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The early rays of sun slip past my eyelids and make me cringe awake. I know Andrew is still sleeping by the silent snores he breathes out. No dreams at all last night; a delightful change for once. But today I just feel... off. Like my mind has shut down, leaving me numb to the world.

Without even a glance at the boy in my bed I make my way to the bathroom. My hands are slightly shaking, but that's normal for me. My heart's beat is shallow and it makes me dizzy. Maybe this is what I'd die from. A heart murmur or flutter or whatever the f*ck you want to call it.

I raise my left arm, searching for the large, pale bump. My fingers slide down, applying pressure, until I feel the familiar pinch in my nerves that lies under the darkened skin. I knead my knuckles into it for a bit, wincing before letting out a sigh. Instinctively, I raise my fisted hand and slam it back down. My pale skin goes slightly red and tightens. I do it again, and again, and again, and again, until I'm satisfied.

By the time I'm done, my skin is stiff and blotted with red splotches that are quickly turning a light bluish color. By the end of the day I know they'll be a light brown, barely noticeable by untrained eyes. Scars are questioned, bruises are waved off.

I know I said that I didn't hurt myself, but I hate feeling numb. Today's one of the rare days where my mind goes blank, making me do stupid things. The tiny bruise is just a reminder that I need. It reminds me that I can have control over my mind- my mind that is now urging me to go find out peoples Numbers.

No matter how confusing my choices are, I know that feeling a little pain is substantially better than feeling someone's death. My mindset is out of the norm and I feel like I would've gone psycho by the time I was twenty. Thank god no one has to worry about that little mishap.

Being careful not to wake up a sleeping Andy, I pad back into my room and grab some clothes from a trunk in the corner of the room (Loonie doesn't believe in dressers or wardrobes. Only trunks and closets.) I click the bathroom door shut behind me and ready the shower.

The clothes I slept in are peeled away and I let the cold water pelt my back and neck as it warms up. My hair clings to my neck and scrapes against my shoulders every time I turn my head. I now realize that I'm just standing here and I quickly finish my shower using Loonie's sickly flower-scented soaps.

I smell like a f*cking daisy.

My hair is towel dried by the time I walk into my room, fully clothed. Andrew is still asleep, but I don't have the propriety to walk him up. Normally, I would either wait for him to wake up or just settle down beside him, but like I said. I'm mentally disarranged today.

So I decide to take off. No time for the f*ckery of doors, no sir; today's a window day.

This room has one of those windows that opens sideways when you crank a lever. I do so and jump to the ground, ignoring the jolt that I received when I landed. My ignorance of doors is rewarded when I hear Loonie pounding on my door for my room, telling me to wake up. I'd rather not have to explain why I'm leaving at the moment.

I slip into the invisible vastness of the woods just before I hear my name being called. With a mental grin, I stroll in to the woods, unseen by those two a*s hats.

I follow the path of a squirrel, watching it scurry away from me. This angers me for some reason and I call out, "Here squirrely, squirrely, squirrely." The god d*mned critter scrambles up a tiny, eleven foot tree. A monstrous smirk plays at the ends of my lips and I hear words coming from my mouth. "Bad choice,"

My vision goes black and I feel like I'm going to puke. When I open my eyes again, I see that the eleven foot tree has grown into a towering, thirty-five foot oak and that I have the squirrel in my hands. It's eyes are missing, torn from their sockets, and blood covers the poor animal. There's a slash on it's stomach and squirrel organs are clearly visible. Its neck has a large chunk bitten out of it and I feel my blood turn cold.

The distinct taste of blood fills my mouth and no matter how many times I spit it out, more thick, coppery liquid manifests and takes its place. The squirrel claws at my hands, making me drop it in shock and pain. It writhes on the ground, its back snapping in unnatural ways.

I back away from this horror scene, but end up tripping over my feet and falling backwards. I hear a loud thud and I know that I've hit my head on a dull rock or something. Prying my wide eyes open, I scramble backwards until I notice that there is no bloody animal. The tree is gone, no blood coats my hand. All that's left from that hallucination is the sharp tang of metallic blood in my mouth.

