Chapter 33: 33. San x ATEEZ

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Story plot: When San was just a regular boy in high school, he used to have a boyfriend. One night they were jumped by a group of strong guys because they were gay. After that, they broke up and San suffered. He was too scared to talk to anyone about it at the time. Ever since, he suffers from vivid nightmares. When ATEEZ got their own apartment building, San hoped they would be roommates, but unfortunately that wasn't the case. San is terrified at night and decides the others need to know what happened in the past. They need to know why he's so terrified at night.

The movie was amazing. San and his boyfriend went out to celebrate their one year anniversary and they couldn't be happier. No one was surprised when they told their friends and family about their relationship. They were always really close to each other.

They left the cinema, walking hand in hand. "Tonight was amazing!" San wanted to kiss his boyfriend right then and there, but he knows his boyfriend isn't comfortable with being too close in public. "Shall we go to my place?" San asked and his boyfriend agreed so they made their way to the bus stop.

Unfortunately, they only made it halfway until they heard a bunch of guys shouting at them. San looked behind them and back at his boyfriend. "Run! Run!" He grabbed his boyfriends hand as they tried to sprint away from the guys that were chasing them.

But they were young and small and the guys were much older and taller so they quickly catched up. Before they realised it, they were both pinned down on the ground. They tried to get away from the firm grip, but it was a useless attempt.

Hit after hit, kick after kick and there was nothing they could do besides scream in pain and cry for help. "Alright enough enough! I think they've learned from this." One of the guys said as the two finally got off San and his boyfriend. After one last kick they guys left, leaving the two boys on the cold ground.

San was bleeding and his body felt like he was hit by a truck. He quickly pushed his own pain aside and crawled to his boyfriend. "B- baby! Baby look at me!" San kissed his boyfriend who slowly opened his eyes.

It was freezing cold but San didn't care and took off the hoodie he was wearing to wrap it around his boyfriend. "I'm here baby." At this point San was fueled by adrenaline and forgetting about his own pain and injuries. All he cared about was his boyfriend.

A woman ran towards them and kneeled down. "I saw everything. Can I help you guys in any way? Can I offer you a ride home or anything?" 

San carefully helped his boyfriend to sit up and he held him close. "Do you want to go to my place baby?" He shook his head. "N- No I want to go home. Alone."

San felt like he just got stabbed in his heart, but he tried not to make a big deal out of this. Maybe his boyfriend does need some time alone tonight to process what happened. They did accept the ride home, but both going separate ways. 

At home, San realised how much his body is actually hurting. So after a hot shower he laid down in his bed to text his boyfriend.

"Hey baby, I hope you'll be able to get some rest tonight. I love you so much." 

As San finally managed to fall asleep, he woke up to his phone buzzing. It was a text from his boyfriend.

"I'm breaking up. I can't do this anymore. Don't reach out to me, I won't answer."

San hopelessly send multiple texts and tried calling him, but he indeed never answered. He even went to his house, but no one opened the door. No matter what San tried in the following week, it was like his boyfriend had disappeared from earth.

His heart was broken beyond repair. During the time where he needed his boyfriend the most, he decided to break things up.

San never spoke about the incident ever since.

When ATEEZ was formed, San found happiness again. They quickly found out that they saw San as more than just a friend. After a lot of talks, they decided to try something out that was new to all of them. They all loved San and San loved everyone, so they decided to start a real relationship.

San hadn't felt so loved ever since his breakup which happened a couple of years ago. He never told any of his boyfriends about what had happened to him. He thought it wouldn't be a thing.

But things changed soon after they started really being together. The fear, the memories and the pain all started coming back to him. He's in love with all of them as much as he loved his previous boyfriend.

What if they all leave me as well? It wouldn't just be one person leaving me, it would be 7 people who I deeply love, all leaving me at once. I can't handle that. I can't go through this again. What if they get tired of me? What if they feel like this relationship isn't going to work? What if they force me to choose one of them because they're getting jealous? Fuck.

These questions are haunting San's mind at night, making it hard for him to fall asleep. He's so scared, but he doesn't know what to do.

The nights are getting harder and harder for Sannie. His dreams are slowly turning into nightmares where he constantly relives that horrible day.

It's another night and San went to bed just like all his boyfriends, only his dream is turning into a nightmare yet again.

"You don't think we let something disgusting like you walk around on this fucking planet now do you?" San shakes his head "N- no."  At that moment San leaves his body and just stands by to watch the scene. He watches himself laying on the ground and get beaten up by a large guy. He tries to pull the guy off his body but nothing seems to make him go away. He watches the guy raise his fist up high and slam right onto his face.

"NO!!" San screams as he sits up in bed breathing heavily. "Fuck." He covers his face with his hands brushing off the sweat that's on his forehead. He gets up and makes his way to the bathroom to splash some cold water in face, checking his body for any bruises.

I'm not sure if I can keep this up much longer.. I'm so scared to fall asleep and when I do fall asleep, I realise why I wish I never felt asleep in the first place. It's the same nightmare every fucking night. And it always ends with that final punch that knocked me out for a moment.

