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Chapter 5

    Touching the bottle to my lips, I filled my mouth and swallowed hard. I coughed shortly after. The first gulp was always the worse.

    “Are you sure you want to get shit-faced?” Jerry asked from the edge of my bed. Worry tangled in his voice as he watched me carefully.

    I took a deep breath and turned the bottle to my lips once more. “Yes. That sounds like a fucking perfect thing to do.” My words came out harsher than I intended. Sighing, I held the bottle out in front of me toward Jerry. “You want some?”

    Jerry shook his head.

    “Silly me,” I thought to myself. “Jerry never eats or drinks anything.”

    My head was already beginning to feel like it was floating away from my neck, probably because the only food I had in my system was a single piece of grapefruit. I did take a moment to admire the vibrant oranges and purples that painted the sky as the sun set before taking another large gulp of booze.

     A few more gulps later, I found myself shoving an old Britney Spears CD into my stereo system and dancing around way out of rhythm. Jerry and I used to dance around to this CD when we were children. As if on cue, Jerry came out of nowhere, placing his hands on my hips and moving out bodies in unison. Somehow, we both ended up swaying to the correct rhythm.

    Before I knew it, I slung on a thick sweater and padded through the pitch-black house as Jerry followed closely behind. “What are you doing?” He asked as I unlocked the front door and started out toward the darkness.

    “I just really want to get out of the house,” I slurred, tripping over a large flowerpot. “I just want to go.”

    “Tyler, get back inside!” Jerry was behind me, pulling on my arm, but I pulled away from him as if he wasn’t even there.

    “Jerry,” I swayed and paused to find my center before walking through the dry autumn grasses and down the driveway, “I need some fresh air, ya know?”

    Time seemed to slow as I kept walking. Jerry stopped speaking to me, and the world around me grew completely silent. My eyes grew heavy and my feet started to ache. Falling to my knees, I pulled my arms inside my sweater and fell to my side. I didn’t even fight the sleep that cascaded over my mind. It was peaceful; I was peaceful.

    I became faintly aware that strong arms lifted me from the ground. Cracking my eyes open, I found myself cradled against someone’s chest. Groggily, I met bright green eyes, and a wave of serenity washed over me, gliding me back into sleep.

    When I awoke the next morning, I found myself sprawled out on my bed with a raging headache. The morning light was too bright, causing me to groan loudly as I rolled over, smothering my face in my pillow; however, the sudden movement seemed to sling my stomach into overdrive.

    I launched myself from my bed, nearly crawling to the bathroom. I made it just in time to throw up attractively into the toilet. Letting out another loud groan, I rested my forehead against the toilet.

    I finally understood the saying “praying to the porcelain god.” However, I can’t say that I was all too pleased with that revelation.

    My stomach churned and gargled. “I’m never drinking again,” I breathed to myself as I pressed my eyes closed. Out of sheer desperation, I wrapped a used towel from my last shower around my body to chase away the chill that rattled my bones. Literally, I felt like I was dying.

    Drinking was definitely not worth this. For having eaten so little, there was quite a bit to throw up.

    There was a small knock on my bathroom door. I snapped up too quickly, sending my stomach into overdrive once more. The sound of my upchucking filled the air once more. “Who’s there?” I croaked weakly after my fit subsided.    

    “It’s Daniel.”

    On top of feeling like completely and utter shit, I felt my face flush. Scrambling to flush the toilet, I pulled the towel over my head to hide my shame. What in the world was he doing here?

    When I said nothing, he spoke once more. “Tyler, I’m bringing you a bottle of water, ok?” His voice held an edge; it reminded me of the way you would speak to an animal you didn’t want to frighten away.

    I peeked out from under my towel as Daniel crept closer. He held out a bottle of water tentatively. Slowly, I pulled an arm out from under my towel and wrapped my fingers around the bottle. My hand was shaking, which made it difficult to unscrew the cap. I fumbled around for a few seconds before growing annoyed and dropping the bottle; I couldn’t be bothered to pick it up.

