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sup bitches we back ;)

⚠️TW SELF HARM IS MENTIONED IN THIS CHAPTER IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY THIS TOPIC PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER OR SKIP OVER THE PART WHERE CHARLIE GETS A SHOWER⚠️

Charlie's POV (yes, you read that right)

I hear small, shallow breaths as I stir. The light pouring into my room makes it hard to open my eyes and find who owns the small, warm body my arm is protecting. I try to rack through my brain for memories and grin a little when I remember the night before. Maybe me and Ace can really be something now, maybe we can get past his delusion and denial of being at least partially gay. I'm willing to help him through it, help him through anything really. He doesn't see how amazing he is y'know, how his little smile can brighten the room, how he knows so many stupid random facts but manages to impress me with every one he says.

God how was I threatening him in a closet the other week?!

I hear Ace's breaths starting to quicken and figure he must be up. I lift my arm off of his fragile body and use it to prop up my head. The beautiful boy next to me turns to meet my eyes.

"Morning sleepyhead.", I say while glancing down on his cute bare chest then back up to his face. Just the sight of his rosy cheeks and messy hair sets off a flutter in heart, but somethings not quite right. The fright in his charming eyes isn't just from me startling him by moving, it's something more deep rooted. Funny how you can tell someone's exact thoughts and feelings by the mere sight of their face after only truly knowing them for such a short period of time. I just wish the thoughts and feelings I know he's experiencing were good ones.

Before I know it Ace is jumping out of the bed and flailing around trying to find his clothes and throw them back on. Guilt floods my mind as my thoughts start to race... did I go too far? He said it was alright but maybe it was a little intense for him.

God Charlie why do you fuck everything up!?

I quickly meet the eyes of the sweet boy I had in my arms just moments ago who's face is now a mixture of embarrassment and rage. Ace grabs his phone and leaves the room in a hurry.

"Aghhhh!", I rub my eyes and don't even bother to remove myself from my bed which now feels so empty. I hear my parents calling out my name as the door slams closed, signalling Ace has left. I sigh and lay back down to face the ceiling, contemplating my next move. Questions and fears attack my head.

Should I bother to follow him? No he needs space, he's confused. I just hope I didn't overstep. How am I gonna explain this to my parents? I usually never have sleepovers in my room, we always just crash on the couch. And what will they say about the rushing through the door and all the noise? I guess I could make up an excuse of Ace being late for work but I don't love lying to them. Being caught in a lie with them is worse than taking a beating I swear.

"Charlie what the hell was all the ruckus?!", My mothers short body appears in my doorway with a look of confusion.

"I had a sleepover with a friend and he woke up realizing he was late for work so he rushed out. I'm sorry mom it won't happen again.", I say, hoping my lie passes. I swear that woman can't detect lies better than a fucking lie detector test thingy.

"It better not, you know your dad and I don't enjoy being interrupted with our morning coffee after a light night shift. Now get up and get ready for the day, you promised your dad you would help with cleaning the bathrooms at the restaurant today.", She says as she leaves the room. I can hear the disapproving tone in her voice. God I can never do anything right in this house.

I stumble out of bed and into the bathroom. I glare in the mirror above my sink with pure disgust, how could I fuck everything up again? How come I can never just let what happens happen, I always have to push it until I've ruined it!! Anger boils inside me until steam pours out of my ears. The sight of my reflection only urges the pain I feel.

"ITS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT!", I scream. My rage comes out from within and punches the mirror. Shards of glass fall to the floor as the noise of the shatter echos in the bathroom. I look down to my right hand and see the cuts and blood drip onto the floor. I wait for the foot steps of my concerned parents that I know will ever come. They're used to this by now, it's the seventh mirror I've broken so I have a cleaning routine down pat.

I grab the first aid kit out from the cupboard under the sink and clean my cuts then wrap my hand in the gauze. I pull out the small garbage bin next to the sink and begin to pick up the shards of mirror and toss them in. Once that's done I sweep the floor and turn on my shower, sitting on the floor waiting for the water to warm up. I stare blankly into the glistening tiled floor as my anger evolves into sadness. The tears start pouring down my hollow cheeks while I bury my face into my hands.  Why do I have to be like this? What's wrong with me? One minute I'm fuming over the smallest concern the next I'm bawling like a child who's just lost their teddy bear. I hate myself for letting my emotions run free. I used to be so good at pushing them away, until Ace came on along.

I figure my shower must be warm enough by now and strip down then step into the heavy flow of droplets that hit my skin. The gauze on my hand begins to soften so I decide to remove it and let the water wash away the blood from my fist. My thoughts wander to dark places as the quietness of running water creeps into my brain. I catch sight of the razor placed on the side of the tub next to me and decide to give into bad habits, but god do they ever feel good.

