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It was five o’clock in the evening when Lanai returned to the hospital to pick up the boys. They were nearly as reluctant to go as some of the nurses seemed glad to get them out of their way.

Carson was a bundle of tension as they drove the fifteen minutes to Central Falls. He stayed mostly quiet, watching the surroundings pass by through the car window. The radio was on at a moderate volume, and Josiah sat in the back seat keeping an eye on his friend the entire time in case he needed some kind of comfort for any reason.

Josiah was actually quite relieved when they made it back to his childhood home of a roomy, three-story, burgundy-sided house down the street a couple blocks from a Dunkin’ Donuts without anything bad happening.

As they got parked in the driveway, Carson felt a little less paranoid now that they were in his hometown. And he’d been to Josiah’s house plenty of times before. He trusted the black-haired boy’s parents and even liked their old German Shepherd, Milfred.

Lanai got out of the car first and went to unlock the door on the side of the house. Josiah turned to look at his friend with inspecting eyes. He thought Carson looked okay, but he knew that he was probably freaking out at least a little on the inside.

Josiah offered a smile and then they grabbed their bags of things their parents had brought for them while they were in the hospital before they climbed out of the vehicle. Josiah was quick to get to Carson’s side of the car and lead him into the house while the younger boy hesitated a little, looking around to survey the empty street before ultimately following the taller boy.

Josiah walked up the steps and could already hear the barking from his six year old dog coming from inside the house. The frizzy-haired boy turned the handle of the door and pushed it open. Then he stepped aside and ushered his friend in with a smile that was feebly returned. Josiah tried not to dwell too much on it, and followed Carson in, shutting the door behind him.

Milfred came barreling down the hall and immediately went for Carson, his tail wagging in pure excitement. Carson finally grinned as he leaned down to pet the dog and scratch him behind his ears. Milfred licked at the boy’s hand before jumping up onto his hind legs to put his front paws on Carson’s chest, nearly knocking the brunet over in the process.

Worried about Carson smacking his head off the wall or something, Josiah hastily stepped up and put half of his body between his friend and the wall behind him. Josiah scowled at his dog and scolded, “Millie! Get down.”

Despite all this, Carson laughed. He laughed so boisterously and genuinely that Josiah was almost stunned. It had been so long since he had heard that noise. He hadn’t ever realized how much he missed it or just how gorgeous and heartwarming it was to the ears before he had gone over a week without hearing it.

“It’s fine, Joe,” Carson said in between happy chuckles as he continued to pet the tall dog who was nearly face-to-face with him now.

Milfred tried to lap at the boy’s face, and having nowhere to escape to, Carson barely managed to turn his head and then the slobbery tongue collided with his cheek and corner of his mouth. At this, Carson finally made a sound of disgust, although he still had a bit of a smile on his face. The brunet pushed the dog’s paws aside and the animal dropped down to all fours on the floor once more.

“Ew, Millie!” Carson whined at the dog.

Milfred simply wagged his tail before running for the kitchen where they could hear Lanai getting things ready to cook. Carson scowled and wiped his face. When he turned to look at Josiah, the older boy was smirking.

“Your fault for letting him stay up there,” Josiah teased.

“Har, har,” Carson said sarcastically, making a face at the other boy.

Josiah stuck his tongue out, pulling a face. The brunet dropped his bag on the floor and lunged for his friend. The older boy dodged Carson’s arms and started to walk away, down the narrow entry hall. Josiah laughed as Carson tried to grab him again and failed. The brunet couldn’t help but laugh as well and soon he was chasing the taller boy through the hall until they broke through into the living room.

Josiah tripped over the edge of a rug and lost his footing when Carson caught up to him and smacked into his side. They stumbled and flopped down to the couch where they started to wrestle playfully. The pair of them were all smiles and goading faces while they laughed and yelled.

Milfred, who was stalking Lanai in the kitchen, heard the commotion and ran for the other room, wanting to be a part of the excitement. Lanai frowned in disapproval as the sounds of the boys fighting reached her ears. She attempted to yell over the boys’ squeals and laughter and Milfred’s barking to tell them to quit, but clearly they hadn’t heard her after the third try.

Lanai sighed and put down the box of noodles that she was going to drop into the pot of water she had just set on the stovetop. She walked out of the kitchen, down the hall a few steps, and waltzed right up to the boys who were still messing with each other on the couch.

The thirty-nine year old woman brushed her black curls out of her brown eyes and put her hands on her hips. She stared down at her son and his friend, and somehow lost the frown that was on her face. Before she’d walked in there, she had been more than fully prepared to give them a stern talking-to for being so careless after Carson’s condition last weekend.

