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Chapter 7

    My knees shook as I placed my feet on the cold hardwood floors of my room. It was pitch black outside before I could fight the call of my stomach no longer. My eyes ached from crying so much, but my head was spinning. I knew all too well that if I didn’t eat something very soon, I would end up passing out.

    That was not something I needed right now.

    Padding across my room, I sniffled as I opened the door, stepping into the hallway. All the lights were off, so I placed a hand on the wall and led myself to the staircase.

    As I walked downstairs, I found the light above the oven on; it sent a warm glow throughout the kitchen, casting long shadows on the walls. Quietly, I pulled open the fridge and rummaged through its contents.

    After a few moments, I couldn’t find anything I wanted despite the fact that the fridge contained a vast array of foods. My mother was quite the cook.

    Sighing, I settled for a tall glass of water and fruit. After I filled a glass, I sat at the table and began peeling a large grapefruit. Instantly, the air filled with its crisp scent, only agonizing my stomach farther. Of all the citrus fruits, grapefruits were by far my favorite. Most people cut them in half and poured sugar over them, but I liked to eat them like bitter oranges.

    Plopping a piece in my mouth, I nearly groaned in pleasure. My therapist, before I fired him, told me that I withheld food subconsciously in an attempt to punish myself for things I couldn’t control. Of course, I didn’t believe him. Hell, I didn’t eat because I didn’t want to.

    However, what he said did make a little bit more sense; I would never admit that aloud.

    Before I knew it, I finished off the fruit. Downing my water in a few gulps, I leaned back in my seat. I was still hungry, but I didn’t want to send my stomach into a tizzy, so I made a vow to eat more in the morning.

    With my hunger at bay, my mind went back to Jerry. Instantly, tears stung but never fell; I didn’t have a single tear left. Wrapping my arms around my self and pulling my knees to my chest, I rested my head on the tops of my arms. I felt cold without Jerry. Whatever void he was filling was now a gaping, festering wound, leaving me wreathing in icy agony.

    Deep down, I knew Jerry spoke the truth, even if I didn’t want to admit it to myself. Something inside me did change. At first, it was too small to notice, but now I saw the change like a giant neon sign flashing in front of my eyes. I felt different.

    For years, I sat idly in my own life, watching it pull away from my grasp, but for the first time since I could remember, I wanted to take part in my life, to try to make it better. I wanted to make some changes, and it took Jerry leaving for me to begin to realize that I was using him as a crutch to keep me planted in the same spot.

    The thoughts scared the living hell out of me. Though, I wanted change, I couldn’t help but wonder how I would go about it. There was no way in the world I could do it alone.

    Daniel.

    Thinking about him made me snap my head up and away from my own thoughts. Dropping the grapefruit peels into the trash, I left the kitchen and began walking up the stairs to my father’s office. There was a warm glow seeping out from under the door.

    Holding my breath, I knocked lightly, silently hoping that Daniel wasn’t asleep or too busy.

    After a tormenting moment, I considered slipping back into my bedroom, but I forced my feel firmly on the ground. The door opened and Daniel stood before me with blood shot eyes, but when he saw me, he smiled lightly. “Tyler? Do you need something?”

    I chewed on my bottom lip and shook my head shyly. “I, um, actually wanted to know if you needed anything,” I said quietly. Keeping my eyes locked onto his was its own form of torture. I wanted to lower my eyes, but I clinched my fists and refused to allow myself that satisfaction.

    Surprise danced across his stubbly face. He smiled brighter. “Actually, I could use a break. I’ve been proofreading through this stack of documents your father faxed. It’s taking longer than I thought.”

    Daniel spent more time in my father’s office than he did. It should have just been Daniel’s office. “This should just be your office,” I mumbled, mimicking my thoughts. “You use it more than he does.”

    He ran a hand through his tasseled hair. “You’re telling me.” He paused as I stood awkwardly before him. “Would you like to accompany me for some fresh air?” Daniel’s words were so formal that I couldn’t help but smile. I felt a bit more comfortable.

    “Sure, let me grab a sweater.” When Daniel nodded, I turned around and hurried into my room, shutting the door behind me. Quickly, I rummaged through my closet and grabbed a thick sweater. Pulling it over my head, I stepped into a pair of sneakers as I put my hand on my doorknob.

    Then I remembered this morning.

    Embarrassed, I shuffled into my bathroom and quickly brushed away the vomit smell from my breath.

    When I entered the hallway, Daniel was leaning against the wall. While I was away, he put on a black pea coat that hugged against his body firmly. He looked nice. “Ready to go?” He asked in a cheery voice.

    I nodded and smiled.

    Following behind him, he walked down the stairs and through the front door. He held it open for me as I walked past.

