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*Asher's POV*

I screwed up. Again.

I didn't know why I always managed to do something to make the person I liked, or in this case, loved, to hate me. It was always something.

After Nolan walked away from me, I went to go get my baby to take him home.

Really, there was no point in staying at the party. I hated to take away Zion's good time, so I promised to take him and Jonah somewhere fun next Saturday to make up for it.

Once home, I took off Zion's costume and put him in a warm bath. He busied himself with the foams in his tub while I tried to call Nolan. I was actually hoping he'd pick up, but he didn't. That was when it hit me that I was truly screwed.

"Daddy, why are you crying?" I heard Zion's tiny, squealy voice say to me. I put my phone on the sink counter and wiped my eyes, feeling the tears there.

I sighed, shutting the lid of the toilet and sitting on it. "Because, baby, I'm sad."

"Why are you sad?"

"Well, um... I lost something dear to me is all."

"Uh-oh!"

I couldn't help the little chuckle that slipped past my lips.

"Did you find it?" Zion continued to ask.

I shook my head.

"What does it look like?"

I glanced at my hands then back at my child. I reached out and stroked his soft, wet hair. "It's beautiful. Very beautiful."

"Oh. I didn't see it."

I smiled through my tears. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up."

I washed him off and took him to his room to get him into his pajamas.

"Daddy, why was Lolan really mad?" Zion piped up once I got him tucked under the covers. My eyebrows knitted together. He had seen that?

"You knew he was mad?"

"Mhm. But I think he was crying, so was he sad just like you?"

I looked my son in the eyes and saw the curious gaze in them. He wouldn't understand.

"Lolan doesn't like me anymore?" he asked. I shook my head.

"No, baby! That's not it at all; he loves you. Okay?" I kissed his little head. "He loves you so much."

"But he has a new fwend. The doggie."

"No, love. You're more than a friend to him. You're like... a son. You can't be replaced."

He just nodded, his eyes shining at my response. I knew my son; and sadly, I could tell that he might suffer from need to feel accepted as he got older. That was why I never failed to remind him how much he was loved, by not only me but Kalani as well. He didn't have many friends and I was his only family. I wished there was something I could do to change that, but it wasn't like my family wanted to see me.

Quite frankly, I wasn't too ready to see them again either.

I smiled and swept his hair back. "I'll stay right here until you're asleep. I'll keep you safe."

"Okay. Goodnight, daddy!" His little arms hugged me and he pecked me on the lips as usual.

"Sleep tight, angel. I love you."

I tucked him back in and patted his back. It was the quickest way to put him to sleep, and in seconds, he had dozed off. I switched on his Mickey Mouse night light and turned off the real light. Since his room was right across mine, I usually left both our doors open so that if he ever woke up in the night, he'd come straight to me. At that point - and it was usually around four in the morning - he would come with his Donald Duck plush toy and crawl into my bed, holding the toy in one hand while cuddling my arm. So, yes, I woke up to my little angel every morning.

Zion was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

**

I didn't work on Sundays, but for the first time, I wished I did. At least it would get my mind off of things. I woke up and saw Zion curled up around his stuffed animal next to me. He was a clock-sleeper, as I liked to call it, because he'd turn every angle

while asleep.

I got up and went into my bathroom to freshen up and take a shower. When I got out, Z was still fast asleep so I went to the kitchen to make breakfast for us. I tried calling Nolan again but he wouldn't pick up, so I left him a message.

"Hi, Nolan. I know you're mad at me, and I'm sorry for hurting your feelings. It wasn't my intention, I promise. I just wanna talk, please. We can figure this out... I really don't want to end things on a bad note." I sighed. "Call me." I hung up and dialed

Justin's number. Maybe he'd help me.

The phone rang for almost forever before Justin picked up. "Hello? Asher?"

"Yeah, it's me. Hey, is Nolan... okay?"

"Uh... yes - no. Not really."

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, please just tell him to talk to me."

"He can't right now, I had to put him to sleep. He had a really bad panic attack this morning."

I put my head in my free hand. I couldn't help but blame myself. "I'm sorry."

"Asher, it isn't your fault. None of this is, alright? I've talked to him, and I will again."

"Thank you."

"Alright. Talk later."

I hung up and slapped my phone down on the counter when the bell rang. Not in the mood for guests, I reluctantly trudged over to get the door. I had formed a habit of looking through the peephole because Maya always found it suitable to drop by

unannounced.

It wasn't her this time.

I swung the door open after unlocking it and came face to face with my best friend.

"Kalani," I acknowledged as she let herself in.

"I'm sorry, Asher," was the first thing she said. I shut my door then turned to her.

"It's fine. Doesn't matter." I made my way into the kitchen and she followed me to the bar counter.

"It does matter. You trusted me. It's just... I understood where she was coming from. But, I swear, I had no idea she was gonna come to my house."

"Want some coffee?" I offered.

She gave me a droll look. "Wow, some things just never change. Don't disregard what I'm saying like you always do when you're mad at me. You did that a lot when we were kids."

I didn't respond to her, preparing some coffee to wake myself up some more.

"I'm having a baby, Asher."

I snapped my head in her direction and raised my eyebrows. "Really? That's one

attention-grabber, K."

"Well, it's the truth."

"I hope that's not the only reason why Justin proposed to you."

She shook her head. "No, he proposed before I told him."

"Good. Congratulations, then. We're definitely celebrating this."

"Thank you. My point is, I'm having this baby and I love him or her so much already. I can't imagine anything happening to him... or her. So, when Maya asked if anyone knew a mother's love for her baby, I had a little change of heart. I thought of my own baby. That's all I wanted to say." She folded her arms and cocked her head. "But of course, you have a hard time letting people explain themselves."

"What does that mean?"

"She only wants to explain."

