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Chapter Forty-Seven: Maggie

You'd think after declaring our deep, profound feelings for each other that we would've felt the immense impact of the huge step we took, but it turns out it's not as easy as it looks.

For some reason, it feels like we hadn't moved at all, as if we're still stuck in the same place, like the so-called progressive step that we took wasn't that big of a leap.

As if there's still something missing. Something we need to do to officially seal the deal.

That's when it hit me.

After everything we've done, we made little to no attempt at actually sealing the deal.

Confessed our repressed feelings for each other? Sure, that's a step, but what's the point of declaring your feelings if you made no move in acting out on it?

Evan was always used to just cutting right to the chase and asking out women right off the bat without any hesitation, and as for me, it wasn't any different. Considering when I was with Levi, it was always straight to the point, he wanted me to be his girlfriend? His girlfriend, that I was.

There was no point in beating around the bush and acting like a bunch of giddy, shy high-schoolers because Levi never made it seem as if it was that hard to ask me out.

But what makes it so different now? This slow, agonizing process of me and Evan repeatedly nudging each other to make the next move, despite all the times we've made it obvious that making it official was what we both wanted.

"I just feel like you two are dragging this on because you're scared to take the first step."

It was currently lunchtime and I had invited Beth and Emily to eat at the school's courtyard, saying how I needed advice on my problems.

At first, I was contemplating asking Beth to get involved in all of this thinking she probably won't be comfortable talking about my romantic relations with Evan, but after noticing my clear aggravation these past few days, she insisted on helping me out with it.

So here we are, situated at one of the vacant courtyard tables, eating our lunch as we discussed my very complicated love life at the moment.

I huffed at Beth's comment, gazing longingly at my sandwich, for some reason not having the appetite to finish it. "No we're not, it just isn't that easy."

"It actually is, you've already done so much to prove that you guys are both equally interested in the idea of being in a relationship. So what's stopping you now?"

I groaned, throwing my head back "I don't know! It was never this hard to be in a relationship when I was with Levi!"

Beth sighed, reaching out to hold my hand in hers "Maybe because it wasn't as gradual with Levi as it is this time, you two went through so much together and there was a lot of doubt that got in the way before you two realized what you felt about one another."

"Exactly, I also feel like the reason why it was so easy with Levi is that since the start all you ever did was agree to everything he wanted. So in a way when he asked you out, you didn't really consider what you actually felt at that time, you just went along with it because you felt like you two were compatible and that he seemed like a great fit for you." Emily interjected.

Beth nodded "And the reason why it's not like that with Evan was that you were skeptical of him at first, and you had to let your emotions simmer for a bit before you came into the realization that you indeed have feelings for him."

"Maybe that's why it's hard to move on to the next stage because you guys were so used to taking things slow even until now," Emily added.

I groaned in exasperation "Ugh, I don't know anymore, love is hard." I whined as they laughed at my melodramatic display "But maybe you guys are right, I haven't experienced this type of romance in my life before, not even with Levi. But speaking of Levi though, how is he?"

The question hung in the air for a moment, with Beth and Emily exchanging glances to one another, evidently reluctant to answer me as I waited.

"He's doing fine." Beth answered tentatively, "He's busy with practices, especially since the playoffs are coming up soon. Plus graduation is close as well and he's already searching for colleges to apply to, so you know, typical Levi things."

I hummed softly "As expected, he's already looking forward to getting out of here. Then again if things hadn't turned to shit between us I'd probably be searching for colleges as well, or you know, planning things for the long haul."

"Typical Maggie things." Beth teased.

I smiled faintly at that "Past Maggie things, these days I prefer to live in the moment. I didn't even realize graduation was so close."

"Safe to say Evan really influenced you, which is a good thing, I like how you've been loosening up lately, you were never like this before when you were with Levi," Emily said.

I nodded in agreement "It was just so methodical with Levi, I never had the chance to loosen up because I always felt like I was walking on eggshells when I was with him. Don't get me wrong, I cherished my time with him, but in comparison to how things are going now with Evan, I prefer this to how things were back then."

