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(Kellin's POV)

Vic hadn't texted me or called me since the other night. I was worried to say the least. He'd been so distant lately and I understood that his mother had passed away, but I'd think that he'd at least let me know if he was alive. I'd sent him several texts throw the night.

Please. Please tell me you're okay, Vic.

I need to know if you're okay.

Should I come over?

Only to this one did he reply; No, don't. I sigh and jerk my fingers through my hair and sigh, clenching my teeth. Was he really going to be like this right now? He was still trying to push me away? Looks like my original distraction didn't work as well as planned. I shake my head and stand, feeling overwhelmed, feeling like I had to do something besides just sit here. I slide on light ripped jeans and quickly shrug into a black sweater shirt labeled: Pantera.

I only paused when sliding on black Toms. I almost tripped when I opened the door and ran out, feeling light headed from all the sudden movements.

"Where are you going?" Mom asks.

"Alan's, his sister got hurt. Bye," I said quickly, going to shut the door. I felt bad for still not saying anything to my mom but I knew she'd freak out and there was no time for that now. She had other ideas, she wasn't letting me leave so easily this time. "Kellin, you need to come eat dinner. Go afterwards, okay?" I shake my head and give her an impatient look.

"Bye, Mom." I snatch the door shut and jog across the street and glance back, and thankfully, she wasn't looking out the window. Maybe she really didn't care, like I suspected. I push away the thoughts, feeling selfish, and run to the back door of the Fuentes house. "W-Wait," I hear a wavering voice. I spin on my heel and see a silhouette through the branches of the tree.

I tilt my head, trying to remember how the voice sounded, to piece together who was speaking. "I'm under here." It was Vic. I knew by the rasp and tone, it was the sad boy I'd come looking for. When I caught sight of him, I thought I was going to cry on the spot. He looked so out of it. Disheveled hair and a weak looking frame.

He was in torn jeans and a baggy grey sweatshirt with the sleeves over his hands, no shoes, despite the chilly wind. His eyes were on his lap, glazed over with emotion and lip quivering. "C'mere," I said, crouching so I was on my knees, then sitting on my feet in front of him. He lurches forward and hugs me tightly, his arms flying around my neck. I lay my chin on his shoulder and rub his back. "It's okay."

Silent cries wrack his body and he quivers against me. I run my fingers through his hair carefully so I don't go through any knots, though it's difficult, so I go back to rubbing his back. He seemed so fragile right now and it broke my heart. "It's cold out here," I say quietly. "Do you want to go inside?"

"No," he immediately blurts out. "I'm not going in t-that house." I frown and kiss his cheek, then lift him up so we're standing, my hands holding his securely. I didn't know if he didn't want to go in because of his mom's death or because of what we did, but I was hoping it was the first one. "To mine then. I don't want you getting sick." I say with my lip between my teeth. "I won't make your family too happy." He sounded so out of it when he spoke, voice hallow and wavering. He was referring back to a fight we had, when I had fucked up with my words. He'd said the same words right after I'd upset him.

When I'd made him feel like a big secret that couldn't get out.

I hid the hurt I felt of him mentioning it, and sighed again.

"I don't care. Come on." I kick my shoes off and crouch to slide them on his slightly smaller feet and then grab his hand again. He wipes his nose on his sleeve and I smile assuringly, but he won't return it. I bite the inside of my cheek, feeling overwhelmed; how can I help him through this?

_____

Mom had went to her room, thank God. I think she was pissed at me because all the things she was going to use to cook dinner were still strung out about the counters. I didn't have time to think about her right now, only Vic, so I push the thought aside and lead him upstairs. "It's nice in here." He says quietly. I thank him and open my door, then let him walk in first, and shut the door behind us.

"I don't want to burden y-"

"Don't say that, Vic," I say, wrapping him up in a hug. He was warm against me despite being outside for God only knows how long. He slowly puts his arms under mine and lays his head against my chest with a sigh. Everything goes quiet for a long time, and I didn't know how to break the silence, but I didn't worry for long, because he did.

"I was with her."

I tilt my head and pull away, furrowing my eyebrows questionably. He looks away, his cheeks inflamed; he was probably trying not to cry but I wished he would, I wanted him to feel better. And I knew that he wouldn't feel better over night, it was going to take time, but bottling it up wouldn't help a thing. "I was with her when it happened." I feel my mouth drop a little and I pull him into my arms again. "I know you don't want to hear it b-but I need to say this."

