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I went home and cuddled up on the warm blanket over my bed, sitting up fast when I realised the pillow was still imbued in Harry's perfume.
I threw it on the ground, resuming my previous position, staring at the white wall in defeat. I felt stupid. I couldn't believe that, despite knowing that getting close to Harry would've led to no good, I'd still managed to fall for it. I thought I was being careful with what I was doing, but apparently Harry had played his cards way better than I had. And the worst thing was, it wasn't surprising. He'd done exactly what I knew he would've done, but hoped he wouldn't have. It was clear since the start that what he had in mind was nowhere close to what I had in mind, and yet I'd still fallen for his game.
Aiden might've been kind of obsessed with Harry, and certainly not what I wanted someone close to me to be, but on one thing he was right. Harry didn't care about me.
As soon as the thought crossed my mind I felt even more stupid than before. I was mad at myself, because I'd done exactly what he wanted me to do, despite knowing that it was just a game to him. I'd known someone like Harry would've never gone for somebody like me, I'd known since the start. Harry was just... so much of everything, and I just wasn't. Despite going to the same place every day, it was as if we came from two worlds apart.
I sighed and sat up, realising that being so upset over a boy I'd basically kissed twice was as embarrassing as having a crush on him was in the first place. I knew I would've had to somehow distract myself in order to keep the last bit of dignity I had left. I thought about calling Ella, but I decided against it since we weren't really on speaking terms. If I had to be honest, I didn't really know on which terms we were. It was as if every time we talked she had something to complain about.
I fell down on the bed again, staring up at the ceiling, internally groaning when another name popped up in my mind. I really didn't feel like hanging out with him, but I felt even less like staying at home in a cocoon of blankets crying over my stupidity. And considering, I'd never truly given him a chance to redeem himself, since I'd been taking every opportunity that was presented to leave him hanging.
I took my phone and unlocked it, scrolling down my chats until I found the name I was searching for. The last text that had been sent there was from over a month before. I nervously tapped my nail against the screen, deciding what to do. I sat there, looking at the name on my phone, for at least a whole minute before realising that I would've had to take a chance and hope I wouldn't have regretted it. I sighed, shaking away the feeling that what I was thinking of doing would've made everything more difficult for me later on, and started typing. It wasn't like Harry would've cared anyway, and at least Ella would've stopped nagging me about it.
To Aiden: Are you still up for that date?
I sent it, not giving myself the time to rethink my choices, and put the phone on the bed, standing up and taking the key from my nightstand before leaving the room.
I stopped in front of the door of my studio, unlocking it and going inside. I knelt in front of the dresser on one side of the room, making sure I had paper sheets of the right size. The next project was due in ten days, and I couldn't help but be happy about it, since it gave me the opportunity to stay away from Harry for a few days and decide whether I wanted to keep him as my model or not. It would've surely be awkward to be around him after what had happened, but at the same time I knew I wouldn't have got results as good as I had with another person modelling for me. I would've just had to decide whether I cared more about myself or my grades, which surely wouldn't have been an easy task alone.
I closed that drawer and opened another, taking a normal paper sheet and closing it again before walking to the other side of the room and putting the sheet on my desk. I took a pencil and put it next to it, turning on the lights. I sighed when I realised I'd forgotten my phone in the other room, and I left everything as it was to go get it.
I went back in my bedroom and I looked around, discovering it was on my bed. I took it and walked back into the studio, unlocking the screen and discovering I'd received a new text message.
From Aiden: ok. is tomorrow at 6:30pm fine?
I entered the studio and closed the door behind myself, thinking of what to reply. I was still in time to call everything off. But I didn't.
To Aiden: Sure.
I attached my headphones to my phone and put them on, sitting at my desk and crossing my legs over the chair. I went to my usual playlist, choosing a song and letting the rest play accordingly, before taking the pencil and starting to draw to take my mind off of what had happened that day.
I decided to draw something easy, like a bird or a plant, not feeling up for a more complicated task. I started with a little dot in the middle of the page, creating the drawing from there.
After a while, I changed the pencil to a softer one to start shading the stem and petals I'd drawn fast. I shaded it carefully, glancing up at my phone for a second to skip a song I wasn't particularly feeling like listening to in that moment, and I ended up skipping the following three as well. I put my phone by my side again, but unlocked it soon after to check the time. It was already half past five.
