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Chapter Forty-One: Maggie

After two days of trying to figure out how we're gonna bury the hatchets that need to be buried, whether it be between us or the people we know, we decided that we needed to start with someone that I know if I don't gain her approval, I'd lose my mind.

I know it's not really obligatory to get Beth's approval just so that I can start getting intimate with Evan, but I knew deep down in my heart that I needed to.

She's my best friend. I don't wanna have to waltz around acting all gooey and romantic with him knowing that she's actually hurting seeing us together.

I know it'd just be better if I leave her alone and not cause any more unneeded drama than necessary, considering things are going great for once.

But I just need to know if she's okay. I want her to be able to live her life not being burdened by the people who are relentlessly bringing her down.

With that, Evan and I agreed that I'd be the one to talk to Beth this time, due to how between us both, it's obvious that I'd be able to handle her better than he could.

He drove me to her place and not gonna lie, even though Beth and I have been friends for so long it's still nerve-wracking having to do all of this because we never really gone through anything as pivotal as this before to the point that I would start feeling apprehensive about approaching her with a specific problem, fearing how it's gonna affect us both as friends.

As we've gone through tougher dilemmas before, but this? This one is different.

I don't know how I'm gonna possibly approach this situation without angering her in some way because even before when I was aware of her and Evan's past, it was obvious he isn't an easy topic to touch on when it comes to her.

It just sucks that of all the things we could clash about, it had to be a guy. Like Beth, Emily and I swore not to fight over a guy, or to cause a feud that leads back to a guy.

It always felt so insignificant and pointless because what if it doesn't work out? Between either us and said guy? Because then we'd just ruined a life-long worth of friendship over some irrelevant boy who probably isn't going to stick around long enough to suffice for the friendships we've lost trying to keep him in our lives.

That's why we decided that no matter what, no fighting over a guy. No bringing each other down and ruining our friendship because a guy coerced us into doing so.

Even though this isn't technically us fighting over a guy, Beth fell for Evan at one point. I don't want any kind of bitterness to linger on if this thing between Evan and I would continue, long enough that I would start inviting him on specific occasions where Beth is also included, and they have to sit through awkward interactions just to adjust for me.

I don't want that. I want to clear out the air even though it's not my job to do so. Because her pain is my pain, and I don't wanna lose her just to keep Evan and vice versa.

We finally arrived at her house and I unbuckled my seatbelt with shaky fingers, breathing heavily as I kept my eyes on her front door as Evan parked his car on her driveway.

"Hey,"

I felt Evan slip his fingers through my own, intertwining our hands together as I turned to look at him "It's gonna be alright, you know her better than anyone." he reassured.

I frowned, shaking my head "If I knew her so well, why didn't I know about this? I should've known and she should've trusted me enough to tell me."

"It was a horrible thing that happened to her that she was too embarrassed to tell, at least that's what I think. She made a huge fuss about how things between us may have worked and it just... didn't." he elaborated.

I let out a heavy sigh at that "I'm just so nervous. I don't know how I'm gonna go into this without being misunderstood in some way or another."

"Well, no matter what happens just know that your heart was in the right place. Because you know deep down you're doing this with good intentions." he said, lifting my hand as he pecked my knuckles, making me smile "I believe in you."

I bit my lip, feeling this bubbling reassurance suddenly engulf me with the way he's here being so supportive "Thanks, I needed that."

He nodded, his eyes darting towards my lips as I felt a surge of heat course through me with the way he was staring, almost as if he was yearning for something that was already there but was still somehow out of reach.

We stayed looking at each other for at least five seconds more before I was the one to avert my gaze, shooting him a quick, tight smile "Well, here goes nothing." I said shakily.

He cleared his throat, letting go of my hand as he smiled back at me "Good luck, and again, I believe in you."

I looked at him appreciatively for that before I opened the passenger door and got out, exhaling a deep breath before I walked up to Beth's front door, nervous as hell.

I rang the doorbell, rubbing my hands against my jeans for no apparent reason because again, I was a mess. A nervous mess who probably should've readied herself before going into this.

But I wasn't even able to mentally prepare myself before the door squeaked open, revealing a ragged Beth Kingsley in her sweatpants and hoodie, her hair tied up into a messy bun.

