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SORRY NOT PROOF READ WILL EDIT SOME STUFF LATER.

RECAP: (My advice read the last part of the last chapter before this) So Clara is dating Alec and she's determined to ignore Jake until in the last chapter he comes and stands out in the rain and tells her that they were real and she's leaving. He kisses her and is about to leave when Clara asks him to stay. He leaves in the end only saying two words to her. Also Kevin is the boy who Jake got in a fight with at the start of the book around chapter 18ish.

NOTE: So this chapter is probably anti-climactic so sorry about that. It was actually split into two parts because of the sheer length and this one I'm not kidding is kind of boring but important so I'm sorry. The next update will be coming on Saturday so yay.

P.S that gorgeous drawing on top is made by @theresahib

"I-I don't w-wa-want to talk about it."

Rebecca doesn't say anything to my statement which I manage to stutter out through my chattering teeth but simply hands over a towel and my pjs.

I'm grateful for the silence as well as a little weary but I take what I get and go to change.

I took a shower in the hot water too just to stop myself from shaking.

Half and hour later when I come out Safe Haven is over and Rebecca is staring at her phone screen eating my share of the popcorn.

I sit next to her on the mattress not saying anything she glances at me and her eyes narrow.

I prepare myself for an onslaught of advice as to what a terrible person I was but instead she says,"You lucky bitch."

"What?"

She looks at me,"You heard what I said."

I look at her blankly,"I know the what part I'm sill trying to figure out the why part."

She looks at me thoughtfully for a second,"When were you planning to tell me that you were still in love with Jake?"

No.

This is not happening.

"I'm in love with Alec." I say monotonously.

"Correct me if I'm wrong but the boy who stood in my yard, in the rain I may add the one that you just kissed did not look like Alec."

"I love Alec."

"Yes,but-"

"Then stop." My voice come out a little more forcefully.

"I can. My question is can you?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" I say.

"What happened out there?" She asks.

"It doesn't matter."

"Try telling that to your face." Her voice then softens,"Look I know you don't want to talk about it but unless you say it loud you're not going to accept it."

"Maybe I don't want too."

"You're going to have to."

I hesitate for a moment look at her.

"He came to say sorry," I say slowly,"And that w-we were real."

I stop and Rebecca looks at me,"Go on."

"Look it doesn't matter he's leaving anyway." I say getting up.

"What?"

She looks shocked,"What do you mean he's leaving? You're going to let him?"

"It's not up to me to stop him."

"And you're not going to try."

I look at her helplessly,"I tried. I-I tried."

"And he's not staying."

"I don't know."

"Do you want him to?"

I need him too.

"I don't know." I say,"It's better if he doesn't."

"Only for Alec."

I snort,"I don't think Alec is going to care. Especially when he dumps my as when I tell him about the kiss. I'll deserve it too."

"You're going to tell him?"

"You wouldn't?"

She sighs,"It's a kiss. It's not that you slept with him."

My mouth drops open,"Are you seriously kidding me?"

"I mean it Clara." She says,"It's a kiss. Did it mean anything?"

"You and I both know the answer to that."

"Will you do it again?" She asks slowly.

I look at her offended,"I didn't want him to kiss me. I will never ever do that to Alec."

She shrugs,"Then don't tell him unless you want to break up with him."

"Of course not!" I say,"I'm in love with-"

"I know Clara you've told me a billion times that you love him. You've convinced me so who are you trying to convince by saying it again and again?"

I look at her silently.

"If this happened to you and Jeremy would you not tell him?" I ask.

She looks at me unsurely,"No. Not if it meant losing him."

"So what am I supposed to do?" I say frustrated,"Lie to him? Act as if everything is okay? I can't lose him. Hurt him when there is no chance whatsoever because-Rebecca oh god."

She raises an eyebrow as she asks,"Who are you talking about?"

I look at her helplessly,"I don't know."

I get up from my position and start walking around,"I can't forgive Jake. I can't even think about it. What is wrong with me? He left me, he- oh god what the hell am I doing? I just cheated on Alec-"

"Clara!" She says,"Calm down."

