Array
(
[text] =>

When I woke up the next morning I felt sick. Not the kind of sick I was faking for the past few days but the kind where I'm going to puke my guts out sick.

In all honesty I knew it was coming. My meals had been scarce at best for the past week, one of the side effects of my anxiousness and I had barely been able to swallow them.

My eyes briefly traveled to my window where Jake's room stood solitary behind his dark curtains. Yesterday had been a mistake, he definitely knew that and I did too.

But I didn't feel like that it was. But then again when it came to matters concerning Jake Henderson I had learned that it was best to lock my feelings up and just divert my attention.

Usually to Alec.

Yesterday when I had come home I had decided to cut my stupid I'm so helpless I can't do anything on my own shit.

So I was going to actually be smart and use my usual assigned hour of self pity to coming up with a plan to finally end this war with Natalie in a way that she wouldn't dare to pull something like this again.

And that started with ruining any chances of a relationship she had with Jeremy Hoffman.

I dragged myself out of bed trying to cheer myself up with the look she would have on her face.

I told myself that I had decided to stop drowning in a lake of self loathing but Jake was true to his word when he had said that he would save me when I was drowning. Although he did it by reminding me that I was pretty good swimmer by myself.

I barely even looked in the mirror as I tied my hair, wearing my signature whatever the hell I find first in my closet and went down.

My grandmother is in the kitchen leaning on the counter reading a newspaper. When she looks up I smile up to her.

She gives a tired smile back and asks,"Feeling better?"

Her reminder makes my urge to puke along with a slight headache come back but I shake my head,"Hardly."

"You should eat something." She remarks and although I know she's right I'm in no mood to stomach anything. So I grab a nutrition bar and pocket it.

She gives me a glare and I sigh and sit in front of her and tear the wrapper and bite it. I give her a look as I dramatically chew it,"Happy now?"

She gives me a shrug,"I didn't say anything."

I roll my eyes grinning and she does the same. I hear Alec's car pull up and he honks twice.

"That's your cue ." My grandmother says and for a second I'm terrified of even getting up and I feel like I'm going to throw up the one bite I had.

Almost immediately I shake myself off telling myself to just stop. I was getting tired of myself, to be honest I needed better company than my mind.

I give my grandmother a quick kiss and she says,"Be safe, I'll be coming home late today."

"Love you, bye." I run out of the house and down the drive-

Oomph.

Good to know some things never change.

The ground had definitely missed my face. I get up slowly bruised all over. It had been a while since I had taken such a bad spill.

"Shit." Alec's already beside me somehow, helping me up,"Are you all right?"

I smile a little as he holds up my chin carefully and inspects my face for any damage.

"I swear to god Clara I'm going to have to put you in bubble wrap." He says reflecting my smile too slightly,"Please be careful."

"Oh you're just jealous." I say teasing him slightly, he's surprised I can see it in his eyes. For the last few days I had been acting a little better than the zombies in the walking dead.

Nah scratch that, I had been worse.

"Me?" He quirks,"Why would I be jealous?"

"Well, it's clearly because you're in a love triangle. You, me and the ground."

"Will this help make a decision?" He says and I raise an eyebrow.

"Wha-"

Before I can complete he's already kissing me. I smile against his lips and wrap my hands behind his neck.

I feel the same wave of guilt and dread coming back but I firmly push it aside and-

"Get a room!"

We break away, both of us red and embarrassed as my grandmother stands at the door.

"Teenagers I tell you." She says in a grumpy tone but I can see that she's smiling.

"Sorry Mrs-" he starts but when she gives him a glare she corrects himself,"Sorry Minerva."

She gives a wink to me and then shuts the door behind her.

"Wow that was embarrassing." He says wincing slightly.

I shrugged,"I've been through worse. Trust me I don't need her to embarrass me. I do that job well enough on my own."

He chuckles as we get into he car,"So does this mean I proved as to why I'm the worthier fellow?"

"The ground didn't stand a chance."