Sitting there, I wait. I wait until it comes back. At least it was a squirrel and not a human this time. I remember about a year ago, something similar happened, but I was just enrolling in the school and it was a massacred student. It come back and visit me until I demanded to be switched to a new home.

After about an hour, it's clear that the squirrel was a one time thing and I finally stand on trembling legs. My eyes water as I burst out laughing, gasping and clutching my stomach. Still barking out loud laughs, I wander back though the forest. F*ck this mental sh*t.

I come to a clearing and the sun pokes out from the awning of trees. There's a thin path of dirt through the middle of the meadow, telling me that someone comes here a lot. I disregard that and find an especially soft patch of grass by the edge of trees, supporting shade.

What's wrong with me? And I going insane already? Or is it just because I haven't had a 'nothing day' in a long time? I ask myself these questions as I lay down on the grass and close my eyes. Maybe I can sleep it off.

My nose crunches up in distaste when I hear footsteps thumping against the packed dirt at a fast pace. The quiet, amity of this place is now ruined by this trespasser. The footsteps get closer, but slow down. I can hear the person's heavy breathing and I hope it's not who I think it is.

"If that's Andy, I'd appreciate it if you'd take the f*ck off." I say nonchalantly, not even bothering to open my eyes. It's funny how me and Andy were getting all kissy-kissy yesterday, but today I ignore the whole thing. Oh the joys of being a freak. "And don't tell Loonie where I am." She's a kook.

"Well I'm glad I'm not Andy," a high pitch, but male voice said. "But I do know an Andy. Tall, dark hair, gray eyes? Incredibly cute with a nice dic-"

"Shut. The f*ck. Up." I scold, suddenly pissed off. How does he know what Andy's di... you-know-what look like? My eyes are now open so I can glare at the boy in front of me. I can't really say he's a man, because he's a short f*cker.

"Oooh, jealous now are we? Don't worry, Drewy hasn't fallen for my love spell... yet." He finishes by winking a bottle-green eye and flipping his shaggy dirty blonde hair. "He always talks about wanting to find 'the one'." He scoffs.

The one. "Okay, first of all, I'm not jealous. And secondly, what's your name, kid?"

The kid plops down next to me and I make sure to put a large distance between us. "I'm Lucas, but you can call me Luca. And I'm not a kid; I'm almost 17." Luca gives me a sly smile and reaches to trail his finger down my chest. I pull back quickly and stand up, avoiding his seductive gaze. Last thing I need right now is to know when this kid will die.

Luca sighs and drops his hand. "Another straighty, right? God why are all the good one's straight!" He huffs and crosses his arms.

A little voice in the back of my head urges me to touch him- not sexually- but to find out his Number. To save this "innocent" kid from his fate.

He's probably one of those people who die of old age- nothing else. Painless, empty, hollow. Touch him. Save him. Or do you want to kill this boy?

I vaguely hear someone approaching from behind me as I unknowingly reach my hand out. As soon as the person behind me shouts something, my skin touches Luca's cheek.

08/01/2012

My body hurts all over.... split in two... rough hands everywhere... everything turns to black.

08/01/2012

I hear a loud bang and my side is burning; hot, thick liquid running down my waist.

08/01/2012

My hand is ripped away from his skin and warmth spreads through my body. Andy whispers things into my ear, but I don't understand them. I look back at Luca and see that he's staring at me worriedly.

H-his Number. Luca's going to die tomorrow.

Andrew turns me around so I'm facing him and runs his thumbs across my cheeks, making me shudder in pleasure. I realize that my cheeks are wet and that I must've been crying. I struggle away from my Andy and try to speak, but my voice comes out in puffs.

I finally escape his grip and find myself kneeling next to Luca. The voice in my head takes over my body as I rasp into his ear, "You're going to die tomorrow, Lucas Chay. Don't run from fate."

The last thing I see is Luca's sweet, horrified face before I black out.

~*~*~

Without opening my eyes, I know that Andy must've carried me to someone's house, most likely his or Loonie's. I'm on what feels like a couch and I hear voices whispering furiously to each other. I don't open my eyes quite yet and decide to eavesdrop on their conversation.

"... What do you mean you don't know!" whisper-yells a stereotypical gay voice which I recognize as Luca. "He told me I'm going to die tomorrow! Is he one of those troubled, homicidal teens? I mean don't get me wrong, that can be hot and I'd still do him, but not if he wants to kill me!"