Then Lanai saw the smiles on their faces that she hadn’t seen so real in so long. She heard the screeches of laughter as they tickled each other as if they were little children again. It nearly broke her heart to see how happy they were and to know that the reason it seemed like such a rare sight was only because it wouldn’t be happening if it weren’t for past tragedies.

Lanai plastered a small, sad smile on her face and said, “Okay, boys. Enough of that.”

Milfred barked loudly, the noise rumbling. Josiah was sitting on Carson’s stomach, and they were swatting at each other. Carson had his face screwed up in another fit of laughter when Josiah attacked his ribs again with his fingers. The older boy’s laugh boomed throughout the room in response to Carson’s reaction.

Lanai shook her head and said loudly, “Okay, you’ve had enough fun! Josiah get off of him.”

Josiah frowned up at his mother and stilled his hands. Carson was breathing heavily underneath him, with his eyes closed as he recovered from the non-real threat of danger that tickling brought upon a person.

“What?” Josiah whined, turning innocent eyes to the older woman.

“For being so paranoid this last week, you’d think you’d be a little more careful about fooling around with him.”

At the odd choice of wording, Carson’s mind wandered a little and he found himself blushing. Luckily, his face was still beet red from all the laughing and lack of oxygen so it went unnoticed by anyone but him. His face burned hotter for the stupidity he felt for even thinking about Josiah and him fooling around for real some day.

Josiah let his mother’s words sink in and he frowned, realizing it was the truth. He felt a little chastised for having let them act so reckless. Obviously, it had only been a week since the younger boy’s injuries. Josiah thought for sure there was no way he could completely be fine already, even if Carson said he was and he hadn’t gotten sick.

Much to his friend’s hidden chagrin, Josiah slid off of the other boy’s body and sat next to him on the sofa. He looked up at his mother, but Lanai was already walking back towards the hallway with Milfred hot on her heels. Over her shoulder she called to them that dinner would be in an hour.

Josiah sighed heavily and let his head roll on his shoulders so he could look down at Carson as he hovered over him. “Are you okay?”

Carson pried his eyes open and gave a pointed look. “Yes, mom. It’s not like I hit my head on anything. And I’m not throwing up or passing out, so I’m pretty sure that’s a good sign that I’m A-okay.”

Josiah scowled at the other boy’s sarcasm and nonchalance. “Fine, baby.” He stuck his light-brown nose up in the air haughtily and turned away from looking at Carson. “But don’t come crawling to me when you end up with another concussion. I’m only making sure you’re okay.”

Carson smiled at Josiah, secretly incredibly happy that his crush was giving him so much attention. He sat up underneath the other boy, who had one hand supporting his weight on the other side of Carson so he wouldn’t fall on top of him.

“I know,” Carson said. With the smile still on his face, he said, “Thank you, but I’m fine. And if I’m not, I will tell you.”

Before he could stop himself and tell himself how stupid he was for doing it, Carson leaned forward and placed a little kiss on Josiah’s cheek. Josiah was a little taken aback at first by Carson’s kiss, but it only took him a second to smile back at his friend. He didn’t find it awkward just because Carson was gay. He was his best friend, and he knew it was just to show his thanks.

“You better tell me,” Josiah said in response to Carson’s last words. He adopted a mock-serious face and said, “Or I’ll have to beat you up for keeping secrets.”

Carson rolled his eyes and laughed. “Yeah, right.”

Josiah grinned and got off of the couch. He stood next to it and held his hand out for Carson to take. When the younger boy grabbed it, Josiah pulled him to his feet and let go.

“Come on, let’s go find our bags and we can take them up to my room.”

Sighing quietly to himself, Carson followed after Josiah. He couldn’t stop thinking about the look on Josiah’s face when he kissed him on the cheek. The darker boy had definitely been stunned for a few seconds before he moved on. Carson just took it as a good sign that Josiah wasn’t mad or weirded out. Not for the first time, Carson was thankful that Josiah was one of the most tolerant and open people he had ever known.

*

Dinner was odd but not entirely uncomfortable. Before the events of the last week, Josiah’s and Carson’s parents hadn’t really met on more than a handful of occasions. It had always been Ayden’s and Carson’s parents who were close as their children had been best friends for years. It was only Josiah who had been a new part of their lives over the last year.