I stop staring at her and look down at the floor as she gets up from her position.

"You need to pick." She says,"You can't just expect to have them both because you are going to end up hurting them both."

"So what do I do?"

"Let Jake go."

I turn around staring at her with wide eyes,"What?"

"You heard me." She says,"Because you love Alec so much why are you asking him to sit and watch you flaunt his step brother in front of him?"

"B-Bu-"

"Or you could tell Alec the truth and face the fact that he may leave you." She says,"And since history has shown that you can't let go of him, let go of Jake-"

"I can't, I can't, I can't." I scream,"I can't let go of either of them."

I sit down with my head in my hands,"If he leaves Rebecca I'm not sure how strong I'm going to have to be not to go after him.

"You can't expect to have them both."

"But you can't tell Alec that you kissed Jake."She continues. I start to say before she shakes her head,"Look. Hear me out. I'm not telling you this because of Jake you need to sort your feelings for him."

"But you need to understand that if you tell Alec tomorrow and it throws him off his game then you're going to literally be the cause of making our school lose it's chance to play offs. Forget that, next week Alec has college scouts if he doesn't win this one then-"

"I jeopardised his entire future." I say,"I will ruin everything."

She looks at me thoughtfully for a minute,"You're going to have to clean up this mess. But as of now just sleep on it."

I give her nod silently as we settle in our respective beds and I turn the other way, my eyes wide open and my min going a million miles an hour.

"Clara?" Rebecca asks after a

"Hmm?"

"Will Jake stay?"

"I don't know." I say closing my eyes tightly,"But what he said what was true. If I wasn't this damn selfish I would have let him go."

"When you asked him to stay what did he tell you?"

"He only said two words." I say my hands clenching into fists and my eyes squeeze shut tighter.

"I shouldn't."

_______________________

"Hey babe."

My heart quickens it's pace and I let a forced smile on my face. I turn around and look at Alec who is standing in front of me.

I wrap my hands around him and he smiles. He's in his football gear his face streaked with yellow and blue the colors of the Seaview Lions.

"You look handsome." I say my forced smile melting into a real one looking at the dimples on either side of his face that I had been seeing since the day he had moved next door to me.

"You're a pretty girl aren't you?"

I look up at the lady who currently is standing at our doorway and blush.

"Are your parents home?" She asks next and I look at the lady I've never seen before in my life, suspiciously and give her conspicuous shake of my head which says no.

"Mommy!"

It's a boys voice that rings through from across the driveway and the lady turns to see a little boy about my age about five years old running towards her.

He runs up the stairs to our porch and grips her legs as tightly as possible and starts crying out loud.

I sit there silently and watch as the mother pulls him up laughing.

"Alec I told you I was just going out." Her smile doesn't leave her lips as the boy continues to cry.

"But daddy said you had l-le-left me and gone away." He hiccups.

"Well, daddy was just joking." She says,"You know how he is."

The boy finally stops crying and nods his eyes search the porch and then they land on me.

I look down ashamed as of I wasn't supposed to be listening to what they were saying.

My grandmother comes out at that point,"Arabella so great to see you here. It's about time I got some decent neighbours."

The lady laughs and sets the boy down. I can still feel his gaze on me but I'm to shy to look up.

"Come on in." My grandmother says leading her inside.

"I think Alec would much rather stay here." She says smiling and then disappears inside the house.

I go back to playing with the dolls trying to ignore the boy who was still standing there.

"Hello."he says and I look up but then almost immediately look back down.But he's stubborn and sits down in front of me and pouts.

"Why won't you talk to me?"

"Im not supposed to talk to strangers." I say quietly.

"But I'm not a stranger, I'm your friend."

I finally look back up at me and he's wearing one of the biggest smiles I've seen and he has huge dimples.His eyes are scrunched up because of the sheer size of his smile and I find myself smiling alongside him too.

"My friend?" I say.

"Yes, I'm your friend."

I look at him confused,"But I don't even know your name."

He nods,"My name is Alec."

"Alex?" I say unsurely and he shakes his head vigourously.

