Array
(
[text] =>

My head pounds as I wake up. I don't even remember if it's from alcohol or a sedative. It could be either because I don't fucking remember a thing.

I sit up and notice I don't have clothes on which could indicate that Carter came around last night and I took a sedative. But then I notice the significant amount of empty beer bottles and cans beside my bed.

Could it be possible I did both?

I guess that's a mystery I'll never solve.

I drag myself out of bed and stumble across the room to find clothes. I'm dizzy and a little foggy which makes me wonder if I'm still a little drunk. But perhaps, it's just the effects of the rohypnol.

I know one thing for sure, I need a drink.

I dress then stomp my way downstairs and go into the kitchen. The sun is shining bright and I begin to wonder what time of day it is. I shake off the pointless thought and go to the fridge. I grab a cold beer and twist off the cap before I start downing it. I'm somehow gotten used to the unpleasant taste.

Jenna comes into the room. She's obviously saddened by the sight of me drinking. She's been trying to get me to stop all week. I just keep telling her that she doesn't understand.

"Vic's here." she says softly. "He wants to see you."

I nod and grab out another beer, knowing this one isn't going to last very long.

I follow her out of the kitchen and into the living room where Vic is sitting on the sofa.

I take a sip of my beer as I sit down next to him.

"Hey!" I chirp, admittedly happy to see him. It's been a while. I don't remember the last time he came around here.

"This just a regular thing for you now?" Vic asks seeming unimpressed, gesturing to the drink in my hand.

"If this is an intervention, I'm going back to bed." I mumble, standing back up.

I don't need to be lectured on my drinking by people who couldn't possibly understand how I feel inside.

"No, sit back down," Vic sighs regretfully.

I hesitantly sit back down.

"I'm getting married." he tells me.

"I'm well aware." I mutter.

"In two weeks, I'm getting married in two weeks. We've been friends for such a long time so it would only make sense that you be my best man." he says sounding hopeful.

I'm in shock by his proposal, I definitely wasn't expecting it. And I can barely comprehend what he's asking of me due to the alcohol that clouds my head.

I don't answer him. I can't.

How can I stand there and watch my best friend marry my rapist? I don't even want to attend the wedding.

"Kells?" Vic frowns.

"I'm sorry. I can't." I whisper.

I watch heartbreak cover Vic's face.

"What? Why?" he asks.

"I just can't. You mean the world to me and I'd do anything for you–"

"Then do this one thing." Vic says pleadingly.

"I'm sorry." I choke out, feeling disgustingly guilty.

"Kellin, I've wanted you to be by my side when I got married since I was fifteen." he says.

I have too. Just not in the same way.

"It wouldn't be right without you."

I just shake my head again, and swallow some more beer in hopes to wash away the lump in my throat.

"At least be a groomsman. A ring bearer. The fucking flower girl. I don't care. Please be a part of my big day. I need you there." he practically cries.

I turn away from him and bring my bottle to my lips again but Jenna grabs it from my hand and yanks it away.

"Stop this!" she yells. "Just stop it!"

I jump to my feet, angered by her actions.

"Give it back!" I snap, stepping towards Jenna.

"No, you need to stop! I hate this version of you!"

My aggression takes over and the alcohol is slowing my thought process down so I react before I think. I grasp Jenna's wrist tightly and pin her up against the wall. It was all in attempt to get my beer back but I didn't realize I would simultaneously hurt her.

She cries out in pain but my objective is to get my beer, until Vic grabs my shoulder.

"Get off her, Kellin! Fuck, you're exactly like your father!" he snaps.

I pause at his words and look down at the frightened girl that is pressed against the way. She has tears streaming down her face and I can now feel just how tight I'm holding her arm.

"I'm so sorry." I whisper, horrified by my actions.

I let go of her and step back, then cradle my head as I sit down on the floor. I feel sick.

I just hurt my best friend, just like my dad would hurt my mother, my sister, my brothers and I. I am my father.

"I need to stop drinking." I sob.

I feel arms wrap around me and lips press against my temple.

"We're going to get you better, Kells." Jenna whispers softly.

I nod, taking her hand and kissing it as a silent apology.

"He's cutting himself." Jenna blurts out suddenly to Vic.

I cringe and cover my face with my hands.

"You're what?" Vic exclaims.

"I'm not." I whine.

"Don't lie, Kells. You need help." Jenna murmurs softly.

"Since when?" Vic screeches.

"A few weeks ago." Jenna answers.

I feel Vic drop down beside me.

"Kells, you promised." he says softly, sounding absolutely broken.

I can't help but stop start crying. I'm such a piece of shit.

"I'm sorry." I sob.

Vic's strong arms wrap around me and Jenna let's go, to give us space. Vic pulls me close to him and holds my head to his chest.

"Don't be sorry. It'll be okay, Kells. But please try to stop. If not for you, then for me?" he whispers, repeating the very words I said to him ten years ago.

I nod and wrap my arms around his neck.

"Look at me," he murmurs, tilting my chin up so I can look at him.

His eyes are caring and adoring which make my heart swell. Unfortunately, I don't have the opportunity to admire his eyes for long because he leans forward and glides his tongue up my cheek, licking my tears away.

I shriek with surprise and push away from him, laughing as I wipe his saliva from my cheek.

"Ugh, you guys are gross." Jenna mutters disgusted while Vic just grins at me goofily.

Vic then grabs my shirt and pulls on it, forcing me to lie down in his lap. He then gestures for Jenna to come over so she does. He pulls her under his arm so we're all together.

"So when is the wedding?" Jenna smiles happily as she starts running her fingers soothingly through my hair.

"Two weeks from today." Vic smiles.

I get a sinking feeling in my chest as I'm once again reminded that Vic's getting married but I ignore it, in hopes not to ruin the moment.

"The fifteenth?" Jenna asks seeming worried.

"Yeah, why?" Vic chirps.

"Vic, that's the day of Tay's grandmother's funeral." Jenna says sadly.

Vic seems saddened too but he gives her a comforting smile.

"It's okay. That's more important. You be there for Tay. Maybe you can come to my next wedding." he says lightheartedly.

Jenna nods but then I notice her give me a look, as if to say that Vic will in fact have another wedding.

She really doesn't care about getting my hopes up, does she?

"Kells will be there anyway, won't you?" Vic asks hopefully.

I nod, not wanting to let my best friend down again.

No part of me wants to attend the wedding. The mere thought of watching my rapist hold Vic's hands, put a ring on his finger, kiss him, marry him, makes me want to be sick. The thought makes me want to die.

But this isn't about me, it isn't about Carter. It's about Vic. It's always been about Vic.

[text_hash] => b2a97baa
)