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Ace's POV

You'd think I'd feel relaxed after that shower, right? Hah. Hahahaha. Hah. Aha... no, I don't.

Whoever said "sometimes a good cry fixes it", is wrong. In fact, I've never felt worse. Walking back to my room just causes more agonizing pain. Thoughts travel through my head on a train called 'Ace's childhood trauma and other current issues', what a wonderful day it is!

Still, even with the immense pile of guilt I have on my shoulders for committing "sins", I can't help but feel most of it be directed at Charlie. I had told him it was okay, and he's probably sitting home right now wondering what he did wrong.

A part of me wishes I could go back, I wish I could take last night back... but I miss him. I miss his arms, I miss his smile, I miss his fucking bed why was it so comfortable ohmygoddd, I miss-

ACE SHUT UP HES TURNING YOU INTO A GAY!

Ughhhhhh why does everything have to be so confusing.

I'm pulled out of my prison of thoughts when i see my phone light up on my bed. It's Willow again. I decide to finally check her messages

Willow <3

9:31 am

Ace you would not BELIEVE the top my mom just bought. It's hideous!!

Willow <3

9:50 am

OMG CLAIRE CAYSEY JUST GOT TOTALLY EXPOSED FOR FUCKING LAYLA'S EX!! GO CHECK THEIR SNAPCHAT STORIES THEY'RE LIKE PUBLICLY RUINING EACH OTHER!

Willow <3

9:56 am

Aceeeeeee why aren't you answeringgggggg. I'm bored wanna come over and play some stardew valley and laugh at Claire and Layla? Things have escalated they're sharing screenshots.

Willow <3

10:10 am

Hey are you okay? You're usually up by now I'm starting to get a little worried.

Willow <3

10:30 am

ACE DARIAN JUST TEXTED ME AGAIN!! HOW DO I MAKE THIS MANS GET THE HINT. IM. NOT. INTERESTED. UGHHHH GET OVER HERE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE I NEEEEEED TO BE ENTERTAINED. also like are you okay???

Willow <3

Missed call 10:35 am

Missed call 10:48 am

Missed call 11:29 am

Missed call 11:43 am

Holy fuck I must have been in the shower for like an hour.

I know I should call her back but I feel too embarrassed. She'll probably be wondering where I've been all night and question me. And then there's the fact that I have been sort of distant lately... okay I guess I'll just say I was up late cause I ran out of melatonin so I slept in.

"Ace! Finallllyyyyyyyyyyy, I was getting worried you were drunk out on a side walk or something."

"Oh haha yea no I'm fine, just uh ran out of melatonin so I had a bad sleep."

"Mhm mhm sureeeee. Cmon, tell me what really happened."

"God Willow nothing happened can we just drop the topic!!!", Okay yea that may have been a tad bit defensive but I am NOT in the mood to talk about last night.

"Okay... sorry. Wanna go to Lilo's for some coffee and donuts? I'm starving and my Moms blasting her workout music."

Ok so I have two choice right now and neither are looking great:

1) Go with Willow and potentially risk fighting over why I'm acting weird and then potentially telling her what happened and loosing her as a friend.

2) Stay home and be miserable and sulk in my sorrows for the rest of eternity and not have a donut to eat.

I pick option 1, it may not be the safest but I feel that if I'm in this house any longer my brain will explode and I'll do something. I throw on some grey sweatpants and a white short sleeve with my flannel.

I make my way into the kitchen and see my Mother sitting on the couch, being the exact same as she's been for years.

Tears start to well up in my eyes as I remember how comforting Charlie had been last night when we talked about her.

You cant do this right now Ace. You cant think about all this right now.

I bring her over some water and a banana and tell her I'm going out. She just nods slightly, not taking her eyes off of the news on the TV.

I wonder if she'll ever wake up, if she'll every realize her son has been crumbling to the ground for years and is reaching his breaking point. I wonder if she'll ever care again.

-

"Hi! I already got you you're usual.", Willow jumps up from her table next to the door at Lilo's. I make my way over to her and sit in the pleather chair across from her.