"No. Alec. A-L-E-C." He spells it out proudly and then grabs my hand and draws a C on it,"Alec. With a C"

He then looks curiously at me asks,"What's your name?"

I look at him unsurely once again and he pouts,"You can tell me, I'm your friend."

"Clara." I say and then grab his hand and draw a C on it,"Clara with a C."

"Clara?" His voice brings me out of my reverie and looking at him I find myself comparing him to the boy who stood in front of me and demanded that he was my friend. He had been in my life since that day. Coming in and going out and now that he was finally here to stay for good by telling him I would lose him in one go and I'm just not ready to do that.

Because if I tell him now, I'll lose him for good.

I want to tell him the truth.

But I'm too much of a coward.

"Excited about the game?"

He shakes his head,"Nervous actually."

"You don't have to be you know?" I say,"You're an amazing quarterback."

"Says the person whose been avoiding me the entire day."

I bite my lip knowing he was right.The entire day I had been avoiding Alec with everything I had in me. It was mostly to mentally prepare myself to tell him the truth but then whenever I was almost on the verge of going up to him and telling him Rebecca's warning rung in my head.

And that's when I realised how I hadn't seen Jakes car anywhere in the lot.

He had left.

He had really left.

Again.

After that my day had gone in a blur and I barely registered what going on. I kept staring at my phone contemplating wether to call him or hoping that he would call telling me that he had just overslept and he was on his way to school.

But may be it was for the better. I didn't have to tell Alec the truth and neither did I have to lie to him because when Jake was out of sight he was out of everyone's minds.

Everyone except mine it seemed.

"I'm just sick." I say,"Got soaked in the rain yesterday while doing some errands, don't even ask."

It was the semi truth, after realising that Jake had gone I had actually felt physically sick and wanted to throw up.

"Have you seen Jake anywhere today?" Alec asks and I shake my head.

"I really am sorry about yesterday." He says and my stomach twists into a knot again.

"You have nothing to be sorry about-"

"No just hear me out." He says,"I know I was stupid just to assume that you would do something and I trust you, I really do it's just that I can't help being paranoid."

"But I trust you I really do-"

I kiss him before he can finish. At first it's just to make him stop but I melt into it and I remember that I do really love him because he was my safe place.

He always had been.

Someone clears their throat and we both jump back. Seriously can't a girl catch a break?

I'm in full mood to give one of his nosy friends a piece of my mind telling them to go kill themselves but when I see who it is I stop.

He stayed.

He stayed.

He stayed!

Jake has a slightly amused smile on his face as he looks at us. His nose is completely red as if he has a bad cold.

"Sorry for the interruption." He says,"But the coach is on a hell path trying to find his captain."

Alec's smile fades and he curses as he looks at his watch,"Shit! Is that already the time?"

He then looks up at Jake curiously,"Why were you late today?"

Jake smiles a bit,"Got drenched in the rain yesterday and caught a bad cold so Ashley gave me some really messed up medicine so I overslept."

Relief crashes all over me as I process Jake standing in front of me. I would have probably jumped and hugged him had Alec not pulled me into another kiss and smiled as he says,"I'm going to win this game for you."

A wave of guilt washes over me as he gives me a last smile before giving Jake a curt nod and breaking into a small run as he turns the corner to head over to the field.

Jake's smile immediately vanishes and he is about to start behind Alec when I say quietly,"You stayed."

He stops his back towards me.

"Would you believe me if I said that tried my best not to stay?"

"Should I?"

"Don't because I didn't even try."

I smile as he walks ahead and turns the corner.

"Thank you." I say to the empty hall.

__________________

Standing in front of the bubbling beaker I could not for the life of me figure out what I had been high on while taking chemistry as a subject.

"Don't drop." I mutter as I pick up the beaker whose contend had become a bright blue color,"Don't drop."

I manage to mix it carefully holding my breath and the mixture spurts and changes dramatically into a black one.

I set it down immediately and scribble down all my observations before handing it over.

Mrs Yetern sits and reviews it and nods approvingly as she puts a giant red A on it.