"Luca, shut up! You're going to wake him. I promise he won't kill you, okay? And you will do no such thing! He's the one I've been waiting for, so no humpin' up on my man." Andy whispers grouchily.

I fight, but the embarrassing giggle escapes my mouth and I have to smack my hand over my mouth to stop it from continuing. Luca squeals, saying I'm too "cute" to be homicidal. I'm not f*cking cute. That's Andy, not me.

I have to open my eyes sooner or later so I reluctantly peel them apart. Andy's worried eyes bore into mine. "Dakota?"

Nodding in response, I sit up slowly and look around to see I'm in an unfamiliar room. This must be Andy's house. The walls are a cool gray, not quite matching the intensity of Andy's eyes. All of the furniture is black and gray with deep blue accents around the room. "Is this your house, Andy?" I ask groggily.

He nods and says, "We're in my living room because you're too heavy to carry upstairs to my room." Andy offers up a small smile

I glare at him before yawning and sliding onto the floor to where Andy and Luca are sitting. I nudge under Andy's arm with my head like a cat and crawl into his lap. What? I'm still sleepy.

Everyone's silent for a few seconds before I hear Luca squeal. My eyebrows furrow together in confusion and I glance up at Andy who has his eyebrows raised.

"Like, ohmigosh you guys are soooo cute!" Luca's probably in the corner with a video camera, hoping that we'll suddenly start making out and end up giving him free p0rn.

I mumble something that even I don't understand and bury my head into the crook of Andy's neck. Andy giggles and hugs me close to him. I mentally sigh. I still can't believe I can finally have this kind of affection- or physical contact for that matter.

After Luca calms down, he asks the dire question that I was hoping he forgot about. "It's Dakota, right? Why did you tell me I was going to die tomorrow?"

"Heh, I was kidding dude, chill." I try to play it off as a joke. But by Andy's squeeze and Luca's eye roll, I know there's no way they'd fall for that. Eh, it was pretty far fetched anyway.

Might as well try to protect him. "Don't go anywhere, Luca. Go home, stay in your house all day tomorrow and don't, whatever you do, let anyone come inside." I crawl off of Andy's lap so I can stare at him properly.

"... And why do you think I'mma die?"

"I know you will. I just... maybe you can prevent it."

Luca starts to look a little worried. "Why... How do you know?" he asks in a small voice.

I start to get hysterical. "I just do, Luca! Please, just listen to me. This time may be different! I'll finally be wrong and you'll grow old and happy and marry someone nice who'll love you and be there for you even though you know you're a messed up freak of nature that can't even touch someone without being hurt and... and... and..." Tears are already flowing and I choke on my words as the sobs take over.

I try to reach out to Andy, but my eyes are blurred and it's hard to see him. Add that to the fact that I'm wailing senseless and you too would grab the first person you touch. Unfortunately, that person was Luca.

Tomorrow's date flashes in that eerily familiar bluish-white light and my body becomes an unmarred source of pain. I scream and clench my eyes shut. I feel violated, used, dirty, desecrated, soiled, befouled, exploited, victimized, the list goes on. What ever happens to Luca before the bang and the blackness is sickening. Something wrong. Even if he did survive, he'd be dead on the inside.

Andy pulls me off of Luca as soon as he can. But something strange happens. There's a moment were I'm touching Luca and Andy's hand grasps my waist where my sweatshirt had slid up, exposing my skin. I feel a burst of energy course through my body and Luca's Number jumbles together. All the pain is still there, but his Number. His Number is flashing different colors and moving around. I can't read it.

I fall backwards into Andy's arms and the pain finally stops, but the memories remain embedded in my brain. I don't think I've ever held contact for that long (not including Andy). My wails are reduced to quiet whimpers and I still refuse to open my eyes.

In the background, I can hear Andy trying to comfort me. But it's no use; I'm freaked out. Luca's freaked out. Andy's freaked out.

"I... I... I think I sh-should go home," Luca stands and carefully makes for the door.

I bolt upright and shout, "NO!" surprising all of us. "Andy please, go with him. Make sure he makes it inside safely. Please." I plead.

