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NICK

He is all I can think about.

It's driving me insane.

Ever since the look he gave me a second before he kissed me I haven't been able to get him out of my head.

I think I might actually like him. But just thinking about that brings me close to a panic attack.

What if I do like him? Where does that leave me? I'm not gay. I don't wanna be gay..... But what if I am though? Fuck, how could I possibly tell my father this? Or my friends? Or anyone? Ever?

And then I saw him look at me today. And god damnit I had butterflies.

I'm going crazy. Scratch that, I already am.

I don't wanna like him and I don't wanna be gay. And I don't wanna have to think about this. And I don't wanna sit in this classroom.

 Life sucks.

You know what, I'm not gonna torture myself with this anymore. I am not gonna think about this again. At least 'til tomorrow.

"You're thinking too hard again. You're gonna injure yourself." Ronnie was resting his head on his folded arms atop of the desk.

"Shut up" I said massaging my eyes.

He smiled and turned his head to the other side. It was first period so he wasn't the only one sleeping right now. I wished I could sleep but all those thoughts just wouldn't let me. I hadn't slept all night. I kept tossing and turning and thinking. And I still couldn't stop thinking. I needed sleep.

I think we even have a class together today. Oh shit, I forgot about that.

Shit I'm thinking about it. Okay okay I'm gonna stop. Starting now.

I'm just gonna focus on whatever that guys talking about..... Is this biology? Is that what he teaches? Huh. I never knew. But oh well there goes the bell. I'll never have to know.

I watched as students gathered their things, making their way to next class. I woke Ronnie up taking him for a walk.

The day just wouldn't end. I was tired and sleepy and just wanted to go home take a nap but I had one more class. The one I was trying most to avoid.

He was already sitting when I got there.

 I thought about ditching class but decided against it. This would have to happen at some point. Might as well get it over with.

I put my stuff on the ground taking my seat while trying to avoid eye contact.

I could feel his eyes on me though.

He probably had something to say. He always did.

That moment when you're not sure you have the freedom to talk to someone, because actually talking to them might ruin everything. Awkwardness.

"Stop staring at me" I said without looking at him.

"I'm not"

I looked at him just to prove that he was staring at me.

He did look nice that day. Oh shit, the gay thoughts started taking over.

"You look terrible" he acknowledged with a frown on his face.

"Fuck you" I told him looking away.

 "I mean it! Did you sleep at all yesterday?" He asked going on my nerves.

"I slept fine. Thanks"

"Hey" his voice had a worried tone that made me look at him.

This time I was the one staring.

His eyes were a really pretty shade of hazel, close to green. His eyelashes dark, all around the eye. His nose was cute and small covered by a layer of freckles, almost impossible to notice unless you were paying attention. The mouth underneath looked soft and pink. Kissable. And all of that was surrounded by a pale skin color. Everything looked so pale and calm, except from the hair on his head. A very dark shade of brown, almost black, messy and all over the place. Chaotic. It looked like he had put his hands through it a million times.

He looked beautiful. And I was in too deep to fight with myself on that one.

Thankfully the bell rang saving me. I turned away from him trying my hardest to listen to the teacher, but somehow the picture of his face in my head was more interesting than what she had to say.

The time passed excruciatingly slow.

Fortunately we didn't talk during class.

Unfortunately when the bell rang, followed by me thanking God and gathering my things to get the hell out of there, he held my arm and asked me to talk.

And that was why I was in front of him with my back to the lockers in an empty school on a Friday.

"Sooo..... did you really not sleep at all last night? You didn't answer me before"

"I told you I slept fine"

"Yeah but you were lying...look, I know that you've been worrying about this, and I've been there. It sucks. And I just-"

"What do you mean you've been there? Wait, how many guys have you kissed?"

"I don't know! A couple. Why?"

"I thought you were straight!"

"I thought you were straight" he fucking grinned.

"N-no that's not what I meant, and... you know what I mean"

"I never told you I don't like guys! Besides you never asked"

"Why would I? I don't care"

He raised his eyebrows and after a small quiet second he took a step closer. "If you don't care, why did you kiss me back?" Another step "Why did you run away after you kissed me back?" He put each of his hands next to my shoulders positioning himself on the lockers.

"And why are you still here? You could have easily pushed me away but you didn't"

And that's exactly what I did. I pushed him off of me but he just held me tighter not letting me escape.

I gave up, looking at him frustrated and noticing the smile on his face.

"Why the fuck are you smiling?"I say in my grumpy voice.

"I got you" His voice quiet, like he didn't wanna waste it on the empty halls when I was right there, so close I could hear his breathing.

Next thing I know, my hands are in his hair and his own are on my hips. My back is attacking the lockers behind me, by slamming into them and the warmth on my face is travelling to every other part of my body.

My hands are now on his neck, where all the hairs are greeting me by standing up. His own have now found skin underneath my shirt and are trying to dig holes into my flesh. His fingernails on my stomach make me shiver and so does his tongue on my lip, causing me to breathe out. And of course the asshole puts his tongue in my mouth.

I lick his tongue grabbing his hair and slightly pulling on it making him moan.

I'm starting to enjoy myself, putting my own tongue in his mouth, exploring.

His hands travel higher lifting up my shirt, the cold air hitting my naked skin and making me shiver.

I bite his lip making him let out another moan and pressing harder against me, my back now stuck against the lockers.

His mouth moves from my own, to my jaw, to my neck, kissing and biting.

He licks a bit above my collarbone making all my hairs stand up when he suddenly bites into my skin. I let a moan leave my mouth right before he covers it again with his own.

He goes a bit slower, kissing me with his mouth closed, and when he's done he rests his forehead on my own, letting me feel his breath on my swollen lips.

My eyes flatter open and find his already looking at me.

"I hate you" I whispered closing my eyes and resting harder against him, my hands forming fists in his hair.

"I got you" His voice quiet.

Word count: 1326

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