Her eyes were puffy, she looked paler than usual and her nose was red and as I looked her up and down, I couldn't help but notice the sudden unfamiliar composure she was showing.

Her expression was disinterested, her stance slouched over, her gaze dull and lifeless, and she looked like she had just finished crying. Oh no.

Her eyebrows slightly raised as she looked at me "Maggie," she addressed, her voice raspy as she wiped the parts underneath her eyes "H-hi. What are you doing here?"

I couldn't help but frown at her state, noticing how I've never seen her like this before. How she's so... monotonous and drained.

Back then whenever she answered the door for me whenever I visited she always looked so lively and welcoming, having a smile on her face all the time but right now, she just looks anything but happy. If anything really, she looks like she's been through hell.

This made me conclude if it was because of her talk with Evan, which just made me even more curious to know what the hell happened between the two of them?

I don't wanna have to assume because I know if Evan did say or do anything bad he wouldn't have said anything at all if he did come to Beth's house in the first place.

But he did and he had admitted to fucking things up due to misinterpretation but other than that, he said he didn't necessarily mean to offend her in any way.

Then again, that's up for me to decide. He already told me everything there is that I need to know and at least I have a clear insight as to why she got angry.

That's why even though I didn't necessarily prepare what I'm about to say, I know I'm not gonna come out of this without putting up a fight, and not necessarily in a bad way. But as in I'm not giving up until I know everybody's raised their white flags and surrendered.

I have to have my own conviction but to not be too fixated on it that I forget she has her own side of the story that I need to hear out as well "I wanted to see how you're doing," I said.

She looked at me skeptically and said, "Well, I'm okay, I guess."

"Yeah?" I asked softly "I was just worried, that's all. And I'm actually here to talk to you about... something."

She raised a quizzical eyebrow at my vague choice of words, acting almost suspicious with the whole situation before she lifted her eyes, and caught a glimpse of Evan in his car while he was parked in her driveway.

She was taken aback before a look of utter displeasure washed over her face, her brows furrowed as she looked back at me "What the hell is he doing here?' she drawled.

I swallowed nervously at her vehement tone "He drove me here. I know you probably don't wanna see him-"

"Yeah, for a lot of reasons." she bit back "Why the fuck is he here, Maggie?"

"Listen, don't mind him. I'm here for you, he's just gonna stay in the car and nothing else." I said, carefully taking a step forward as I held onto her arms "It's just me and you."

Beth was still baffled by the current predicament, her gaze shifting from Evan and me as the stern look in her eyes shows no sign of wavering anytime soon.

"We can talk inside if you want," I suggested, gesturing towards Evan "So he'll be out of the way."

She was reluctant, clenching, and unclenching her jaw before her chest slowly heaved out in a more yielding manner, nodding her head as she stepped out of the way to let me in.

As soon as I stepped inside her house, I was quick to absorb the tense atmosphere, considering It was kind of reflective of her own mood with the space being somewhat dim, the rays of sunlight peeking through the narrowed windows so it wasn't completely dark, but either way, something about the ambiance of the setting felt bleak and stifled.

That's why as she closes the door, the feeling only amplified for it felt as if I was currently being trapped in a box, though I don't let it show as I tried my best to adjust.

She immediately crosses her arms over her chest as she looks at me, frowning "What the hell is he doing here, Maggie?" she asked, her voice grim.

"I know it was totally unexpected of us to come here and I'm sorry, I know I should've called you first but I was just too caught up in the moment trying to come here as soon as possible that I didn't think logically. That was on me, I'm sorry." I apologized.

She lifted her hand to halt me but ended up bawling her hand into a fist as she shut her mouth closed, clearly exasperated "Please just tell me why you're here," she pleaded.

I nodded "I needed to talk to you, about you and Evan, specifically." she averted her gaze "I don't know if you already know, but I finally found out about your past with him. Sean told me."

She closed her eyes, slightly shaking her head "Why? Why did you have to go to such lengths to find out?"