Nonetheless, they all got along fine. Admittedly, to Carson, he felt kind of out of element as they all sat around the table, talking mundanely and eating the beef stroganoff Lanai had made. The brunet couldn’t help but think that this resembled the dinners his family used to have with Jayden’s family when they dated a couple years ago.

It took a lot of Carson’s mental strain to ignore the similarities between this dinner and a “meet my boyfriend’s family” dinner. Because no matter how hard he tried and wanted to shrug it off, he couldn’t escape the knowledge that he wished that were the reason they were all there. And Josiah’s warm smiles, gentle and unnecessary touches, and the playful winks and banter weren’t helping a damn thing.

It had taken a little bit of persuasion on Carson’s part to get his parents to understand why he wanted to stay at Lanai and Kevin’s house that night. At first they argued with him, not even realizing that their son was mildly terrified of being alone and having to go outside in the dark, but after Josiah stepped in and calmly hinted at the reasons behind Carson’s decision they nodded dumbly and let it go.

That night they stayed in Josiah’s old bedroom in the attic. It was secluded and actually quite roomy. Carson felt safe sleeping on the futon in the back corner, far away from the door and right next to a large window that let him look out over the neighbourhood. He could even see the Dunkin’ Donuts and it made him want to have some of their oreo donuts for breakfast the next day.

Both Josiah and Carson passed out pretty early as the stress caught up to them. It wasn’t until Carson woke up crying in the middle of the night that he realized what haunting nightmare had torn him out of his slumber. Gabriel’s face that night when he was drunk and so angry was swimming in the forefront of Carson’s tear-clouded vision.

Once he was awake and sitting up on the futon, he buried his head in his hands as violent sobs tormented his body. Upon hearing the sniffles and the choking as Carson struggled for air in his lungs, Josiah had jolted awake. it took him hardly three seconds to cross the room and take his friend into his arms, soothing him and rocking him back and forth. They ultimately fell asleep a half-hour later sitting up against the wall with Carson huddled into Josiah’s arms and cradled against his chest.

And as it turned out, the boys woke up very late the next day. Josiah stirred first and he realized that sometime during the second half of the night they had fallen away from the wall to lay down on the futon. He was still holding Carson, who was sleeping with his head on Josiah’s bicep for a pillow.

Josiah brought his free hand up to rub at his hair and his eyes. He glanced down at Carson and watched him breathe with a fond smile on his face. In that moment Josiah had never thought that his brown-haired friend looked so cute and adorable.

The black-haired boy lifted his head up carefully and narrowed his eyes to look at the alarm clock way over on his bedside table. It was ten in the morning and he knew his mom was long gone for work. Same with his dad. He cursed mentally as he looked down at Carson. Now there was no way they were getting back to the hospital to see Ayden today.

He sighed. That’s probably why my mom didn’t wake us up in the first place, he thought. Josiah knew his mother’s opinion on them spending so much time in the hospital. He knew that as soon as he got a new car there was no way they were going to stop him from taking Carson to go see Ayden whenever he could.

Carson mumbled something and squirmed against Josiah. The older boy waited a few moments before Carson finally pulled himself out of his sleep and groggily blinked his eyes open. When the brunet realized his face was inches from Josiah’s bare chest, he flinched back in shock rather violently. Josiah’s smile fell right off his face and he scrambled away from his friend, trying to put space between the two of them.

Carson’s heart was beating fast and he felt his hands shaking slightly for some unexplainable reason. It was easy to say that he had not been expecting to wake up with their bodies nearly plastered against one another. Nothing like that had ever happened before. And Josiah wasn’t wearing a shirt, which wasn’t new, but it still startled him.

“Oh my God, Car,” Josiah said, staring wide-eyed at the younger boy. “Are you okay? I’m so sorry, I wasn’t trying to do anything, I swear.”

Carson almost wanted to cry at the words. He couldn’t believe that the reason Josiah was keeping a good three foot distance between them right now was because he thought he was having an “I’m a rape victim” moment. That was the complete opposite of what was going on. He wanted to be close to Josiah. He wasn’t afraid of him. Carson had never been afraid of him for any reason.

Carson may be hesitant to be alone or go outside at night now because he was just too scared about something possibly happening, but having someone he trusted close to him didn’t set him off at all. In fact, Carson felt like he needed that closeness in order to keep sane. He felt like he wasn’t going to be able to trust many men again because of what Gabriel and Jeremiah had done to him. That wasn’t to say, though, that he was done with the few men he already knew would be good for him--like Josiah, Walt, and Kevin. He was just going to be a little leery of strangers from now on.

