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(Oct 31 Sat)

It's safe to say that I was never prepared for the events that occurred in my life.

I wasn't expecting Anderson to steal me away from my family when I was four.

I wasn't expecting him to get into an accident with me in the backseat.

I wasn't expecting my precious Dawn Hempner to die on Homecoming night.

I wasn't expecting to have panic attacks for the rest of my life.

I wasn't expecting to fall in love with Shane.

I wasn't expecting him to date me.

I wasn't expecting Asher to come around.

I wasn't expecting him to have a son, though I was so glad he did.

I wasn't expecting to have deep, serious feelings for him.

I wasn't prepared for any of these things. Now, Halloween night? I didn't think that so many people would show up. Young and old. It was amazing to see Pine Creek alive again, and I saw that amazement on other people's faces as well.

I was prepared for that; I knew it would happen. I knew all the memories would come flooding back for most of these people.

I just wished someone could have told me Asher would practically hate me. I wasn't prepared for that either.

I was standing by a tree on the hill, looking out over the lake. I was in awe by the lights and how many people had come. Quite a lot of kids were dressed in costumes and playing around, stuffing their faces with candy. The teenagers were mingling, of course. Jace had come, and brought Gwen along. She was

hanging out with her old friends. Kaleb had gotten his boyfriend, Avan, to come as well. Asher was here, but he was with Kalani and Justin for the moment. Zion had

dressed up as a pirate and was playing with two friends he had found. It sucked that I couldn't go up to Ash and give him a hug and kiss. Shane and Jace were cuddling and kissing at a bench, but I wasn't jealous. I just wanted to be able to

do the same with Ash.

I felt something at my leg and I whipped around to see Rocky licking my dark jeans. A smile broke across my face as I stooped down to pet him. "Hey, buddy."

I looked around to see Assana approaching with Anderson behind her. He looked very nervous because he was letting her drag him to me.

I stood up once they got to me. Rocky was busy prancing around me with quite a lot of energy for his age.

"Hi again!" Assana waved. "We won't be long."

"Hey," I said.

"Do you wanna keep him?" was the first thing Anderson said to me, putting a leash in my hands.

"Rocky? Oh, I possibly couldn't." I shook my head.

"Please. He likes you. He always did."

"He's your dog. If anything, he loves you so much."

"I insist. He needs a better and cleaner home than what I can provide."

I bit my lip and nodded slowly. "I... yeah. I'd love to take care of him."

Assana grinned. "Anderson wanted to give you something. Go on."

I looked at Anderson and saw him nod in remembrance. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out some pictures. I noticed the tremble in his fingers, as if he was scared, but he gave them to me nonetheless.

"They're your four-year-old pictures."

I looked at them and saw my bright smile. Two of them I had taken with Rocky and I noticed the genuine happiness in my blue eyes. If there was anything I could infer, it was that, despite my kidnapping, Anderson didn't hurt me or abuse

me. I wouldn't be smiling if he did. I wouldn't have smooth skin if he did. I'd be bruised and sad. I wouldn't have even had my picture taken.

"Thank you," I appreciated. He went to stand behind Assana, hanging his head.

"Wait, you have to take at least one."

I reached over and handed him one and he took it silently.

"We better be on our way, then," Assana said.

"You just got here."

"I know, but we only had you in mind. It was nice to see you again, really."

"Okay. Till we meet again, I guess?"

We waved at each other before I watched them leave. I bent down again to pet Rocky and I laughed when he licked my cheek.

"Nolan!"

I glanced up to see Kalani running over to me. I stood up with a concerned face.

"Kalani, hey."

"Hi. Hi, um..." She rubbed her forehead.

"Is something up?"

"No. I mean, yes. Yes. The toy - the Go-Go Bug."

"Whoa, slow down. What do you mean?"

She huffed. "The toy Maya gave to Zion; Asher found it. I didn't even know Zion took it with him. Asher asked me about the toy and I said it's the one Candace bought for him but he knows I'm lying. What do I do?"

My eyes widened. "Tell him the truth, what else is there to do?"

Kalani sucked in a breath. "Nolan, you don't get it, this is serious. He'll flip."

"I know it's serious. That's why you can't lie." I gave her the leash I was holding.

"Please just put it on the dog and bring him. Please. I'll handle Asher."

"Nolan, you can't..." She shook her head. I didn't respond. Instead, I walked over to Asher and Justin.

"Asher," I called. He snapped his head towards me, not expecting me to come over to him. I saw the toy in his hand that he'd been staring at.

He glanced at Justin and back at me, as if to ask what I was doing. It didn't matter. I would hate to lie to him, and keeping an important secret like this was the equivalent.

"Listen," I began. "I went to visit Zion at Kalani's house after I saw Anderson."

"Wait, Nolan, you've met Zion?" Justin asked me.

"Not the time, Justin," I whispered to him. He slowly nodded then let me speak.