I went back to my drawing, the pencil falling out of my hand when I realised what I'd drawn.
On the desk in front of me there was a rose similar to the one I'd drawn for Harry.
I felt a wave of some kind of burning emotion I couldn't quite recognise wash through me as I realised I'd inadvertently sketched the same thing again and I took the drawing, ripping it in pieces and throwing it away before leaving the studio feeling as if I'd just betrayed myself.
• • •
On the next day I started getting ready at five and half. I had a shower and while I was drying my hair I started thinking of what I wanted to wear.
I put down the hairdryer and walked back into my bedroom, opening my wardrobe and staring at my clothes. I was about to take a dress out when I decided that there was no reason for me to look particularly good since I was only going out with Aiden because I wanted to get distracted, and not because I had any kind of interest in him.
I took a pair of black jeans and a white sweater out of my wardrobe, putting them on before going into my bathroom and applying a light coloured eyeshadow and mascara, as I often did when I had to go out. I brushed my hair again, deciding to leave it exactly as it was.
I took my phone and went downstairs, putting on my usual pair of black boots and checking the time on my phone, discovering that it was almost half past six. I leant against the wall of the entrance, wanting to be the one that would've opened the door, not wanting to give Aiden to meet my parents or stuff like that.
Not too long after the doorbell rang and I put on my black coat.
"Mum, I'm going" I said, poking my head in the kitchen as I buttoned it up and paired it with a scarf. I opened the door not giving her time to reply and walked out in the cold night, shutting the door behind myself.
"Hey" Aiden said as soon as I was standing in front of him, an excited look on his face.
"Hi" I replied, starting to walk towards the light coloured car that was parked in front of my house.
He rushed to the other side, unlocking it and allowing me to open the door and sit inside. "I wasn't quite sure of what you would've liked, so I tried to go to the safest option so we're going to the Italian restaurant close to our school" he said, doing the same and starting the car. "I've heard a lot of people talking about it so it's kind of common, hopefully we won't meet anyone we know, because that would be awkward." He let out a little laugh.
"It's fine" I said with a little nod before turning my head and looking out of the window. Even if we'd met someone he knew, I was sure they wouldn't have known me since I was the opposite of popular, so it didn't really worry me.
After a while he put on some music to feel the silence that had invaded the car after my words. I didn't know the song, but I recognised it as some kind of hip hop tune that for sure wasn't anything I would've ever listened to if I'd been on my own.
I gladly got out of the car when he parked, following him into the restaurant. A waitress brought us to an empty table, giving us two menus and going away.
We took off our coats and sat down, scanning our menus fast. The waitress came back and we both decided to order a pizza. He ordered some kind of beer to drink, and I ordered water. The girl took our orders and went away again.
"I'm happy you finally decided to give me a chance" he said, and I nodded.
"Yeah" I replied, not really knowing what else to say.
We kept making small talk until our food came, giving us a reason to talk a bit less.
The more the night went on, the more I realised that, even though Aiden was surely somewhat charming, he was also endlessly boring.
I drank some more water, trying my best to repress a sigh when I started regretting going out with Aiden. I looked at him over the glass of water I was sipping, wondering if he was hating every second of it as I was.
I let my gaze drift around the room as he went on talking about a girl he'd dated a couple of years ago, feeling as if our date was becoming even more dreadful, if it was even possible.
All of sudden my eyes fell on a couple sitting at a table. Or better, on a particular person. He was sitting a few tables away from us, staring at the table as the blonde girl in front of him talked excitedly about something, her loud laugh reaching my ears for a few seconds.
There's no way he's here, I thought to myself as the words Aiden had said earlier that night came to my mind. Of course someone like him would choose such a classic place to take someone out on a date.
All of sudden he looked up, and our gazes met for a second. I looked away fast, realising that Aiden had talked throughout the entire thing without a care in the world. I closed my eyes for a second, trying to ignore the pressing feeling of Harry's stare on me, before opening them again and doing my best to concentrate on what the blond-haired boy in front of me was saying.
After a couple of minutes I sighed, realising that there was no use, and stood up. "I'm going to the loo" I announced faintly before making my way towards the door on the other side of the room.
I entered the loo, a little smile forming on my face when I realised I was the only person there.