    “Here,” Daniel spoke softly. “Let me help you.” He picked the bottle up and removed its bloody cap. “Lean back.”

    I felt my eyes widen.   

    “I’m going to pour a little in your mouth, ok? It’s not a big deal, but you need to hydrate your body.” Daniel had a concerned look plastered on his lovely face. His green eyes shone brightly, silently urging me to trust him.

    I felt torn once again. Part of me wanted to trust him and admit that I was attracted to him. Hell, that part of me wanted to be with him; however, the other part of me- the part that spoke the loudest, told me to run; it told me that trusting people only hurts you in the end.

    Sighing and groaning, I followed his directions, closed my eyes, and leaned my head back. Cool liquid filled my mouth slowly, and once it stopped, I swallowed, welcoming the way it cooled the fire scalding my stomach.

    “More?”

    I nodded, keeping my eyes closed. Who knew water could taste so dang good? I was sure that it had something to do with the fact that I drank way too much and was now spending my morning huddled on my bathroom floor. Not to mention, a hot guy was pouring water in my mouth because I was too weak to do it on my own.

    What a great morning. Sarcasm was just dripping from that thought.

    After I had my fill, Daniel sat beside me as I finally opened my eyes. “What in the world were you doing?” There was actual concern lingering in his voice, and I couldn’t wrap my mind around why in the world he gave two shits about me.

    Sinking back down, I returned my forehead to the cool surface of the toilet. “What do you mean?” My voice was hoarse, alien. It sounded like it was coming from far away.

    Daniel laughed lightly. “I went out for fresh air, and found you passed out cold in the middle of your yard. There was no telling how long you were out there. Must have been some party?”

    I groaned as images from yesterday danced through my mind. I remembered drinking, and I faintly remember walking outside. “Party?”

    “Yeah, I figured you were having a little solitary party with all the,” he chuckled, “Britney Spears music blaring. I had to turn that crap off when I put you in your bed.”

    My face burned brighter. How embarrassing. “Um, thanks.”

    We sat in silence, but honestly, I didn’t care at all. My head was pounding, and my throat was burning from throwing up so much.

    “So, are you going to tell me what you were doing?” Daniel’s deep voice was somewhat soothing to my aching head.

    Pulling the towel back over my head, I bit my bottom lip. “I just needed to escape.” How in the world could I put into words how I felt and why I drank? I drank because everything around me seemed to be falling apart. My boyfriend was my imaginary friend, and being around another guy was throwing a wrench into my life. I just need to get out of my own head for awhile.

    There was no way I could tell him all that.

    “So you went for a walk through your own yard?” Daniel laughed. “I don’t think that really counts as an escape.”

    Great. Now he was making fun of me.

    I felt my face redden. Leaving my room was an escape of its own. Actually leaving the house was a freaking vacation.

    Keeping quiet, I waited until Daniel got the hint and walked away.

    He didn’t.

    I groaned, feeling frustrated. I was not in the mood for this. “Look,” I began, yanking the towel from my face and sitting up far too quickly, “can you just go away?” I did my best to ignore the churning in my stomach. “I’m not some joke.”

    “Everything about you is a joke,” cooed the voice in my head.

    I shook it away, feeling tears burning behind my eyes.

    “Whoa,” Daniel said, raising his eyebrows and looking shocked. “Calm down. I’m not making fun of you.” He ran a hand through his hair and blew out a breath. “I’m just trying to lighten the mood because you’re obviously going through some things. I just want to help.”

    Something inside me went off so suddenly. “There is no helping me!” I spat in anger. “No one knows what I’m going through; no one cares!” My head starting spinning once more, and I felt my insides lurch. I threw up again, nearly missing the toilet.

    Someone was rubbing my back. The simple action seemed to help near instantly settle my stomach. “I’ll go if that’s what you want, but at least let me help you.”

    I nearly groaned as his hands worked their magic. He applied more force, rubbing around my shoulders and then trailing down to the middle of my back. He continued this for a few minutes. The whole time, I sat there resting my head on my arms.

    No one ever touched me like that; I never let anyone touch me like that.

