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As I made my way to school, I knew that it was absolutely imperative to talk to Harry. The way he'd left some days before wasn't acceptable at all, and the fact that he'd done his very best to ignore me in the following days made it even worse. I didn't know what was up with him, and his behaviour had left me stressed and confused at the same time. I felt left hanging, and embarrassed by the way he'd reacted.

As soon as I arrived, I gave a quick glance around, finding Harry sitting on his usual bench, with Niall sitting next to him. As far as I knew, they hadn't really talked about what had happened at Niall's party, so I supposed that they were sitting together out of habit. I shook my head, suddenly realising that I shouldn't have cared about how Harry's friendships were doing after the way he'd left me, and started walking towards them.

"We need to talk" I said as soon as I reached Harry, hoping that he wouldn't have decided to act like nothing had happened at all.

He glanced up from his phone at my words, sending me a surprised glance, the confused look in his eyes almost making me believe that he had no idea of why I was telling him such a thing. For a couple of seconds, I really did think that he would've just ignored it as always, but, to my surprise, he nodded slowly and stood up, slipping his phone into the pocket of his coat.

Niall, that was sitting on the opposite side of the bench Harry had been previously sitting on, looked up at us, his eyebrows furrowed as he tried to understand what was going on, but with no success. Harry glanced to the side, catching his stare, but not doing anything to address it as he quickly surpassed me, walking in the direction of the car park.

I was fast in following him, making my pace faster to keep up with his, trying to go over all the things I wanted to tell him in my mind, knowing that that conversation wouldn't have been anywhere near easy.

Harry stopped when we were on the side of the car park, close enough to see the main door of the building but far enough from everyone else not to risk anybody hearing us. He turned around, leaning against the fence that separated the car park from the rest of the yard, not a word leaving his mouth. He stare was focused on me, and it was clear that he was expecting me to say something.

I bit my lower lip, feeling a sudden nervousness hit me at the simple idea of having to start the conversation. When I'd decided to talk to Harry about what had happened, I hadn't thought it would have been as hard. Standing in front of him in that moment, I felt like everything I wanted to say had been erased from my mind, and I knew he knew it. I also knew that I had to ponder my words carefully, because me saying the wrong thing could've resulted in Harry fleeing from the conversation, and it put me on edge even more. "We should talk about what happened" I said in the end, carefully observing the effect my words had on him.

He was still staring at me, but made no move to agree with what I'd just said. It was clear that he had no intention of making it any easier for me. It pissed me off a bit to realise that he was being even less conversational than usual on purpose, and that he perfectly knew what he was doing. It was obvious that the only reason why he'd agreed to talk to me was because he knew it would've inevitably happened one way or another.

"You left, Harry" I specified, a hint of annoyance in my voice. I took a deep breath before speaking again, knowing that showing him hostility wouldn't have got him to open up for sure. "Why did you do that?"

He shrugged, playing it off as if it wasn't a big deal. "I was busy" he said, the tone of his voice nonchalant, as if he truly expected me to believe that he'd realised he had something to do all of sudden.

I sighed, starting to feel stressed about his uncooperativeness. I really wanted our conversation to work, and specifically, I really wanted him to give me a chance to understand him for once, but it was clear that he had no intention to make it happen. "We both know you weren't" I said matter-of-factly, even if it felt way too obvious to even be said.

He straightened himself up, his jaw clenching, his behaviour instantly changing at my words. "Why are you so interested all of sudden?" He asked sharply, staring me down, a cold look instantly finding its way into his green irises.

"Because I told you I liked you and you just left!" I blurted loud, instantly glancing around to make sure nobody had heard me. "That's why" I added, keeping the tone of my voice lower, instantly regretting my outburst.

He raised his eyebrows, seeming to find a hidden hint of humour in what I'd said, but his eyes didn't lose the detached look. I couldn't understand him. Why did he always seem so far away, while being right in front of me? I didn't want to think that he didn't care. I really didn't, because everyone cares to some degree, and I knew he did. What's so wrong in admitting you care about someone, when you know they care about you as well? Sometimes I felt like he considered keeping up his image more important than anything else.