"Good job." She says grudgingly as she regards my work. She'd undoubtedly given me a hard practical but it was good because now my grade would return back to it's A because of the sheer difficulty of this practical as compared to the other one.

I nod as I reply,"Thank you."

Im about to grab my bags when she says,"Mr Henderson has asked for a change in class."

I bite down on my tongue hard and stare at her with the most neutral expression I can manage to keep on.

"I don't suppose you'd know as to why would you?"

"I don't have the faintest clue." I say and she stares at me intensely her black eyes boring holes into mine.

"Miss Wilson how many times have you come to make up for extra credit all alone?" She asks nonchalantly.

"Thrice." I say after thinking for some time and she nods.

"And do you know out of those times how many time have you broken anything?"

I stare at her in confusion and stutter out unsurely,"I'm not to sure."

She smiles,"Zero. Not even once. Makes you wonder doesn't it?"

I stare at her confused trying to figure out what she's trying to say but suddenly a loud cheer from the grounds makes me jump.

"You better go now." She says,"I'm pretty sure you won't want to miss the rest of the game."

I exit almost immediately glad to be out of her scrutinising gaze and run down the hallway.

I stand still for a moment hesitating in my decision wether to go to the game or not but in the end I just decide to go for it.

I owed Alec that much.

The crowd is on it's feet when I reach and its roaring. The game is clearly at it's climax and the scoreboard says that there are four minutes left and the opposing team in possession of the ball is down by seven.

I spot Rebecca in the crowd right in front jumping with everyone else. I prefer to stand at the back where no one can see me on the far side of the entrance looking at the field,rather than risk going up the bleachers and potentially falling off it.

I do a quick scan and can see both Alec and Jake next to each other and Alec is talking to him but Jake doesn't seem to agree with him. He glances at Kevin for a moment before giving Alec one final nod.

The other team is almost near the touchdown line just a few yards to go and they still have a good three minutes to go.The coach blows the whistle and immediately the ball is displaced and there is an immediate rearrangement of people.

I can't really make out what's going on because they've moved to the far side but the whistle blows and the score equalises which could only mean touchdown. The teams once again huddled and the tension was clear in the air because they were was one and a half minutes left for the lions to score a touchdown or face extra time.

For some reason my gaze locks on Kevin, as they disperse. He heads over to his position looking quite pissed. Standing from my point of view I can see his hands behind his back pulling up the number three with his fingers.

Just then Jake comes up in front of Kevin switching places with the wide receiver standing across from Jeremy.

Wait, what just happened?

The other team is also seemingly confused at the sudden change of position and the game starts and the ball is thrown to Jake who easily catches it and runs before passing it to Jeremy. The ball is carried to just a few yards away from the touch down line and there is still a good part of a minute left.

The teams once again huddle and break but my eyes are fixated on Kevin. There was something really fishy going on.

The game starts once again and the ball is passed to Jake who catches it. The other team were clearly expecting him to throw it back to Jeremy but he simply fakes it and runs for it himself.

And this time I find myself shouting with the crowd to screaming at the top of my lungs.

He's almost at the touchdown line when he's tackled brutally. The noise instantly dies down and it takes everything I have to just stand there and watch.

But he gets up the next moment and for just that one second his eyes meet mine behind his helmet and he gives a small nod before turning away.

I let out a breath I didn't realise I had been holding and I have to clench my fists tightly just to calm myself down.

Seriously what the hell is wrong with this country? They enjoy this sport really? Cause all I'm really seeing is a new inventive way of getting hurt.

Forget inventive it's barbaric.

But the whistle once again blows and this time the defence has made sure that there is no way Alec could pass the ball so he simply fakes it and then with ball runs it himself.

It's only ten yards and Alec easily runs the distance but for some reason my eyes flicker to Kevin who is clearly standing in the way of one of the boys charging at Alec and he simply steps back.

The movement is almost unnoticeable unless you were staring at Kevin. The guy almost knocks Alec down but at the last moment he's taken down and Alec crosses the line.

