Chapter 29: twenty-eight

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I looked up from my notebook in the second someone that certainly wasn't Ella sat next to me at the start of my first class of the day. It didn't take me long to realise who it was, and I furrowed my eyebrows when I met a pair of green eyes.

I looked in the direction of where he usually sat, discovering that he'd left Niall to sit alone. I turned my head again towards the person next to me, even more confused than before. "Why?" I asked him quietly, giving a fast glance at the front of the class to make sure the teacher wasn't paying attention.

Harry shrugged, lightly tapping a pencil on the desk. "Between blondie and the bestie you run away from, I can say you hang out with bad company. I hope you won't mind" he replied, his voice equally as low as mine.

I just stared at him, an impassible look on my face while I tried to decide if I should've been upset by his words or not. Resolving that he wasn't that far away from the truth, I decided that I would've let that one pass. "Are you good company?" I asked him as a voice in the background told me the teacher had already started explaining the topic of the day.

He gave me a little shrug, leaning his back against the wall on his side. "I'm better company for sure" he simply replied.

I was about to reply, but was interrupted by someone clearing their throat while standing in front of us. I looked up, my eyes widening my eyes when I discovered that the maths teacher was glaring at us. More specifically, at me.

"Mr Styles, I'll have you know that if you weren't one of the best in my class I would've already kicked you out at the start of the lesson" he said, not even sparing him half a glance. "Miss Regan, shut up and pay attention" he added before turning around and going back to his desk.

I let my gaze fall back to the notepad on my desk, thinking of what the teacher had just said with a confused look on my face. I'd never really thought of how Harry was at school, but I would've never expected him to be one of the best. For some reason, it seemed weird to just think about. I'd always thought he was the kind of person that did t really care about school, and discovering that truly made me understand once again how little I knew about him. It was almost as if everything new I found out about him demolished a preconception I'd built beforehand.

Harry sat up straighter again, and from then until the end of the class a deep silence fell over us as we both listened to the lesson - or minded our own business.

When the class ended I stood up and started walking out, only to stop in my tracks when I realised that Harry was coming with me. I gave him a weird look, not expecting him to do something like that, but also being kind of glad to be with him instead of alone, or with Ella or, even worse, with Aiden.

"Let's go" Harry said, his hand grazing my lower back as he directed me in the direction of the cafeteria for our free period.

I gladly followed him, not feeling like hanging out with Ella. Normally I would've gone outside, but the air of mid November had started to become a little too cold for my liking, so my options had been drastically reduced. Besides, I would've never admitted it openly, but I liked the idea of spending a little more time with Harry. Since Saturday, he'd been all I could think about, and it didn't matter how hard I tried, I just didn't seem to be able to get him out of my head. What had happened on Saturday was so new to me that I struggled to believe it had actually happened, and it didn't just come from my imagination. His presence had always made me feel fresh, but I'd never escaped a situation like I had with him, and the realisation that I would've never done something like that if it hadn't been for him, for some reason, made it even more exciting. It had been so different, but at the same time so familiar, to hang out with him at a place that wasn't my school or my house. And for some reason, the small conversation we'd had under the stars had felt more important than all the things we'd talked about before. His presence had made me feel as if I was a new person, and I'd loved every second of it.

I sat down at a table and he sat down next to me, taking out his phone just as I took my notepad out of my pocket.

I opened it and took a pencil, starting to sketch many little things I could see from where I was sitting, not daring to turn my head to look at him in case he would've noticed.

I stopped drawing after a while, changing the page and turning to a white one. I stared at it for a while, biting my lower lip in nervousness, before putting my pencil down and looking up at him. He was still using his phone, but glanced at me as soon as he realised my eyes were on him.

"Could you come at mine today? It's another project" I asked him, not feeling like separating from him anytime soon.

"Sure" he simply replied, making me release the breath I didn't even know I was holding.

"Okay, great. At four" I said, taking my pencil again and starting a new sketch. I'd never understood what was of so soothing in sketching, but I'd always loved to do it whenever I had free time. And also when I didn't, if I had to be honest. All my notebooks were filled with small drawings on the sides.

"What the fuck?!" A sudden voice said, making my head snap up.

I inadvertently gulped when I took in the blonde-haired girl that was standing in front of us, angrily staring at Harry, who seemed completely untouched by her presence. He glanced up from his phone, but didn't say a word.

At his silence, Janette snorted. "Excuse me? First you drop me at the damn restaurant, and then I come to school two days later and you've already moved on with another girl?!"