As we pulled out even I couldn't ignore the small glance he threw towards Jake's house.

____________________

When Alec gives me a goodbye kiss when we reach school, I decide to set my mind on the plan.

If it was a fail then I would have no choice but to tell them the truth and eighth now I can't handle thinking about that so I enter the school determined. I had already had my breakdown and now I had to move on to better things.

Like having Natalie's head on a spike.

Okay maybe not that far but then again it wouldn't be that bad. Game of Thrones makes it look fun.

But first things first.

Finding Jeremy.

It's not hard to find him, thankfully.I have homeroom with him in the morning and when I reach class I take the seat next to him.

When the girl who usually sits there enters and I give her a look that clearly tells her to scram.Surprisingly that's exactly what she does.

Jeremy comes in last which means the entire time waiting for him I'm fiddling nervously with my hands trying to figure out how I'm going to start.

"Clara?"

He looks surprised as he sits next to me. His surprise is warranted of course. We had never been close apart from the usual hi, hello that we muttered to each other for Alec and Rebecca's sakes.

To be honest I still hadn't forgiven him for the entire Samantha situation. He had slept with her and then thrown her aside like some rag doll.

I had never seen Samantha cry that much in the time I've known her.

But something made me think that he actually loved Rebecca. I don't know why I thought that considering I barely knew what their entire relationship was about.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" He asks. I want to punch him straight to hell which wouldn't be a very good idea because considering what I had been doing lately I would be landing there pretty soon myself.

But then again if what I had suspected was true and he really did love Rebecca then this would be way worse for him than hell.

I drop my voice,"So when are you planning to tell my best friend that you're cheating on her?"

I didn't mean for it to come out so bluntly but his face immediately loses all colour and he looks around frantically around figuring out if anyone had heard. Thankfully for him we were at the back of the class and the teacher had just entered.

"Wha-"

"Jeremy take me seriously when I tell you that I'm trying my best not to hang you upside down by your balls." I growl,"So don't lie."

He probably would have laughed at my threat in another situation but instead he just got so pale that he could probably give Snow White a run for her money.

"Who told you?" He asked urgently.

"Your deranged psycho ex." I say,"If you haven't guessed yet it's Natalie."

His face contorted with anger,"You can't believe-"

"She caught you guys on tape." I interrupted.

His face went slack.

"Miss Wilson?" My head snaps up as I look at the teacher.

"Will you please so kindly share what captivating conversation Mr Hoffman seems to be having with you?"

I look at him but he looks all too much in shock to say anything and I sigh,"I just reminded him that he had a very important assignment due today."

She scrutinises me deciding wether to call my bluff but instead she nods.

Jeremy's mouth remains shut for the rest of the period and when we're leaving he frantically grabs my hand and pulls me aside.

"You can't tell her." Jeremy says,"Please don't tell her."

"Natalie is going to anyway." I say,"She's going to send the video of the two of you straight to her. If I tell her she probably won't."

Jeremy is mad, he's beyond mad but he's still panicked.

It's working.

"You can't tell Rebecca, she'll leave me." He says pacing,"Oh god what have I done?"

"Do you love her?"

My entire plan worked on how determined he was to keep Rebecca and how sorry he was. If he didn't love her enough then doing this would be a waste of time.

"I love her." He says desperately,"You have to believe me, I really love her."

"Then why did you do it?" I ask.

Yeah, why did you do it Clara? Why did you kiss him?

Oh god not this again.

"I-I don't know." He says,"I was drunk and stupid and I had a fight with Rebecca and the next thing I know that I wake up to the biggest mistake I've ever made in my entire fucked up life."

He's not lying. I can see it by the way he's saying it that he means it. He feels nothing for Natalie.

"You're going to have to-"

"I know." He says,"But I didn't mean it. I-I..."

He's at a loss of words and he's desperately looking at me.

"Natalie is in love with you." I say and for a moment I feel terrible like I've let out this big secret but then I catch myself. She deserves it.