I leant against one of the sinks, staring down at it, not believing what had just happened. What even were the chances of him, out of all people, being there as well? I suddenly felt like leaving. I wondered if Aiden would've been okay with taking me back home bit sooner than he expected, because I was sure I couldn't have dealt with that situation for much longer. I'd wanted to distract myself, but exactly the opposite had happened, because I'd found myself in the same room of the person that I knew I wouldn't have seen until Monday if I'd stayed at home. I felt as if I was going crazy.
I heard the door being opened and I looked up, a weight on my chest when I met a pair of green irises through the reflection on the mirror.
"I didn't expect to see you here" Harry said lowly, leaning against the door to keep anyone else from walking in.
I gripped the polished sink harder, hating the way my heart beat a little bit faster at the sound of his voice. "Same."
He walked towards me, his eyes not leaving mine. "Especially with him" he said, his voice softer.
I turned around when he got closer, ready to push him away if he'd got too close for my liking.
He stopped when he was right in front of me, with just a few inches between us, putting his hands on each side of the sink. I instinctively tried to take a step back, but my back hit the sink, making me realise that I had nowhere to go.
"Tell me" he said lowly, absentmindedly twirling a strand of my hair between his fingers, making my breath almost falter at the action. "Are you having fun?" His words came out as a soft breath against my skin as he leaned forward, inadvertently brushing the tip of his nose against my cheek.
I put my hand over his chest, lightly pushing him away. "No" I mumbled, unable to lie to him while we were so close to each other.
"I thought so" he murmured against my ear, making a shiver run down my spine. "Neither am I" he whispered, his breath mingling with mine.
My breath hitched when I felt his hand on my waist, pulling me closer, his scent annihilating my senses. I can almost sense what's about to happen in the air, my hand on his chest, but no will in me to push him away. He leant forward, his lips grazing mine, almost playfully, hesitating to see what my reaction would've been.
The weight was lifted off my chest as soon as his lips met mine for a second time, firmer but at the same time softer than before. A shiver ran down my spine as he pushed his body against mine, my hands finding their way into his chocolate hair to pull him closer to me. He hummed, slowly licking into the seam of my lips to urge them open, his warm fingers grazing my neck, making my breath falter against his. I loved and hated the reactions he managed to get out of me, and every time it seemed to become more and more, in a way that was almost as addicting as the feeling of his lips against mine.
He deepened the kiss, eliciting a low sound out of my throat, one of his legs stepping between mine. I ran my fingers down his back, a faint moan coming out of his lips at the touch, my heart beating faster.
We broke apart, his lips grazing mine and savouring the moment for a couple of seconds before he distanced himself from me.
I stared at him, the sweetness of his kiss leaving me breathless, my mind already damning my body for having given in to him just like that.
"Let's go away" he whispered all of sudden, and I frowned at him, still trying to piece together my scattered thoughts.
"We're both on a date" I said in response.
He looked at me, a flicker of mischievousness in his eyes. "Blonde girl is dreadful and I'm sure blondie is too."
I sighed, knowing that he was right. "I can't just leave."
"But you can." He leaned against the sink next to me, the smell of his cologne hitting me again because of the newly found closeness.
I bit my lower lip, entertaining the thought of leaving Aiden there. "My coat is still at the table" I whispered in the end, trying to find a single reason why I shouldn't have done it.
"I'm sure you can find a way to get it" Harry replied, walking back to the restroom door. "I'll be outside." He left, leaving me to stare after him.
I sighed, getting myself together turning around to make sure I looked alright before exiting the restroom as well, some kind of high rushing through my veins at the thought of doing something that I would've never done on my own.
I reached the table, putting my hand over my chair.
Aiden looked up at me. "Finally you're back."
"Yeah" I replied, preparing myself for what was about to come next. "My mum phoned me and said that I have to go back home and that's urgent. I told her where I am so she's come to get me. I'm so sorry" I said, taking my wallet out of the pocket of my coat. "I'll pay for my meal and go. I truly am sorry."
Aiden shook his head. "Don't worry, I'll pay the check."
I stopped my actions, furrowing my eyebrows at his words. "Are you sure?"
He nodded. "Of course. I took you out on a date, I'll pay."
"Thank you so much" I said, trying to ignore the momentary pang of guilt in my chest and taking my coat, putting it on fast. "Goodbye" I said, turning around and walking out of the restaurant.
When I was out I spotted Harry leaning against the wall of the building. He looked at me as soon as he heard the sound of my steps come closer.