But all I'm looking at is the boy who did the tackle in the end.

Jake.

He's up by then and everyone gathers around along with the cheerleaders all cheering.

"Aren't you going to join your boyfriend sharing his victory?"

I turn around to see Natalie standing behind me. It's unnerving to see her out of her uniform but her trademark condescending look was still on her face.

"It's his victory." I say flatly,"Not mine. I'm happy for him sure but he's the star I've done nothing to share it."

"My my aren't you a keeper." She says drily.

"What do you want me to tell you?" I say bored.

She smiles before walking ahead,"Nothing yet."

For a second I contemplate on going up to her and smacking her but instead my eye catches Jake's who had manage to get out of the crowd.

"What crawled up her ass?" He commented lightly before coming to a stop next to me.

"There is no place left up there." I state drily and he nods and we stand in silence for a while next to each other watching the whole crowd coming down and congratulating everyone.

I smile widely as I see Rebecca and Jeremy kissing at the far end of the field.

"You should go to him now you know?" Jake finally says but I stay firmly in my spot.

"I'll have plenty of time to congratulate him later." I state,"Besides it's the next game he's super excited for."

"College scouts." Jake nods.

I snort a little bit,"Did you ever imagine that we'd standing here side by side talking about Alec's achievements?"

"We have talked about them before but those only involved Michella and I don't know how much of an achievement that was." He says and I laugh a little bit at that.

"About last night-" I start to say before Jake interrupts.

"I meant it when I said Alec is a nice guy."

"I that why you tackled in the end for him?"

"I did it to win a game Clara. But he's a nice guy. It's almost makes me not want to kill him whenever I see him with you."

Almost.

___________________

"Do I get another kiss?" Alec pouts and I roll my eyes.

"Someone is getting greedy aren't they?" I say and he laughs as he opens up the door to his car and I get in.

He laughs as he gets in,"I deserve it."

I roll my eyes as he starts the car,"Why do you think I've even agreed to go to this party?"

It was part of the reason but not the whole reason. Alec was responsible, he was probably more level headed than me but when it came to drinking his capacity to hold even on drink bordered on next to nothing.

And that meant some really bad choices made on his part.Plus I was worried, I was always worried when Alec got drunk because he became reckless, unpredictable but most importantly was prone to do stupid things.

"You're awfully quiet." He says and I shake my head.

"Im awfully tired." I say,"Watching football is exhausting, I don't know how you play it."

"Aquired talent." He says,"It rarely comes naturally."

We keep quiet for some time and I massage my head. I was having a killer headache. Had Alec not asked me to come I would have probably gone off to sleep.

"Clara?"

"Yeah?"

"Is there anything that I should know about?"

"Why?"I ask suspiciously and he simply shrugs.

"It's just that you're drifting off, the kind when you're upset."

I give him a small smile as my mind veers back to yesterday night. For a second I want to spill everything out but instead I just give him a small smile and say,"Nope it's absolutely nothing."

__________________

The party is as you would expect it to be, hot and loud. The minute I stepped through the door my headache became twice as worse. Maybe it was because of all the names thrown my way as people introduced themselves to me, people who I didn't even know existed and yet Alec seemed to know them all.

I knew Alec was popular and friendly but I didn't realise the extent of his friend circle. For a person who had only two friends, I was completely out of place standing next to Alec awkwardly trying to follow a conversation that I didn't understand.

"Hey I'm going to get some water." I say finding an opportunity to escape, he nods simply as another wave of friends come to greet him.

I quickly make my escape at that not wanting to be a part of show and tell. I made my way to the couch and sat down on it.

It was still fairly early which meant that no one had gotten that drunk yet so everything was still fairly normal.

The music was obviously way too loud which did not help with the massive headache I had going on and people were gathered around in groups talking.

I felt someone sitting down next to me and I saw Kevin with two beer bottles in hands.

"Want one?" He offers.

"No. I'm fine thank you." I say tartly scooting a little further away from him on the couch.

"Are you sure?"

"Oh I'm sure."

"And why is that?" He smirks and I look at him with him in disgust.