Or maybe she doesn't.

"I'm not in love with Natalie." He says firmly,"I love Rebecca. Only her."

"Then prove it." I say,"Because as long as that video-"

"Natalie will delete that video." He says deadly quiet,"And I will spend the rest of my time making it up to Rebecca but this will break her heart and she-"

"Why do you think I came to you first?" I say,"Why do you think I haven't told her yet?"

"I love her." He says it with so much determination that I know there is no way he can be lying.

"Okay." I say slowly,"I won't, tell her but if you do anything like this. If you even look at anyone else, I will kill you."

Relief floods through out his face.

"Thank yo-"

"I. Am. Not. Doing. This. For. You." I say through gritted teeth,"I'm doing this for my best friend who loves you more than anything and anyone."

And very selfishly I was doing it for myself.

He nods and he immediately walks away but I stay standing on the hall. I feel dizzy and sick all over again.

I love Rebecca, only her.

I had never once said that I only loved Alec.

Jeremy had slept with Natalie but he had no feelings for her. It was just one drunken mistake that might have cost him everything.

I was neither drunk nor was I convinced that asking him stay was a mistake.

I love Alec but not only Alec.

And that's what makes what I did a thousand time worse. And that's why it's going to hurt a million times more when he finds out.

______________

Guessing when Jeremy would confront Natalie had been easy enough.

The locker room just before our gym period was his best bet because Coach McIntyre had this god annoying habit of not letting any of us leave for water the bathroom whatever once we entered the gym which meant if everybody cleared off there would be no one to interrupt them.

And when Natalie had started acting shifty saying that she would be going to gym a little later after making some lame excuse I knew right away.

I stood there behind the third row of lockers silently. Natalie hadn't suspected anything and for the first ten minutes I stood there as still as possible hearing her pacing.

Until the door swung open.

"Jeremy." Her voice was quiet that I had to slowly move a little forward and then take out my phone to switch on the recording button.

I freeze for a moment remembering the look Jake had given me when I had stood on the table announcing the juicy details about the person who Natalie had lost her virginity to and why he had landed in the hospital.

I shake that thought very violently out of my head as Jeremy starts to speak,"I thought you were better than some attention seeking whore Natalie."

His voice dripped of poison and there was a sharp gasp from Natalie as she stuttered,"W-w-what do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean." Jeremy says sharply,"The tape. You purposely took it, just because you couldn't get it through that blonde head of yours that it was a mistake. We were a mistake."

"B-But-"

I can hear Natalie desperately stuttering trying to get words out.

"Your I'll stay away from Rebecca, Natalie or I swear to god..." I can hear Jeremy take a deep breath trying to calm himself as he continues,"If Rebecca finds out about us because you couldn't keep your stupid mouth shut..."

He once again breaks off trying to calm himself down but this time it's Natalie who starts,"But I love you. And you love me-"

"I don't." Jeremy roared and I wince slightly,"So stay away because you were just one pathetic mistake."

"That's not what you thought." She said quietly,"Let's face you're playing with her-"

"I'm not." He says again,"So stop it. I'm done here Natalie. You're going to delete that video right away."

"How do you kno-"

"Doesn't matter." Jeremy growls,"But I mean it Natalie, now."

"Why should I?" She yelled back,"In fact I should release it right away."

"And I'll make sure that everyone has a detailed list of all the teachers you've fucked." Jeremy says,"I mean I'm sure the blackmail video you used against our dear history teacher will be-"

"You wouldn't."

Jeremy seethes,"Try me."

There is silence in the roomand I clutch my phone. For a second I can't fathom how far Natalie has actually gone. Her parents were always on her case pressuring her to be perfect. They didn't even know half of the things she did but surely that wouldn't make her things so far.

My plan had been to go after Natalie's pride. When I sent her this recording she would have surely wanted to keep it quiet because she wouldn't want to be humiliated but this...

This was way way worse.

