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Story plot: Yeosang was given a mission, but it's his worst nightmare. Greeting 15 people can't be that hard right? Well for Yeosang, who has really bad anxiety, it is. Hongjoong said he'd come along with him to film, but in reality Hongjoong is the only one who knows about Yeosang's anxiety. He's the only one that can be there for Yeosang at this point. 

Throughout the night, Yeosang had a few minor anxiety attacks leading up to his mission tomorrow morning. He was able to pull himself through them without the help of his boyfriend. As he watches time pass by, his anxiety is getting worse as it's getting closer to morning.

Everyone knows that Yeosang is pretty shy, but they don't know he actually suffers from anxiety. Some days are better than others, but a mission like this is causing his anxiety to spike out of control.

He's thankful that Hongjoong quickly offered to come with him on this mission, since he's the only person in ATEEZ who knows that Yeosang is actually suffering from anxiety. However, he's not sure if having Hongjoong by his side will get him through this dreadful morning.

As he's staring at the ceiling his alarm goes off, signaling him to get out of bed and get ready. He quickly shuts it off and covers himself underneath the blankets.

Why. Why would they do this to me. I know I'm not the most sociable person in the group but this isn't magically going to help. I swear even greeting one person would be more than enough but no, they had to write down 15 people. FIFTEEN. Oh this is going to be such a horrible morning. What if no one greets me back. I'll look like a complete idiot. What if they just straight up ignore me or give me a stupid look?

As Yeosang's mind is throwing all the possible negative scenarios at him, he hears soft knocking on his door. "Sangie.." Before Yeosang can reply he hears the door open and Hongjoong's tiny footsteps walking towards him.

"Sangie.." He sits down on the the edge of the bed and removes the blankets from Yeosang's head and plants a soft kiss on his forehead. "You need to get ready angel. I know you really don't want to but-" "No I know I know." Yeosang says as he pushes himself up.

"Rough night?" Hongjoong asks as he brushes Yeosang's cheek with his fingers noticing the bags under his eyes. Yeosang nods and sighs. "Yeah a few minor anxiety attacks that kept me awake." Hongjoong pulls his boyfriend closely in his arms and kisses his head softly. "I'm with you baby. I know that doesn't make your anxiety go away, but I hope that it reassures you a little." 

Yeosang smiles and looks up. "It does baby. I'm really glad that you're the one that going with me this morning." He pecks Hongjoong on his lips and gets up. He dresses up in a comfortable and warm outfit, putting some concealer under his eyes to cover up the bags.

"Let's just go for it. Waiting here isn't going to magically make me feel any better so let's just get this over with." He says as Hongjoong hugs his side. "Remember that you don't have to greet 15 people. It's about trying okay." Yeosang nods and takes a deep breath. 

"Sometimes.." Yeosang starts and Hongjoong looks at him. "Sometimes?"

"Sometimes I feel like I should tell them. Remember when we were all joking about me never being able to accomplish this mission? I mean I was joking along but it hurt you know. I know they didn't mean to hurt me because they don't know the truth. But it just hurt when they said I would never be able to do this."

Hongjoong nods as he kisses his boyfriends cheek. "We can tell them if you want." Yeosang nods. "Yeah maybe afterwards after dinner when we're all settled around the table." Hongjoong smiles as he looks at his boyfriend. "I'll support you baby, we can do that." Yeosang smiles, feeling glad that his boyfriend is supporting him through all of this.

They make their way downstairs and quickly say goodbye to avoid another confrontation. They step outside and Yeosang takes a deep breath, taking in the fresh cold morning air trying to calm himself down.

Hongjoong wraps his arm around Yeosang's waist for support. "We can do this." Yeosang nods as he looks around.

No we can't.

He can feel the anxiety building up inside his body causing him to be even more quiet. As he watches people walk by on the other side of the street he can feel his heart skip a beat.

I can't do this. This is stupid. I can't do it. They're already laughing at me. No one is going to take me seriously. I can't do it. I won't do it. Someone help me.

Hongjoong looks over at Yeosang and intertwines his fingers with his. "Sangie. Let's just walk around a little bit first okay." Yeosang nods as he holds Hongjoong's hand tightly.

They walk around a little without greeting anyone. Hongjoong is trying everything he can to make Yeosang feel comfortable enough to greet someone, but nothing seems to work. Hongjoong can sense that his boyfriend is tensed and there isn't anything he can do to make him feel better.

"Okay Joongie let's just get this over with okay. Let's walk to the center and I'll do this damn thing and then we go back home." Yeosang says with a cold tone in his voice, trying to cover up the anxiety that is rushing through every part of his body.

"Are you sure? I mean we can also just go back if it's too much Sangie. You don't have to do this." Hongjoong says as he stops Yeosang from walking and wraps his arms around his waist. He looks in Yeosang's eyes. They're filled with fear.