My mind briefly travels to the fight he had with Jake a few months back and then the shit he pulled off on the football field.

I narrow my eyes,"Well for starters you purposely threw the game."

His eyes widen but he managed to recover in time and give a smirk,"And how is that."

I probably shouldn't be messing with something that I didn't have the facts or any proof about but Kevin was someone who made my skin crawl.

Being near him brought this faint feel of a panicked memory that I just couldn't recall but I was feeling particularly impulsive at that moment.

"Let me put this nicely." I say,"If Jake or Alec gets hurt because you purposely threw a game, I will bury you."

"And how do you intend to do that?" He says,"Go running to your rich mommy and daddy?"

I shrug and say,"I'll find a way."

"I'd like to see you try." He says looking amused more than anything else. With that he turns around and disappears into the crowd.

I sit there for sometime and drift off once more.

"Your best friend is going and you're not coming?"

I sigh as I look at Natalie who was currently standing in front of the mirror and looking at herself.

"Natalie you know I'm not good with parties." I say looking up from my Pride and Prejudice book,"Besides you only want me so I can babysit you."

She laughs,"Not true. But I think it's unfair because if Alec asked you instead you would say yes."

"Did someone say my name?" I almost fall of my bed as I tun to look at Alec.

"A-Alec." I stammer out and Natalie rolls her eyes.

Alec smiles,"Sorry was I not invited?"

"Don't be silly." Natalie says,"Besides I was hoping that you could convince Clara to come with us."

He glances at me and I blush a deep red,"You're not coming?"

"N-no." I say,"A-Alcohol and partying is just not my thing. Besides I need to catch up on work."

"It's been one week since school started I'm sure you'll live." Natalie says.

I'm about to protest when Alec says,"Please Clara, come for me."

My eyes widen and I'm shocked that he's asking me something I've been daydreaming for since forever. I'm about to pinch myself but then I realise that how embarrassing that would be so I give a simple,"Okay."

"Yello."

Rebecca sits next to me and I break out and raise an eyebrow.

She laughs and then says,"Would you rather prefer Aloha?"

I roll my eyes and she says,"Leave it to you to find the most boring thing to do at a party, sitting all alone in the couch."

Rather alone then next to some creep I don't know.

"Alcohol and partying are just not my thing."I say.

"Then why did you even come?"She asks and I shrug.

"They are Alec's thing."I say,"Besides he's the star of the party."

"Him and Jake." Rebecca says,"All Jeremy could go on about on our way here was him. I think you're going to have competition."

She pauses for a while and then says,"He stayed."

"I know."

"You didn't tell Alec."

I shake my head.

"You don't want to talk about it, do you?"

"Nope."

She smiles a bit,"I thought so."

I roll my eyes and then ask,"Where is Sam? I haven't seen her all day."

Rebecca looks around confused,"I swear she was just with me a few minutes back, I don't know where I lost her."

I bite my lip and start,"I need to ask you something about her, I know it's probably me being stupid but do you think she lik-"

My voice dies down as I glance behind her and see Jake next to a girl slightly older than me. She's all over him and e looks mildly amused.

She says something and he grins a bit and she grabs his hand and leads him up the stairs.

Why would he go up the stair-

Oh.

OH.

"Clara?" Rebecca asks waving her hand in front of my face,"Are you all right?"

"Just peachy." I say,"Let's go get a drink."

"I need a drink."

"You always need a drink." I tell Natalie smiling a bit as to which she rolls her eyes at.

"Stop being such a party pooper Clarsie, really." Natalie pouts and I flinch at her nickname,"Besides if you've never tried it you have no right to judge."

I look at her offended,"Of course I've tried it."

"Where?" She asks,"This is like the first proper party you've attended."

"Camp." I say shrugging.

She raises her eyebrow,"Kool Aid is not a drink."

"N-No I mean alcohol." I say,"Kool Aid doesn't taste like arsenic."

She laughs,"I don't believe you. No way did you get drunk."

Oh I think I did a lot worse, like crash someone's car into the cafeteria.