"So we have a deal." Jeremy says,"You delete it and we have a deal."

"Fine." Natalie finally says and her voice so soft that I can barely catch it.

I can hear the door slam on his way out as I slowly stop the record button on my phone.

I can hear Natalie crying and for a second I feel bad. So, so bad. But she was the one who had declared war and I was sick of being the only one who hoped for peace.

So I slowly took the back door and walked into the gym. I got detention for coming late but it was worth it because then I wouldn't have to face Natalie during counselling.

Natalie didn't show up for gym so when the period was over I opened up my email and attached the audio recording.

To: natalie0721@gmail.com

From: clara1402wilson@gmail.com

You have a deal with him, time to strike one with me. If either of the videos are released, forget the entire world this is going to your parents and I think we both know what's going to happen when that occurs.

I'm done playing Natalie, I call checkmate.

From your dearest friend,

Clara.

I hover over the send button but I take a deep breath and click it before I could change my mind and realise just how low I had sunk too.

_______

"Hi."

I'm surprised to see Samantha standing beside my locker when i go for lunch.

"Oh so now you're talking to me?"

She flinches nervously twirling her red hair around her finger,"I'm sorry I've been really busy for the past week."

"Okay."

I was annoyed with her if I was being honest. The past week had been more or less a nightmare for me considering that I could barely look Rebecca or Alec in the eyes. On top of that Samantha had gone out of her way to ignore me.

"I'm sorry Clara." She says desperately and I nod this time genuinely accepting her apology. Despite everything Sam was still my friend and she'd been with me through my depressed phase after New Years so I owed her that much.

"It's okay." I say honestly,"I'm sorry I've just not been keeping well now days and then there are other complications."

"Jake?"

I don't reply so she immediately gets her answer.

"Clara I need to tell you something." The change in her tone catches me by surprise. It's urgent and pleading.

"What happened?" I ask concerned and a tad bit confused.

"It's just that the night I lost my-"

Before she can even complete her sentence I'm tackled to ground and I fall rather painfully on my hand.

"You bloody bitch!"

Natalie manages to grab my hair and push me back on the ground before I can even react.

"What the fuck is your proble-"

She can't complete because I shove her hard making her stumble and fall.

"My problem?" I yell,"What's-"

She leaps at me and I barely have time to roll away.

"You told him!" She screamed making a lunge for me once again and this time she manages to grab a hand full of my t-shirt pushing me against the locker.

I'm too dazed to react for a second my head throbbing and my urge to puke my guts come back.

"Get off me." I say kicking Natalie trying to get her off me. Thankfully it works and Natalie is thrown on the floor.

At the corner of my eye I know there is an entire crowd gathered around us yelling.

"This is exactly why you got what you deserve." I say getting up,"Give up-"

She must have recovered more than I realised because the next moment she pulls my leg from underneath me making my tumble back to the ground. At the last moment I manage to angle myself so that I fall on my shoulder instead of hitting my head to the ground.

"You had no fucking right to tell him." She screamed and I realise that she's crying.

For a second I'm stunned and horrified. Had I really gone that far?

"You've been doing this to me for years Natalie." I yell back,"You wanted a fucking war Natalie. Scared that you lost? We have a deal you keep your mouth shut and I'll keep mine."

Natalie screams again and lunges sending us both sprawling on the floor. I grab a hold of her hair and yank at it making her loosen her grip on me.

She manages to get as swipe at my face and her nails sting like hell. I manage to them her off before taking a god shot at her nose.

"You're calling me pathetic have you seen yourself?" She says,"Nobody absolutely nobody gives two shits about you. You're an absolute self centred clingy bitch."

"Says the person who has to blackmail me-"

She manages to kick me hard in the stomach making me go sprawling back.

"You are a manipulative little goody two shoes." She says,"Your parents left you. Abandoned you into the hands of a grandmother who can barely get herself to stay with you. Your mother can barely look you in the eye cause she's-"

This time I'm to angry to care and I leap at her but before I can reach her I'm grabbed by waist and held back.