I nod against him and rub his hair. "She was coughing. She was coughing really hard and I was t-trying to help," I felt wet tears hit my neck. "But it wasn't working. Then she told me she loved m-me and I kept cry-crying and she just-- she died." Then he began to ramble and my heart sunk even more. Damn, he was in bad shape. His legs were shaking and his chest was heaving with emotion, I was holding him up. I was glad he wasn't crying because of what happened when he was drinking.

"She was gone. I didn't know what to do. She-- She told-- I don't know what to do. What am I going to d-do? Mom is gone. Dad is isolating himself. He won't t-talk. Mike ha-hates me. I don't have a-anyone." He sputters out frantically, ribs nearly rattling from the force of everything, the words and tears and his uneven breathing

I lead him over to the bed, shushing him comfortingly, and sit with him sideways on my lap. He keeps his head in the crook of my neck and I keep stroking his hair gently, my other arm wrapped around his back. "You'll get through it, Vic," I say softly, pressing a kiss to his head. "I know you will. You're strong." I run my nails up and down his back comfortingly and he calms down a little. He shakes his head against me and sniffles.

We lay down, him practically on top of me with me on my back. His chest was halfway on mine and he bent his knee so his leg was over mine. He wrapped an arm around my waist and I kept mine securely around his back, never loosening my grip. I saw his eyes fluttering, more tears leaking out, and I felt my own lip quivering.

"I promise it will get better, okay? You can get through this, Vic, I promise."

"What if I don't?"

"I'll be here either way."

_____

(Vic's POV)

She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. I could see the life leave her eyes, the last breath fall from her mouth, I saw. I heard. I felt everything she felt. Death curled around her and suffocated us both. I love you so much. Live in love. Live in love. Live in love.

Why her? Why here? Why her? Why her? She was the one who cooked for me and Mike every night. Took us to breakfast in that little café on Sundays. Made us hot chocolate in the winter and brought us home ice cream in the summer. Why was my mother gone? She'd fought for so long, why was her fighting put to waste? Maybe I didn't do all I could.

She's gone. Never coming back.

I felt shaking. I was panting as I opened my eyes, cold sweats all over me. "Please wake up, Vic," I hear above me. I catch my breath and look around, and I'm met with the captivating eyes of Kellin Bostwick. "I-I'm awake," I stutter out, then feel tears spring to my eyes. There's a pause and he looks at me with concern written all over his face. "She's...She really is gone."

He frowns and pulls me up and I rub my eyes, wiping sweat off of my face. "Go shower and I'll get you some clothes." He says, biting the inside of his cheek. I shake my head and look away, sighing. "What?" Kellin asks, running his hand up and down my back. "I don't want to go alone." He nods and nudges my legs so I move them and he stands. "I'll sit outside of the tub, okay?"

"But you need slee-"

"It'll be fine, Vic." He smiles a little, but I could see the exhaustion glazing his eyes over. I was such a fucking burden for him. For months I've deprived him of sleep and even pushed him away from his family. I had ruined him, I'd taken the most important things. "C'mere, darling." He mumbles, scooping me up so my legs dangled over one arm and his other arm was holding my back up. I lay my head on his shoulder and sigh, clenching his shirt.

We make it to the bathroom and he sits me on the counter. I watch him, swinging my feet and biting the inside of my cheek, as he starts my water. He's too nice to me. He stands back up and stretches, letting out a long breath. He needs sleep. "Kellin, you can go back to bed, I'll be okay." I mutter. He shakes his head and rubs at his eyes, walking to stand between my knees. "No." He smiles gently and ruffles my hair, then goes back to the tub.

When it's ready, he turns around with his back to me so I can undress and step in, then I hear him sit on the floor.

I wash quickly and shampoo my hair, refusing to look down at my arms or hips. Why was I so stupid? I've gone back to this stupid habit and I didn't know what to do. And I had no way of covering them when it was time for me to get out. Great, I think solemnly. I rinse quickly and then stand there for a while, just letting the water fall over me. Wait, did Kellin see them the other night? He's probably afraid to even look at me now.

Fantastic.

