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The very second Carson pried open his leaden eyelids, there seemed to be a million things going on at once. His head was pounding and he was finding it hard to open his eyes more than a tiny bit. The people around him didn’t even notice the brunette was awake until he moaned after trying to turn his head.

From then on, Carson was bombarded with endless amounts of questions and information about his condition from the nurses and the doctors. They hardly even gave him any time to gather himself and his thoughts before they were prodding at him trying to get answers about what had happened.

By the time the police, his doctor, and his nurses left him alone, Carson felt successfully drained and exhausted all over again. He hadn’t quite understood all of the official terms when the doctors were telling him was was wrong with him, but he got the basics. He had a concussion--which he realized was why his motor skills were running so slow--his ribs were heavily bruised from all the pressure they had been under, and he had other various cuts, scrapes, and bruises all over him from the rough handling he had received.

Carson kept feeling an overwhelming urge to cry every moment he was awake, but surprisingly, he never did. He was so sore and mentally torn up, that before the nurse even came back into the room with his parents, which was why she had left in the first place, he had already fallen back into the abyss of sleep.

When Carson woke up again, he felt considerably better, but by no means was he feeling even remotely fantastic. He blinked his eyes open a few times, adjusting to the gray brightness coming into the room through the light filtering shades. The brunette didn’t even get the chance to try and sit up before someone was hovering over him.

“Carson,” Josiah breathed. His face was a perfect representation of relief. “Hey, bud. How are you feeling?”

Carson blinked slowly, feeling drowsy. He was confused at first having just woken up from deep sleep. It took a few moments before he collected his thoughts and things came rushing back to him. When they did, he looked up at Josiah’s expectant face and tried to answer, but she could barely even croak out a word, his throat was so dry.

Josiah immediately reached for the full cup of water and brought it to Carson’s lips. The older boy carefully touched the back of the brunette’s head to help make it easier for him to take a drink.

Carson greedily gulped down the room temperature water and gagged. Startled, Josiah pulled the cup away and gently released his friend.

“Sorry,” Josiah said sincerely. His eyes looked sad, and Carson frowned because of it. He didn’t like seeing his friend like that. “Are you okay?”

Carson nodded and then regretted it. His head still felt sore. The brunette reached a pale hand up to his head and felt a bandage covering his left ear. His indigo eyes went wide as he looked at Josiah. He hadn’t even remembered it being there the first time he woke up. Actually, he didn’t remember much from then except for the endless amount of questions he had to answer.

“You had a gash where the top of your ear connects to your head,” Josiah explained. “Your doctor said it was from the football...”

Carson swallowed. He almost nodded again, but remembered his concussion-induced headache. “Oh,” he said quietly. His voice sounded weak to his own ears, but he ignored it. Carson glanced around but noticed it was just Josiah standing with him. “They told me it was you that called 911.”

Josiah forced his expression into one of neutrality. He nodded. “Yeah, I did.”

Carson watched his friend’s face and worry started to seep in. “Thanks, Joe. I seriously can’t thank you enough. I’m so sorry.”

Josiah faltered and rushed to grab the younger boy’s hand. “No, don’t be. Carson you have nothing to be sorry for, okay? I’m just so glad you’re alright.”

Carson felt the impulse to cry but he pushed it away as he stared into sage-green eyes. He had never felt so incredibly stupid in his life. He knew better than to go out at night alone like that. Just because he was a guy didn’t mean he was safe. Carson felt utterly chided by his own self for thinking he was immune to this kind of disaster.

“Where are my parents?” Carson asked, changing the subject. Josiah squeezed his hand. “What about Ayden? I’m surprised she’s not smothering me with worry already.”

Carson attempted to laugh in order to lighten the mood, but it died off the second he saw Josiah’s face fall. Carson narrowed his eyes in concern. He waited a moment for an answer but it looked like the darker boy was hesitating. That made Carson’s nerves escalate.

“Joe? What’s wrong?”

Carson watched the older boy’s adam’s apple move up and down a few times before Josiah licked his lips. Carson took the stretching silence to really look at his friend. He suddenly doubted that Josiah had slept a wink in ages. His hair was messier than he had ever seen it, and he looked like he needed a year’s worth of rest. Carson could almost see the distress etched into his pores.

