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*Nolan*

"Party at my house, guys!" Kaleb shouted as the guys hooted in the locker rooms.

"Credit to Brock. Dude, we've won every game since you've been here," Spencer said as Brock flexed his huge muscles. Being the biggest player was definitely an advantage because not even his size slowed him down. I wasn't a proud person but even I knew we'd win the game. Our opponents absolutely sucked out there. I changed out of my gear and took a breath as the guys popped some bottles. Yeah, I wasn't sticking around to clean that up.

"You goin' to the party?" I heard Darren ask me. I turned to see him and I shrugged.

"I mean... yeah, I don't really have anywhere else to be."

"Really? 'Cause I saw that boyfriend of yours looking for you outside. I didn't know he had a baby." He shrugged. "Red flag, man."

I rolled my eyes. "His baby is an absolute angel, I'll have you know. Besides, he's four and doesn't give any trouble."

"You must really like the guy, then."

"I do." I grabbed my black Nike duffle bag, stuffing my extra clothes in it. "I'm gonna head home first. Hey, did..." I sighed and lowered my voice. "Tyler didn't actually give you a... like... in the locker rooms, did he?"

Darren crossed his arms with a smug look. "He aims to please, Reeds."

I grimaced. "Poor janitors." I shook my head and made my way out of the locker room, heading down the hall.

Once outside of the school, I found Justin, my mom, Kalani, Ash and Zion.

"Oh, there he is, my champion!" Mom hugged me. "You're a winner!"

Justin slapped my shoulder and Kalani squeezed me in a hug.

"I never get tired of coming to your games," she admitted, letting me go. I met Asher's proud eyes with my own and he smiled.

"Congratulations," he offered. I was blushing way too much to even thank him in reply.

"This is the part where you go have fun with the guys and celebrate at someone's house, get drunk, and come home at two in the morning, right?" Justin laid out.

"Scratch out the getting drunk and two in the morning part," Mom said, smiling at me innocently. "Drink juice and be home by midnight."

"Wait, I actually..." Asher began to say. "I wanted to steal you for a bit." He looked nervous.

"Oh, shoot. Let me rephrase that then," Justin said. "This is the part when you go drink wine with your boyfriend, share some secrets, whisper naughty things to each other, then get frisky and come back home at noon the next day because you fell asleep after a long night of hot, wild, mind-blowing-"

"Justin, not the time," Asher hissed playfully.

"It's okay, Nolan. Mom and I approve. Just remember the two most important things: protection and lube."

"Since when'd you become some gay-love expert?" Kalani smacked his arm. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

"It's common knowledge, Kalani. There's only one way in."

They continued playfully arguing all the way back to his car and Mom rolled her eyes, kissing me goodbye.

"Good luck, Nolan. If he's too big, don't bottom." Then she left, leaving me wide-eyed. Mom, too?!

"Let's just pretend the last two minutes didn't happen," Asher said to me, breaking the awkward silence. "I just wanted you to come over to celebrate a bit more... privately. Nothing more, I swear. But, if you're going to a party, then maybe next

week?"

I shook my head. "I'm not passing up a chance to be with you, Asher."

He smiled, genuinely happy. "Okay. I can take your bag," he offered, taking it from me.

"I can hold Zion."

"Actually, let him walk. He needs to shake off the sleep till we get home."

I chuckled as he put his unusually quiet son down. He just ran straight to me and grasped my hand, following us to Asher's car.

*

"Tell me why Zion's a groggy zombie?" I asked Asher as we arrived at his place.

Zion was practically staggering like a drunk so I had to carry him into the house.

"I took him and Jonah to the aquarium earlier and to a park where they played until they couldn't stand anymore. He didn't get enough sleep before the game." Asher flicked on the lights and I stopped in my tracks.

It wasn't anything big, but I knew it was special. We were in his living room and on the table there was a vase filled with white roses, two empty glass cups, two bottles of wine, and a couple plates of bite-sized food. Also on the table were candles waiting to be lit, and some on the tall bar counter.

I didn't know what to say.

I turned to look at Asher who was waiting for my reaction with hopeful eyes.

"This is so much better than a stupid party," I informed, watching the relief sweep across his face.

"Good." He let out a breath, setting down my duffle bag. "I did something right. Lord knows that's a first."

