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My entire body is tense and my jaw is aching from clenching it. I'm struggling to push back tears but I need to be strong.

I'm sitting on the sofa, waiting for Vic to pick me up. He invited me to his bachelor party. That alone already has me panicking. Controlling myself around alcohol is hard enough, but now we're going to a club where everyone is drinking.

But that's not the only reason why I'm internally having a panic attack.

Jenna's about to leave.

She heaves her bag onto her shoulder and turns to me smiling. I look away so she can't see my emotional distress.

"I'll be back probably the day after the funeral. I left Vic's wedding present on my bed. Can you please take it with you when you go to the wedding?" she chirps.

The mention of the wedding makes me choke on a sob. The closer it gets, the more real it feels. And I can't handle it. I thought I could but I cant.

"Kell, hey, what's wrong?" Jenna asks, throwing down her bag and kneeling in front of me.

She cups my tear-soaked cheek and turns my face toward hers.

"I can't do it, Jen. I can't go to the wedding." I wail.

"You have to, Kell. Vic needs you there." she whispers soothingly.

"You don't understand. I can't. It's too much. It's all too much." I cry.

"What's too much?" she asks, wiping my tears away as they fall.

"Everything!" I exclaim. "Vic getting married! Staying sober! Staying clean! Losing my job! An-and...and–"

I stop talking before I say something I'll regret. The thought of it makes me so sick though, and I feel like I just want to projectile vomit the words out so they're not inside of me anymore. But I can't do that.

"And what, Kells?" Jenna pushes.

Fuck.

"Nothing." I sniff, looking away. "You should go. Tay needs you."

She's silent for a second, then stands up and sits beside me on the sofa.

"You need me too." she whispers.

She pulls me into her arms and I rest my head against her boob.

"Whatever you were going to say, Kells, you need to say it. Because I think that is what's hurting you most." she lulls.

I shake my head and sob heavily. I can't do it. I can't say it.

"Come on, honey. You can trust me." she coos.

"You wouldn't understand!" I cry.

"Help me understand. You can't hold this in any longer. It's destroying you. And you're destroying yourself because of it. Whatever it is, Kells, it needs to come out." she murmurs.

I want to tell her. But if I do, she might go to the police, or she'll go to Vic, then Carter will hurt him. And I can't have that happen.

Unless...I don't mention Carter at all.

I pull away from Jenna's chest and look at her hesitantly. I probably look like a complete mess but that's the least of my worries.

I feel a lump rise in my throat as Jenna looks at me expectantly.

"Jen," I whisper.

"What is it, Kells?" she whispers back, taking my hand.

I drop my gaze to our hands then squeeze my eyes shut. The lump in my throat is dying for a release so I don't hold it back anymore.

"I was raped." I admit.

The lump in my throat dissolves and sobs take its place again. The heavy feeling in my chest becomes a little more bearable and my whole body relaxes.

"What? Honey, when? Who?" she spits out.

"Vic's birthday." I croak.

"Oh, baby," she chokes out as she starts crying. She pulls me into her arms and squeezes me tightly. "Was that the only time?"

I shake my head slightly as I cry into her shoulder.

"Who?" she asks sternly. "Who did this?"

"I can't tell you." I cry.

"Was it someone you know? Someone from work? I need to know, Kells, so this doesn't happen again." she pleads.

"It won't." I assure her. "But I can't tell you."

Carter's marrying Vic in two days. There's no need to tell her. He won't touch me again after he and Vic are married.

Jenna just holds me tightly in silence after that, running her fingers through my hair.

"Kells, can I tell you something?" she says softly.

I pull away and nod, settling myself down so I can hear her speak.

"You said I wouldn't understand, but I do." she whispers, looking down.

I'm confused by her words. Is she saying what I think she is?

"I mean, I don't completely understand. I've never been," she swallows hard. "raped."

I'm instantly relieved.

"When I was nine, my sister and I spent a lot of time at mom's friends house. She had a son. He was thirteen. He said and did things that made me uncomfortable, tried to bribe me to do things," her voice goes softer. "touched me."

She pauses and lets a tear spill down her cheek.

"One day, he pinned me down on the bed and tried to rape me. He didn't get far. I fought him off until his mom came home." She says.

"Jen, I'm so sorry." I whisper, stunned.

"Don't be. This story isn't about me." she says sternly which confuses me.

"After that, he seemed to lose interest in me. I thought he got the message. So I didn't bother telling anyone. A few years later, I found out he had raped my little sister." she stops and chokes out a sob. "She was four years old at the time."

I don't know what to say. I'm speechless.

"I'm telling you this because I have lived with guilt every day because of that. I don't even know if she remembers it. But I could have prevented it, Kellin. If I had just told someone what happened to me, she would never have had to go through that. I know it's hard to tell someone, but think about all the people that will go through what you've got through. Whoever did this to you needs to be stopped before he hurts someone else. It's your choice. But just think about it."

I'm shocked and I feel sick again. I've known Jenna since we were in middle school and she's never once told me any of this. I guess that just shows how guilty she feels.

"I'll think about it." I whisper.

I don't want Carter to hurt anyone but there's no way I can stop him without Vic finding out what he did to me and I can't stomach the thought.

"It's your decision." Jenna reminds me.

I just nod.

I lean forward and brush away Jenna's tears.

"What happened to your sister, what happened to you, none of it was your fault." I say softly. "You were just a kid, and you must have been so scared. Don't blame yourself for the actions of that sick boy." I tell her softly.

She gives me a grateful smile and wraps her arms back around me.

"Thank you for listening. And thank you for talking to me. I know it wasn't easy." she whispers.

"Thank you for pushing me. I feel so much better now." I sigh relieved.

"Don't you ever think you have to deal with things alone, Kells. I'm always here for you." she says softly.

I let out a long breath, releasing more tension from my body.

"Do you want me to stay tonight? I can go to Tay's tomorrow." she offers.

"No, no, go be there for Tay. I'm okay, really. I think I just needed to talk about it. Besides, I'm going out with Vic tonight anyway." I smile.

"Are you going to tell Vic?" she asks.

I pull away from her and shake my head.

I can't tell Vic. He would just get mad at me for not telling him who did it. And I don't ever want him to see me differently.

"Okay." she agrees. "You said it wasn't going to happen again. Are you telling the truth? Because I don't want to leave you alone if you're not safe."

If I wasn't going out with Vic tonight then I'd assume Carter was coming over, but given that I'm going to be out and tomorrow is the day before the wedding, I doubt Carter will have time.

"I'm safe, Jenna." I assure her. "You should get going, Tay's probably waiting for you."

"Are you sure you want me to go?" she asks.

I can't help but to laugh.

"Go, Jen! I'm okay. Vic will be here soon anyway." I tell her.

She smiles and kisses my forehead.

"Okay, I'll see you in a few days." she murmurs.

I thank her once again then she grabs her bags and leaves, taking the huge weight of my secret with her. I finally feel some relief.

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