"I can't understand you, Harry!" I said helplessly, surprising both Harry and myself. I was lost. I'd always been lost when it came to him, but I felt it even more now, because I knew I shouldn't have been like that, in that moment in time. After so many months, if it had been someone else instead of Harry, I knew I wouldn't have felt as helpless as I did in that moment. It was starting to become tiring for me. I wasn't the kind of person that loved drama, or that enjoyed spending time with somebody that mysterious that I should've felt lucky to even know their name. "Do you even want something with this at all?!" I said raising my voice, before I could even think about the possible outcomes of my action. "Do you not like me?"

Harry widened his eyes all of sudden, clearly caught by surprise by my outburst as well. I couldn't help but slightly be glad that I'd finally managed to tear into his wall a little, just enough to get him to act in a more human way. "It's not that-" he said lowly, a slight insecurity in his voice, frowning his eyebrows, as if he was bothered by what I'd said.

"Then what is it?" I said, accidentally snapping at him and almost immediately feeling bad about it, but pushing it aside when I remembered why we were there in the first place.

He gave a quick glance in the direction of the main door, looking as if he was trying to find a reason to get out of the conversation. It was clear in the rigidity of his pose that our talk had quickly turned into something that he wasn't familiar with. "I'm not made for this" he simply said in the end, the tone of his voice vulnerable, shifting his gaze back to me.

"That's bullshit, you were doing perfectly fine before some days ago" I replied quickly, calling him out. The issue with Harry was that he was completely willing to get close to someone while it benefited him, just to run away when the situation didn't correspond to his expectations anymore. I couldn't tell if his behaviour was due to a simple childishness or some deeper issue that brought him to be wary of emotional contact, but I knew for sure that it wasn't okay at all.

He sighed, passing his hand through his dark hair in a nervous motion. "I can't be there for you in that way, Sierra" he said, the tone of his voice low and somewhat annoyed, as if he couldn't believe he really had to say it out loud. "I don't know how to."

I frowned at the sudden turn the conversation had taken. When I'd decided to talk to him, I'd expected to end up talking about why he couldn't accept the fact that I liked him, and I would've never even fathomed the possibility of it ending up with him telling me that he couldn't care about me in the same way I cared about him. I blinked a few times, taking in his words, trying my best to think of a good reply as quickly as possible, sensing in the way he'd opened up that he was probably about to leave the conversation. He always did, whenever things got too personal for his likings. "Neither do I" I replied, keeping my gaze focused on him even though I found it extremely unsettling, wanting to make sure he understood what I was telling him. "It doesn't mean that I'm still not going to try."

"We aren't the same, Sierra" he said sharply, surprising me with how fast his answer had been. It was obvious that, for some reason, I'd touched a nerve.

"You think you're so different from everybody Harry, but you aren't!" I blurted, exhausted by his way of being so defensive. I couldn't say that I understood where he was coming from, but I would've at least tried to make an effort, if only he would've let me in. But it seemed like letting people in wasn't part of the way Harry lived, given that not only he didn't seem to care about anyone, but he also made sure people knew he didn't care about them. "Don't come to me acting like you weren't programmed to care about someone, because we both know it isn't true!" I added, my tiredness starting to show in the exasperation in my voice.

He glared at me as soon as the words left my mouth. "You think you have me figured out, don't you?" He said roughly, the harshness in my voice surprising me. Apart from the first time we'd ever talked, he'd never talked to me in such a way. "Well, I hate to break it to you, but you don't."

"Are you telling that to me or yourself?" I hissed back before I could stop myself, widening my eyes as soon as I did. I couldn't believe I'd truly said something like that, to Harry, out of all people. I couldn't speak from experience, but something told me that he was the kind of person that hated to be sassed out during an argument.

To my surprise, though, he didn't turn around and leave, but he also didn't lose his temper. "It isn't important" he simply replied lowly, the tone of his voice making it clear that he had no intention of going any deeper into the subject.

"Nothing is ever important when it comes to you. So tell me, what is it that matters?" I asked back quickly, annoyed by the reuse of the sentence, that seemed to come around whenever he decided he'd had enough of the conversation that was happening.

My words were met by instant silence. Harry stared at me attentively, a look in his eyes that I couldn't recognise, but that made me feel like I should've taken a step back. "Liking me was the worst decision of your life" he stared lowly, before detaching himself from the fence and going away, leaving me alone in the car park.

I stared after him for a couple of seconds, trying to understand what the hell had just happened, before shaking my head, dismissing his statement, and starting to walk back as well.