I widened my eyes at how loud she was talking, suddenly aware of the eyes of multiple people all around the cafeteria on us.

Harry raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything, angering Janette even more.

"Why the hell did you go from me to her?! Are you stupid? She's like, a total loser!"

I cleared my throat, acting as if her words didn't touch me at all. If I had to be honest, I really didn't care about how Janette saw me, but I couldn't shake away the meaning behind her words, that was the reason why I'd never truly trusted Harry before. It just didn't make sense for someone like him to go for someone like me. In a way, I was glad that someone else saw it just like I did, because it proved me that I wasn't just getting worried over irrelevant stuff.

If it was possible, Harry looked even more unbothered than before. It was weird for me to see how fast he could close in on himself when the situation needed.

"Are you done?" He asked calmly after a couple of seconds of silence, making a small laugh come out of my lips at his reply.

Janette scoffed at his reply, giving me a glare before turning around and storming out of the room.

The people around us stared at Harry and I for a few more seconds, before going back to their business again. I stared at the table for a while, trying to make sense of what had just happened, and then went back to my drawing as well.

• • •

Later that day, Harry and I were sitting on my bed again.

Because of my eagerness to have him over, I hadn't really planned how to draw him beforehand, so I'd just opted for sketching him a bit with charcoal and hope that a good idea would come around.

"I liked it when you kissed me on Saturday" he said all of sudden, breaking the silence.

I looked up at the sound of his words, discovering that Harry had sat up against the headboard, his mint green eyes staring at me attentively. I let my gaze fall again, not knowing what to reply to his sentence.

He detached his back from the light coloured wood, scooting closer to me. He hesitated a bit before reaching out to grasp my wrist, lifting my arm to rest on his shoulder, his touch warm on my skin. Cautiously staring at me between his dark eyelashes, he dared to take my other wrist, his fingers momentarily sliding between mine to let the pencil in my hands fall back down on the grey duvet.

My eyes fell down to his lips for the shard of a second before I looked at the white wall behind him, not being able to hold his gaze while being so close to him.

He leant forward, his hair brushing against my skin as he left a kiss on my cheek, the tip of his nose grazing me as he let his lips slide to the corner of my mouth. A shiver ran down my spine when his breath mingled with mine, making my toes curl. His fingers slid down my side, but he didn't make a move to close the small distance between us.

The way the bed moved when he shifted closer was a sudden awakening from the trance we'd fallen in and I pulled him towards me, his lips landing on mine, my fingers experimentally tangling between his dark curls, the movement eliciting a low hum out of his throat.

Despite the cold in the room, I felt a sudden warmth rush through my veins as his soft lips touched mine, at first hesitantly, but then slowly becoming more forceful as the seconds went by. The heat of his body against mine made me feel a sudden lightheadedness mixed with something that drew me to hold him tighter.

We fell down on the bed, a breathy chuckle leaving Harry's lips as he carefully pressed his chest over mine, making me sink a little bit deeper into the blanket. The pressure made my head spin and I pulled him down against my lips again, melting in the warmth of his touch. My cold fingers trembled against the hot skin of his neck as one of his legs slid between mine, the way he licked into my mouth making me feel as if I'd just lost the ground under my feet. I grasped the metal of his necklace, my heartbeat rushing to keep up with his as his hand travelled down my shirt to rest against my hip. He trapped my lower lip between his, pulling it slightly and making my eyelashes flutter before breaking away from the kiss, his breath fastened up.

"That's what I was taking about" he breathed, a little laugh escaping from his lips afterwards.

I widened my eyes as the realisation of what had just happened struck me. I untangled my limbs from his and sat up fast, scooting to the corner, making Harry fall next to me on the bed.

"Stop thinking about it" he said, making my head snap in his direction.

I furrowed my eyebrows, not understanding what he was talking about. "What?" I asked him, struggling to get my heart race back to normal. I felt as if I'd just come down from some kind of high, and I didn't know if I wanted to hate him for making me feel in such a way, or kiss him to melt all the thoughts that told me I couldn't trust someone like him in a puddle of nothingness.

"You're overthinking it" he replied, propping himself up on his elbows and staring at me from where he was lying. "Just go with it."

I bit my lower lip, actually considering his words. Should I have just stopped trying to understand what was going on and why was it happening, and just let go instead? It seemed to me like a way too dangerous solution. How could I have done something like that, when I didn't even truly trust him to begin with?