I want to tell her that because I'm hurt she underestimates me so much but I keep my mouth shut because Natalie was the party wildcat and it would be stupid to try to displace her with a story that sounds next to unbelievable.

"Have you seen Jeremy anywhere?"

Before she can say anything more its Alec who joins up beside me. Natalie's eyes flicker in my direction and she smiles.

"Enjoying the party?" Alec asks and I'm absolutely thrilled that he's actually taken the time to come stand next to me. He's holding a drink in his hand and I'm actually shocked because I always pictured Alec as the responsible type.

"Im loving it." Natalie says and then gives me a subtle squeeze of my hand as she moves away,"I'm going to go and find myself your good for nothing best friend."

She leaves immediately and find myself alone with Alec.

"Here." He says handing over the red plastic cup in his hands to me. I look at it and for a second I'm taken back to camp when a similar cup was offered to me and it was more or less smacked out of his hands.

A sudden flash of green eyes and black hair flashes through my mind, someone who I have purposely blocked out of my head and I find myself almost immediately shaking my head at Alec,"I don't think I would be much of drinker."

He shakes his head and sets it down,"Yeah what was I thinking in the first place? It was totally stupid of me."

I laugh and shake my head blushing at his remark,"No, but thank you for offering."

"Soo..." It's awkward as we stand in front of each other. It had never been like that before, we'd always find something to talk about, Harry Potter or some new tv show or my personal favourite the age old debate of how Kit Kats were by far the best chocolate.

But things had changed over the summers, Alec had suddenly grown taller, even better looking and even more popular. I found it hard to talk to him and connect two syllables properly to form a sentence.

At this time Nat comes back clearly trying to break the awkward tension between the two of us and I'm grateful because I don't know how long I would be able to stand there.

"So they are playing Truth and Dare upstairs and the both of you are definitely coming."She says and then walks up the stairs without another word.

"Truth and Dare?" I ask unsurely and he sighs.

"It's just a pathetic way to make truth or dare sound cooler and basically all you do is kiss someone."

I was hoping that at the time Alec would hint something on terms of kissing me but he wasn't that forward.

But still when he spun the bottle upstairs I crossed my fingers hoping it would land on me.

And it did.

"Don't you think you've had enough?" Rebecca asks.

"Not until I'm drunk enough." I say,"It's been like two glasses an I'm still sober as-"

"Stop."Rebecca says,"You know Alec cant hold his liquor so whose going to give you a ride home?"

I don't argue with her because I know she's right but I still keep on replaying Jake and the girl with him. Which was completely ridiculous because he had a total right to do so because inadvertently I was doing the exact same thing.

But worse.

It had been nearly two hours and I was getting bored out of my head. Alec had called me at least twice but because of the sheer noise I couldn't hear a word he was saying. I felt terrible for ditching him but I didn't belong with his friends and besides Jeremy had completely disappeared which Rebecca was convinced was normal even though she looked slightly worried.

I still couldn't find Samantha anywhere and Rebecca had told me she'd just skipped the party all together which I found kind of odd.

"Cl-aaara." Alec slurs my name and I look up at him as he enters the kitchen. Jeremy is with him but he doesn't seem very drunk as he guides Alec towards me.

"Woah there, quarterback, take it easy." I say as I steady him.

"I love you." He says earnestly,"I love you so so much."

Out of the corner of my eye I see Jeremy give me a thumbs up and wrap his fingers around Rebecca's hand before leading her out of the room.

"I know. I love you too" I say blushing slightly,"Now let me do what I do best, babysit you."

I say it teasingly but he just pouts more,"I am not a baby."

I give him a kiss on the cheek,"I know you're not."

Alec had stumbled into the kitchen a few minutes ago while I was with Rebecca. She had immediately left in order to give me some space with him and also obviously find Jeremy who had vanished.

"You totally ditched me." Alec once again says pouting,"Was it for Jake?"

"No of course not."

"I was out here with Rebecca only." I say holding both his shoulders to balance him.

He grabs my waist and the and kisses me. It's sloppy and tastes of alcohol but I don't mind.