Josiah was almost at a loss for words as he stared down at his bed-ridden friend. He couldn’t believe that Carson was more concerned with apologizing than wondering about what kind of state he was in. And then he asked about Ayden and Josiah wanted to run.

Carson was already hospitalized after being attacked and sexually assaulted, and the thought of adding any more emotional turmoil to the situation made Josiah’s heart clench painfully. He didn’t want to do this to his friend, but he knew he had to. Keeping it from him wouldn’t help a single thing.

Carson weakly squeezed his hand, and Josiah realized that his had gone limp. “Joe.”

Not for the first time in the last twenty-four hours--or even that last two hours--Josiah’s eyes sparkled with the promise of tears. “Car, she’s--Ayden’s up in Providence right now.”

Carson’s face twisted up in bewilderment. “What? Why is she there?”

Josiah cleared his throat. He looked away from Carson, unable to see his friend’s face when he dropped the bomb. “Ayden got in a car accident last night, Carson. She has some internal bleeding and a broken arm, but--”

Josiah immediately cut himself off when he heard the unmistakable sounds of Carson choking out premature sobs. Josiah’s eyes widened in panic and he just wanted to hug the younger boy. But he couldn’t because the IV hooked up to his right arm and he didn’t want to jostle him too much. Josiah was too scared he would make the concussion worse somehow.

Josiah held off his own tears as he attempted to soothe his friend. “Shh, Carson. It’s alright. You’re fine, and she’s in the best hospital in the state, okay? Besides, she’d closer to home. Her parents were there right away. She’s not alone.”

Carson’s crying was messy. He felt embarrassed, but he couldn’t help it. He was struck with the crushing truth that anything that had happened to Ayden was because of him. It tore him up entirely and the longer he cried, the harder it was on his body. His head starting pounding painfully and even his ribs were beginning to ache from the strain in his abdomen muscles.

Josiah touched his arm and rubbed it, trying his hardest to calm the brunette down. After a minute, he realized nothing was working. Without hesitation he leaned over the bed and pressed the button to call for Carson’s nurse. A couple minutes later, the portly and bubbly woman came rushing in. She took one look at Josiah and then glanced down at Carson who was still crying despite the pain it caused.

“What happened?”

Josiah gave her a sheepish look. He didn’t want to be in trouble for causing this, but he wasn’t going to lie, either. “He asked about Ayden and I...I didn’t know what to do.”

Lenore, the nurse, gave Josiah a sympathetic look. “Oh, honey...” She trailed off and moved over to stand by the boys. She touched Carson’s shoulder and talked calmly to him until his cries gradually subsided. “I know this is all a shock. It’s okay to cry and feel upset. But you have to take care of yourself right now. Are you in pain?”

Carson nodded and sniffled, but then began choking because he realized he couldn’t breathe that way.

Lenore frowned. “Carson, on a scale of one to ten, can you tell me how much it hurts?”

Josiah, who was still holding the brunette’s hand, squeezed it reassuringly. Carson looked at him and then closed his eyes tightly. “An 8?” he offered between quiet sobs.

Lenore nodded and walked back around to the other side of the bed. She stood in front of the IV machine and started pressing buttons. Carson watched her carefully. The machine beeped before going back to the normal noise it made as the medicine started dripping a little faster.

The nurse smiled when she was done and looked directly at Carson. “I upped the dosage for now to help with the pain, but I’ll be back shortly to lower it. We don’t want you getting too much as it could lead to problems.”

“What kind of problems?” Josiah asked quickly.

The nurse smiled at the boy when she saw the worry on his face. “It shouldn’t be a problem here, but we don’t want him to become too dependent on the medication.”

Josiah looked at Lenore intently. “You mean like addiction.”

The woman nodded. “Yes, but like I said, we’ve got a close eye on him and there’s a very low possibility of that happening.”

Carson pulled his hand out of Josiah’s, causing the older boy to put his attention back on him. He raised the back of his hand up to wipe at his snotty nose. Josiah lunged for the tissues at the same moment Lenore grabbed them. He pursed his lips in awkwardness, but took them when the nurse passed them off.

“Thanks,” Josiah muttered before taking a few of them and handing them to Carson.