I immediately know who it is but I struggle against his grip,"Let me go! Let me go!"

"Car you know I love seeing you kick ass but you have to calm down."

Natalie opposite me looks just as pissed struggling against Alec's grip.

"You deserve everything you got." I yell struggling against Jake,"You say nobody cares about me? Have you seen yourself?"

"At least I'm not the one who everyone runs away from." Natalie screams,"I'm not everyone's second choice. Tell me Alec dear who is better in bed? Virgin Mary her or-"

"Shut up!"

I try to keep the shakiness out of my voice but my eyes flitter to Alec. But he's not even looking at me instead he's looking over me my head at Jake.

"You're forgettable Clara." She sneers,"Jake certainly saw that, didn't he? "

I'm about to throw Jeremy's name but my eyes flicker over to Rebecca who was standing in front of the crowd. I force myself to take a deep breath and calm down.

"Let me go Jake, I'm not going to kill her, not in front of so many witnesses anyway."

He chuckles softly and sets me down.

"You selfish little bitch." Natalie yelled struggling against Alec,"I hate you. I -"

I'm about to take a leap at her again but Jake grabs my wrist before I can do anything.

"Natalie calm the fuck down you're acting crazy." Alec says calmly,"You need to-"

But Natalie's beyond caring,"Fine I can't leak the videos then I'll just tell them. I mean what more can I lose?"

I glare at her angrily.

"Hear hear. Little miss perfect up there is fucking her boyfriends step brother who just happens to be her ex."

"Oh yeah?" I smirk triumphantly,"What proof do you have? Tell me Natalie do you honestly believe that if you say a lie enough times it will become the truth?"

Natalie screams and rips out of Alec's hold and lunges at me but this time I see it coming and I dodge it sticking my foot out making her trip and fall flat on her face.

The entire crowd laughs and I smile too. I'm done. I've hit my limit being targeted by her. Its about damn time she got what she had been doing to me for years.

"I win Natalie. Kiss you're crown goodbye because now everyone knows who you really are some pathetic little whore that you really are."

Natalie doesn't look up and she stays on the ground.

I look around at the entire crowd around us and narrow my eyes,"Shows over,scram before we get caught. Now."

And they do. I don't know why but they all just turn around walking away as they murmur among themselves.

All except Rebecca and Samantha who stand looking at me. Rebecca has a shocked expression as she looks at me but Samantha gives me a small nervous smile before telling Rebecca and they both turn around and walk away.

Natalie finally gets up and I realise her nose is bleeding. I probably look bad too but I really don't care.

She looks at me her eyes ready still burning with hatred and then she turns towards Alec,"And that's just how far you're pretty little angel can fall. Imagine what she's been doing with your step brother all this while?"

And she limps away just as a teacher rounds up the hallway corner making her duck her head.

I do the same and the teacher throws the three of us suspicious looks before disappearing.

"Did you?" Alec's voice is so quite that I almost miss it.

"Did I what?" My voice is still uncharacteristically sharp as I stare at him.

Jake beside me says,"I'm not going to intrude."

He starts to leave but Alec catches his hand and says,"You might as well, you want to anyway."

"Alec." I say quietly,"Let him go."

"Can you?" He says sharply and I look at him in confusion as Jake pulls away his hand giving me a curt nod before leaving.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask even though I know exactly what he's talking about.

"Did you or did you not sleep with him?"Alec asked quietly.

I could have just said no, just lied but something makes me blurt out the truth.

"I did not sleep with him while we were together." I say and his eyes widen.

"So before.." His voice trails off and I look at him totally confused. Alec knew that I had, hadn't he?

Of course not, I had made a point Of getting up on the cafeteria table and tell the entire fucking student body that I hadn't.

And there you go presenting Clara Wilson the fucking queen of bright ideas.

My face must have given it away because this time he took a step back,"You slept with him?"