    Tension ebbed from my body and I sighed contently. “This was nice,” I admitted mentally.

    “I can feel almost all the bones in your back,” Daniel mumbled absently. His words snapped me from the lull around me.

    Tears broke through and I began to sob. I cried because I couldn’t stand being so fucked up anymore. Before I knew it, arms gently wrapped around me, pulling me against an unfamiliar chest.

    I tried to push myself away, but Daniel held me firmly. I‘m sure that I stank like vomit and cheap booze. Hell, I wouldn‘t have even touched myself. “I’m sorry, Tyler. I’m so sorry.”

    “Why are you sorry?” I choked out between my sobs.

    “I say some of the dumbest shit sometimes.” He muttered a few curses under his breath. “I just feel so,” he paused, trying to find the right words, “protective over you.”

    More tears broke through, leaving me utterly exhausted when they finally subsided. The whole time, Daniel kept his arms around me. I hated being touched by anyone other than Jerry.

    Jerry.

    I cursed loudly, making Daniel jump.

    “What? What did I do?” Daniel let go of me and lifted his arms into the air.

    “You need to go,” I said, nearly begging. Jerry was going to be so mad. “I’m ok now,” I said forcing a small smile as I wiped the last of my tears away with the back of my hand.

    Daniel furrowed his brow and frowned. “What did I do?” He asked firmly.

    Blowing out a frustrated breath, a raked a shaky hand through the mess that was my hair. “I can’t tell you,” I mumbled truthfully. When I lifted my head and found Daniel looking a bit more than confused, I groaned in frustration. There was no way I was telling him about Jerry. “Please, can you just go?”

    Daniel’s green eyes seemed to lower. Did I hurt him? The thought made my stomach lurch; I had to swallow a few times to push away the feeling of vomiting. Daniel nodded slowly and pushed himself to his feet. He began to walk away, and something inside me felt cold.

    “Wait,” I mumbled, feeling like a complete and total idiot. “You didn’t do anything.” My face reddened. “I’m just,” I wracked my mind to find the right words, “I’m just really messed up.” I stole a deep breath in a desperate attempt to calm my thudding heart. “I don’t know how to act.” My voice faltered as I spoke.

    Daniel leaned against the wall and stared down at me. “I know you don’t know me very well, but I’m going to tell you something. You can do whatever you want with the information, ok?”

    My heart quickened, and I felt sick all over again. I was so nervous when I finally nodded silently.

    “Tyler, there is something about you that I like.” He shook his head and smiled slightly. “I’m not asking you to date me.” He flushed slightly. “I’m just telling you that I want to know you; you don’t have to act a certain way around me.”

    I lifted my head and found his eyes.

    “We all go through shit in our lives, Tyler. Trust me; I’ve had some rough patches to dig through, but when I first saw you, it was like all the shit in my life meant nothing because the pain in your eyes was far too great for a single person to handle.” He took a deep breath and offered a smile. “I’m not going to leave you alone. We all need someone who will listen.”

    I swallowed hard, completely mind-blown.

    Daniel laughed to himself. “I’m going to go downstairs and make you a nice cup of coffee, and then I need to get some work done, ok? Your mother left awhile ago to go shopping, so she should be back shortly.” He spoke so softly, so caringly. “If you need anything else, you know where to find me.”

    As he walked out of my bathroom, I sat utterly dumbfounded on the floor with my mouth hanging attractively unhinged. My mind was racing. “He likes something about me?” I breathed.

    I had no clue what I was going to do with that information. I couldn’t believe what he said. No one ever said things like that to me.

    Except Jerry.

    I cursed silently as I tried to push myself to my feet. My knees gave out, causing me to fall hard on the tiled floors. I muttered a few more curse words before giving up. “Jerry?” I whispered.

    There was no response.

    My stomach fell to the ground. I bit my bottom lip nervously. “Jerry?” I called louder.

    “Who’s Jerry,” Daniel asked as he rounded the corner with a grey mug in his hand. He lifted his eyebrow as my mouth fell open once more.

    “Well, that’s just great,” I grumbled mentally.

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