    The air was definitely chilly. Wearing an oversized sweater was clearly a good idea. Daniel sat on the edge of the porch and sighed deeply. “It’s nice out,” he said more to himself than to me.

    I sat a safe distance away from him and placed my hands in my lap. “I’ve always liked fall, but winter is my favorite.”

    “I hate winter,” he said with a raised eyebrow. “It’s too cold, and don’t get me started on snow.”

    I wrinkled my nose at him. “Snow is one of the most beautiful things in the world.” Suddenly, I felt awkward, so I lowered my eyes to my hands. “Snow makes everything, even the most homely of trees, beautiful.”

    Daniel remained silent, so to fight the constant awkward battle, I spoke more. “I like rain too,” I began, keeping my eyes on my hands. “That moment just before rain starts to fall; it’s like the entire world pauses and takes a breath in preparation for the storm. It’s really stunning.”

    As children, Jerry and I would run around the yard and splash in the puddles every time it rained. As we got older, he would sit with me by the window and watch the rain as I drew. There was something about rain that brought out my most creative side.

    My heart ached at the thought of Jerry. “Don’t cry,” I willed mentally. I could feel my grip on my tears slipping.

    “Well, I never pay attention to the rain,” Daniel said calmly. “I’m always too busy.”

    I sniffled and wiped away the threat of tears, looking straight into the night air. “You should,” I mumbled. “It really is beautiful.”

    Daniel laughed; it was a nice sound, like the crashing of waves, Elegant, but powerful. “You’ll have to show me one day.”

    I turned my attention to Daniel, and I found him staring at me. His green eyes were piercing in the night. He was smiling; he always seemed to be smiling. A chill swept across my skin, causing me to shiver lightly.

    “Are you cold?”

    I shook my head in a silent no. I didn’t want Daniel worrying about me.

    He scoffed loudly. “Look, you’re shivering.”

    Pulling my arms inside my sweater, I smiled weakly. “I’m fine.”

    Daniel rolled his emerald eyes and began unfastening the large buttons on his coat. In a swift movement, he placed his coat over my shoulders. It was such a chivalrous action that I laughed lightly. “Are you laughing at me?” He asked with his brow raised. A smile rested on his lips, hinting at the humor lingering in his voice.

    I laughed a little louder and shook my head. “Why are you so nice?” I was smiling, but Daniel’s expression darkened slightly, causing my smile to falter.

    What did I do?

    Did I mess up?

    Would he leave like Jerry did?

    I bit my lip, darting my eyes back to my thumbs.

    Daniel was silent for a moment that felt longer due to the pounding in my chest. “I didn’t used to be so nice,” he said finally.

    I found that impossible to believe, but I remained silent.

    “Believe it or not, I was a completely different person at one point.” He sighed deeply. “In high school, I knew I was gay, but no one else could tell, so I kept it to myself. My friends thought it was cool to mess with this other kid; his name was Jeremy. Anyway, to keep their attention away from me, I joined in.” He took another deep breath, emotion deepening his voice. “We said some pretty awful things and made the kid’s life a living hell. I don’t even know if he was actually gay, but one day, he broke down into tears and ran out of the school. We didn’t find out until the next day that Jeremy went to his house and killed himself.”

    I gasped lightly and lifted my gaze. He was staring forward with shining eyes. There was an emotion painted on his features, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

    Was it regret?

    I knew what that kid must have felt like. My entire high school experience was tainted by people like that. Random strangers I never spoke to found it necessary to call me rude names and trip me in the halls. Someone threw gum in my hair at one point, and a guy who rode my bus even spit on me.

    “You remind me of him,” he blurted suddenly. His face reddened at his own words.

    I frowned and let my eyes fall. “That’s great,” I grumbled. I reminded someone of a dead kid he tortured in high school.

    “You have the same look in your eye, Tyler,” he elaborated. “Jeremy always looked like there wasn’t a single person in the entire word who understood him; you look like that too.”

    Lifting my eyes, I found Daniel in near tears. I wanted to reach out and console him, but I kept my hands to myself.

    “If I could go back, I would change everything. I should have been his friend or at least told my friends to leave him alone.”

    I felt my eyes widen in realization. Daniel was using me to make amends for the bad things in his life. The thought sent a pulse of anger through my system. “Well, you can’t,” I spat.

    Daniel blinked at my harshness and fell silent.

    “You don’t get to use the fucked up son of your boss to make you feel better about your life.” My words were cruel, but I couldn’t contain my anger.

    Daniel looked wounded. “Is that what you think I’m doing?”

    “What else would you being?” I pushed myself to my feet and stared down at him. “Why are you so nice to me?” Did I really want to know? The truth could shatter any illusion I was living in, but at this point, I didn’t care.

    “I already told you; I like you, Tyler.” His words were defensive.

    I fisted my hair as tears welled behind my eyes. “There isn’t anything to like!” I yelled. Tears were falling freely down my cheeks.