Beth and Emily silently nodded their heads in understanding, and just as they were about to speak, they instantly closed their mouths shut, looking up with wide eyes.

I stared at them in confusion "Is everything alright?"

"Now that you put it that way, I guess there's no point in asking how you're doing considering your life with Evan just sounds delightful."

Jolting in surprise, I turned around to be met with the scrutinizing gaze of no other than Levi as he stared down at me as I gulped "Levi," I addressed, standing up.

Something flashed in his eyes as soon as his name slipped past my lips, but it was hard to decipher as he appeared guarded "Maggie," he greeted back.

My heart was pounding rapidly inside my chest as we stood still there for a moment, looking at each other as I contemplated on what I'm supposed to say, shifting nervously on my feet.

"I-I'm sorry, about what I said just now," I told him as he arched an eyebrow "This was supposed to be a personal discussion and I didn't think we'd..."

"Bump into each other?" he finished for me, derisive "Yeah, I didn't think so either. It has been a while since we last talked."

I nodded, feeling my stomach clench at the agonizing awkwardness of this situation. How did we end up like this? Acting like strangers around each other?

"Well, I just wanted to check up on Beth and Emily, so I'm sorry if I interrupted your conversation." he stated in a monotone voice "Probably should've reconsidered the circumstances before I had even approached you guys, so I'll be on my way."

I wasn't dumb, I could sense, I could hear, heck, I could practically taste the bitterness seeping out of his words, and I wasn't going to stand here and let it pass, knowing we still both have some unresolved issues we needed to fix.

It's been a long time since we've last kept in touch. The last time I even got to hear his voice was when he abandoned me at the parking lot and basically called me a pathetic virgin who was a desperate slut for Evan. The memory was still fresh as a ripe fruit in my mind.

But I couldn't blame him, he was an asshole after the breakup sure, but I had hidden things from him. Things he was only deserving to know which I withheld because I was a coward.

He might've been the biggest prick after our breakup, but I was the biggest weakling even before it, and in the end, we both deserve to endure this tormenting tension between us.

He was about to step back and leave us be, and the relief on both Beth and Emily faces wasn't hard to notice, but it just as quickly went away as soon as I opened my mouth to speak:

"Um, Levi." I called out before he could walk away "I actually want to ask if you have the time to talk?"

I didn't miss the way his posture stiffened at my words, swiveling around slowly as he locked eyes with me. "What?" he asked, perplexed.

I took a step forward "Can we talk? I think it's about time we clear the air."

* * *

Trying to clear the air seemed a lot easier when I pictured it in my head.

Don't get me wrong, I knew this wouldn't be easy, Levi and I left things off on a bad note and I wasn't necessarily expecting a grand reunion where we finally settled our differences and happily moved on with our lives right after.

But due to my blinded optimism, I didn't necessarily get to think things through, specifically how I was gonna talk to Levi without being a stuttering mess.

In my defense, we were together for two years, you'd think after being together for that long we'd at least be able to have a proper conversation despite how badly we fell apart.

Like we got along, our relationship may have not been the grandest, but it was my first and it was special in its own way. It may have not been the type of love I was secretly searching for deep down, but I can't deny the fact that I did love him.

I cared about him, I worried about him, and the truth is, I was ready to plan a future with him. You'd think after having to go through all of that, we'd at least be able to have a proper conversation without feeling as if this is our first time talking to each other.

Even so, as I sat down with him ready to talk about what happened, I have never felt more suffocated and detached from a person more than I do now.

As if we were both floating on separate planks on a vast ocean trying to reach the shore but we only seem to drift further and further apart from one another the more that we try to get close, the moment itself felt stifled and quite hopeless.

I anxiously fiddled with my thumbs, looking up to meet Levi's eyes only to see that he was doing his best to avert his gaze away from me "So... I know it's been a while, and I'm honestly not sure how I'm gonna start this without looking ridiculous in some way."

