Chapter 34: 34. Yunho x ATEEZ

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Story plot: Yunho has always been into guys, but he hasn't told anyone. He's scared they'll judge him, bully him or push him out of the group. Sometimes he wishes he could be himself more often. After a while he decides it's enough. If they don't accept him the way he is, he'll leave. But they deserve and they need to know.

When Yunho became a part of ATEEZ, he never mentioned his sexuality, ever. He knows that Jongho, Hongjoong, Yeosang, Mingi, San, Wooyoung and Seonghwa are the most supporting family he has ever had, but mentioning his sexuality never crossed his mind.

He's scared that the company will kick him out for being gay. Or even worse, that the others think it's disgusting and will bully him to a point where he leaves the group.

Everyday, Yunho wishes for a world where 'coming out' isn't a thing anymore. He wishes for a world where all sexualities are accepted and where you don't have to tell anyone what your preferences are.

Unfortunately, that is still not a thing. So Yunho stays quiet and just talks along with the others so they won't find out.

Weeks can go by where Yunho completely forgets about the fact that he hasn't told anyone. But there are weeks where he wishes he could just really be himself and not feel like he has to hold back certain things.

Coming out sucks. Is a thought that frequently crosses his mind.

Lately Yunho has been really feeling the urge to tell the others the truth, because it feels like he's lying to them. He knows he's not, but the thought that he's keeping a secret from them is slowly killing him. So Yunho decided to start writing in his journal again, trying to come up with a perfect plan.

"Annyeong ATEEZ,

It's yet another night and I can't sleep. I'm still trying to figure out whether I should tell them or not. On the bright side, this stupid secret will finally be out in the open and I can really be myself. On the other hand, if things don't turn out that way they might hate me and push me out of the group.

Actually I have never really brought up the subject in any way. Maybe that's something I should or could do to figure out where they stand? I have no idea how. Maybe when we're at a restaurant or something and I spot a couple and subtly ask their opinion. But how the fuck do you ask someone's opinion about that in a subtle way? 

This is something I should keep in mind thought. I honestly really want to tell them."

Yunho sighs as he closes his notebook and locks it before putting it away. Asking about their opinion is actually a pretty good idea. He just needs to figure out a way on how to do so.

He lays down in bed and fall asleep pretty quickly now that he has written down all his thoughts. Since he started writing again, sleeping has become a lot easier as well. He can finally organize his thoughts and sometimes even come up with some ideas for a plan.

When he wakes up, the others have decided to watch a movie since it's their day off and everyone is still feeling a bit tired. When Yunho checks out the movie they'll be watching he quickly finds out that there is a small part with a gay couple.

That's it! I can just subtly mention something about it and see how they react. Even though that alone terrifies me, it might be my only chance for a long time. Please let their reactions be good.. I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do if they react in a negative way. I don't think I'll ever come out then and just stay single forever.

As they're all set up on the couch the movie starts and Yunho anxiously waits for the moment where the couple shows up. It's not even a big part in the movie though. It's someone's brother dating a guy and it has nothing to do with the story itself, but it's his only chance.

After what feels like forever the couple finally makes their appearance on the screen and Yunho feels his heartbeat spike up to the max. What the fuck am I supposed to say about this?! I did not think think through.

"Oh I think it's great that they show couples like this in all these recent movies. Don't you think?"

Great job Yunho. Not obvious at all. What a dumb thing to say. Could you really not think of anything better to say?

But they didn't notice how stupid his comment sounded. It even works out better than he expected. "Yeah I agree. I think it should be shown much more often in like commercials as well and stuff! It's not 1800 anymore and I really think these things could help make the world a more accepting place for this."

Yunho feels his cheeks heat up from the loving words coming from Seonghwa's mouth. And if that wasn't enough, the others all agree one by one.

"I'm so happy to see that this is starting to become a normal thing. People like them should never feel like they're abnormale if you know what I mean." Yeosang says.

"I totally get what you're saying Sangie. This shouldn't even big such a big deal thing. In the end we're all human and we should be able to love who we love." Hongjoong replies.

"I remember there was this boy in my street who had two dads and I honestly never questioned it. I kinda grew up with it so it was normal to me." Jongho says.

"I really wish the world could just be more accepting honestly." Wooyoung says and pouts.

"Awh me too Woo me too. We live in a strange world where this should be allowed and it kinda is but sometimes it's not. I totally get why people never speak up about this because you never know how the other will react." Mingi says.

"Exactly! I feel so sorry for people who feel like they have to hide their true selves.. Everyone is amazing in their own way, no matter who you love!" San says and smiles.

Yunho is speechless at this point. He never expected them to react like this.

Does this mean I have a chance that my coming out will go smoothly? That they'll still love me for who I am? This was probably the best reaction ever. I can't tell them now though.. This is suppose to be a relaxing off day and I don't want to pull all the attention towards me because Yunho had to come out.

Today was amazing. After they watched a movie they went to an arcade hall and played a lot of amazing games.

That night Yunho sits down at his desk again and takes out his journal.

"Annyeong ATEEZ,

Today I found out that all the others are beyond supportive about gays. There was this couple in a movie and I dropped a (not so subtle) hint, and they were all supporting coming out and stuff.

So I got that part covered.

But now..

How THE FUCK can I come out to them?