I didn't know exactly what that meant, but I didn't care. I was actually going to have an intimate date with him, and I was looking forward to it.

"Is it okay if I shower? I don't wanna smell like sweat."

He chuckled. "Of course. There's some spare towels and other bathing stuff in the bottom drawer. I'll put my little munchkin to sleep; he looks like death." He took Zion from me and whispered apologies to the boy, rubbing his small back as he walked to the room.

I opened my bag and took out the clean clothes I'd packed inside then headed to the

bathroom next to Zion's room. Poor boy must have been worn out because I heard the steady rise of his desperate cries, and I'd never heard him cry before.

After washing up, I slipped on my long sleeve shirt and loose-fitting jeans before heading out to the living room where Ash was waiting for me. The candles were lit and they illuminated the dark room. He smiled as I approached him and held his arm out to me.

"You look nice," he complimented, sitting me on his lap. I blushed wildly. I'd never

sat on his lap and it made my heart go crazy being this close to him.

"Thanks," I appreciated.

"Zion's asleep." He rubbed my sides. "I've been so worried about you after yesterday." I could see the fear in his beautiful eyes through the glow of the candle lights.

"It happens," I murmured.

"Nolan, it was scary. You stopped breathing. Does that happen every time you panic?"

I shook my head. "No, I promise."

"I did my research on panic attacks, so that I know exactly how to help you in case I'm the only one around if you have one. I saw that the chances of fainting during one are pretty slim."

I sighed and nodded. "And you're right. That's why I won't be playing football anymore

because... my doctor thinks that I have some heart trouble." I swore he paled, and it hurt to see.

"Love," he regarded me with a brokenhearted voice. My face burned with warmth, but the very good kind. I could just tell he loved me more than I could guess. His arms tightened slightly around me, as if to hold on to me forever.

"I'll be fine, Ash. It's minor, to be honest."

"It's your heart, Nolan, this isn't minor."

I looked down, and he knew that there was something more to it. "What aren't you telling me?" he queried.

"My dad passed away from a heart attack. He was in his early sixties. I just... I get scared."

"I don't usually cry, but... I just don't get it." He laced his fingers with mine, staring at them. "I want... I want a life with you, Nolan. Damn what people say or think, I love you and I want to be with you." He shook his head, sucking in a faltering breath. "I

can't lose you to these attacks..."

I turned in his arms and embraced him, and he hugged me back tightly. I wanted to

know what he meant by those words. He wanted a life with me. That was like saying, let's get married and grow old together.

We were quite young, but Asher's way of thinking was very different from mine. He had already gone to college, and had a son. It seemed perfectly normal that he'd consider marriage, especially at this age. But me...

"Can we talk about something else?" I carefully asked. He let me go and I sat down next to him on the couch.

"Of course." He wiped at his eyes. "There's actually something I wanted to tell you. It's about my past. You know, at the party we threw, you told me you wished you knew more about me."

I slowly smiled. "Really? You trust me?"

He nodded. "I trust you."

"Okay."

He sighed and began to pour some wine into each glass cup. "This isn't a sob story, but it is my story. My dad was an alcoholic and emotionally abusive, which, to me, is almost the worst kind. Things people say stick with you. Bruises don't." He handed me a glass and I leaned back against the arm of the chair. "I was super protective of my younger sister and we had an older brother. He should be 26 now. He was our shield. I thought I could confide him because... why not, you know? The way he acted with me was how Justin acts with you. You'd think he'd always be there for me."

I placed my hand on his, squeezing it briefly.

"His name's Dorian, and my sister's Aria. I was about fifteen when I started dating, and I had a boyfriend. I told Dorian and he never saw me the same way again. It was so scary to me to see him change so much towards me. I tried to explain that I

wasn't gay, or bi, and that I just wanted to be happy. He took the situation to our dad. Everything just fell apart. It was a mess, and I felt really alone in it all. Aria

didn't fully support me, but she understood where I was coming from. I mean, she was eleven, what did she know anyway? Whatever relationship I thought I had with my dad was eliminated. He made it clear that when I was gone, I should stay gone."

"Where was your mother?" I quietly asked.