Levi laughed underneath his breath, low and insincere. "At least you went out of your way to actually make an effort to talk to me this time."

My shoulders fell back at his passive-aggressive behavior, not even bothering to hide the way his words affected me. "Can we at least be civilized about this? I don't appreciate you being so hostile with me right now."

"So you're allowed to talk about me behind my back with Beth and Emily but I'm not allowed to be somewhat bitter with you as well? Seems unfair, no?"

"It was a private discussion! It's not like I was shouting whatever I had said straight to your face," I defended "Plus, it's not like I lied. How about you on the other hand? Weren't you the one running your mouth about how much of an unfaithful slut I was as soon as we broke up?"

He immediately stopped talking as he stilled at that "What? Cat got your tongue? You think I didn't know what you were saying behind my back?" I snapped.

"Well, can you blame me? I wasn't entirely pleased when I found out my girlfriend was secretly seeing the same guy she claimed to have hated and was seen out being touchy-feely with."

I threw my hands up in frustration "I wasn't doing anything with Evan! If you had actually taken the time to talk to me instead of making up assumptions you would know that was never the case! You literally blocked me on everything before I could even explain myself!"

"On top of that, you got Beth and Emily to turn against me when I needed them just as much as you did! I was literally abandoned by everyone I knew all because you were too selfish!" I cried out as I couldn't suppress the immense rage stirring inside of me.

"Well, what was the need to explain anything then? You chose to stay silent when we were at the parking lot instead of just telling me what was happening and you expected me to be fine?"

"Because you put me right on the spot instead of pulling me aside to talk in private! Who does that?! We could've avoided this whole mess if you actually listened to me for once in your goddamn life!" I exclaimed, my voice shaking.

"Well, I'm here now! So tell me! Finally tell me what happened because for Christ's sake, Maggie! Do you think I wanted this to begin with?" he yelled back, agitated.

I let out a dry laugh "It seemed that way when you chose to walk away from me, acting as if I never mattered to you in the first place."

He didn't dare respond to that, a chagrined expression washing over his face as his posture slumped back, making me look up at him in disappointment.

"I wanted nothing more but to explain myself to you, in hopes we wouldn't have ended up like this, with you resenting me and me feeling as if I never mattered to you at all."

"Maggie-"

"I admit that I was a coward, Levi. I know I didn't completely explain myself to you and I know I may have left you out on some details, but that doesn't compare to you just abandoning me in the end. I was willing to rectify my wrongs but you just completely shut me out."

"You didn't even have solid evidence that I actually cheated on you, you just believed what you wanted to believe instead of talking to me first, and I admit, I should've done the same thing. Maybe that's why even until now we're still not seeing eye-to-eye with one another."

He bowed his head in shame "Then talk to me, now that I'm here, please, just talk to me."

I let out a deep breath because of that, patting the spot beside me "Then sit down and listen."

It felt strange doing what I was about to do, asserting my dominance over Levi as I've only ever been used to him getting his own way, but if we continue to look at the situation from our own subjective standpoints, we're never gonna be on the same page.

Back then, we've always resorted to agreeing who was right and who was wrong. There was no need to agree to disagree or to accept the fact we had different opinions, it was either he was right or I was right, and I was used to the fact that in our world, he was always right.

But not this time, now he's seeing things from my perspective. How I felt and how his deception hurt me, and how it's not just gonna be only him this time but instead us.

"I know this may be hard to believe and trust me, it's only going to get weirder the more I try to explain myself which is why I'm glad this is the first time we've talked after so long because, in a way, we both needed that time away from each other so that there wouldn't be any intense feelings involved once we do talk about this,"

"So that this would be a lot less painful because I knew once I told you why I was around Evan so much is that I was only bound to face reality. To face what my life had become." I elaborated as his face scrunched in confusion.

"I'm coping better these days, however," I added, "I was just going through so much during that time, that trying to break up with you wasn't going to help with my situation either."