By the time I entered the building, the majority of the people was already inside, hiding away from the cold weather. I sighed, making my way through the crowd to get into my maths class.

I entered the room and glanced around, happily realising that I was one of the few people inside, before sitting down at my usual place and taking out my notepad and a pencil and starting to sketch in the corner as I waited for the classroom to get full, thinking of the conversation I'd had with Harry. It had just made things so much harder, and I wished it hadn't happened at all, at this point. It had been a complete disaster. Maybe I shouldn't have been that surprised. After all, how could I expect someone like Harry to open up? He would've never done such a thing, and thinking about it, it made sense for him to have reacted like that. Harry always pushed people away when he felt like they were getting too close.

The sudden sound of a book being dropped on the desk next to mine roughly snapped me out of my thoughts and I glanced up, a little frown finding its way on my face when I realised it wasn't Harry, but it was Ella.

I ignored her as she sat down, deciding to give a little glance around, wondering where Harry was, and why hadn't he sat next to me as usual. I found him sitting back in his usual place next to Niall, and I frowned. Had our small argument really been that bad to him, that he'd decided to go back to sitting next to someone he hardly talked to in that moment? It seemed ridiculous to think about it. Harry's behaviour was ridiculous. Was it really necessary? Did he really have to go ahead and destroy whatever there was between us, just because I'd asked him to show he cared? Where was the logic in that?

I sighed, shaking my head and going back to drawing leaves. Maybe he was just pissed, and that's why he was acting like that. It made more sense than supposing that he was suddenly over us, and that he'd decided he didn't want anything to do with me anymore. He probably was just mad, even though I really couldn't understand what he could've possibly been mad about.

"Argued with Harry?" A voice said next to me, and I turned my head fast, giving Ella a confused glance.

"Why are you asking?" I replied, not really feeling like telling her what had happened between Harry and me. I wouldn't have known where to start, anyway.

She shrugged. "Just a supposition. He sat with Niall today" she stated, randomly motioning in their direction.

I turned around to glance at them again, but turned my head quickly again, not wanting to be caught staring by Harry or by the teacher. "He did" I simply replied.

She nodded as well, realising that I didn't want to talk about it. "Hopefully you'll solve it soon" she said quietly not to be heard as the teacher walked in, and I nodded.

The class went by quite slowly, probably because Harry wasn't next to me. I kind of missed him, and I wanted to ask him why he was acting like that, but at the same time I felt like I would've seemed too needy if I'd done that. I could just hope to find a way to fix whatever was going on. I hadn't meant to make it such a big deal after all, it'd just unexpectedly exploded out of proportions, and Harry's reaction had literally come out of nowhere.

I wondered what he wanted from me, what he even expected from our friendship - or whatever it was. It was clear that he wasn't completely uninterested, because someone like him would've never wasted his time with someone like me if he didn't have a valid reason to do so, but I couldn't understand what it could've been, considering that he'd basically told me that he didn't want to care about me. What kind of person would get close to someone else, without actually wanting to get close to them? It seemed absurd to even think about. But then again, not many things made sense when it came to Harry.

By the time the class ended, I'd already went over our argument - if so it could be called - at least a hundred times, feeling more and more confused every single time. I couldn't understand why he was so cold. It surely mustn't feel good to be like that. Why would he push himself to be a certain way that hard? It didn't make any sense to me.

I shook my head, putting on my coat, gathering my stuff and getting out of the classroom. I was walking down the hallway when all of sudden my phone buzzed in the pocket of my coat. Without thinking about it much, I clicked on the notification and unlocked the screen, stopping in my tracks in the second I read the message.

There are so many things he still hasn't told you... Especially one. You'd want to know that one, trust me.

I looked at the top of the chat, realising that it was indeed from the same unknown number. I read the message again, frowning. What was that supposed to mean? I was pretty sure that Harry hadn't told me quite a lot of things, but I'd never thought about the possibility of him omitting something extremely important. What could it have been anyway, of so important that I should've known about it, despite it most likely belonging to Harry's past?

Most importantly, who was sending me those texts? Who was trying to push me away from Harry?

I glanced up. In the hallway, I was alone.

It's super late and I'm exhausted, but I said I would've updated so here it is, hopefully there aren't any mistakes! I hope you enjoyed it x

Miki

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