He looked hurt and angry. "She was there the entire time. Through the fights, the abuse, the alcohol. Yet she never intervened. Like I said to you before, parents can hate their own kids. I think mine are perfect examples. Before I left for college, my mom and I got into an argument. I blamed her for turning a blind eye to everything, for marrying such a man, for even bringing me into the world. I called her gutless, and I told her to rot... and I haven't apologized. I haven't even spoken to my parents or sister since that day."

I leaned a little closer. "You shouldn't beat yourself up over it, Ash."

"I told my mother to rot. No matter what she did, I shouldn't have said that."

"But you regret it, and that's all that matters. You regret it, so you feel remorseful. If that's the case, you can apologize."

"What if she doesn't forgive me?"

"That's why I said forgiving yourself is more important. That's all you can do right now."

"You don't... you don't think any differently of me?" he looked worried.

"Not at all."

He sighed in relief, continuing his story. "Dad wasn't gonna pay for my school because he thought I was gay and apparently gay people shouldn't have such

privileges." Asher shook his head. "I got scholarships upon scholarships and worked my ass off to stay in school. I did have relationships but they all fell apart because I could never make time for them. I was always busy. Maya was the first girl I'd ever

dated."

"What was she like? What made you fall?" I curiously inquired.

"She was very talented. She was in plays at school, so she loved to act and dance. I don't know why she fell for me though."

"Maybe because you're ridiculously handsome?" I offered.

"That's an option," Asher laughed. "We met when we were eighteen. She was pretty cool but I always noticed she lacked the drive for things, you know. I thought she'd end up on Broadway or something, but there were times when I felt like she didn't even wanna be in school. She didn't appreciate it. One night, in my room, she told

me she was nothing without her family, and they weren't really ever there for her. I could relate to her because of my own family and we just shared a bunch of

emotions and stories and secrets ..." He glanced at the untouched cup of wine in his hands. "I'm guessing you can infer what happened after that."

I slowly nodded. "Heat of the moment?" I asked.

"I wasn't planning to," he explained. "But it happened. I didn't really regret it, then I

found out she did drugs and she drank... a lot. Being open minded, I decided not to judge her for it. She's had her struggles, and I understood that. Shortly after that, she told me she was pregnant. I was devastated, not because she was pregnant, but because she was almost two months and I knew she was gonna harm our baby with all her drinking. I couldn't bear that so I flipped. I was mad at her for a while, and she practically hated me, but I knew that I had to make sure I stayed with her for

the sake of our child. I wanted to ensure she stayed sober." He shrugged. "Before I could speak to her again, she was gone. Her friends told me she'd dropped out." Asher looked at me. "It was my fault, wasn't it?"

I shook my head. "I don't think it is. You guys were young and lacked support. But I also think you both could've handled it better. Why... why don't you let Maya come see your son?"

"I did. Quite a few times. She just doesn't stop drinking, or smoking, or whatever it is

she does to mess up her life. I can't let my baby be around that. I know he doesn't see the world as it really is because he's a child. All he sees is, what, toys, clouds, rainbows and sunshine?" He smiled but it soon faded. "But he's gonna get older, and pick up on things pretty quick. I don't want him to be like his mom. I... I don't want him to be like my dad."

"That's what hurts you the most, huh?" I finally understood. "Your dad drank too much and soon alcohol was better than his own kids. You don't want Zion to go

through that."

Asher nodded. "Exactly. That's why I fought for custody. And trust me, I fought for him, alright."

"Thanks for telling me." I hugged him. "But you know," I pulled away, looking right into his amazing eyes, "I don't want you to keep blaming yourself for everything that's happened. You're a wonderful father. Zion loves you. You're strong for not

turning to things like alcohol and drugs for a means of escape. Look, you're not a bad person. In fact, I've done my own terrible things."

He smiled. "You?"

"Believe it or not, I used to get into fights and bully weaker boys in middle school."

Asher raised his eyebrows in utter disbelief. "You're lying!" he accused.

"Nope." I laughed quietly.

"Okay, and what changed you?" he seemed genuinely surprised.

"My girlfriend changed me. She passed away three years ago. I had a hard time moving on, but now I have. All I wanted to tell you is that everyone's made terrible mistakes, and everyone is worth being pardoned."

Asher held my chin and kissed me. It was the best one he'd ever given me because that kiss told me he adored me. "I don't think we're getting nowhere. My feelings for you are so much stronger than they were two months ago. I hope that... you love Shane a little less than before." He fixed his gaze on me but I averted mine, leaning

back a little.