He nods, eyes wide and asks, "You're coming too though, right?"

I shake my head and kiss Andy softly, reminding me of last night's kiss. "I... I can't. I think it'd be best if I just... stayed away from Luca."

Andy gives me a wane smile and whispers by in ear, "Go up to my room, second door on the left. I'll be right back, promise."

I blush and nod. Looking back at Luca I give a lame wave and a pathetic smile. He does the same and makes a move to hug me, but stops himself.

After they close the door, I stand up and wander around Andy's house, trying to forget about Luca and his death. The kitchen is very clean even though there are several dirty dishes in the sink. I check the other rooms like the nosy little f*ck I am, but find nothing interesting. I'm guessing the house is empty due to the fact that no one responded to my lunatic screams earlier.

I venture upstairs and peek in each room until I find the one that is distinctly 'Andy'. Band posters line the clean, white walls. The ground is fairly messy, but not disgustingly dirty. A large queen sized mattress lies on the ground with no bed frame. His pillows range from red to violet, supporting the colors of the rainbow. I notice a stuffed kitty lying off to the side and smirk at it's pale pink exterior. His desk is cluttered with junk but I notice the laptop and stereo immediately.

Shuffling to the bed, I sit in the middle with my legs crisscross-applesauce. Andy will be back soon, right? I sigh and turn my head to the purple bookshelf that is placed right next to the bed. My fingers trail over the spines of the books and I glance at each one carefully. I used to love to read when I was younger it made me think that anything was possible. But I stopped reading when I stopped believing in that.

I recognize a few of the older books that I've read, but most of them I've never even heard of. I pull out one by random. A smile finds my face when I read the cover. Howl's Moving Castle. I loved this book! I remember reading it behind the school in seventh grade.

The door squeaks open and I lift my head to see Nathan, Andy's little brother. "Uh, hey Dakota. Didn't know you were here.... I just got home with mom from the store. Is Andy going to be back soon?"

Nodding in verification, I say, "Yeah, he'll be back any minute. Why?"

"O-oh, nothing. No reason." Nate stammers, raising my suspicion. He quickly goes to, what I presume is Andy's underwear drawer, and pulls opens a box. He pulls out a few packets wrapped in shiny black foil and tries to walk out of his brother's room quickly.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up." I demand and Nathan stops, biting his lip and fidgeting nervously. I stand and block the kid's path. "What did you just take from Andy?"

He hangs his head, mumbles something about being sorry, and produces three flat packages of condoms from his pocket.

...

"What the heck are those!" I shout, astonished. "Why do you need condoms! You're f*cking nine years old!"

Nate blushed hardcore and says, "I'm not nine! I'm almost eleven! And they're not even for me. Some big kids from the junior high school next to my school were talking and they said I'd be part of their group if I found these for them." He tries to put the condoms back in his pocket, but I snatch them out of his hand, ignoring the sharp sting of my lung and the smoker's rasp in my throat.

"I don't care if they are for some puck faced fifteen year olds that think they're actually going to get laid in junior high. You shouldn't be hanging around with them anyways! And don't steal from your brother again, got it?" I cross my arms.

Nathan shuffles out of the room with his head hanging. "Yes sir." he grumbles miserably.

I glance at the rubbers in my hand and wonder why Nate would steal from his own brother to be part of the 'cool' kids. I mean, I was never popular and look how I turned out!... Maybe I should give the condoms back to Nate...

"Well if you wanted to make love, you could've said so earlier." Andy's pacifying voice trails in my ear, his sweet breath tickling my neck.

I whirl around, my cheeks aflame, and squeak from Andy's proximity. "N-no! Nate he... They're not... He found them..." My breath hitches as Andrew steps closer, his dove gray eyes now a polished silver. "Wait a second, these were in your drawer! Please tell my why you have condoms in you're underwear drawer!" I accuse, trying to turn this whole thing back on him.

Andy's blush is very visible, but he tries to derive the attention. "Oooh, taking a peek at my undies now, are we? Kota, you dirty bird."

"Don't try getting kinky with me, Andrew. I will personally tie you to the bed and do some weird S&M sh*t!"

Andy walks backwards to the bed, all the time staring at me with a wicked grin. "Come at me bro."