After I turn the water temperature up, I stand there for a while longer, wrapping my arms around myself. Before I know it, I'm crying again, like a fucking baby. Why was I being so stupid? Kellin didn't need to see this side of me. Why couldn't I just suck it up like normal people? I sob out inaudible things and sniffle roughly, the water making my hair stick to my face. "Vic," Kellin coos from outside. It makes me cry harder, hunching over a little. "Please don't cry."

More inaudible things.

"I can't understand you." He says worriedly. I'm able to get, "I know," out. I hear him sigh and I wipe my face, feeling stupid again. I shut the water off and ask for a towel, my voice cracking. He hands me the towel without looking, thank God, and I wrap it around myself. Then he turns back around and hands me the clothes he'd picked out while I was in.

Black shorts and a red Nirvana tee shirt. I thank him and lay them over my arm, crossing the other one in front of my chest carefully. He cannot see. He cannot see. He cannot see.

Kellin leaves me to change and when the door shuts, I let out a sigh of relief. I dress quickly and don't give myself time to glance in the mirror, I don't want to feel worse than I already do. After walking back to his room with my arms wrapped around myself, I see that he's already laid in the bed. He really is tired. I quietly and softly lay back down beside him, keeping a distance between us. He's sleeping already and I didn't want to wake him because I was clingy right now. Knowing Kellin, he wouldn't mind, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I pull the covers around myself and turn away from him, feeling tired all over again. I hear light snores leaving his mouth and grin a little, feeling my heart swell a little. Even the little things he did made me feel better. I roll on my stomach and run my eyes over him, smiling a little at the cuteness in front of me. Mouth slightly agape and eyes fluttering in a dream. I sigh and place a soft kiss to his bottom lip, then roll back away from him, feeling numb enough to sleep.

I awoke to yelling.

_____

Again, I felt unwelcome in the Bostwick home. Which, I already knew I was, but it still hurt to hear his mother screaming at him about how I'd slept here the night before. Does Mike know where I am? Is my dad worrying? Pursing my lips, I decide they don't really give a fuck.

"I don't want him in my house, Kellin!"

"He isn't like them!"

"You do not know that! What makes you think he isn't just like those ignorant people?"

"They are not ignorant! They're caring and sweet and friendly, even to me! And they know you hate them! They're still nice! Why can't you do the same thing?"

I lay my head in my hands, frowning deeply. He shouldn't have to defend me. "Don't back talk me, son!" She screams again. There's a deeper voice then, talking over both of them. "Stop it, you two! Let's talk this out like damn adults!" I sigh and flop back on the bed that no longer held my Kellin. I should leave, I think, I'm causing so much damn trouble for Kellin.

But I didn't feel like moving.

"I can't believe you did this shit behind my back. You know we do not associate with them and you precede to make friends with them? Are you crazy, son?" It was his mother again. Why couldn't she stop yelling? I turn on my side and put the pillow over my head. Several more minutes of arguing go on and as I listen, I feel worse and worse. The pillow just wouldn't tune them out.

Suddenly, Kellin screams louder than all of them, making me flinch a little in fear. I was never good with people fighting around me. Most people weren't bothered by it because they saw it all the time, whether at school or on the street, but mind you I'm homeschooled and I rarely leave the house. "Fuck you! You know what, Mom, fuck you! Fucking fuck you!"

I can hear him stomping up the stairs and when the door flings open, I flinch again. He's mumbling, pacing the room, tears on his cheeks. He seemed really worked up, and looked angry enough to hit something. I drop the pillow and sit up, watching him with concern etched in my expression. "S-Sorry," he glances at me, sitting on the edge of the bed. He's just got on a pair of black skinny jeans, the waist of his boxers visible, but no shirt. He taps his foot anxiously with his elbows pressed into his knees.

I decide to admire his adorable body later and scoot closer, resting my hand on his back. "I'm...I'm sorry." He says, quieter this time. I lay my forehead against his shoulder and kiss his skin quickly, then sigh. This was all so complicated. "Want to go somewhere?" He asks, voice shaking a little. He's panting, his back moving beneath me. I nod. "Where?" I ask quietly. "I don't care, anywhere."

"Yeah, but your mom-"

"My dad is talking to her. Let's go while we can."

So we do.

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