My eyes scanned the floor as I waited for it to happen...

It didn't.

Asher bit his lip. "It's okay, I just thought that..."

I looked back at him and it was evident that he was trying to figure out why he couldn't compare to Shane. That wasn't the case though.

"No, Asher," I sighed, and he gazed at me again. "You know, usually, when his name's mentioned, or when I think about him, I get this feeling. My heart speeds up and I feel flushed. I didn't this time."

"So, what does that mean?"

"It means that... I love you a whole lot more."

He fought his smile, but it wouldn't work. He practically swept me into his arms, catching me off guard, and kissed me again. "I love you more than you love me. Which is okay. I'll still wait for you, darling."

"It's panda-fish."

He chuckled and brushed his lips across my neck. "Well, panda-fish, I haven't asked you yet. Will you be my boyfriend?"

I nodded. "Whatever you want me to be."

I cuddled him and he pecked my forehead. "What if... just what if I wanted you to be Zion's god father?"

I thought it would be wrong to have such a title. Zion's dad. Me. I couldn't possibly be that lucky. But I stared into his eyes and everything that seemed so wrong with us, with our relationship, suddenly felt so right. I was lucky; this wasn't just a figment

of my imagination. This was reality and I was finally loved, just like I'd always hoped I'd be.

"Whatever you want me to be," I repeated in a soft whisper.

**

As much as Asher and I yearned to be intimate with each other that night, we wanted to wait.

The age of consent was 16, as Justin had informed me some time ago, and he and Mom approved of my relationship with Asher... Including the potential sexual aspect of it. I wanted to at least be eighteen -an adult (and ready to be

a bottom at least), and he wanted that for me as well. That way, there'd be no doubts or questions.

Just us, together... naked... in a bed hopefully. But... that didn't mean we couldn't have one night to ourselves. Tomorrow was Saturday so Asher kept me up long after Zion had gone to bed. It was past midnight so I had decided to sleep over his house for the first time. We were currently in his living room with the dim light on, sipping on

wine.

"You, panda-fish, were amazing on the field," he complimented me. "I didn't take my eyes off of you."

I raised my eyebrow. "I hope you don't mean that in a naughty way."

"Come on, you were wearing tights; of course I mean that in a naughty way."

I blushed fiercely. "Um, they're called compression pants."

"Oh, whatever. Fact still remains that you were awesome and I've never had the chance to compliment your ass."

I gaped at him. "Ash, I think you've had a lot to drink." I nodded at the glass in his hands.

He shook his head. "No, I don't drink. It's just because you're here and we're celebrating your win." He placed the glass down on the table and I did the same.

We faced each other and I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Okay, well if you're

not drunk, I'll allow you to continue."

He smirked triumphantly, and my god, he looked sexy doing it. "I think you have a bubble butt."

I groaned in annoyance. "At this point, that's been drilled into my head."

"It's true." He leaned closer and kissed my neck, giving me a few gentle bites. I held him tighter and closer, aching to feel his warmth. Words couldn't explain how happy and lucky I felt to be with Asher. To be able to call him mine... that was pleasure in

itself.

"I've gotta ask," I began, pulling away slightly. "I can tell you're a top, but have you ever been a bottom?"

He gave me a weird look with one of his eyebrows raised while narrowing his eyes, making me pull away further and giggle.

"I just wanna know what made you think I'm a top," he responded.

I gasped silently. "Wait, you're a bottom? Get out, are you serious?"

He sighed. "The guys I dated were sissies. Too scared to take it up the ass, so..."

I grimaced. "Asher..."

"I'm versatile, Nolan-pie, so I'll pitch or catch to your heart's desire."

"Yeah, why do I get the feeling you're drunk?"

"If I were, I'd be humping the floor. Don't ask how I know." He pulled me back closer, giving me another kiss.

His sensual lips met mine and I accepted his tender kisses. He was always so gentle with me that I could tell he'd never rush me into anything I wasn't ready for.

"I love you, spider-pig," I told him, putting all my heart into those words.

"I love you more, panda-fish."

******

If you catch mistakes, typos, or grammatical errors, let me know please! Thank you!

Grammar Nazis are always appreciated. ^.^

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