I pounce and make him fall onto the bed, me onto of him. We both groan from the impact and I'll admit, that probably wasn't my best idea. I roll of his chest and lay next to him on the bed. Andy curls up next to me and nestles his head on my torso.

We lay there, savoring each other's presence. After about twenty minutes, Andy looks up at me and smiles preciously. Ugh I can't take it anymore. I pull him up to me and crush our lips together.

Andy crawls into my lap and moves his hands to the nape of my neck, leaving whispers of his touch while playing with my hair. My body erupts in shivers and I groan into his mouth. Andy's tongue lashes out at the same time mine does and they clash together in a heated war.

This boy's touch makes me forget about everything around me. His endorphins alone transfer so much warmth and energy into my body that he can tranquilize me with just one touch, lulling me into an increased drug-like state.

I win and my tongue takes its chance to explore. His moans vibrate into my mouth and I can feel his skin pop out in goosebumps. As he shifts on my lap, now straddling me, I relocate my mouth so that I'm giving rough kisses on his neck. Andy and I both groan and gasp when he decides to grind our lower areas together, creating a sweet friction. He lets out a particularly obnoxious whine when my lips pass over the place where his neck and shoulder connect. Taking advantage of this spot, I nibble and suck on his pale, sugary skin.

"Dakota," he whimpers, desperately trying to mold our aching groins together. Giving the now bruised area a light kiss, I move from his neck and catch one last, long kiss full of emotion and heat before pulling away.

Andy pouts, but I just smile and kiss his nose softly. "Can you read to me?" I ask, picking up the book that had fallen off the bed.

My boy smiles and grabs the book out of my hands. He gets off of my lap and lays on his bed with his back propped up by many colorful pillows. I slouch slightly lower than him and lay my head on his soft stomach. His voice vibrates through his body as he reads to me.

"Chapter one; In which Sophie talks to hats..."

~*~*~

Andy and I leave his house fairly late. He made me call Loonie and tell her where I was so she'd stop "Britt"ing out over losing her foster kid. He wanted to walk me home, but since we're neighbor's it's kind of pointless. Nonetheless, Andrew remained true and took me too my doorstep.

I was about to wave goodbye and drop his hand (the one I am holding), but Andy pulls me to him in a warm hug.

"You never did tell me why you were gone this morning," he mumbles into my wavy locks.

I shake my head and instinctively lie. "Just went for a walk,"

Andy kisses me once on the neck then on my lips. We both linger for a few seconds longer than we probably should have until we finally release each other. "Oh and Andy?" I say, pausing before closing the door.

He smiles at me and places his hands inside his pockets. "Yeah?"

"Thank you," I whisper, "For everything."

The last thing I see before I close the front door is Andrew's soft smile and beautiful eyes. Once inside, my smile drops like a china plate, shattering into millions of pieces. Luca. He's going to die tomorrow. I forgot all about it; because of Andy.

I'm not saying that it's a bad thing that he made me forget, oh no. It's an amazing thing where he can take the worst memories away by just being next to him. But that just makes the moments without him even more dreadful.

There's a note on the kitchen counter and I pick it up while I retrieve a glass of milk.

Dakota, love! I'm going to bed early because I'm an old hag who needs her beauty sleep. The only reason I'm writing this bloody note is so that you don't go wandering off tomorrow morning. Tomorrow, just me and you, bonding. Because I didn't see neither head nor tail of you today so suck it the f*ck up and be awake by 10. Love you, punkin! ~Loonie

I roll my eyes and tip back the rest of my glass of milk, letting out an appreciative sigh when it's gone. Trudging up the stairs, I yawn and go to the bathroom. After brushing my teeth do I strip from my clothes, not bothering to put on sweatpants, and slide into bed in my boxers.

The moon must be hiding behind a curtain of clouds because it's pitch black through my window and I know that it was shining high and mighty when Andy was walking me home. I just need to sleep. Clear my mind.

Luca. How can I make it the whole day tomorrow without freaking out about it? I should've stayed close to him, never letting him leave, my sight. I groan into my pillow and seek for sleep. When it finally finds me, I can hear the birds noisily chirping, indicating it's almost sunrise.

Only five more f*cking days.

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