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(Kellin's POV)

Vic was sitting in my car, staring out the window.

I'd offered to drive him to the café for dinner after school and he'd agreed. He didn't seem so enthusiastic though. I was worried, I really wanted to cheer him up. It didn't seem to be working. "Are you okay?" I asked timidly. "Yeah." He says plainly, chewing his gum as he spoke. He doesn't look at me.

"Sure?"

"Yeah."

"How was your day?"

"Boring."

"What did you do?"

"Work."

His voice stayed the same the entire time. I sigh heavily and speed up, pulling in front of the café. Something was fucking up and my day fucking sucked already, so this wasn't helping. We both exit the car and I lock the doors, glaring at the shorter boy in front of me.

We sit at the same table, then he immediately pulls his phone out.

I tilt my head, reaching my hand to touch his. He pulls his hand away. Either he's fucking pissy or I'm being a girl. I'd believe either. Vic had been distant lately and maybe this was just a mood. "Hey," I say quietly. He snaps his eyes from his phone and they lock on mine, not a bit of nervousness in his expression. He looked like he wanted to slaughter me right there.

"What the hell is wrong?"

"Who the hell is Jenna?"

My blood runs cold and I slide my hand back to my lap, feeling vomit burn my insides. "Who?" I say, voice shaking despite my efforts. Vic rolls his eyes, not phased. "Blonde. Accent. Great teeth. But you didn't feel those, right? She's talented." He grins, tapping his fingers on the table. I furrow my eyebrows, begging my cheeks not to turn red.

How the hell did he know?

"I know her but--"

"I know that part. Why are you fucking her then?" He says calmly, not looking phased by his own words. I want to spill my guts then and apologize over and over but for some reason, my brain won't allow it. "I'm not," I say quickly. Jesus, I've fucked up. "Plus, I don't think we should talk about this here."

The waiter approaches the table but Vic just crosses his leg over the other and raises an eyebrow. "Really," he says quietly, leaning forward. "Which is why you're sweating and blushing."

"What can I get you to drink, guys?" The blonde man asks. Vic goes to speak, a smart comment no doubt, so I cut him off. "Pepsi for both of us." Before Vic can counter what I said, the man saunters off.

"How many times?" He asks after a short pause. I fiddle with my hands in my lap, letting out a sigh. I didn't even mean for it to be more than once. Maybe he'll understand! Maybe he won't even-- Who the fuck am I kidding?

I shake my head and look at him again. He squints his eyes, "Tell me." I shake my head. "Do it or I'll walk home."

He knew I worried about him, and cared about him, and he was using that against me. He knew just what buttons to push. "Like," I sigh, looking out the window. "Not that many times. Only like five times."

"Not that many," he chuckles. "Right, okay. So I know you think you're all fucking slick or whatever, fucking who you please while you act like my damn therapist, but I don't do that. I'm genuinely always trying to listen and help and understand, but this isn't something I can quite get,"

The drinks are placed in front of us and I flinch, my breathing hitching. I hadn't even seen the guy approach the table. He walks away and Vic continues, not missing a beat. "I can deal with a lot. I can make it past fights or lies or a pissy mood," he looks at the table, edge in his voice fading. He wasn't just mad, he was generally upset. I felt my heart plummet and I wanted nothing more than to die in a hole.

"But cheating isn't one of them."

"I wasn't cheating." I said before I thought about it. No, no, I didn't mean that. I raise my finger to stop him and to apologize, but he speaks over me. "What?" He says. God, I'm a fucktard.

I shake my head, "Um, sorry. I wasn't...I wasn't cheating."

"Explain, wise one. Seems like you fucking know," he chuckles dryly and leans his elbows on the table. Despite the situation, his attractive features still made my whole being tingle. "We aren't together," I mumble. "So--"

"You're exactly right," he says sharply. Then his voice fades again and I hear his words waver. "You're right, Kellin."

He sips his drink and leans back, cheeks red and eyes full of salty water. I'm done, I've fucked up, there's no fixing this one. He'll never forgive me. "No, Vic," I reach for his hand but he drops it onto his lap. "I didn't mean it like that. I'd like to--"

"Can't, you might bang--"

"I was angry!" I say loudly, causing a few heads to turn. I realized I'd slammed my hands on the table, eyes enlarging. When they turn around, I continue. "I was angry," my voice calmed a little. "Not at you. At Kelly and my parents and Jaime and every fucking person. I was anxious because I was worried about you. I was stressed!"

He tilts his head, "I see. My mom is dead. My dad and brother hate me. I'm probably never going to get out of this town. Do you hear about me fucking someone's brain out to help?"

I shake my head solemnly. "People deal with things diff-"

"Don't give me that shit, Kellin! You can't possibly think this is okay," he squints his eyes. I shake my head and sigh, putting my hand through my hair. "That isn't what I'm saying. Everything is fucked." He laughs, "Thanks to you."

We sit in silence until the waiter comes again, looking nervous. He takes our orders, standing a good distance from the table. I tap my foot angrily as I speak. I wasn't even mad at Vic, I didn't have the right to be, I was mad at myself. I've been such a dick to him the whole time, to the point where I didn't even realize it anymore. I've become what I hate.

And the worst part was watching tears roll down his cheeks as he spoke, voice not even wavering. The waiter seemed stressed, unaware how to deal with it.

The worst part was I knew I'd caused it.

_____

The ride home was silent, like I expected. Vic had no expression, no signs of any type of feeling. He was so hard to read sometimes, then other times he was so emotional. It was hard to keep up. But I couldn't blame him.

I pull into his driveway and sigh, lowering my hand to his knee as a sort of apology. "Don't touch me, okay?" He said, voice quieter than I planned. He jerked his knee away and sighed loudly.

"Sorry. I'm sorry." I say, biting the inside of my cheek. Holy Hell I've ruined such a perfect thing. He'll never trust me again. "Yeah, cool. Bye," he mutters, swinging the door open. "Why did you agree to go?" I ask briskly. He steps out and turns to me, still no expression. Why couldn't I tell exactly what he was thinking? He usually would give off these little signs but now he's blank, nothing.

"I wanted to let you know why I didn't want to talk to you for a while, until you know what you want."

"So," I breathe out, cheeks getting red. My stomach was aching with emotion, chest burning with nerves and throat on fire with the urge to vomit and cry. "On a break?"

"We aren't together, remember?"

Just like that, he shuts the door and walks inside.

_____

(Vic's POV)

I strip to my boxers and lay in my bed, head pounding with nerves and it made me dizzy. Everything was gone now. Kellin used to be my locket, keeping my secrets and giving me a sense of peace like no other, soothing my mind in lonesome times of life. Now, I wanted nothing more than to rip the locket away from my throat and throw it, so far, far away.

Every thought of him, every time I'd see him behind my eyelids when I tried to drift into sleep, made my stomach lurch with puke. The eyes I'd idolized, the voice that served as a prayer for me,the hands that held me together, the laugh I searched for in every voice, made me fucking sick to the stomach.

I knew he was stressed, and I knew that he dealt with stress in the wrong way. He didn't know what to do, causing him to make a bad decision, but that didn't make it right. Jenna wouldn't fix things, she had no idea about any of this, she didn't understand.

But I did.

And that's why I was so confused. I was here. I was the one he should've called and confided in, the one he could've looked for answers in. But instead he told me lies through his teeth, like how everything was getting better, then cursed her name through them; he pushed my hair out of my face and then left to go pull hers; he hugged me tightly and the went and fucked her brains out.

Kellin wasn't perfect. He wasn't who I thought he was.

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