."

"Well, they have a weird relationship, but I think that makes them comfortable."

"Nolan... I know how it is. I was once Darren's little bitch." He got up and moved towards his white bed. I turned to face him.

"Shane, you guys were very young. Barely teenagers. Besides, I know you and Jace sleep together."

"Yeah, like once in a while. It's just that..."

There was a knock on his room door and he paused. "Hold on," he told me, getting up and going to his door. He opened it and was met with an innocent smile from Jace. Shane's face lit up. "Jace!" He wrapped his arms around his

boyfriend and Jace hugged him back.

I stood up as they pulled away, but they still remained close together.

"Hey, Nolan!"

"Hi, Jace."

"I was just playing some music," Shane informed. "Why'd you surprise me?" he kissed Jace's neck making Jace squirm slightly and push him away.

"I wanted to see you, duh."

"I didn't know you were coming, I wouldn't have..." I said before shaking my head. "I'll give you two some privacy." I made to leave but Jace stopped me.

"Are you kidding? Let's talk; I haven't seen you in forever."

"Oh... there's... nothing to say, really."

"Bull. You're seeing Asher and I wanna know everything." He sat down on Shane's bed, making himself comfortable. I was surprised that he knew about me and Asher. Maybe Shane told him.

I just stared at my friend and he raised his eyebrows in realization. "Oh, okay, I get it. You two are still in the closet phase. It's cool, I won't judge obviously."

I rolled my eyes. "We're six years apart, Jace. We aren't hiding it because we're scared... well, in a way, yes. It's just... the law, I guess."

"Can't you talk to your brother about it? He's a lawyer."

"He can't know. Not yet, anyway. He'll sacrifice Asher and I'm not ready to let him go just yet."

"Ah, so you like him." Jace grinned. "Hear that, Shane? He's over your ass."

Shane rolled his eyes and sat next to his boyfriend. "I told you, he never loved me to begin with." He whispered it but I heard. It wasn't true, but I wouldn't tell

him that. Especially not in front of Jace.

"Are you still having panic attacks? Getting enough sleep?" Jace queried.

"No sleep, less attacks," I answered. "I did have a panic attack last week but I don't know why. I'm getting used to my Mom and Justin going out, but sometimes I still worry too much."

"Still on your meds?"

I shook my head. "I've been better off without them."

"Good. That makes me relieved."

"Enough about me. How's life treating you?"

Jace sighed. "Do you know my dad and that woman of his are like... dating?" he grunted. "Yeah. What's-her-face, Joanna."

I laughed. "The really, really sweet lady? Yes, how unfortunate."

"Dude, it's not funny. It's like putting 20 pounds of sugar in your coffee. Too sweet and I feel like they're gonna get married before we know it. Then, I'm screwed. She has three kids."

"So? It'll be a full house."

"Gwen's enough. Adding three..." he shook his head. "One of them is my age, which absolutely sucks. That means I'd have to share stuff."

"Jace," Shane chimed in. "You don't even know if they're gonna break up next month or whatever. Calm your tits."

Jace grimaced. "Okay, wait. Are Tyler and Darren fucking?"

Shane and I exchanged glances.

"Why?" Shane tentatively asked.

"I don't know; I heard moaning and now I think I can smell it. Holy ball sack." He pinched his nose and stood up, heading out of Shane's room.

I looked over at Shane and he held up a hand. "Don't... comment." He got up and followed after Jace and I chuckled, taking that as my cue to leave.

***

(October 23)

I now saw Asher in a new light. Just to admit it.

Of course, there was school but I was so anxious to see him again, along with Zion. Although, I was having mixed feelings about it. Should I go to his house right after school or would that make me appear desperate? Yeah, maybe. Do I tell him about Maya's visit?

I was in the library during lunch, trying to distract myself with the Scorch Trials book, but it wasn't working. Then, a pretty good distraction found its way to the

seat in front of me. Shane smiled at me and my heart practically stopped beating.

I willed myself to think of Asher but my mind turned blank.

"I usually just watch the movies." Shane nodded at my book. I gulped and shrugged.

"The books have more details."

He chuckled. "It's lunch. You haven't been in the library during lunch for a while.

Something... off?"

"Oh, no, I... Asher's coming back and I'm nervous."

"Coming back?" Shane's head tilted slightly.

My mouth opened, but I couldn't resist the truth. "Modeling. He's... modeling."

"I can understand... with a face like that. You must like him, huh?" His eyes probed me to say yes, but I lightly scoffed instead, shaking my head.

"You must really hate the fact that I love you."

"What?" His eyebrows pulled together.

"Every time we talk, the conversation turns into one about Asher, and you make

comments like 'you have to like him' or 'he could be the one' or 'don't hold back'. I know you're happy for me - I do, but you just can't stand that I have feelings for you. You never did."

Shane sat up taller. "Nolan-"

"Did you ever have to pretend I was Jace whenever you kissed me? Probably."

He shook his head. "That's not true."

"Okay. Well... I just want you to know that tonight, I'm gonna visit Asher. He'll kiss me because it's me. You'd feel relieved to hear that I love you less and less when I'm with him. And one of these days, I'll give him my heart because he wants it." I softly smiled and stood up. "Bye, Shane."

I returned the book and walked out of the library. I felt... better. Lighter, like I was afloat. Maybe my relationship with Shane needed closure, and him breaking up with me didn't achieve that. I needed to break up with him, for good. That was

exactly what I did.

†*******

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