Carson knew he had to be more careful after this. He briefly wondered if he was ever going to feel safe enough trying to date a guy again. Currently, all signs were pointing to a figurative flashing neon sign saying no.

Josiah’s eyes saddened as he looked at the pain on his friend’s face. He didn’t know what the other boy was thinking, but could tell that whatever it was, it wasn’t anything good.

“Car?” Josiah asked in a soft voice. He was so worried that he’d just ruined everything. “I’m really sorry. I swear I wasn’t--”

“I know, dummy,” Carson said quietly. He couldn’t even look at Josiah, though. Instead he stared down at the black fabric of the couch underneath him. “I’m not scared of you. I know you’d never hurt me. I just...It was a surprise. I didn’t know you were going to be there.”

Josiah visibly relaxed and he let out a quiet sigh of relief. “Thank God,” he muttered to himself. He carefully perched himself on the opposite end of the futon while Carson had his back pressed to the wall. “But after last night, I thought for sure I’d overstepped a boundary or something by not going back to my bed.”

Carson furrowed his eyebrows deeply and finally rested his blue eyes on his friend. “Last night?”

Josiah nodded. “Yeah, when you woke...up...” he trailed off at the pure confusion written on Carson’s face. “You don’t remember.”

Carson shook his head. He honestly had no idea what the sage-eyed boy was talking about.

“You woke up in the middle of the night and you were crying so much. I couldn’t just leave you there, so I came over to comfort you. You were mumbling things and bawling so hard I could barely understand you.”

Carson blinked at the space of air in front of him, wracking his brain for a memory. He strained really hard and after a few moments of silence, a thin and fading visual came back to him. He snapped his mouth shut and set his jaw.

No, he thought harshly. No, I don’t want to remember that. Please don’t remember it.

Josiah watched in fascinated horror as Carson squeezed his eyes shut. He was muttering the word “no” over and over again while shaking his head almost violently, the action was so frantic. Afraid of what was happening and worried that Carson might smack his head off of the wall, Josiah reached a hand out to rest over his friend’s pale one.

“Carson, stop,” Josiah said. “Please stop, okay? I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

Carson didn’t hear a word the darker boy was saying. He wasn’t even aware that he was saying anything or that his hand was tightly clutching his own. The brunet wasn’t even fully aware of what he was doing either. All Carson could think about was blocking out the mental pictures and the sounds. He had managed to repress them and deny them for a week. Why, now, was all of this happening? He had thought for sure he wouldn’t have to deal with knowing the details again.

Carson could deal with knowing what had happened. He could deal with knowing that it was him who had been attacked all those nights ago. But for some reason as soon as the details came back into focus, he was done. He wanted to be sick and shove them away again. He just wanted to forget the awful feelings and the touches, the words and the guttural sounds. Carson wanted it all gone.

“Carson, please. You need to stop,” Josiah pleaded. The boy kept muttering that same two-lettered word with his eyes screwed shut tighter than ever. Desperate to make it stop, Josiah squeezed Carson’s hand and yelled, “Carson!”

And somehow, the brunet heard this. He reacted to it by going still. It was such a major contrast to what he was doing less than five seconds ago that Josiah found it eerie and unsettling. It made the black-haired boy’s stomach churn and his skin crawl.

Carson opened his eyes and looked at Josiah. He felt dazed and a little puzzled. All he could do was blink and ask, “What?”

In that moment, Josiah realized that Carson really wasn’t okay. Things were bad, very bad. And Carson needed to talk to someone sooner rather than later because his behaviour was officially terrifying. Josiah was afraid for his friend, and he didn’t want to see things get worse for him. He wanted him to be okay. And he was completely ready to push away his selfishness and admit that whatever person Carson needed to talk to wasn’t--and couldn’t be--Josiah.

“Come here,” the older boy choked out.

He beckoned for Carson to scoot closer, and when he did he pulled him into another hug that was almost identical to the one they shared roughly eight hours earlier. Josiah held on tightly, once again rocking them back and forth on top of the futon, but this time it wasn’t Carson who was crying. It was Josiah.

All Carson could do was hug him back with a bewildered expression on his face. He didn’t understand why Josiah was upset all of a sudden. He felt like he missed a chunk of information somewhere. He didn’t know what happened between the time Josiah said he had woken up crying and when Josiah had just yelled his name.

As far as he was concerned, he had only been sitting there quietly, trying not to remember things, and waiting for Josiah to continue his story. But now they were hugging and Josiah was crying lightly against him, and he was at a loss as to how they got there.

Carson had almost never felt so lost in his life.

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