Chapter 60: »54. Don't Let Me Go«

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Adding distance between Dakota and I wasn't as hard of a task as I thought it would be. We had about three classes together and used to have lunch with him. The seat next to me remained empty for the rest of the semester. He spent his lunch time in his car and rarely appeared near my locker or near the cafeteria. Our break up was quite known in the halls of Crescent High. Pierson, unsurprisingly, took my side. It took a lot of convincing, but I told him to not give Dakota a hard time.

My birthday had came and went without much excitement. Pierson and Ronnie planned on throwing me a big birthday bash a week after the last day of school. Everyone was way too stressed out about finals so there was a lot of people planning on going simply to let off some steam. My gift from Ronnie was two tickets to a concert. My grandmother's gift was keys to a brand new car. My father tried to take partial credit of her gift, but I knew it had my grandmother's name written all over it.

I'd told Ronnie about the deal Finn had offered me. And even though she said she would talk some sense to him, I knew there was no use. He wanted one thing and that was Ronnie. There was no in-between. There was no way I could negotiate myself out of this.

"This is ridiculous," Ronnie said on the last day of school. Winter break was only a few hours away and I couldn't wait. "You can still see each other if he starts going to Boulder Valley High. How do you think Heath and I are working out? Dakota has a car and now so do you. You guys could've made something work."

I sighed, picking at the sticker on my textbook. "He didn't care to even tell me about his interest in leaving. It was out of nowhere. I thought we were okay. But I feel like it's something more than just moving schools."

"Give me the okay and I'll gladly run him over with my car. I'll even pretend like it's an accident."

I refrained from chuckling. "There's no need for us to get violent. What's done is done."

I had cried about it after it happened, screaming into my pillow, but I eventually had to stop myself. He didn't deserve my tears. I swallowed my angry whenever I saw him at school, pretending that it didn't hurt. I was starting to like the idea of him leaving for Boulder Valley High. Things would be easier this way.

Ronnie and I made our way to the auditorium for the end of the year presentations. Film class would be presenting their short films. I had seen a bit of Ronnie's and I thought it was a very interesting concept. She had chosen to base the film on the misrepresentation of women and people of color in the media and how it can affect our self-esteem.

We took our seats in the auditorium and waited for the room to fill up. It was around 11am by the film teacher walked on to the stage. He introduced himself and what his class was told to do. I was happy that I had Ronnie to sit through it. When Dakota's film came up, Ronnie's began to boo at the screen.

I hushed at her. "Stop that."

I was laughing in between breaths, but she stopped anyway. The film began just like how I remembered. There was a recreation of the night we met. Everything was exactly the same...up until the part where the poem was meant to start. The film cut to black. A few students chattered among themselves, wondering what had happened. It wasn't long until the screen lit up again, but on a new image. It captured the outside of a familiar building. It took me a second, but I recognized it as the venue where Dakota and his band had performed. It was where he dedicated two songs to me.

"What the hell?" I gazed up at the shaky video.

The shot cut to a look inside. Loud footsteps echoed down a lonely hallway. A figure walked past the camera. She turned around, showing us who she was. She was well aware of the camera and even winked at it. The video was even date stamped. It was definitely the same day we were there.

"I didn't know Carmen was there that day," Ronnie admitted.

"Yeah, she was. I ran into in the restroom." I informed. "But I didn't know that she went backstage."

The next shot wasn't as shaky, but the quality of it was poor. Something you'd expect to see from a security camera at a liquor store. The film was grainy. You could see Carmen walked into the back room. A guy was seated on one of the couches. He looked too much like Dakota for me to ignore it.

Carmen strutted to the guy, resting her hand on his shoulder. There wasn't any sound. It wasn't needed. It was clear what was going on without hearing them speak. I bit the inside of my cheek when he pulled her in closer, causing a metallic taste to dance on my tongue. My body went ridged when their lips met and his hands slid down to her hips.

The audience roared alive, speaking loudly and laughing. I flew out of my seat, covering my mouth with my hand and sprinting for the exit. I fought back the tears, but they were already pouring out by the time I was in the aisles of the auditorium. I was only a step outside when I someone grabbed my arm.

I was forced to look at her. A satisfied look on Carmen's face told me she was waiting for this moment far too long. "I told you I was only letting you have him."

I shook her off. Words fought there way to the surface, but I forced them down and moved toward the exit. Someone shouted my name just as I had left the building. I froze at the sound of his voice. I hated that I stopped. I hated the way my stupid heart still skipped a beat at the sight of him.

"None of that's real." Dakota came to my side. He reached for my hand, but I slapped it away from me. "I didn't do that. Segg has to be behind this. You couldn't even see a clear shot of my face. You know-"

"I don't know anything." I cut him off. "I do know what I saw though. It all makes sense now. Why you kept on saying sorry, over and over again."

"I would never hurt you like that. I've told you countless times how disgusting I think cheating is, why would I do that to you? Why would I do that to you with someone who had cheated on me?"

A good quarter of the auditorium had followed us out, witnessing the worst day I've had in a long time. There were a few people shouting at us, begging for a physical fight. I wasn't going to let them have what they wanted. Punching Dakota wasn't enough to mend the hole forming in my heart.

"It didn't look like me." Dakota tried to defend. "Silvia, listen to me."

"No! I know what I saw!" My tears were coming down faster.

A hand grabbed my shoulder. "You don't need to listen to him."

I looked at who it was, relieved to see Pierson here.

"Leave before I regret letting you leave," he threatened.

Dakota hesitated, but he walked off, returning to the auditorium.

"All of you leave." He shouted to the swarm of teenagers. "The shows over."

My face buried into Pierson's shoulder, wishing I could fade out of this world and into somewhere else. Out of this dreadful, dreadful place. I wanted to be transported to a better time. Where there wasn't so much heartache and deception laced in my life. Where Dakota wasn't the villain in the story, and instead the hero who swept me up in his arms.

I had left Maine to leave my problems behind, thinking it would be safer in a new location where I didn't know a soul. California unknowingly had worse demons lurking their alleyways, masked as lovers and friends. I'd been lied to and played as if I was some kind of game.

This wasn't how we were supposed to end.

This wasn't how we were supposed to end.

Repeating it was meant to make this less painful, but it wasn't working. My tears only fell faster, harder. My cries grew louder, muffled by the way I pressed my face into Pierson's bulky red sweater. He held me, firm hands circled around my waist.

We didn't say anything in that silent moment, curled up in his arms. No one bothered us as I felt myself wither away in his arms. Every now and then, he would tell me "It's going to be okay" and "We'll get through this."

It was the way he said 'we' that carved out the slightest bit of hope that this could've been worse. But that small moment was disregarded when the soul crushing reminder flooded back to memory.

All of this time, I was so hung up on disarming Dakota, I had lost sight of the dangers in doing it. In a land where dreams came to die, I had found my own reason to be crushed by reality along with the other dreamers.

. . . . . . . . . . .

Song for the chapter: Don't Let Me Go by G-Eazy ft. Grace

Lyrics:

❝You and I were like a Sid vicious and Nancy

I mean it was bound to be tragic its

No way this ever coulda lasted.❞

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