    It looks like I could cry more after all.

    Daniel was on his feet. “Why do you say that? You told your mother the same thing. What gives you the right to tell people what they can feel for you?”

    I blinked at him. “It’s true,” I replied, staring into his eyes. “There is nothing to like or love about me.” My voice was steady despite the tears.

    Daniel placed his hands on my shoulders lightly. “I guess I’ll just have to show you.”

    I inhaled deeply and stared at him blankly. I wanted to protest, but Daniel soft smile seemed to calm me.

    “What if you can’t?” My voice cracked. “What if there really isn’t anything you can show me?”

    What if he couldn’t change my mind?

    Daniel stepped closer and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. For a second, I just stood stiffly against him, but something about his touch sent my sobs into overdrive. Before I knew it, I wrapped my arms around his back.

    I cried for Jerry; I cried for having such a messed up life.

    “It’s ok, Tyler,” he whispered, rubbing my back gently. “I can show anything you want, but you have to let me.”

    My tears seemed to fall for hours, but once I regained some sort of grip around my emotions, I stood silently, resting my head against Daniel. He was running his fingers through my hair in gentle calming motions. Yawning widely against him, I lifted my head and offered a shy smile. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled. My face would have burned a bright shade of red if I hadn’t been so exhausted.

    Daniel cocked his head to the side and half smiled. “You didn’t do anything wrong, but it is rude of me to keep you awake when you are clearly tired.”

    I shrugged his words off. “I’m fine,” I said as I tried to shake away the weariness lingering in my voice; it was a futile attempt. As I spoke, I yawned loudly once more.

    Daniel grinned. “I’m sure you are, but that doesn’t change the fact that you look exhausted. Plus,” he began, still holding his grin, “it’s getting late, and I would like to sleep in my own bed tonight. Your father’s office is not comfortable in the slightest.”

    Nodding, I followed Daniel back through the house as he walked me to my bedroom door. I pulled his jacket from my shoulders and held it out for him. “Thank you, Daniel.” I did my best to make eye contact. “It was nice,” I paused, feeling embarrassed all over again, “to talk to you.”

    “We’ll have to do it again soon.” He took his coat. “Actually, I have next Tuesday off. Maybe you would like to do something with me?” Daniel ran a hand through his hair awkwardly.

    I felt my stomach drop. He was asking me out; no one ever asked me out before. Blinking several times, I found myself gawking up at Daniel with my subconscious screaming, “Say something!”

    “You don’t have to if you don’t want you,” he mumbled quietly. His words hinted at disappointment, and for some reason, his disappointment was something I couldn’t handle being responsible for.

    “It’s not that,” I said, eyes falling to the floor. “It’s hard for me to leave the house,” I admitted truthfully. Daniel didn’t understand the extent of my fucked-up-ness.

    “You better hope he never finds out,” hissed the cruel voice in my mind.

    “I’m sure I can think of something that you’ll be comfortable with,” Daniel said matter-of-factly. “Just think about it. I want to get to know you better.”

    I lifted my eyes and sighed. “I’ll think about it,” I promised.

    Daniel’s emerald eyes lit up. “Ok!” He clapped his hands together. “Goodnight, Tyler. I’ll be here tomorrow, but after that, I’ll be back at the main office until Monday.”

    Nodding and smiling, I replied, “Goodnight, Daniel.”

    I watched him as he went back into my father’s office, grabbed his things, and then started down the stairs. Just as I was about to turn and walk into my room, I heard Daniel speak once more. “Tyler?”

    “Yes?” I asked.

    “Would it be easier for you to leave the house at night?” He asked, obviously lulling over how to ensure that I would go out with him. It was actually sweet that someone was putting thought into how I would be most comfortable.

    The answer was an obvious one. “Yes,” I answered truthfully.

    Daniel shot me one last grin for the night. “Goodnight.”

    I found myself smiling. “Goodnight.”

    Crawling into bed, I stared up at my ceiling in the darkness. There were five days until Tuesday. My stomach was in a tizzy at the thought of leaving the house; the feeling only intensified when I thought about leaving the house with Daniel.

    Rolling over onto my side, I pulled the comforter over my body and closed my eyes. Though I was truly tired, sleep didn’t come easy. Tossing and turning, I missed having arms wrapped protectively around me; I missed the feel of Jerry’s body against mine.

----

Is anyone else swooning over Daniel? I wanted to give a little in site into his mind in this chapter, but you will get to know him a lot better; I promise. Also, a guest makes his appearance in the next chapter. Wuh-oh. Excited?

As always, don't forget to tell me if you liked this chapter! If you're new here, I would appreciate it if you would fan me. I'm working on a few ideas to start once Imaginary is over, but let's not think too much about that right now. (:

xoxo - Mason

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