But the suddenly the kiss with Jake flutters around my mind and a wave of guilt subsequently crashes over me and I gently push him away.

"Okay let's get you sober." I say,"Do you have the car keys?"

He fiddles around his pockets but comes up empty.

"I think someone took it from me." He says unsurely looking all around him. I laugh and say,"Okay I'll find it and then we will he you something to soak up the alcohol. So can you please go and sit in the living room so I can find you when it's done?"

He pouts,"I've not even been a bad boy and you're sending me away. Do I t least get kiss to make the long dangerous journey ahead of me?"

I kiss him on his cheek and he whines,"But I want a proper one."

"It's the next room soldier, you'll live." I say laughing and he rolls his eyes and says earnestly,"I'll miss you."

My heart wrenches painfully and I smile as I push him towards the door.

He turns back and for a second his face turns serious before he simply shrugs, his goofy smile returning as he disappears.

I put my face in my hands try to clear my head. But no matter how hard I tried the sick feeling of guilt came back to me because the worst part is that I had lied not to Alec but to myself because even if Jake kissed me now I don't think I would be able to pull back.

There is movement near the doorway and I let my hands drop. My eyes lock on the green one's across from me and for some reason I'm just not surprised that he's standing there leaning against the door.

I'm vaguely aware that by some miracle the kitchen had suddenly emptied out and it was just the two of us. His hair was messed up slightly and I feel physically feel sick thinking about that girl running her fingers through his hair.

Jake reaches for his back pocket and hands me Alec's keys.

"You took the keys from him?" I ask surprised.

"I don't trust him enough to drive you around in his state."

Almost immediately I look away from him not being able to meet his gaze anymore.

"You're not supposed to care anymore."I say.

"The fact that I stayed means that I care." He says.

I look at him and for a second I can't for the life of me remember how he slipped through my fingers. I forgot why I couldn't just kiss him already, I forgot why I was angry and I forgot why I had to stay away from him.

And then it came crashing back.

"Don't do that."I say sighing."Make me doubt myself."

"I'm not making you doubt yourself." He says.

"Yes, yes you are." I say,"Staying here, tackling for Alec it's making me start to think that the boy I knew in New York was the real Jake Henderson."

"I told you he was."

"Then who was the boy who left?"

"Another part of him."

I bite my lip and look at him carefully

"It's getting harder and harder to hate you."I say,"I can't remember why I started hating you in the first place though."

He smiles again but it's not a genuine one, its almost painful,"You hate me because I don't deserve you."

He takes a step forward.

"You hate me because I'm reckless, rude and arrogant.I'm a bad influence on you."

Another step.

"You hate me because every single thing that has gone wrong in your life can be tied back down to me."

He takes another step and now he's standing so close I can feel his breath and I wonder if he can hear how hard my heart was beating.

"You hate me because I'm selfish." He says softly,"But most importantly you hate me for leaving you that night all alone."

"You hate me Clara Wilson and I deserve every bit of it."He says and slowly pushes a strand of stray hair behind my ear and says,"I'm not going to fight for you Clara because I owe you that much."

"Then why did you kiss me-"

I stop when I see who is standing at the doorway.

____________

AUTHORS NOTE:

Author: *Hides behind people*. Im so sorry for this chapter it was totally a waste of like a bazillion pages but this was kind of a necessary chapter. The next chapter will be hopefully slightly better. I'm aiming to finish this book before the summers so Im going to go back to my weekly update schedule.

Rebecca:*crosses arms* I think you owe us a twice a week update schedule right now.

Samantha:Hopefully they'll make up for the grammar.

Author: So I'm going to keep this short cause this chapter is really long. So thank you for all your comments on the last chapter, they were all so nice. Special mention to @herondale4eva not only was her comment fantabulous but her username totally gave her an unfair advantage. Also @TheBookNextDoor did this amazing interview with me, honestly she was brilliant to be honest.

Again thank you guys for all your support and in this book as well as Road Trip To Love which won the Wattys. Thank you so so much. Update this saturday for sure.

*goes and dies on the bed.*

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