Yunho is the first to be up in the morning. He's been really into making breakfast lately and he's glad that Seonghwa is able to get some more rest this way. San makes his way over to him and snuggles into his arms. "You love me right? You all still love me?"

Yunho turns off the stove and wraps his boyfriend in his arms. "Yes of course we do baby. You think we don't love you anymore?" San quickly shakes his head. "No no I'm just making sure.." It feels good to be in his arms right now. The anxiety his dream caused is finally fading away now he knows that his boyfriends still love him.

"If there is something you want to talk about, we're always here to listen Sannie." San nods and looks up to kiss Yunho softly. Yunho smiles and returns the kiss, picking up San from the ground and placing him on the kitchen counter. "You're so beautiful baby boy. We still don't understand how we got so damn lucky with you." San blushes and pulls Yunho closer. "What about me?! I have 7 gorgeous and loving boyfriends! Who can say that they have 7 boyfriends!" San chuckles and smiles, finally forgetting all the stress and anxiety he felt last night. 

During the day, San is feeling great and is keeping his mind busy.

But when it's time to go to bed, San's anxiety is acting up again. He's laying on the couch, snuggled up between Jongho and Wooyoung. He keeps looking at the clock, because in an hour they will go to bed. San knows that the nightmare will return no matter what he does. "Are you tired baby? You keep staring at the clock. You can go to bed early if you want to." Seonghwa says causing San to look up. "Oh no no I uh I was just amazed by the fact how quickly this day passed by." "Yeah it's crazy huh!" Hongjoong says and chuckles. "I guess time really does fly!"

As they all went to bed, San is fighting to stay awake. He doesn't want to sleep. He doesn't want to relive that day over and over again.

Maybe talking to them will help. Maybe that's what I need for this to finally fucking stop. I can't handle this on my own.

Eventually San's body gives in and he falls asleep. Only to dream the exact same thing.

"You don't think we let something disgusting like you walk around on this fucking planet now do you?" San shakes his head "N- no." At that moment San leaves his body and just stands by to watch the scene. He watches himself laying on the ground and get beaten up by a large guy. He tries to pull the guy off his body but nothing seems to make him go away. He watches the guy raise his fist up high and slam right onto his face.

"NO!!" San sits up and he starts to cry this time. "P- please stop this." San sobs into his hands when someone knocks on the door. It's Seonghwa.

Fuck did I wake him up?!

"Sannie.." Seonghwa says as he enters the room and shuts the door behind him. "Heee Sannie baby what's wrong?" He sits down on the edge of the bed and wraps his arms around his boyfriend. "Did you have a bad dream baby?" San sobs into Seonghwa's arms and nods. "Do you want me to stay here baby and sleep with you?" San looks up and nods. "Y- yes please."

San snuggles into Seonghwa's arms and falls asleep within seconds. The nightmare doesn't come back. He's dreaming about him and his loving boyfriends. It's as if sleeping with them keeps the nightmare away.

During the day, San keeps thinking about what happened last night.

Would it really help to sleep with them? Does that keep the nightmare away? I do feel like I should talk to them though if the nightmare does come back tonight..

As San falls asleep on his own that night, he was right. The nightmare returns just like every other night.

"NO!!" He screams as he sits up and sobs when someone knocks on his door again. It's Yeosang this time. He walks in and closes the door behind him. "Oh did you have a nightmare baby?.." Yeosang asks as he hugs his boyfriend and San nods. 

If Yeosang sleeps with me and the nightmare stays away. I'll talk to them tomorrow.

"Shall I sleep here baby? We can cuddle and sleep some more." San nods as he moves to make room for Yeosang. They snuggle up against each other and when San falls asleep, the nightmare doesn't return.

As they all settle down for breakfast, San decides he needs to speak up now. "Uhm.. I want to talk to you guys about something.."

They all look up and Wooyoung places his hand on Sans knee. "What do you want to talk about baby?"

"Well.. Seonghwa and Yeosang both came up to me because I had a nightmare.. It's not just a nightmare.. I uhm.. I had a boyfriend when I was in school.. And after our one year anniversary we went to the movies.. When we left to take the bus home, a bunch of guys jumped up and beat us up.. After that he aldo broke up with me.. But the part where we got jumped has been returning in my dreams every night for the past few weeks.. But if I fall asleep with someone, it stays away.."

They're all speechless for a minute until Mingi speaks up. "You know what love. We can sleep with you every night in turns. Like every night one of us will sleep with you and after that we'll repeat the same line again. So you will never sleep alone and everyone gets to sleep with our beautiful baby." Jongho gets up and wraps his arms around San. "We won't ever let you get hurt like that baby. 8 makes 1 team. Nobody will ever hurt you as long as we're around to protect you. I'll personally beat them up!" San laughs and smiles again. "Oh yeah I know you would!"

"So how does that sound Sannie?" Mingi asks. "That sounds perfect.. I'm sorry to just throw this on your plate on the early morning.." "Don't ever be sorry for opening up to us baby. We're so proud that you did tell us. Keep in mind that we love you so so much okay?" Hongjoong says and San smiles. "And I love you guys so so much more."

A/N: I'm actually kind of sick so I'm sorry if this one seemed shitty or rushed, I just wanted to put something out there for you all.

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