"Woah, Woah, Woah, wait." he stopped me, "What do you mean by that?"

"Just listen," I chastised, grabbing his hand as he looked down on my palm before briefly looking up at me once more, his eyes dubious.

"Everything was set to end our relationship, that was the goal, but I never intended to have any hard feelings involved, it just ended the way it did." I said, "Because the reason why I was out with Evan so much and why I didn't say anything in front of so many people is because-"

My throat knotted trying to speak further as he arched an eyebrow, encouraging me to continue as I clutched his hand harder in mine.

"It's because... my mom got me engaged to him."

It all started from there, as soon as the secret of the arranged marriage was out, it was just as easy to talk about everything else. Down to the slightest detail.

Everything was thrown out into the air and at this point, there was no point in being scared of what might happen next, all that matters is that he knows.

As expected he didn't take it lightly, he was torn between either thinking all of this was just some sick joke whilst looking genuinely petrified.

"So basically a marriage of convenience?" he professed as I nodded my head "This is crazy, what was your mother thinking?"

I was taken aback at his brusque choice of words "I know it wasn't necessarily the greatest decision, but I needed to do it unless I wanted my mother to go bankrupt."

"But she practically sold you, Maggie." he snapped.

"I know, it wasn't the best decision but what's done is done."

He scoffed at that "It would've been one thing had she gotten you engaged, but to Evan out of all people? Was she out of her mind?"

"She didn't know who he was at that time-"

"But still! We know how Evan is! Why do you think I got so angry that you were around him so much?!" he exclaimed. Can you please just listen to me instead of criticizing my mother's choices as well as the circumstances I'm in?

But I bit down on my tongue, not wanting to make this situation any harder than it is "It doesn't matter, it was hard at first but what's done is done, plus Evan isn't all that bad now and-"

Levi didn't let me finish as he laughed loudly at that "Don't tell me you warmed up to the guy." I didn't answer and just like that, all the amusement on his face washed away "Right?"

"It has been a while, we've set aside our differences-"

"No, what? You can't be serious. This is Evan we're talking about, Maggie." he ventured, standing up as he let go of my hand "This isn't just some guy who can change all that quickly."

"Well, you're wrong." I snapped and he took a step back, dumbfounded.

"Wait, don't tell me..."

He was silent for a moment before he started laughing again, but this time the sound of his laughter seemed unsettling "He's fooled you into thinking he's a changed man now, huh? No wonder you're so different now too, he corrupted you."

"I didn't change, Levi." I scowled at him "I grew up. The same way Evan did as well."

He scoffed at that "Please, Maggie. This whole relationship you have with him is wrong and you can't even notice that? Don't you think it was slightly odd that after your fight with Evan you somehow ended up getting engaged to him out of all people?"

"Of course I thought about that, but haven't you also thought about maybe I had the choice to back out of it which I did? Evan didn't control me, Levi. He isn't like you-"

I stopped myself before I could even let the sentence finish, but it was too late as Levi already picked up on what I was supposed to say, as his jaw immediately clenched.

"Don't you dare make it seem as if me wanting the best for you was my way of controlling you, at least I didn't brainwash you into thinking I was somebody else even though I wasn't."

If only you knew how highly I thought of you when we were together when in reality, you were hiding this version of yourself from me for so long. I don't even know you.

"He's no good for you, Maggie," he warned as I shook my head at him "He's only gonna hurt you if you don't walk away now-"

"And how about you walk away now unless you don't wanna be the one getting hurt?"

With widened eyes, I turned my head to see Evan approaching us, a look of masked disapproval on his face as he stood tall and brooding while he kept his eyes on Levi.

As Levi remained on his spot, not once faltering from his position as he held an unyielding stance "Stay out of this, Williams. We're talking." Levi threatened.

Evan's eyes narrowed because of that as he shook his head "I don't care, it's already obvious Maggie is fed up with this conversation and with you."

"How about you back off, yeah?"