"Let's go" he said, walking to his car, that was parked close.
I got in as soon as he unlocked it, the rush I'd felt leaving me, making me freeze in my spot as soon as I sat down. What if I was falling for his game again? "Why were you on a date with Janette?" I asked hesitantly.
"Niall forced me" he said, starting the car.
I frowned, remembering that Niall didn't like Janette. "Why did he?"
"He wanted me to realise how much of a bitch she is" he easily replied, and I widened my eyes at his words.
"Oh."
After that the silence fell over us, but it didn't last long.
"Why were you on a date with blondie?" He asked.
I pursed my lips to avoid chuckling at the way he'd called him. "Felt like it" I mumbled in response, looking at his profile slightly enlightened by the street lights.
After a while he parked and I looked out of the window, discovering that we were out of the city. "Why are we here?" I asked confusedly as he opened his door and got out, doing the same.
He shrugged. "Felt like it" he replied, using the same words I'd used before, walking to the front of his car. "Come here" he said, patting over the hood of his car.
"I'm not sitting on your car" I replied, the darkness surrounding us making it easier to deny him.
"You are" he said, and I sighed, carefully hopping over the hood of his car, doing my best not to dirty it.
He got up next to me, laying his back against the windshield and looking up.
I didn't lay down, but looked up as well, discovering that the stars were much more visible there. I patted the side of my coat, sighing when I remembered that I'd removed my notepad from its pocket to go out with Aiden.
I frowned when a smell hit my nose, turning around to discover that Harry had lit a cigarette, that was now resting between his middle and index finger. He wrapped his lips around it under my gaze, inhaling the smoke into his lungs before breathing it out again against the dark night sky.
"Smoking is bad, you shouldn't do it" I murmured to him, and he looked at me, raising an eyebrow at my words.
He played with the cigarette between his fingers, his eyes not leaving mine, seeming to think about something. "Kiss me, and I'll stop" he said in the end, making my eyes widen.
"I..." I tried to say, but I let my words drift away. I hesitantly leaned down by his side, my hand on his chest, leaving a fast peck on his lips before I had the time to rethink it.
He hummed, flicking the cigarette a couple of times before dropping to the ground, putting one of his legs off the hood to crush it to put it out before looking at me again. "I'm sure you can be more convincing than that" he said huskily.
I looked down, not wanting him to know how much his words were affecting me, but not moving away from him.
His fingers tangled between my hair as he pulled me down against his lips, making my heart beat faster into my chest to match his, that I felt under my palm.
I relaxed my body against his as soon as our lips touched in a kiss that tasted like the cold air of winter and smoke. My hand found its way against the warm skin of his neck and into his hair, making him shiver at the ice cold touch, and he deepened the kiss, wrapping his arm around my waist and bringing me to rest against his chest. My fingers trembled against his neck as a mixture of lust and worry of freezing in the cold weather found its way into me, drowning all the thoughts that told me I shouldn't have done it again.
He left one last peck on my lips before leaning his head back against the glass, the corners of his lips slightly turning up as he pushed back a strand of my hair.
"I'll never get tired of kissing you" he murmured lowly, making my heart skip a beat.
I looked down, sitting up to put some distance between us, letting a small silence fall over us again.
I frowned as a new thought found its way into my mind. "Did you leave her at the restaurant without telling her anything?" I asked him, turning around.
"Yeah" he said, his gaze moving from the sky above us to me.
I pulled my knees up to my chest. "That's kinda rude. Don't you care about her?" I asked him before I could stop myself.
He furrowed his eyebrows at my words, sitting up as well. "Why would I? I don't even know her name."
"You don't even know her name" I repeated apprehensively, not knowing whether I should've been glad he didn't know it or nervous because of the same reason.
He shrugged. "Yeah, because I don't care about her."
I nodded to myself at his words, biting my lower lip nervously before speaking again. "Do you know my name?" I asked him faintly.
He hummed. "Alice, right?" He said, making me turn my head in his direction fast. "I'm kidding, Sierra" he added, a little smile on his lips at my reaction.
I let out a little chuckle and looked down, stopping right away when I realised that it was the first time I laughed at something he said.
He cleared his throat, getting off of the hood and unlocking his car. "Come on, I'm taking you home."
Artwork is at 51k! Thank you so much, your support truly means a lot to me and keeps me going. x
Miki
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