After another few minutes, Lenore left the boys to it and left the room, promising to be back in about an hour.

“You don’t have to keep standing, Josiah,” Carson said, eyeing the chair a few feet away from the bed.

Josiah looked at it and pulled it closer. He sat down and folded his arms before resting them on the edge of the bed. He never took his eyes off of his blue-eyed friend as the silence engulfed them both.

“I’m sorry about that,” Carson said quietly, feeling troublesome.

Josiah quirked a small smile. Then he admitted, “It’s nowhere near as bad as how how I took it.” Carson looked at him questioningly. “Don’t tell anyone, but I fainted. After I threw up in your ambulance.”

Despite himself, Carson just had to laugh a little at that. He honestly couldn’t even picture Josiah doing something like that. But either way it sounded comical to him. The darker boy grinned impishly but deep down he was glad Carson wasn't crying anymore.

"You actually did that?" Carson asked as his laughter faded away.

Josiah nodded. "Sure did."

Almost instantly the mood darkened, and Josiah wasn't quite sure why. But he could feel it in the air somehow and Carson's jovial behaviour from before was long gone.

"Are my parents here? I haven’t seen them yet." the brunette said.

Josiah nodded. “Yeah, they went to get something to eat. It’s almost noon, so...” He sighed and reached for his pocket. “I should let them know you’re up.”

“Wait,” Carson said, bringing his hand to rest on Josiah’s arm. “I want a few more minutes; just us. You know, before things get more complicated.”

Josiah abandoned his plan of calling Carson’s mom, and nodded at his friend. “Yeah, whatever you want, Car.”

Carson grimaced. The way Josiah was looking at him, like he meant the world to him, made his heart ache. Carson wanted to laugh humorlessly. Even after everything from the night before, he still had to sit here and feel things for Josiah that were completely inappropriate. If he wasn’t already nearly incapacitated, Carson would smack himself in the face just for still having this crush on his friend.

“Why are you here?” Carson asked in a hushed tone.

“Car--”

“No,” the brunette said sternly. “I’m serious, Joe. You should be with Ayden. I’m fine, but she...well, you never got to finish telling me about her.”

Josiah sighed and looked down at the white blankets covering Carson up. “She was driving my car and it got totaled.”

Carson shook his head, not happy with that response. “Take a taxi or something, Joe. You should be there for her.”

“I know, but...I’ve been in touch with Walt and Keri. They call me almost every hour. So I know what’s going on with Ayd, and...”

Carson frowned disapprovingly. He hated the feeling that he was keeping Josiah from being with his girlfriend. Heck, if he could, Carson would already be on his way up to see his best friend. But he knew it would be a while longer before anybody let him leave.

“Josiah, don’t stay here just because of me.”

Fed up with what he was hearing, Josiah finally looked back at his friend and stared somewhat harshly. “Don’t tell me what to do, Carson. You haven’t even seen yourself. You didn’t have to find your best friend laying on the ground, out cold and bleeding with their clothes hanging off of them,” he said hotly. “So don’t even sit there and make it seem like I’m making the wrong choice here. Because I’m not. I’m just making a choice. And it’s the most difficult one I’ve ever been faced with.”

Carson felt like a fish out of water, flopping about in new surroundings. He gaped at Josiah and instantly felt regret. The older guy looked a wreck with bloodshot eyes and knotted up hair. The raw emotion on his face made Carson want to crawl into a hole and hide from the shame of doing this to his friend.

“I’m sorry,” he squeaked. “I didn’t mean to--”

“I know,” Josiah admonished. He felt a little bad for flipping out, but he meant what he had said. “But just don’t, okay? I’ve made my decision. When you get discharged, I promise we’ll go right up to see her.”

“Okay,” Carson mumbled. Hesitantly, he asked, “Will you fill me in about Ayden?”

Josiah pursed his lips and nodded. “Yeah. So basically she’s got a little bit of internal bleeding in her head. Walt said the doctors insist it sounds worse than it is in Ayden’s case. Apparently hers is mild compared to what they’ve seen before. I don’t really know, though.”

“Okay. What else?”

“Her right arm is broken and she’s got a really messed up hip--I don’t know which one,” Josiah added. “I think they’re going to do a hip-replacement surgery for it because it’s so bad.”