Lilo's is an underrated town treasure. The brick front store is among many others on this side street outside of downtown. While the outside looks run down, the inside is a perfect mix of a cabin and cafe. The wood panel walls and dark tiled floors go perfectly with the brick fire place on the wall furthest from the door. There's a long stretch of counter on the back where you can see the kitchen and smell all of the goods being baked. The tables are scattered all throughout with dark maroon pleather chairs. The entire place just screams cozy.

Today there isn't many people here, just a few elderly couples drinking tea and a young family enjoying pancakes. I see their baby in the highchair roll along some blueberry as his mom stuff pancake into his little mouth. The little girl next to him starts taking his hand and tries to tell him how many fingers he has.

I envy them, their happiness. I envy even the fucking baby getting food all over his face.

-

"So, care to tell me about that hideous top your mom bought?", I say, trying to bring myself out of a haze. Willow is looking at me with a questioning expression, but this seems to turn her face into a sly smile. She loves making fun of her mom's wardrobe. Miss Elton's clothes consist of too tight jeans and snake print boots with some god awful deep plunging blouse.

We've been here for an hour now just catching up on how the other is doing with school. I helped Willow with some Darian issues (this guy has been trying to get with her since eighth grade), but my statements have been short and bland.

"Ace you would not BELIEVE how horrible it is. It's worse than the great tragedy of the pink velour track suit of 2017. This one is a long sleeve LATEX crop top. I don't know how she gets into it. It's like Kim Kardashian and her stylist made a line of clothes for elders SOULY to embarrass them...", Willow rambles on for another little while and switches topic to Layla and... Claire's (I think that's her name?) fight. I let her go on and slip back into the cloudiness of my mind.

-

Why would you kiss him Ace? Do you realize how disgusting that is? I mean sure other people can love who they love, but you're fucking straight!! And what about Charlie? Why the fuck did he kiss you back? He cannot be a homo, he's like the most popular guy in school!!

"Ace!? Cmon what's going on? We've been here for over an two hours and you've barely said a word or touched your donut!", Willow looks at me with a concerning brow cocked up and I only now realize I'm tearing apart the paper placemats into little pieces.

"Sorry, sorry. I know. I'm just- I don't know... tired I guess.", oh seriously, I literally could not have thought of something more convincing to say?!

"Okay that is the biggest lie I have ever heard come out of your mouth", well she's not wrong there, "What's going on? I'm your best friend, why don't you tell me anything anymore?", I wince at Willow's words. I have sort of been leaving her in the dark. I don't mean to I'm just so fucking lost that I don't know how to function properly anymore.

I'm breathing rapidly now. Anxiety is building in my stomach and I want to throw up. I need to tell her what happened, I need help figuring all this out.

Do it Ace just get it off your chest she'll understand she'll want to help you.

I take a deep breath, "Willow I need to tell you something but please don't judge me for it I've been so lost and confused just- please hear me out."

Willow looks at me with her brows furrowed, "Okay, shoot.", she says.

Here goes nothing...

Well would you look at that, 8 months have passed after I said I wouldn't give up on this. Haha... For real I'm so sorry everyone but my mental health is just pure shit and I didn't have the motivation to write. It was only recently that i looked through all your comments and reread the story that I realized how In love i am with these characters and you guys. Your kindness is overwhelming and the support is so wonderful thank you all so so much. BUT LIKE CMON?!?! 95K READS AND 3K VOTES?!?! YOURE ALL INSANE THANK YOU SO MUCH! I legit never thought I'd get this much attention it has been absolutely a shock that any of you love these characters. I'm going to hopefully continue writing (and not take 8 month breaks hehe) but updates will be slow. I mean, I'm a gen-z in a pandemic with mental health issues AND i'm questioning my gender so it's been a fun time haha. I know the world sucks right now so if you need to talk just message me, I'm always willing to help. This chapter wasnt the greatest because I'm so out of my writing style and not fully in the minds of my characters so please excuse any mistakes and feel free to offer criticism. ALSO tell me what you want to happen, I wanna see where you guys think this will go hehe. I love you all so much you brighten my day everytime I come on here :))

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox ahhhhhh you're all amazing

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