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Suga's POV
I heard a knock on the door. "Come in" I gave my permission before turning my chair around. Face full of curiosity, Jimin walked in and sat on the sofa. "You called me hyung?"
"Ne," I forced out a smile and sighed.
"Wae yo? Is there anything? You have been behaving weirdly during dance practice."
"I'm just...not feeling well."
"Ne?!? Are you sick too, hyung?"
"Aniya, the one who's unwell is Kookie, not me."
Upon hearing the word Kookie, Jimin's expression immediately became stiff. His hand went to scratch the back of his neck, while his eyes slowly drift away.
"Remember few months back, when I pull you back when everybody's going to have lunch."
"Ahhh that day when you confessed to me."
"Ne."
"Yup, I remember that day."
"Few months back, in this studio, when there's two of us, we got together. And today, in this same studio, I'm gonna let you listen to another song."
"What song?"
"Remember you asked me to make a song about our relationship? I did. The title is called "Let me know".
"Jinja?!? I can't wait."
I forced out a smile before turning back to my computer. The folder was in the middle of my computer desktop. Inhaling a deep breath, I clicked on while turning the volume on.
The promises we made disappeared
with the time we spent together
The dominos have fallen with our breakup
Like Juliet and Romeo
Did I like you too much?
The heat between me and you won't cool down
Now I look back at the film with you
Too early to do anything by thinking of you
You took away my stars at night,
my sun at day
Only leaving me with the darkness
of a single cold cloud
If there are hellos,
then there's bound to be goodbyes?
Never ever
I don't care about that,
I don't want to stick to that
I'll turn away, hypnotizing myself
Girl let me know
Girl let me know
Although I already know everything is over
Although you're over me
I paused the music and looked at Jimin, who had tears in his eyes. Tears were forming in my eyes too, but I managed to blink it away. He looked at me, biting his trembling lips as he said, "it's a nice song."
From his expression, I knew that he truly understands the message lying in between this song.
"So...what's the meaning of this song hyung...?" he looked at me nervously. I glanced at his trembling fingers. I did not want to put us in this situation, but then...I've sorted my thoughts.
I inhaled a deep breath, and said, "Well, I wrote this, thinking about us. Let's stop lying to yourselves, the Jimin who loves me as much as I love him...is gone. Maybe ever since you decided to be with Jungkook behind my back, there's already no happy ending to our relationship."
"Hyung..."
"I went home just now."
"...mwo?" he uttered before looking at me in shock, "so...the packet of jajangmyeon...is was you hyung."
"Ne, it's me."
"Then...why did you leave without saying anything hyung?"
"What do you expect me to say when my boyfriend in there together with his...ex?"
"Kookie and I...we...we..."
"I saw everything, Jimin, everything. I saw how hard you tried, to continue to love me, continue to be my boyfriend. I also witnessed how your relationship with Kookie strained. He used to be your favourite dongsaeng, you two used to hang out together every time of the day, but now, you guys hardly even talk to each other in a day.
I know you're trying to stay loyal to me, and how hard you tried to bury your love for Kookie. But let's just admit it, till now, you still have feelings him."
"I...I..."
"I don't blame you for falling in love with Kookie. But I do blame you...for not realizing it sooner. In a relationship, nobody is exactly wrong. So for you Jiminie, it's not wrong for you to love Kookie. I also don't blame myself for falling in love with you, loving you too much that seeing you being hurt is torturing for me too."
"But I love you too hyung."
"That's what you said that time in Japan. I know, you tried, you tried a lot, you went so hard on yourself to just love me. I saw how hard it was for you."
"Aniyo hyung, I-"
"Remember just now when you came in and said that you went for vocal lesson. I must say...you're a terrible liar Jimin. And at that moment I asked myself, can I really continue to be your boyfriend and close one eye about your relationship with Kookie? Can I still take it if you lie to me once again? Can I still convince myself that when you say 'I love you hyung', it's really coming from your heart and not a lie? I'm sorry, I can't. I can't just live dumbly and pretend that I have the perfect relationship in the world. I hate the idea of sharing a boyfriend and I dread the idea of you not being about to find your happiness because of me."
"I know you love me a lot hyung, and I-"
"But loving you doesn't mean that I need to keep you by my side; because every time when Kookie runs away, I could see pain in your eyes. I kept convincing myself that 'give him some time, he will love you back again'. But let's be honest, you love Kookie more than me. Everybody can see that, you just refuse to admit it. So now, since I'm the one who created so much pain for you two, I will be the one who end it."
"What do you mean hyung?"
"The moment when I chose to walk away when I saw you two together in his room...I've decided...that I'll be the one who will walk away from you...forever."
"Hyung..."
"Let's...break up."
"Wae?!? Wae yo?"
"What's the point of keeping someone who doesn't loves you anymore by your side?"
"I do hyung, I love you."
"Not as much as you loves Kookie. Love changes; that's why there's such thing as 'break-ups' and 'divorce' in the world. Now, as your hyung, and as your ex-boyfriend, I give you the permission to love Kookie. Give him all your love; because...he will give you back the same amount of love. You two really like each other a lot, I can see that, so how can I be so mean to separate you two?"
"Hyung...you don't need to do this."
"I have do, just because I love you too much, I want you to be happy. And the one who can make you happy, is Kookie. I'm the third party here, I'm the extra one, I'm the one who forbids you two to find your happiness. I composed the song "Let me know", hoping that if I give you sufficient time, you will figure out your own feelings, and tell me honestly who you truly love. Unfortunately, you didn't. You thought that staying by my side, forcing yourself not to like Jungkook would makes it a happy ending but do you know that this would only caused us three to suffer more?"
Jimin did not rebut further, he simply just sat there with his hands covering his face. His shoulders were trembling, and I could hear his sniffing every few seconds.
"No don't go and comfort him Yoongi," I said to himself, "You're now his ex boyfriend, you can't go up and comfort him like you used to. You can't hug him tightly and tell him it's okay. You can't tell him 'Hyung's here, don't worry, I'll protect you'. You can't now."
I walked up to pat his shoulder, as I said, "Jimin ah, follow your heart and find Kookie. Hyung will be alright, I promise."
Wrong, I wasn't alright at all. Jiminie is crying right in front of me and there's not a single shit I can do.
I felt so useless at this moment. I'm the one who caused him to cry so badly, yet I'm just standing here and doing nothing. The realization that I just broke up with him just hit me so badly now. What now? What do I do now?
Doing such noble action like breaking up with your boyfriend despite loving him more than you love yourself just isn't that easy. Seeing Jimin cry is already very torturing but I know that our relationship has to come to an end, even if I don't wish to.
Smiling and wishing him all the best with Kookie...I just can't. And the only way to hide my tears...was to run away...as far as possible from him, from this harsh reality.
"Let me know when you guys are together," I patted his back and sobbed, "let me know that you're very happy with Kookie beside, just...let me know that you're fine...(softer) because I'm not."
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