Also, did I mention I might have been catching feelings for all of them in the past month or so? No I didn't because I'm still in denial about that. You can't possibly be in love with 7 people at the same time right? Or can you? This whole stupid thing just made coming out even scarier.

I mean do I tell them that I'm gay and that I love them? Or just that I'm gay? Or just that I'm in love with them so I kinda don't have to say that I'm gay? I mean I don't even know if any of them is gay?!

I need to find a way to tell them though, I really do.

They deserve to know this."

Yunho locks his journal and puts it safely away before snuggling into the comfort of his blankets. He'll figure this out. He just needs more time and a plan. He knows he is just procrastinating everything right now and it's getting him nowhere. But he's just so anxious to come out and maybe even confess his real feelings to them. 

The next few days his mind is always somewhere else. The others constantly need to repeat their question and Yunho is embarrassed. All he thinks about is finding the right moment and the right words to say, but that seems to be a lot harder than he first anticipated. 

Why is it so hard to tell them? He knows they'll totally accept him and love him for who he is. It's the confession part that is scaring him the most at this point. Should he tell them or not? They could think it's weird and force him to choose one of them. But he can't choose between them. His heart just simply wants them all to be his boyfriends.

That night, Yunho made a promise to himself. This was the last time he was going to write down a possible scenario for his coming out and confession and he won't write again until he actually did it. He can come up with a billion options but it's time that he just goes for it.

He sits down behind his desk like every other night.

"Annyeong ATEEZ,

This will be the last time I complain about coming out and confessing. I need to take actions instead of just sitting here, behind my desk, writing down all the possible scenarios. I made a promise to myself that I will write again after I actually did it.

So.. Here is my final plan.

I decided that I will do a coming out and then confess right after that. If that means it's the end of us as a family and as friends, so be it. The weight of keeping this from them is unbearable at this point. It doesn't feel fair. They always tell me everything and now it's my turn to tell them everything.

What I'm going to say? I have no idea. I'm just gonna live in the moment and see what happens and where it takes me.

ATEEZ, Atiny, I will always love you so so much.

I hope I'm doing the right thing by doing this."

And with that final note, Yunho goes to sleep.

After practice they all hang around in the practice room for a bit longer just talking about everything that is not work related. This is his chance. It's now or never. Do or die.

"Guys?" Yunho asks and all eyes are on him. There is no way back.

"Remember when we were watching that movie and I pointed out that gay couple?" They all nod. "I pointed that out because I wanted to know how you guys felt about that you know.. The whole gay thing and stuff.. Because I'm gay. Yes. The word is out. Jeong Yunho is gay."

They're all about to say something but Yunho cuts them off. If they start telling them they're fine with that, he won't have to guts anymore to do the confession he still has to make.

"Yeah so uhm.. I don't know if it's a surprise to you guys or if you already talked about this when I wasn't around but that doesn't really matter. Honestly I don't really care about that. What I'm about to say can change everything and I might regret doing this. But if I don't do it now, I won't ever do it. So yeah I'm gay and I love you guys so much."

Yunho starts to tear up as he realises he could lose everything from this point on. He could lose 7 amazing friends and he could lose being a part of this family. He doesn't want to lose them, ever. Is it worth confession? Is it really worth it? Telling them how he feels and putting their friendship at risk? He doesn't have the answer to those questions, all he has is the promise he made to himself.

"I really love you guys. Every single one of you. I don't know how to say this guys, fuck. I don't want to lose you as a family and I don't want to lose all of my friends but fuck. Hongjoong, Yeosang, Mingi, Jongho, San, Wooyoung and Seonghwa, I'm in love with you. All of you. I know it sounds insane and I've never been in a situation like this before so I don't know what to do and-"

They all share a quick glance that Yunho can't read. They make their way over to him and slowly kiss him. Everyone pulls him close into a warm, soft and loving kiss.

Yunho is speechless. What is going on? Is this a dream? Is this going to be my worst nightmare? Because if so, please wake me up right now.

But it's not a dream. And it is actually happening. He's still lost for words but thankfully the others speak up.

"Yunho, we all love you too. The same way you love us. We've all been talking about this as well." Hongjoong starts. "Yeah and when you asked that question during the movie, we were all saying those words because we kind of hoped you'd get the hint.." Yeosang mumbles and blushes.

"But then it remained silent after that as we thought we just made the biggest mistake ever." Mingi continues. "You have no idea how long we've been trying to talk to you about this as well. Because when we figured out we all had similar feelings for you, we had no idea what to do." Jongho says.

"But now the word is finally out and we couldn't be happier!" San shouts and Wooyoung laughs. "I've been wanting to kiss you for so long and knowing that I can do that right now.. This is the best day of my life!" Wooyoung says as Seonghwa continues. "We love you just as much as you love us Jeong Yunho. So.. To make this official.. Will you please be our boyfriend?"

Yunho stares at them and for a brief moment he thinks this might be all fake. But when he sees the others looking at him with a pleading look in their eyes, he knows this is real.

"I do, I really really do!" He screams and they all gather around to hug Yunho closer than ever.

A/N: I can't believe this is the 6th OT8 oneshot already?! Did you guys like the journal parts from Yunho's point of view? 

I know I haven't been posting for a couple of days now but I got really sick and I wasn't able to write, but I'm better now and ready to get back on track!

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