Harry sighed, sitting up properly and brushing his hair back. "Come here" he said lowly, but I just gave him a weird look, not moving an inch. He furrowed his eyebrows at my behaviour. "What is it that scares you so much about me?"

I looked down, my finger nervously playing with the grey blanket of my bed, thinking of his question. "I'm not scared of you" I mumbled in the end. Despite everything, it was the truth. I was scared of trusting him. I was scared of what he thought whenever he went silent, which was almost always. I was scared of the possibility of him seeing whatever was going on a game. But I wasn't scared of him. Realising it terrified me. Why was I even starting to let go, and why was I doing it because of someone like him? I'd always seen him as some kind of passing star in my life. He was way too much of everything for me to even consider the possibility of him... staying. So why was I starting to get attached to someone I knew would've left at some point? I didn't know, or better, I didn't want to know, because I knew that, whatever the reason was, it wouldn't have been good. Not for me, at least.

Harry nodded, pursing his lips. "What is it, then?" He asked softly, a hint of something I couldn't recognise in his voice.

I shrugged, trying to make my following words seem less heavy. "I don't trust you."

He cleared his throat. "I'm not some kind of evil being sent for your destruction, Sierra" he said, sarcasm in his voice.

I bit my lower lip to keep myself from smiling at his words. He was right, of course, but at the same time he also wasn't. He truly was way too much for me to even think of and he'd grasped my attention since the first time I'd seen him, not necessarily in a good way, so, in a way, what he'd said wasn't too far from the truth. "I know" I said with a little shrug.

He looked past me and out of the window, seeming to think about something, before focusing his attention back on me. He moved a bit closer and crossed his legs, his knees grazing mine, before taking one of my hands and pressing it against his chest, right over his heart.

I gave him a confused look, struggling to understand what was the point of what he was doing, but he ignored it.

He leant closer, taking a breath before closing the distance between us. My breath hitched when his lips touched mine in a short kiss, lasting just a few seconds. It was soft, and way gentler than ever before, but it was enough to spread a wave of comfort down my spine and make my heartbeat quicken considerably, rushing along with his, under the palm of my hand.

He pulled away a few seconds after, making me miss the warmth of his kiss. "I'm not lying" he whispered, his fingers experimentally intertwining with mine on the hand he was still holding, before letting it go.

As soon as the heat of his grip left my wrist I retracted my hand, closing my fingers in a fist and hesitantly looking at him. I didn't know how I was feeling, but I didn't think I minded. For half a second, I wondered how it would've been to let myself have him in my life, for how long it would've lasted, of course. I wondered how it would've felt to kiss him whenever I pleased, or call him late at night to talk about things that would be so irrelevant, but that would seem so important in that moment. To just let go and live it while it lasted, and let my mind call myself stupid for having fallen for it when he would've left. "Can I touch you?" I asked him, and he nodded.

I put my hand on his cheek with hesitance, changing my position and kneeling in front of him, allowing myself to discover what it was truly like to touch him, without having the rush of a kiss flooding through my veins and clouding my senses. He looked at me curiously, but didn't move away from the touch. I let my fingers graze down his neck, furrowing my eyebrows when I came in contact with the warm metal of his necklace. I put the short nail of my index finger between the small silver-coloured chain and his skin, slightly raising it up until the pendant, a cross, came out of his shirt. It was obvious in the way he wore it, under his shirt instead of above for everyone to see, that it held some kind of meaning to him.

I took the cross in my hand, passing my thumb over it. It was a very simple pendant, and I wondered why he wore it. He would've never struck me as a religious person, and yet I was quite sure I'd always seen him wear it. I looked at Harry, discovering that his eyes were already burning into mine.

"It was my mum's" he said lowly, and I nodded at his words, letting it fall back under his shirt. He glanced out of the window, a small silence falling between us for a few seconds. "What are you thinking?" He murmured after a while.

I pursed my lips, trying to understand what I was thinking. The truth was, I was feeling confused, but somewhat happy, and a mix of other emotions I couldn't quite put my finger on. I wondered what my answer should've been. Should I have been honest, or should I have just given the easiest answer? And if I wanted to be honest, how should've I done that? How could I explain how I was feeling to someone else, when I myself didn't know it?

I looked at him again, the right reply striking me in the second my eyes met his green ones. "You make me want to draw you" I whispered, realising how true it was in the second it came out of my lips.

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