"Why does this come as a surprise to you?"

I. Need. To. Shut. Up.

But I couldn't. The way he looked at me when he realised that I had made me angry. No it made me beyond angry.

So he had the right to sleep with everyone and god help it I slept with one guy.

"I never knew that you had gone that far." He stated expressionless,"I always thought that you guys were just faking it."

And then it hits me. After Samantha had told him that Jake and I had been a ruse at a beginning he never believed that we had actually been real.

He had never taken it seriously that I had actually chosen Jake over him. He thought that it was some stupid rash decision I had made without thinking too much into it.

" I slept with him." I say again robotically.

"God and you couldn't ever think to tell me about it?" He asks angrily.

"I always assumed you knew."

"That you actually slept with him?" He asks,"How do-"

"Well I certainly don't ask you for a list of girls you've slept with it." I snap back despite myself.

He's taken aback for a moment before saying,"Was she telling the truth are you cheating on me?"

That makes my entire air of anger disappear in a fraction of a second.

"I-I-" I start to say and he looks away from me as if he can't even look at me anymore.

"Who are you?" He asks.

"It was just a kiss." I forced myself to calm down, this was going much worse than I could have ever imagined it.

"It's never just a kiss with you and Jake, is it?" He throws back,"It's never nothing between you two. You think I don't see the way he looks at you?"

"It was a mistake Alec." I say,"And we've broken up I'm with you, I'm in love with you and believe when I say there is nothing going on."

"Why doesn't it look like it?"

His voice is filled with venom and I flinch back,"What do you mean by that? Are you seriously asking me if I'm in love with you?"

His face is stoic,"Yes."

"How could you even ask me that, Alec?" I say fighting the tears, telling myself firmly that I wasn't going to cry,"I have been love with you from the day you came to my house with your mother and demanded that I was your friend. I have loved when you dated my sister , when you slept with her. It broke my heart but i loved you and if you have noticed that I'm currently with you and not him because I love you."

"Do you still love him?"

I hesitate and that's all he needs to draw up a conclusion.

"Alec, I love you more." I say with as much determination as I can muster. I'm calm somehow my mind not willing to accept just how close I've come to losing Alec.

I'm not going to lose him.

Not him too.

"You cheated on me, Clara." His eyes are so full of hurt that I have to tear my gaze away from him. I literally can't bare to see how disappointed he was with me.

And I deserved every bit of it. Good for Natalie she had won after all.

Or we had both lost. Big time.

"I thought you were different." He says slowly,"That you were the one who- who understood me."

"I am."

"It doesn't look like it." He says,"I don't recognise you anymore."

"That's not true." I say helplessly,"I-"

"Was it more than a kiss?" He cuts me off sharply.

"No. Nothing more."

Alec sighs,"When did it happen?"

"Thursday."

He stays quiet and the air around us grows thick. The silence is so thick that you cold have cut through it with a butter knife.

I finally look up and ask the question,"A-Are you breaking up with me?"

"Yes." He says and then immediately shakes his head,"No. I don't know."

I nod and look down,"Okay."

"I just need time to think."

I nod still not looking up.

"I'm sorry." I say,"I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Hurt me?" He explodes,"You've lied to me, you've cheated on me and-"

"I'm sorry!" I yell,"You know I am. Just please trust me when I say, I didn't-"

"Trust you?" He accuses,"Really? Why should I?"

He didn't trust me. He couldn't even look at me.

Panic bubbles in my chest and I nearly can't breathe.

"Alec, I promise I'm not going to lie to you." I say,"I was just afraid to tell you because I'm ashamed of the mistake I made. I've been in love with you since forever. I can't lose you. Trust me when I say Jake and I are done. For good."

Lies. Lies. More Lies.

"You want me to trust you?" He asks.

"Yes."

"Then do you promise not to lie to me?"

"Yes."

He sighs,"Fine, then you can start by telling me if Conrad Henderson is my real father or not."

[text_hash] => 140cc9b3
)