-

"Finally!", I sigh and flop onto my bed after arriving back from helping out my dad. Guilt and worry tugs on the back of my brain as I'm finally left with sometime to freely. I cant decide wether to check up on Ace or give him the space he needs. I get what it's like to be confused about your sexuality, he's denying it just like I was before I came to terms and excepted myself when I turned 15.  Surely it's difficult to pick apart such a deep rooted trait of yours when life's throwing piles of horse shit at your left right and centre but I wish he could realize with me by his side it'd be easier. I may not be out to anyone but myself a few guys I've hooked up with at a bar out of town, but I still  have come to terms with my identity. I mean, yea I acted like an asshole to Ace after the party cause I was afraid my friends would find out, but I've learned that was wrong. Do I low key hate my fake friends? Yes, but a part of me doesn't know who I would be if I didn't hav that spot on the social latter.

I decide to text Ace anyways, I want make sure he's safe. One can have dangerous thoughts when it comes to internalized homophobia.

You

4:38pm

Hey, Ace. I know last night might've been a bit confusing for you and I am so so so so sorry if I overstepped in anyway. I hate to see you run out like you did. Please let me know if there's anything I can do, I never meant to hurt you.

Read 4:45pm

Oh so I'm being ghosted now? I mean, understandable but cmon he could at least let me know he's alright.

You

4:50pm

I can see you're reading these, Ace. Look I get you might need some time and space but can you please let me know you're alright??

Read 4:51pm

Why isn't he answering me? I know I should maybe give him more time before jumping to conclusions that he's ignoring me or in danger but I'm getting anxious now... he couldn't have had a ride home could he? Oh lord what if he got stranded somewhere and someone kidnapped him? What if he's lost?

With my anxiety running like crazy I decide to keep texting.

You

4:57pm

Ace please answer me! You don't need to talk about last night or this morning I just want to make sure you got back home and are safe. Please!!

You

5:10pm

Ace I'm getting worried now, please for the love of god just tell me you're okay!

You

5:23pm

Ace you're scaring me a little... text me when you see this okay?

-

It's been over an hour since I last texted Ace and he still hasn't responded or seen the last three. I'm getting more worried by the minute. Surely he can't be in danger... right? I mean is it too extreme to go and see if he's alright? I could text Terry and ask him for Ace's address and apartment number and say it's to drop him off his phone he left here earlier but I'm not sure Terry's allowed to hand out information. It's worth a try right?

"Charlie what's wrong with you today? Help your mom clear off the dinner table and get off that god damn phone! God, no wonder your grades are slipping, you're on that thing too much!", My dad says while giving my head a slight flick as I finish shooting off a text to Terry.

My parents are so insensible at times, it's ridiculous. They tell me I need a social life and to go be with friends and make new ones work and place sports and yet they expect me to have perfect grades and get mad at me for the smallest things! When will i ever catch a break?! I sigh and finish helping my mom clean the dishes.

Ten minutes pass and I return to my phone to see no texts from Ace and an enthusiastic text from Terry with Ace's address and a side note of him saying he's exited we're becoming friends out of work.

Hah, yea, friends sure is a word to describe whatever the fuck this mess is.

"I'm going to Kaitlyns for a bit I'll be back soon!", I shout to the house while grabbing my keys from the little china dish on the table in our front porch and head out into my car. I start the engine and plug in Ace's address into the GPS and follow the directions.

Is this a little creepy? I mean I guess it is but I cant possibly let the thoughts of Ace being unsafe or hurt run through my head any longer. I may not know where I stand in his life or even where he stands in mine, but I know there's a place for both of us somewhere and I'm not giving up that chance. I refuse to risk letting that boy be in danger.

I vow to myself to stick to my words and be the one to protect him for as long as I possibly can.

A long Authors note:

Hehehe hi everyone!! I'm back! I just wanna say i am completely overwhelmed with the amount of support i have gotten in this book since i took a break! over 40K reads?!?! That's INSANE! I love you all so fucking much and i am so happy you're enjoying the book. I cant say i'll be updating regularly as life has taken a toll on me and my mental health is keeping me busy and taking away my motivation but i want to make it clear i am NOT giving up this book. Ace and Charlie are my boys i could never leave them :( Anyways I didn't proof read this chapter so it has lots of mistakes and most likely a few plot holes and is quite choppy (not in my normal writing style i'm trying to find my way back to it lol) As always feel free to give me some constructive criticism and let me know what you'd like to see happen next! I'm still working out how Charlie thinks and acts in his own mind so he migjt seem a bit odd in this chapter but i hope to set him in stone soon. One last thing, I know these times are though but I just wanna ket you know if you are going through a hard time my messages are always open!

Thanks again lovelys xoxoxo

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