"What did you just fucking say-"

"Evan," I asserted, looking at him with a firm gaze before he could even continue "I got this, just please, leave us be. We're still talking."

He turned to me and with that, his eyes softened "Are you sure?"

I smiled at him "Yes, I'm sure, so please, just give us a moment?"

He was hesitant, his eyes darting between Levi and me before he carefully took a step back "I'll be by the entrance waiting for you if that's okay?"

I nodded my head "Okay, this will only take a while."

With that, he turned on his heel and let us be, with me watching his figure slowly descend out of the scene before I turned back to Levi.

"Pathetic," Levi cursed as his eyes were still on Evan's back.

I scoffed loudly "Just because he actually listens to me when I tell him that I'll be handling my problems doesn't make him pathetic. It just means that he trusts me."

"You can't actually believe Evan is like that."

"Maybe he isn't, maybe he is," I said, rising to my feet "But if that is the case, I am used to people not being who they say they are. So don't worry if he turns out different from what he's showing me right now, at least I'll be prepared."

With that, I walked past him but not before he raised his voice and called out to me again "Are you trying to say something, Maggie?"

I let out an exasperated breath and glared back at him "I'm just saying, considering you're so hell-bent on the idea that he isn't who he says he is, it's because you would know what it means to act like a completely different person only to end up being who you say you aren't."

I didn't give him the chance to speak before I walked over to the entrance of the courtyard only to see Evan waiting for me, his back pressed against a wall.

Instantly calming me down due to the sight of him "Hey," I said as he turned and backed away from the wall to properly face me.

"Hey, is everything okay?" he asked in what seemed to be a genuine concern, making my heart flutter.

"Yes, it's fine, don't worry. We just sat down and talked, though I don't think it ended well." I said, taking his arm as we walked down the hallways together.

Evan grunted, "I should've known your conversation with him wouldn't have ended well, just the way his face looked reeked of trouble."

I grinned in amusement "You looked like you were even ready to pounce on him."

"He annoyed the fuck out of me, just seeing that smug look on his face, and who is he to say I'm not good for you? As if he's any fucking better when you dated him-"

"Evan-"

"Like what was he trying to accomplish saying that? That he'll somehow win you over? Yeah right, he fucking wishes." he snickered "He won't be able to do shit once I ask you out-"

He halts in his steps, his face immediately turning into a deep shade of red as I look up at him in astonishment, blinking profusely.

"I, uh-" he stuttered "That came out in a way that I didn't plan on saying it-"

"You were planning to ask me out?" I asked.

He ducked his head in embarrassment "I was, actually..."

My eyes widened in disbelief "When exactly? Were you planning to ask me out?"

He huffed "Today, but considering I got too jealous for my own good it didn't turn out as planned."

"Is that so?" I teased.

Evan groaned in contempt as he dropped his head on my shoulder, clearly embarrassed with himself as I laughed in amusement.

I carefully lifted his head with my finger and smiled a tottering grin "There's no one stopping you now though... Plus I think it's about time really."

His head snapped up to finally look at me "Yeah?"

I nodded, my eyes fixated solely on his lips, and before I could even register what was happening, he swept his head down and captured my lips with his own.

I shut my eyes as I leaned in and cupped the back of his neck, bringing him down towards me while his lips parted at the feel of my hands gripping his neck and then his hair.

While I waste no further time to slip my tongue inside to meet his, eliciting a low moan out of him as the ends of my lips curled at the sound of his undoing.

Breathing heavily, he turned us both around until I was pinned against one of the lockers, making me gasp as he laughed softly because of my reaction.

He tucked a loose strand of my hair behind my ear before slightly pulling away to look at me "So I guess there's no point in beating around the bush anymore, huh?"

I chuckled, running my fingers through his brown locks "I guess so."

He tugged on my waist as he brought my body closer towards his, leaning his forehead against mine "So I guess now's a time as good as any... Maggie Carter, will you go out with me?"

I smiled widely as I enthusiastically nodded my head "Yes, absolutely. I will go out with you."

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