"This lady came over and she was saying something about wanting to see him, but Kalani kept refusing. So I figured it was Zion's mom. She had no idea he was even there; she only came to talk to Kalani."

Asher frowned. "Maya?" he asked. I nodded.

"Yes. I'm the one who convinced Kalani to just let her see him for a couple minutes."

Asher gazed past my shoulder to see Kalani approaching with Rocky on a leash.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, stepping forward. "I'm not stupid; this toy's old and he used it all the time."

"Alright, alright, let's not... raise our voices, please," Justin butted in, moving to hold his fiancée. "We're in public."

"I'm sorry, Asher, but you're wrong about her," Kalani explained. "Why can't you just let her talk about what she went through?"

"Because she's a liar. Whatever she told you was a lie. And if she said something about me - which she has so many times, guess what? Those are lies, too. You know me, and you know what she did to me. You shouldn't have let her inside."

"Kalani didn't wanna let her in. I'm the one who made her," I informed.

"Then you should've taken the hint and stayed out of it, Nolan."

"Stay out of it? You wanted me to visit Zion and I'm not even his relative - Ash, this is his mother. She loves him."

"So, what, she gives him his old toy and thinks everything's okay? That isn't love in the slightest. Yes, she's tried to come for visits but she can't see him because she fails the drug tests she's required to take each time. You think that's love?"

"Just give her another chance." I stepped closer to him defiantly.

"That's your talent, Nolan, but I can't forgive that easily. I told you; it's possible for parents to hate their own kids."

"Don't be ridiculous, Asher. You don't know what she went through!"

He dropped the toy in his hand. "No, you don't know what I went through."

"No, I don't! Because you never tell me!" I yelled at him. "You'd think that for over one month that we've known each other, I'd know a little more about the person I like! I always tell you about my day- every day- and you never even tell me how you feel within a second! Asher, I don't even know your middle name! What's your favorite color, huh? What do you like to do when you're not busy?" I shook my head. "Why don't I know these things?" I could see my brother from the corner of my eye about to say something but Kalani held him back.

Asher lowered his defense but the frown didn't leave his face, and he looked pretty pissed at me. All the same, I could tell he knew I was right.

"You know, I could only wish and dream I knew something about you that no one else could ever guess to be true. But I don't. We're getting nowhere. So, maybe, that's just how it was meant to be."

"Nolan, don't..."

"I will." I took the leash from Kalani's hand and she gave me a sad look. I turned back to Asher. "I don't think being with some stupid high school kid is as right as we wanted it to be. You have to focus on Zion and work, not me." I didn't wait for him to protest.

I turned and walked away, Rocky following after me. It was only as I got close to my car that I let my tears take over. It was probably not the best idea driving now, but I wanted to go home.

My brother called my name and caught up to me. "Nolan." He looked at me with a very confused expression. "I'm trying to let the fact that you dated Asher sink

in."

"I'm sorry."

"Hey, hey. Don't shed tears." He wiped my tears and sighed.

"I was gonna tell you." I sniffed.

"That doesn't matter right now. I mean, I promised I'd support you no matter who you choose."

"Who I choose doesn't matter. They never choose me." I stopped in front of my little car. Justin stared at Rocky, but didn't comment. Maybe he'd figure that out on his own.

"Don't... don't give up on him, Nolan. It would be cool to date Ash, and maybe he's just not ready to disclose everything about his life. The best thing to do is show him you can give him the time."

"I'm not asking him for that much. I don't need to know all the details, but I want... I want the little things, as simple as his favorite color or movie. They'll add and build up, and he'll trust me enough to confide in me."

"It'll be fine. Trust me. I haven't known him as long as Kalani has, of course, but he's not a bad guy. If Maya made him seem that way, it isn't true. The only person that really knows Maya is Asher. So in his perspective, when he sees that

you're defending her and not him, it hurts."

"I'd defend him if he'd just tell me what happened!"

"No. You defend neither of them, that's what you're supposed to do. Be neutral."

"It's hopeless. We're never gonna be anything, so why try? He probably hates me now anyway." I opened the car door of the back seat and let Rocky hop inside.

"You're sure you wanna drive? You're crying.".

"I'm fine. I'm okay, Justin, just let me go home." I got into the driver's seat and started my car.

At home, I made a makeshift bed for Rocky to lie on and I gave him water. I had told Justin to pick up some dog food for him before he came back home. I got into bed and stared at the pictures of myself when I was four. They didn't cheer me up; I just continued to cry silently.

At this point, I was devastated. I didn't know what to do and I felt so hopeless; more than I had been when Shane broke up with me.

My phone's ringtone blared and I shut my eyes, not even wanting to look at it. It might not have been him, but he was still a possibility.

I removed my clothes and put on pajama pants and slipped into my bed, switching my lamp to its duller light. I saw Rocky asleep already and sighed. I grabbed my phone and looked at the missed call from Asher. I hooked my phone on its charger and turned off the light before forcing myself to sleep.

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