"She can. When she's sober."

"She was sober, Ash. She was."

"Yes, because she didn't know Zion was with you. What about when she used to come here? She had to get wasted just to stand being in the same room with him."

"Ever thought that she had to get wasted to stand being in the same room with you?"

"Kalani, I know you want me to let her see him, and I'm not heartless. I've let her come over unsupervised and she was either drunk or stoned the last two times."

Kalani frowned. "And she drove?"

"She claimed to have walked, but I'm not an idiot. I'm pretty sure she just parked somewhere out of my view."

"Well... can I talk to Justin about it?"

"I have a lawyer, no thanks."

She nodded and shrugged. "I wished you hadn't yelled at Nolan."

"Yeah, me too, trust me." I brought out some eggs. "I've called him, but he won't pick

up. It's just that I wanna be the one to tell him things like this, but I need a little time. I wanted to tell him that but he pointed out that he didn't know my favorite color or... my middle name. What was I supposed to say to that? Now he doesn't think we can be anything."

"Then prove him otherwise. Don't just sit on your ass moping all day."

"I don't know what to do, Kalani. I'm sorry I'm such a boring person with no life. He probably isn't impressed with me and this was his chance to dump me."

"You don't have to go above and beyond to impress a boy like Nolan. He's not like that. I do know he's not materialistic, so don't think you can buy your way into his heart."

"I wasn't planning to. I'm not materialistic either. Wait, maybe you can tell me what he really likes. You know him better than I do, right?"

"For sure." She smirked. "I do know one thing that's got him hooked."

"What?"

"Zion. He loves kids more than anything."

"So I should use my son to get him back?" I almost laughed at her. "No."

She rolled her eyes. "Zion's birthday is in two days, on Tuesday. You haven't even made an attempt to throw him a party, have you?"

"Nolan wanted to help. I guess not anymore."

"Well, duh. This is it. If he's attached to Zion, nothing's gonna stop him from being there for him. Not even you."

I pondered over the idea then stared at my friend. "That's not a totally shitty idea." I leaned over the counter and kissed the top of her head. "You're amazing. One thing. I'm not sure how to go about it."

"Ugh, you're hopeless. I'll handle it." She stood up.

"Where are you going?

"To see Justin and possibly talk to Nolan."

Lucky. "Alright, well, thanks for stopping by. Please get him to at least text me."

"I'll try."

"Oh, and... he had a panic attack this morning, so don't push him. If he really doesn't wanna talk to me, I'll give him space."

Kalani looked concerned as she slowly nodded. "Poor guy." With a sigh, she saw herself out and I leaned against the counter, thinking.

If there was anything I knew about Nolan, it was that he was forgiving. Why didn't he forgive me then? Why was I any different?

**

*Nolan*

"Feeling better?" I heard my brother's soft voice query as he entered my room. He watched me cautiously as I laid hopelessly on my bed. I rolled over so that I could see his concerned expression.

"Thank you, Justin."

He nodded and sat at the foot of my bed, staring at a sleeping Rocky. "Why'd he just dump Rocky in your hands? I mean, I love dogs, but it was kind of inconvenient."

"I don't know. He really wanted me to have him. Rocky's old, otherwise he'd be jumping around." I smiled softly at the dog.

"Asher called."

I let out a sigh and pulled the cover up over my head. "I can't talk about it."

"Well, hiding under the covers won't protect you. I wanna know everything."

"So do I." It was Mom, and she had just entered.

I huffed and revealed my face again before sitting up. Great.

"Don't look so defeated, Nolan. Mama knows." She tapped her temple. "I would ask how long this has been going on, but I'm assuming ever since you started

disappearing on us?"

I glanced down at my fidgeting fingers. "Sort of, yeah."

"How old is this man again, Justin?"

I hated the way she worded that question. This man.

"He's my age; 23."

"And what's the age of consent?"

I gaped at my mom. "Mom! We're not having - we've never-"

"I'm just trying to be sure, baby, so there won't be fear of prosecution here. This is the real world."

"Age of consent here is sixteen," Justin informed. "But if they were sexually involved-" I glared at him and he clarified, "If, then it would be okay because Nolan's above that age. The thing is, as written, the law does refer to heterosexual couples, but I'm sure the same goes to homosexual couples as well. It shouldn't matter."

"We're not a couple. And we're not... sexually involved or whatever."

"Wait, you're a virgin?" Mom asked me and I groaned in embarrassment.

"Mom!" I rolled my eyes. "Yes," I answered her nonetheless.

She sighed happily. "Well, if the law permits it, then it's fine with me. Asher is a really, I mean, really handsome man." She let out a breath. "If I were his age, I'd steal him from you."

"No, Mom. It's the end of us, or whatever we were. Obviously, we aren't meant to be. He's an adult and he's busy. He doesn't have time for high school kids."

Mom scowled and crossed her arms. "I've always wanted a gay son, Nolan."

"I'm not gay." I stood up as she unfolded her arms.

"Well, a mother can dream!"

"I did what I thought was right. I just don't wanna be a burden to him."

"He called this morning. He kept apologizing," Justin told me, tilting his head. "He sounded devastated."

I looked down and thought about Asher. His eyes, his stare, his dimpled smile... his hair, his touch, his kiss... I knew I couldn't get enough of him and ridding my thoughts of Asher was harder than ridding those about Shane.

"I can't," I whispered, trying not to cry.

"I don't get it." Justin shook his head. "Just a couple months ago, you were asking to be loved, and to find someone who liked you just as much as you liked them. I really thought you'd gotten what you wanted. If you did, you wouldn't throw that away. I trust you won't." He smiled at me reassuringly then turned around and walked out of my room. I bit my lip and looked at Mom.

"Sorry, baby," she said, smiling sadly and walking out as well.

******

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