"Because you didn't tell me and I got frustrated." I pressed on "I was trying to figure out what all of this heated tension between the two of you was and at one point it got me thinking if I was being delusional when clearly, I wasn't. I know I shouldn't make this about me and I'm not, I just want to get my answers so that we can talk about it and solve the issue."

I was trying my best to be self-composed, but I couldn't ignore the rapid beating of my heart "So can we? Talk about it, that is? I want this to happen in a safe space where I know you feel comfortable and ready to talk whenever."

She was apprehensive still, her stance said it all, and I couldn't blame her, she was obviously still going through a very rough patch and I know I should've considered her well-being, but I'm too caught up in the idea of finally getting this over with.

It may seem like I'm being intrusive, but if we don't fix this now, when will we ever fix it?

It wasn't long before her inhibitions faltered. "Fine, let's talk in the living room." she said, leading us both to where the couch was as we sat right from across one another, both our postures very rigid and stiff.

I cleared my throat, trying to assert my rightful purpose as to why I even came here. "So, I know you're probably wondering why I came here despite knowing your past with Evan, thinking what's left to uncover when obviously, it seems as though Evan and I are on good terms."

She didn't even deny it as she stayed silent despite my claim, not once making eye contact with me "But don't think that just because I know the full story means I'm letting him off the hook because I'm not. As soon as I found out about what he did to you I had gotten so angry-"

"That's why he was persuaded into trying to reason things out with me," she professed, her tone blunt and direct "Don't worry, I already took note of that so there's no need to explain-"

"No, that already happened before I even confronted him about it," I said, "Meaning he came here all on his own without my influence."

If she was shocked she clearly wasn't showing it, but there was an obvious shift to her mood that I noticed, one that I can only perceive was her double-checking the situation.

"He told me everything that happened between you two when he came here, and I just wanted to see if you're alright. That, and to finally address everything that needs to be addressed. Because I know after what happened things haven't been fine after that-"

"I'm okay, everything is great." she declared, her voice too firm.

I gave her a look "Beth, please-"

"Look, why does it matter if everything went to shit after my talk with Evan? It's not like anything changed. Evan is still pining over the wrong women and in the end, I still got screwed over like I always do. If we ignore the issue fucking hard enough, then will you be happy?"

"No," I shot back "Because if everything is great like how you claim that it is you wouldn't sound so fucking bitter right now, like seriously, still pining over the wrong women? Is that what you think of me?" she looked away because of that, clearly ashamed.

"You're here indirectly shooting insults at me when I came all the way here just to see if you're okay because why? Because I'm your friend, Beth. That's what friends who give a shit do."

"Oh, and what a mighty noble friend you are!" she exclaimed, scornful "Sticking your nose into everybody's business and making yourself seem like a hero by acting like a fucking martyr! First with Evan's relationship with Mandy, and now his past with me?"

I was utterly dumbfounded by the words coming out of her mouth because never in a billion years would I have imagined Beth acting this hostile towards me.

We were never on the same page a lot of the time but this moment right here just discarded every moment we've ever disagreed with one another because this one is different.

This seemed personal. She was touching on subjects I didn't even know meant that much to her "Beth, where the hell is all of this coming from?" I asked.

She laughed loudly, but it was piercing, like a dagger slashing through the air so painstakingly loud it almost made me flinch "Of course, you wouldn't know! The same way Evan wouldn't know why him coming over here to apologize to me for the sole purpose of asking you out got me so fucking heated!"

She wiped away the moisture right from underneath her eyes as she stood up "No wonder he likes you so fucking much. From one oblivious idiot to another, you two are perfect for each other."

My eyes widened "Beth, believe me, I honestly have no idea-"

"Of course, Maggie. Isn't that how you always approach life? Oblivious yet stubborn? You literally possess every characteristic that makes a person so obnoxious but still wonder why everyone is so fucking fed up with you." she hissed as I found myself staggering back.

"I-I'm sorry?"

She chuckled dryly "Take it as a compliment because for some reason the guys dig it. Heck, I've tried being sweet and affectionate to one guy I wanted to pursue, that shit didn't work! Acted like a complete asshole to a guy who did like me? Went off running in the opposite direction!"