No. No I'm not sure. Please take me back so I can lock myself up in my room and never leave it again. I want to go back. Please take me back. Don't listen to me Hongjoong. I want to back out. I don't have to this and I don't want to do this. I'll do anything as long as I don't have to do this.

"No I'm sure. Let's do this. I don't want to back out right now without even trying." He kisses Hongjoong softly and forces himself to continue to walk towards the center where it's more crowded.

Hongjoong follows him along but it doesn't feel right. He knows Yeosang isn't okay but his boyfriend doesn't sound like he want to be stopped right now. He watches his boyfriend every move carefully, making sure he's there when things escalate.

So many people. No one here will greet me back.

They're staring at me. I can feel it.

They're all judging me.

I'm stupid.

Useless.

Help.

Yeosang starts to walk slower as the anxiety is taking over his mind. His breathing is picking up. He's feeling dizzy. His palms are sweaty. He's sweating. His body is heating up but he's shivering. He's nauseous. He can't focus. He looks around to find Hongjoong. He feels like he's about to collapse at this point.

"Sangie. Sangie I'm right here baby." Hongjoong says he he shoves the camera the pocket of his jacket, cupping Yeosang's face in his hands. "Yeosangie, can you hear me?"

Yeosang looks at Hongjoong but it feels like he isn't there. He sees him but it feel surreal. Tears are forming and fall from his eyes. "H- help." 

"I'm here. I'm going to help you." Hongjoong says firmly as he holds his boyfriend close and tries to guide him towards an empty alley. Yeosang is walking but he doesn't feel himself move. In his mind he's still in a crowd full of judging people. He stops as gags as Hongjoong quickly brushes his hair back. "Damn baby are you okay? Are you sick?" Yeosang shakes his head and shuts his eyes tightly.

"Just a little further baby.." Hongjoong says as he guide Yeosang to the curb where they sit down. He sits down on his knees in front of Yeosang and grabs the water bottle from the other pocket of this jacket. He pours a little on his hand and places his cold wet hand against Yeosang's burning hot forehead.

Yeosang is still keeping his eyes shut and breathing quickly. "Yeosangie. You need to guide me remember. Is there anything I need to do right now?" Yeosang shakes his head. "Okay." Hongjoong moves a little closer and pours some water on his hand again to place it on his boyfriend's forehead.

"Is that nice?" He asks softly and Yeosang nods. Hongjoong smiles a little, feeling relieved that he's doing the right thing. This isn't the first time he has helped Yeosang through an anxiety attack, but Yeosang's needs are different every time. They've been together for almost a year by now, so Hongjoong is getting better at sensing what Yeosang needs during every attack.

Yeosang is still struggling to get his breathing under control so Hongjoong gets up and sits down behind his boyfriend. He slides his arms under Yeosangs arms and pulls him up to let his body rest against his. Hongjoong unzips his jacket, not caring if he gets cold. He's keeping Yeosang up with one arm and letting him rest his head against his.

"Breath with me baby. Try to connect with me and the way I breath okay. I know you can do it." He says supportively and kisses Yeosang's temple. He starts to take slow and deep breaths, holding Yeosang close to him. "Come on angel, breath with me." He whispers as he slowly starts to feeling Yeosang trying to breath in the same pattern.

"There you go." He keeps on taking deep and slow breaths until he's sure that Yeosang has his breathing under control again. He closes his jacket again and let's Yeosang rest in his arms for a while.

"Can you open those beautiful eyes for me?" Hongjoong whispers and Yeosang nods as he slowly flutters his eyes open again. Yeosang snuggles sideways against Hongjoong, feeling completely drained from the attack.

"I'm sorry.. You were right.." Yeosang mumbles as he stares blankly at the tiles on the sidewalk. He knew he wasn't going to get through this. He's just feeling embarrassed that he let it get to this point again. "You don't have to apologize. I don't blame you for trying baby. I'm really proud of you for even stepping outside to do this and that's what matters. What matters is that even though this caused you so much anxiety, you did go out to try it." Yeosang smiles tiredly. "Thanks."

Hongjoong brushes his arm slowly up and down in silence, making sure Yeosang is calm and comfortable in his arms. "I- I wanna go home. I'm cold and tired.." Yeosang mumbles after a while and Hongjoong kisses his head. "Then we're going home angel. I'll put you back in bed and tuck you in okay?" Yeosang flashes a small but thankful smile again and nods.

They get up and slowly make their way back to the house.

A/N: I honestly enjoyed writing this. I love writing about mental health issues because I think there is such a taboo on that subject. Whether it might be depression, anxiety or psychosis.

Maybe I want to write a part 2 of this where Yeosang tells the others about his anxiety. Would you guys like a part 2 or nah?

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