“Have you gotten to talk to her yet?” Carson asked, hoping for a yes.

Josiah sighed unhappily. “No, she’s been knocked out like you since they got her out of the wreck. I think it might be a while before I get to talk to her. Maybe not even until we can see her. It depends on surgery, the meds...all of that stuff.”

“How did it happen?”

Josiah scratched at his hair and tried to untangle a couple curls while he spoke. “Drunk college kids ran into her when she was, uhm, looking for you.”

“Well, fuck,” Carson said under his breath. “This is all so screwed up. How does this happen to people?”

Josiah shook his head in awe. “Life’s a real bitch and people are cruel.”

Carson abruptly felt uncomfortable as they pull to ask a new question surfaced in him. “Josiah, do you know what--did they tell you about me?”

Josiah’s stomach churned sickeningly. He knew what Carson meant and having to think about it again really made him want to throw up as well. He closed his eyes but opened them immediately as all it seemed to do was make him relive the image of finding the younger boy covered in his own blood.

“Yeah,” he admitted in a low voice. “I figured it out on my own, but this really kind nurse, Judith, told me about the, uh, rape kit.”

Carson’s face flared crimson and he wished he were anywhere but there. He felt humiliated and his eyes started stinging painfully. He blinked away the tears, telling himself there was no way he was going to cry about it in front of Josiah.

“Do my parents know?” he asked instead. Josiah nodded and Carson swore. “They’re never gonna be able to look at me the same again!”

Josiah flinched and grabbed his friend’s hand. “I can’t believe you’re not more upset about what happened. It’s okay to show it, Car.”

Carson shook his head and then winced. “I don’t need pity, Josiah. I know what happened, okay? Gabriel was drunk and they took advantage of me.”

Josiah blanched at the crudeness. “They?”

Carson bit his cheek. “Nobody told you?” Josiah shook his head quickly. Carson considered just leaving it at that but he knew Josiah would throw a fit. “Gabriel had a friend with him when I ran into them. Joe, I already told the cops everything, can we just let it go? I don’t want to talk about it.”

Josiah narrowed his eyes in concern. He couldn't figure out why Carson was acting like this. “Don’t act like this isn’t a big deal, man. What they did was disgusting and wrong.”

“I know,” Carson snapped. “But I’m not dead, I’m fine. It’s not the end of the world; I’ll get over it.”

Josiah was taken aback by the brunette’s outburst. “How can you act like that? You seem like you don’t even care that they raped you.”

In that instant something snapped inside of Carson. One moment he was glaring at Josiah, and the next he breaking down into tears. He’d literally been trying so hard not to remember the events of the previous night. That was why he spent so long talking about Ayden and putting off having this discussion.

Try as he might, Carson couldn’t shake the fear he’d been feeling the night before. He remembered the feel of Gabriel’s hands and skin on him. He could practically hear his grunts and hot breath panting into his ears. Carson’s whole body shook as another fit of tears coursed through him.

Josiah watched in horror as Carson fell apart in front of his eyes. He regretted having opened his idiotic mouth. He wanted to kick himself for being so insensitive with his words. Normally he wasn’t like this--Josiah never freaked out on people, especially his friends, but after the last twelve hours, it felt like nothing was normal anymore.

Forcing himself to ignore the worry of hurting Carson, Josiah moved closer and hugged the brunette tightly despite the awkward angle. Josiah started to cry quietly as Carson sobbed horribly against his chest. Neither of them were okay, and the fact that Ayden was clearly missing, wasn’t something they could forget.

It took hardly more than ten minutes for Carson to fall asleep again from the efforts of crying. And by the time he had, he felt like he’d worked out all of his frustrations, regret, and depression. He knew who he wanted to be. He was strong. He wasn’t going to play the victim and let Gabriel win. Carson survived being raped and attacked by men larger and older than him.

He didn’t want to be bitter or hate himself for something he had no control over. He wanted to accept it, get through it, and move on with his life. Carson knew there was no point in dwelling on the past, it just held you back. So before he fell asleep he made himself a promise that he wasn’t going to let what happened ruin his life.

Carson only hoped that it would be done just as easily as it was said.

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