She poked her tongue to the side of her cheek as she finally stared at me "But you? You can just be one thing to every single person you know and for some reason you got everyone whipped. So it doesn't matter if you're a total goody-two-shoes with too many parental issues who somehow wants to fix everyone with this holier-than-thou attitude instead of getting fucking therapy, because one way or another, someone's gonna have to end up taking you into their arms."

"Why does it even matter? Why is the idea of someone being accepted for who they are somehow so calculated and rigged for you? I get it, what happened sucked but-"

"Sucked? It was more than just something that sucked, Maggie. You wouldn't know what it feels like to have every single guy you've ever liked reject you because they took your admiration as a sign of weakness! Your whole being as undesirable!"

"You wouldn't know what it feels to have someone walk out on you and stay being left unwanted because everyone comes running to your rescue even when you push them away! You wouldn't know what it means to work hard for validation because you effortlessly get it!" she cried out "You and Evan wouldn't know shit about that that's why you're perfect for each other!"

She choked out a sob, shaking her head in despair "I just don't get it. He comes here because he wants to change and it's all because of you, and even he doesn't know how it happened but when I do everything that I can to make him into a better person, what does he do? He makes it seem like I'm the bad guy despite everything he did to me."

With that, she looked up at me, her gaze cold and hollow "Do you know how demeaning that is? To have the one person you want most, everyone but you? Whether it be some filthy fucking whore who cheated on him with his best friend-"

"Beth, stop-"

"Or my best friend who literally chose him over her genuinely nice boyfriend despite knowing how much I liked him! Do you see how much that fucking hurts-"

"Beth! Stop it!"

I stalked over towards her and took both of her wrists into my hands and pulled, restraining her as she resisted against me while I tried to make her listen "Are you hearing yourself right now?! What the hell is the matter with you? Do you think I wanted to be in this situation?!"

She tried to pull away but I stood my ground, not letting her go "Do you think I wanted to be in this engagement with Evan? Do you think I wanted to be auctioned off like some sort of object just so that my mother wouldn't end up bankrupt and I wouldn't have to live with my father? Do you think I wanted this? Do you think this was all some sort of fairytale you could've had?"

She was crying now at this point, refusing to meet my eye "Because guess what? This isn't some fairytale and I wouldn't even wish this kind of life to my worst fucking enemy, let alone you! Do you know the kind of suffering and pain I went through? Without you, Emily, and Levi by my side, and I was stuck trying to figure out what went wrong?!"

"Now this bullshit! I know you loved Evan and I'm sorry about what happened between us-" she released a pained hiccup "But heck, even I didn't expect this! We were so wrong for each other and I knew what he was like! I didn't want myself to be involved with the person he was then, and I most certainly wouldn't wanna have seen you fall into that trap too!"

"I was so ready to terminate the contract because of how he hurt you! Yet you're out here trying to spite me because you didn't get him in the end?!" with that, she stares back at me and I couldn't help but soften at the guilt in her eyes.

I felt myself getting choked up as I willed myself to go on "You shouldn't... have to be this way. Instead of blaming the women that Evan has gotten involved with, hold him accountable for your pain. Don't make me and Mandy the villain in this story because you felt like you lost him."

I took her face in my hands and wiped the tears on her cheeks "Because you didn't lose him, he lost you." I said, pulling her into my arms as I hugged her.

"Please don't ever base your worth on how a man treats you, because whatever he did does not equate to your worth. Because you did everything that you could and he just couldn't do the same, and that will never be your fucking fault, you got it?"

I felt her nod into the crook of my neck as she sobbed quietly into my arms, making me hold her trembling form a little bit tighter as I sighed deeply, stroking her back.

"You're such a strong, beautiful, loving person, Beth." I whispered "I just hope you're able to see that without viewing yourself through the eyes of others so much. Because if only you knew the way me, Emily and Levi-" and Sean "See you in our eyes, my God."

I pulled her away from my embrace as I gave her a soft smile, tucking the strands of hair behind her ears, and feeling so overwhelmed by my love for her that seeing her in pain like this, just hurts me in ways that I couldn't describe it.

"So don't ever let anyone, Evan, or any man at all make you think otherwise, okay? Because you deserve to be loved in a way that you want to. Don't ever forget that."

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